Mother
Scootaloo's Mother: An Unexpected Relation
By Ribe (FireRain)
This idea literally came from the corners of my mind, and, as usual, this is plainly written piece by piece as I go along on my merry way! Constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated, and I would be very much obliged for both negative and positive feedback for your thoughts on the story! With that being said, let's get to it!
A young, orange pegasus filly with purple mane and eyes to match rode her scooter along the dirt path, on route to the outskirts of the peaceful town of Ponyville and towards where the one and only gentle-hearted pegasus named Fluttershy lived in a cottage.
The time of day was noon, and the warming sun hung at its peak in the sky, leaving no surface untouched by its comforting heat. From underneath her purple and white race-striped helmet, Scootaloo's mane partially hung out, her long strands tickling at the side of her cheek as the wind lightly brushed it against her, the feeling somewhat enjoyable.
On her back, a small pair of saddle bags hung loosely in the air, lightly juddering up and down in the wind that hit against them from the speed the filly was riding with her scooter. Now, why in the world would a filly be riding a scooter when she could simply fly? To answer that question, the truth is rather simple. She can't.
Her wings may be small, although not at an abnormal level. A while back, she had an appointment at the local hospital where she was admitted for an x-ray and check-up for her general health, when she was told by doctors that her wings had some damage at their stems, disabling her ability to fly.
Yet, despite her knowledge of this, Scootaloo found that her scooter was a rather fitting substitute for flying, not willing to let her mood bring her down.
Finally, arriving at the small, well-maintained cottage that houses the homely and gentle pegasus, Scootaloo hopped off of her scooter and rested it against side of the door frame, removing her helmet and placing it on the handlebars as she did so, giving her head a quick shake of relief as her mane fluffed back to its trademark state, puffing back as if it was memory foam.
Fluttershy's choice of residence wasn't much in the way of the standard and traditional choice of living quarters that most ponies were accustomed to, but it was the way she liked it. As for why she chose to live here, next to the forest known as the Everfree, where the most unforgiving critters and mysterious animals live? Anypony's guess is as good as any other. Most just assumed it was because it was remote and peaceful, despite where it was situated.
The animals there didn't bother her, and she didn't bother them, so no big fuss was ever made about her choice of living.
On her property, she had a coupe small chicken coops and free-range area with wire mesh fences to go with it, a fairly spacious garden complete with a wide and colourful variety of flowers and plants, including herbs, and even a small birdbath.
For a pegasus, she truly did love animals. It is her special talent, after all.
The orange filly's hoof made three, small resounding knocks on the thick wooden door of the cottage, a small rustling being heard from the inside before a hoof was heard on the back of it, lifting up the latch with a small series of metal clangs.
When it opened, Scootaloo was greeted by the unexpected face of her idol and older (adopted) sister, Rainbow Dash. Her signature rainbow mane and cyan coat was in an unusual tissy with her strands hanging and sticking out of place, and her eyes held an odd kind of emotion Scootaloo has never seen before.
''You made it. Come on in, Scoots.'' She said with a smile, opening the door wider to allow the small filly room to pass through before closing the door quietly behind her.
The interior of the cottage was much like the outside - peaceful. It was more or less a type of metaphorical symbol of representation for the owner's quiet and tranquil nature. It's all that she housed here besides herself; nature.
Small birdhouses, perches and branches, scratching posts and even a few indoor doghouses were present on the premises. Occaisonally, one or two groups of birds will flutter by with grace, their wings caressing the air with effortless flaps from their tiny wings.
Hummingbirds, robins, sparrows, you name it, Fluttershy houses it.
The mare in question was timidly sipping on tea while sitting on one of her two green-cushioned, plush sofas. From the aroma lingering in the air, the tea in question that she was enjoying was chamomile, with a twist of spearmint that gave a slight tingle as it was introduced to her lips. It also appeared that her hoof was vibrating with nervousness, causing the teacup to chitter and chatter as she set it down on its respectable saucer and placed it down on a small, wooden table set between the two sofas.
The usually timid and shy pegasus seemed to be even more timid and tentative than usual when her eyes fell over the filly, their calm radiance seemingly out of balance and replaced by what was unmistakably...fear?
