Scootaloo never knew her parents. She always thought that she was an orphan, that is, until one day, the truth is revealed to her, by somepony she never would have guessed to be any relation to. How will she handle it when she meets her biological mother for the first time?
Better yet, why did they give her away? All of her questions will be answered in lieu of time.
Proofread by: HopeForTheFew
Written by: Ribe is FireRain
Edited by: Ribe is FireRain
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Teen for themes.
PS: Mystery tag is added because it seems fitting, given some questions asked, and for the nature of this fic.
(I can already tell, people are gonna have some hate towards me for one of the lines in this story...)
Chapters (1)
Well, that went... better than my take on this, although in my fanfic it was Rainbow Dash who was her mother, but still. Anyway, good fanfic.
Sweet sad.
Coupla corrections:
.
Smiled to the filly?
Is that meant to be like the phrase see somepony/one in a new light? Sounds off.
Nothing bad will happen to Scootaloo in this story, right?
You think you'll get a lot of hate for this, huh? Could it possibly be this line:
Why is it always chamomile? Is that the only kind of tea? SO MUCH RAGE!
Pretty well done if i must say so myself.
7632987 Tater-tot
And yes, it does mean that. It's when you see someone one something in a different way or feel something different towards them, seeing them in a whole new perspective and light. Also used in terms of respect.
7633125 Viva La France! They know how to make a good tea, no matter how overused it is in stories! (Although it isn't what the line about hate meant, as that is referring to something much more monstrous)
7634985 It was an okay story for me. I thought it was a bit rushed overall but still stood well enough. Fluttershy is a timid mare, plus if I'm reading this correctly, Fluttershy was raped and that just opens another can of worms. Most women who choose to have the child of their rapist give it up for adoption. It's normal and I would say adds some depth to this story.
7636126 Correct
7636463 Try asking Fluttershy that. She's delicate and equally timid. Of course, as bad as her situation may be, it is something that makes most uncomfortable because of how wrong it is. If you think about it, not having a child you want, such as abortion, is pretty much the equivalent of killing. Many think the same about it in reality, and some even think of it is murdering.
If this was your situation, what would your options be on the matter? What would you do?
7636524
People (and ponies) are strange, we change our minds, fluttershy could have realised eight years later that not having a parent could be having an effect on the foal's mind, and yes it is quite a long time for someone not to regret a decision, but as I said before, people are weird.
in due time
Scootaloo is starting to have many mothers and no mothers.
Okay a Scootaloo story, this is nothing if not my niche.
Your opening tells us a lot that we already know (this is fanfiction, we know the characters, telling us about the purple coiffed pony on a scooter and then telling us it's Scootaloo is redundant). You also switch between present and past tense, this is compounded when you use the third person omniscient style to both talk to the audience and get inside the characters head, which results in A LOT of telling. Example:
That sentence is disorienting at best and there are many others like it, explicitly telling the audience what a character is thinking/feeling.
I'm not sure why Rainbow Dash is in this, or at least not in the way she is used here. I could see her being a confidant to Shy or Scootaloo but having her break the news to Scootaloo, that Fluttershy is her mom feels off and robs us of some of the emotional tension that should exist.
Lastly your dialogue can get a bit explain-y. Example:
That's a 20 word sentence when a 10 word will do. Look into where you can parse your dialouge, it will help your writing.
Okay that's enough bad stuff. Parts of this are well written, you've got a good pen for detail. The structure of the story is there, your writing is certainly loads better that a lot of others authors, you just need to work on refining it a bit more.
This is a good story.
Is there going to be a sequel to this?