• Member Since 6th Aug, 2017
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

WeightyUncle


Loves anything scootalove, and hates any story with a bad ending.

T
Source

Scootaloo has a vivid nightmare, and Rainbow Dash tries to be the big sister she knows Scootaloo needs.

All feedback is welcome and encouraged, this is my first story so I could really use it! :scootangel:

Also special thanks to my friend pikablob for proofreading this and encouraging me to write it!

Cover art used with permission, made by the very talented Sea-Maas!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 14 )

That was pretty good :pinkiehappy: And also sad :fluttercry:

89228 Cheers! Any overall criticisms or stylistic things you liked?

The one criticism I have is this line:

Rainbow shifted uncomfortably; that last sentence didn’t quite sit right with her. “My dork,” she adjusted, a satisfied smile on her face.

Unless this is a side story in a world where Dash and Twi have been established to be dating, or unless that line has some other meaning I'm just not thinking of, it feels out of place and kind of interferes with the rest of the fic.

And everything else works in the feels department.

8924663
Cheers for the fave, and I get what you mean about that line. I spent a long tine deliberating whether to put that line in, but I couldn't help myself. Twidash is my biggest (and one of my only ships) and I can't help but think about them in a romantic way now. In that scene I wanted Rainbow to joke about Twilight being a dork because it seems like the kind of thing she would do, but I also wanted some context for it to sound friendly instead of basically an insult, and I ended up settling on that line. Your right, it doesn't have any context and I probably could have done it better and without the romance implications, but I really liked it this way, and so did a friend of mine. So its probably gonna stay in, but thanks so much for the criticism!

8924698

but I also wanted some context for it to sound friendly instead of basically an insult,

Yeah, that was the only other thing I could think of for that

Very sweet, little sad. Really good overall!

Aww, this is so sweet!

I enjoyed this greatly! Keep up the good work.

I like it. Could use a change in terminology due to it being in FiM. (Example: Everypony, not everybody) But that's just a minor nitpick. The story was solid, and everyone was in character. Overall, nice work.

8936188
Cheers! Any specifics?

8936217
For the most part I would just replace "body" with "pony", unless you're referring to the entire body, and then replace the word "arms" with "forelegs" when referring to quadruped characters like the ponies or any griffons you might include. If they've got four legs, then it's a foreleg, not an arm, even if they do tend to function in pretty much the same way.
Honestly, the best source for terminology is the show itself. If you just listen to what they say and how they say it, it's pretty easy to apply to writing. There's been stuff that I've guessed and still been right about just 'cause I based the guess on other things I'd heard.
Then again I pay freakishly close attention to stuff like that.

Do the epilogue. I want to hear Luna's excuse for letting this happen.

9050954
Yeah I sort of gave up on that idea. I tried to write it, but I couldn't quite do it while keeping the tone I wanted for this story, sorry!

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