She didn't say a word, only smiling at her. Scootaloo managed a small smile of her own, awkwardly building itself upon her lips. Not too soon did Rainbow Dash re-enter the room after coming from the kitchen with a mug of hot chocolate on her back, offering it to the filly as she asked her to take a seat while doing so.
''Take a seat, kid.'' She requested. Her voice never seemed to go out of its casual, happy and raspy tune as she smiled to the filly, taking her own seat beside Fluttershy.
Mug of hot chocolate in her hooves, Scootaloo took a moment to savour a small sip, gently licking her lips at the sweet, chocolaty taste that caressed her taste buds as it washed over it with warmth. The drink wasn't too thick, but it wasn't too thin, either. She pulled it back down from her lips to look across from her at the two.
''So, um...what is it you wanted to talk to me about?'' She asked, recollected her thoughts on what it may be that the rainbow-maned pegasus wanted to ask her, her request being written down on a note beforehoof and given to her at some point earlier in the day as she was heading towards school, by none other than the pegasus herself.
Scoots, there's something important that we need to talk about. Come over to Fluttershy's cottage first thing after finishing school for the day.
-Your awesome sister,
Rainbow Dash.
Even then, the filly never knew what she wanted to actually discuss. The same goes for this exact moment. She couldn't read her sister's face, nor could she do the same for Fluttershy's. In fact, she didn't really seem to ever make direct eye contact with her. It appeared that she was more than obviously directing her gaze elsewhere and anywhere but at her, prompting Scootaloo's mind to question the why's of her reason for this.
''Listen, kiddo, it's more or less me speaking on Fluttershy's behalf, here. If we're going to be getting straight to the point, I need you to be grown up about this.'' She said, her voice laced in firmness and authority. Even for her, it wasn't the type of tone she would take on, or at least, not unless there was something serious to discuss. These thoughts in mind, it gave all the more reason for the muscles beneath Scootaloo's skin to steel themselves and she lightly nodded her head, choosing not to use her voice. ''Alright, good.'' She said, taking in a deep, long breath in through her nostrils before releasing it through her mouth. Even from her distance, the filly could smell the shakiness of it. And the mintyness.
''S-Sure thing, Rainbow Dash!'' Scootaloo said with masked uncertainty.
Rainbow Dash glanced over to Fluttershy, whom merely nodded once, Dash repeating it before looking back over to the filly. She opened her mouth a few times, only to clamp it back shut, oddly at a loss for words.
''Dashie...'' Fluttershy touched a hoof with care to Dash's leg, her touch as soft as a rose petal. ''...maybe this was a bad idea.'' She said quietly, hoping to keep her words from being received by the filly's ears. Much to her dismay, it didn't go unheard.
''Huh? What was a bad idea? Howcome you're both being so quiet?'' Scootaloo asked, her brow raised and a slight tinge of annoyance to her tone of voice as she placed her mug of barely-touched hot chocolate down on top of the table in front of her. Both Dash and Fluttershy flinched both outwardly and inwardly.
With a sigh, it was Fluttershy this time that broke the silence. ''Scoots, I know you're still very young and wouldn't understand much, but-''
''Understand what? Just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm evasive or naive to anything or that I won't understand anything!'' She interrupted, defending herself with hooves flaying outwards and hanging on the edge of her seat for a brief moment in her little outburst before pushing herself back again. She coughed delicately into her hoof with a sheepish blush. ''S-Sorry...''
Fluttershy held back a small, ghost of a giggle. ''O-Of course. I mean, no, no...I...'' She glanced to Rainbow for help. Her cyan wing draped over her shoulders for support, and she could feel her nerves dwindle from harsh vibrations of nervousness to a mellowed-out, tolerable pang. It calmed her nerves, sure, but she could still feel them tingling. Her emotions on the inside felt like a tambourine being smacked against a wall repeatedly.
Hopping down from the sofa with a gentle landing to the wooden-plank flooring of her living room, Fluttershy trotted slowly around to the back of the sofa, her own timing in her mind to seem to drag on for hours, knowing what was about to happen. A soft rustling could be heard, a short time afterwards, she re-emerged with her brown saddle bag with her pink butterfly cutie-mark embedded into its clasp drooping on either side of her mouth. One of the bags was clearly empty, judging from its collapsed appearance. The second one, however, obviously had something in it, which was confirmed as Fluttershy retook her place next to Dash and undid the clasp.
Using her hoof, she pulled out a large-sized folder. Scootaloo eyed it, noticing that it was stacked with a massive bulk of papers, some of which were sticking out and overlapping. The folder itself was brown in colour, its body appearing a tad battered and a few noticeable scuffs caught her eyes.
''Um...'' Scootaloo started quietly and curiously, eyeing the folder as she did so. ''...what's that?''
Fluttershy sighed and gave a long, dreading and fearful glance to Rainbow, knowing that there was no turning back now. Rainbow Dash could only place a hoof to her shoulder and reassure her voicelessly.
With a shaky hoof, the butter pegasus placed the folder onto the table in front of Scootaloo, and she stared at it, taking it in. Her violet eyes traced over the scuffs and clear indications of cosmetic wear and could instantly pick out that this very folder has been put through some harsh exposure to the elements.
However, the scuffs and signs of damage to the body to the folder disappeared once the eyes of the filly fell onto the name written in black ink, located on the top-right corner of the folder.
Shy, Scootaloo.
March, 13th.
What...w-what is this? She thought, feeling her heart beat. Is this...a folder with details of...me?! Details of me and my family?! Her heart began to pound in her chest, and she could feel an all-too familiar sting from behind her eyes. No. No!
''Scootaloo...'' Rainbow said calmly and soothingly, reaching a hoof out towards the young girl, only for it to be swatted away with a light tap against her hoof.
''No! How could you?! You knew, and you didn't even bother to tell me?!'' Scootaloo exclaimed at the older pegasus mare, causing her to flinch and frown in shame. ''Why?!''
''You're still a kid, Scoots. We were going to wait until you were older to tell you, but me and Fluttershy were talking earlier, and you have to understand. She's your mother, Scoots.'' Dash said, her last few words being received and processed slowly by the filly as they reached her ears. Word by word, they seemed to stretch for hours before they were comprehended.
Scootaloo's ears felt heavy at hearing those words float through her brain. It was like hearing a ghost whisper a nursery rhyme. Her stomach felt twisted, as if it was tied in a knot. Her eyes transferred from tingling to stinging, a waterworks ready to break free, like a dam that's in great disrepair.
Her hoof touched the folder, flipping the first page upwards and sending it back, the paper surface flopping against the tabletop. She stared down at the first piece of paper. It was a document. More specifically, a birth certificate.
Her birth certificate.
A picture of her as a newborn baby was present at the right corner of the document. Her body was lovingly embraced and enveloped in both her mother's soft-yellow hooves and a violet-sage coloured blanket that was wrapped snugly around her small, fragile frame.
A small smile was plastered on her face as she slept, her head resting against her mother's hoof. Beside the photo of her sleeping form was details of her family.
Mother's Name: Fluttershy
Age: 19
Occupation: UnspecifiedFather's Name: Unknown
Occupation: UnknownPlace and Time and Date of Birth: Location: Ponyville General Hospital Time: 6:57PM Date: March, 13th
Birth Details
Name of Child: Scootaloo
Gender: Female
Weight: 95.8Ibs (43.45Kg)
A yellow wing could be felt draping over the shoulders of the young girl. She didn't even bother to look up. Her eyes were glued to the certificate.
Eight years ago. Eight. Years.
She has had to wait it out that long to find out her true biological parents. Well, parent. She couldn't help but wonder on that. Why didn't her father have any specific details on the certificate? Why wasn't he there, in name or simply mentioned?
Rainbow watched her biggest fan, a small and weak smile directed to her. Although she didn't look up, she knew she could feel it. She could sense it.
Eventually, Scootaloo looked up, only to meet the watery and glassy eyes of Fluttershy. As their eyes met, she felt something deep in her heart, a feeling that she has never experienced before. It said to her, ''This is your mother, Scoots. You're no longer an orphan. She's here, in front of you. She loves you. It's all you've ever wanted.''
She wanted to smile. She wanted to feel the relief and love she has been yearning to feel for years. but she couldn't feel it. She could feel nothing. Nothing but anger that has been bottled up inside a small casket and about to blow a gasket or two.
''Why did you leave me?'' She asked at a whisper. ''Why did you do this to me?! Why, for the love of Celestia, did you abandon me?!'' She hollered, pushing her tiny hooves against Fluttershy's breast with force, but not enough to cause harm. It took her aback at her outburst, but all the butter mare could do was hang her head in shame, a trail of tears dripping down her snout.
''You gave me away, left me alone, and you didn't even bother, in the slightest, to tell me?! What made you do it?! Didn't you love me or care about me? Am I nothing but a mistake to you?'' Her words bit into Fluttershy's heart like venom from a black widow being introduced to her bloodstream. One by one, her heart felt like it was cracking glass, the pieces falling out of place as they grew bigger.
''I-I'm s-sorry...so sorry...'' Fluttershy whimpered, her voice cracking and breaking as hot tears began to drip and stroke from her eyes and down her cheeks.
''Scoot!'' The voice of Rainbow Dash bellowed, high enough in volume to catch her attention, but not enough to scare her so that she would separate from her hide. ''It's not her fault!'' Rainbow Dash said firmly, the eyes of the filly landing on her. With her wings, Rainbow hovered out of her seat and across to the second sofa, plopping herself down next to her.
''It wasn't her fault, Scoots, none of it was! You're still way too young for me to go into details, but there are some bad things in the world that you don't know about! One of which is ponies.'' Rainbow said, and Fluttershy immediately tensed harshly, as if her muscles transformed into a solid wall of iron and a bell rang inside of her, colliding with her insides and causing them to ring.
Rainbow held a hoof to Scootaloo's shoulder. ''Listen, I couldn't tell you, even if I wanted to. I didn't say anything not because I don't care about you, but quite the opposite. You're my sister, Scootaloo, and you always will be, and that will always be the least thing I will always be to you. I was simply doing a favor for my other younger sister.'' She smiled at Fluttershy, giving her a warm and small hug.
Scootaloo's mind held tentative thoughts as she intently listened to the words of her eldest sister echo in her mind. Whilst she could understand what she meant to a small extent, her questions were not answered.
''But, what about Dad? What happened to him? Where is he?'' Scootaloo asked, and a frown crossed Rainbow's lips.
''Like I said, there are bad ponies in the world. Ponies like that don't deserve a life.'' She said coldly, the hate in her heart burning like a fireplace on Hearth's Warming. ''You'll find out when you get older, kid.'' She blushed, although it could be from her bottled rage.
''Then why did you abandon me?'' The filly looked up with teary, hopeful eyes to the yellow and now-in-tears pegasus at the filly's words. ''Am I...not good enough?'' She asked as if her vocal chords were plucked by a ghost puppeteer.
''No, sweetheart, no.'' Fluttershy cooed soothingly and quietly, looking down at the pegasus filly and embracing her in a warm and friendly embrace, holding her momentarily. ''Of course you were good enough. You're my daughter, Scootaloo, and I love you. I was just...'' She closed her mouth, deciding wisely on her next words. ''...unprepared.'' She eventually concluded her options, finding the words most appropriate. ''You need to understand. I didn't ever want to give you away, but I had no choice. I never did want this for us, but with all that happened, it was my only option for you, and it was what was best for both of us at the time.'' The mare sniffled, planting a kiss to the filly's forehead. ''You've still got your whole life ahead of you, and I promise, I'm going to do all I can where possible to make it up to you, Scoots. I don't expect your forgiveness, but I want to do what I should have done a long time ago.''
Fluttershy, picked up the orange filly, taking her off-guard as she raised her in the air, placing her back down, this time, on her lap, much like she was in her photo as a newborn. Uncertainty swam around in her mind, and she stared up to the older mare, finding her gaze locking with hers.
They shared a smile and Scootaloo leaned back on her lap, resting the back of her head between the gap at the edge of Fluttershy's barrel to the start of her left hoof. As she snuggled into a comfortable position, Fluttershy wrapped an arm around her chest, allowing it to rest motionlessly across the filly's own lap.
A new light was put onto Fluttershy through her daughter since that day, and she never really knew what to expect in reality. Of all the mares that could be her mother, it had to be the timid and nature-loving mare. Although they were exact opposites with very different personalities in their very own, respectable ways, they were still blood-relatives.
Rainbow Dash smiled on at the two, feeling a slight pang in her heart. She cleared her throat, causing the two to break their moment together. ''Ahem.'' They stared at her, noticing a lonely expression behind her eyes. ''Erm...room for one more in there?'' She asked with a small blush. Not a moment too soon were the trio all embraced together in a tight lock of hooves, their bodies pressed up against each other in an inviting and warm, enveloping group hug.
This was Scootaloo's family, albeit, not fully related by blood, but it is what she considered to be a family. It is what she wanted for as long as she remembered, and it's what she cherishes the most, even more so that she knew she wasn't a true orphan.
She has a mother and an older sister.
This is their life, now. This is what they shall all live as together. A new, fresh start. A clean slate.
A new family.
Scoot's family.
FIN
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Well, that went... better than my take on this, although in my fanfic it was Rainbow Dash who was her mother, but still. Anyway, good fanfic.
Sweet sad.
Coupla corrections:
.
Smiled to the filly?
Is that meant to be like the phrase see somepony/one in a new light? Sounds off.
Nothing bad will happen to Scootaloo in this story, right?
You think you'll get a lot of hate for this, huh? Could it possibly be this line:
Why is it always chamomile? Is that the only kind of tea? SO MUCH RAGE!
Pretty well done if i must say so myself.
7632987 Tater-tot
And yes, it does mean that. It's when you see someone one something in a different way or feel something different towards them, seeing them in a whole new perspective and light. Also used in terms of respect.
7633125 Viva La France! They know how to make a good tea, no matter how overused it is in stories! (Although it isn't what the line about hate meant, as that is referring to something much more monstrous)
7634985 It was an okay story for me. I thought it was a bit rushed overall but still stood well enough. Fluttershy is a timid mare, plus if I'm reading this correctly, Fluttershy was raped and that just opens another can of worms. Most women who choose to have the child of their rapist give it up for adoption. It's normal and I would say adds some depth to this story.
7636126 Correct
7636463 Try asking Fluttershy that. She's delicate and equally timid. Of course, as bad as her situation may be, it is something that makes most uncomfortable because of how wrong it is. If you think about it, not having a child you want, such as abortion, is pretty much the equivalent of killing. Many think the same about it in reality, and some even think of it is murdering.
If this was your situation, what would your options be on the matter? What would you do?
7636524
People (and ponies) are strange, we change our minds, fluttershy could have realised eight years later that not having a parent could be having an effect on the foal's mind, and yes it is quite a long time for someone not to regret a decision, but as I said before, people are weird.
in due time
Scootaloo is starting to have many mothers and no mothers.
Okay a Scootaloo story, this is nothing if not my niche.
Your opening tells us a lot that we already know (this is fanfiction, we know the characters, telling us about the purple coiffed pony on a scooter and then telling us it's Scootaloo is redundant). You also switch between present and past tense, this is compounded when you use the third person omniscient style to both talk to the audience and get inside the characters head, which results in A LOT of telling. Example:
That sentence is disorienting at best and there are many others like it, explicitly telling the audience what a character is thinking/feeling.
I'm not sure why Rainbow Dash is in this, or at least not in the way she is used here. I could see her being a confidant to Shy or Scootaloo but having her break the news to Scootaloo, that Fluttershy is her mom feels off and robs us of some of the emotional tension that should exist.
Lastly your dialogue can get a bit explain-y. Example:
That's a 20 word sentence when a 10 word will do. Look into where you can parse your dialouge, it will help your writing.
Okay that's enough bad stuff. Parts of this are well written, you've got a good pen for detail. The structure of the story is there, your writing is certainly loads better that a lot of others authors, you just need to work on refining it a bit more.
This is a good story.
Is there going to be a sequel to this?