• Member Since 4th Jun, 2012
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Askre


I'm just someone who likes writing stories.

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King Sombra was defeated and the Crystal Empire was saved, but not long after that, Twilight and her friends learn of a pony intent on resurrecting the fallen king. Princess Celestia and the crystal ponies identify him as Temor, the adopted son of King Sombra.

No one knows where Sombra found him or why he chose to raise him and adopt him as his heir. Now it is a race against the clock to stop Temor from completing his goal and in the meantime, the former prince reminisces on how he became who he is today.


This story is part of The Equestria Tales series, although set in an alternate universe. It is a what-if story based on a line from Possession in the Crystal Empire.

The story occurs in early season 3 and diverts a bit from season 3 and onward.

Cover made by Wiggles
Story edited by Hail King Sombra.

Chapters (22)
Comments ( 74 )

Cover made by Wiggles

I thought it looked familiar. Did you commission the picture?

Well this is a nice twist. Can't wait to see what comes next.

Twilight and friends must prevent Sombra's heir from resurrecting his father.

you wanna know something? I think this story could be converted into a comedy. Just replace 'heir' with 'hair' and you've got yourself an amazing crack fic.

7530787

I thought it looked familiar. Did you commission the picture?

Yes, it was during a commission event that Wiggles offered slots to make evil versions of your characters. I already had been drafting up ideas of Temor at that point, so figured why not see an evil version of Private Iceland and suddenly I had a cover for my story. :pinkiehappy:

7531012

Well this is a nice twist. Can't wait to see what comes next.

Hopefully I'll manage to update more regularly, I admit my updating scheduled has gotten a little skewed of late. :rainbowlaugh:

7531114

you wanna know something? I think this story could be converted into a comedy. Just replace 'heir' with 'hair' and you've got yourself an amazing crack fic.

Now if only I had the gift of writing long comedy. :raritycry: Sadly we must settle with this non-crack serious version.

But yeah that actually occurred to me myself when writing the shorter summary, I just don't trust my writing style to write comedies, at least long ones. I can manage one-shots or two or three chapters, but whenever I try to go long, eventually the story turns more serious.

All do I do have a lot of expectation for this story coming from you, Askre, especially how good Possession of the Crystal Empire was, I feel that the first chapter starts off as rather dull compared as the first part of the story starts off with the liberation of the Crystal Empire and seems to focus more on Twilight then Temor. I feel that a quick prologue to show the event of the night when or how Private arrived into Sombra's hooves would have helped to put a little context about what the story is more about him and to show that the story will be pretty horrible for the character and not a rose colored story about Twilight research on the matter.

I feel that having Celestia just suddenly remember about Temor and tell Twilight right after they cam back from the Crystal Empire was rather weak in my opinion. I think it would though it better if Temor was actually thought killed or missing during the first liberation of the Crystal Empire, and that signs would have pointed to the Equestrians that he might have actually still be alive even after all there years. I also feel that having Temor be present in the Crystal Empire during Sombra's defeat and not have him trying to intervene before, for his fathers sake, even if he had a cracked horn or not feel forced to me.

Still I am curious if Celestia met Temor when he was much younger, before the liberation of the Crystal, and if Temor had re relapse of his old self when he saw her. I am also curious about that slave that is following Temor around, how come does she still serve him, when all the other slaves are rejoicing from the their definite freedom.

Sorry

Please don't take this in a bad way

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All do I do have a lot of expectation for this story coming from you, Askre, especially how good Possession of the Crystal Empire was, I feel that the first chapter starts off as rather dull compared as the first part of the story starts off with the liberation of the Crystal Empire and seems to focus more on Twilight then Temor. I feel that a quick prologue to show the event of the night when or how Private arrived into Sombra's hooves would have helped to put a little context about what the story is more about him and to show that the story will be pretty horrible for the character and not a rose colored story about Twilight research on the matter.

Well I can't really spoil the rest of the story, but I will say this, the story is twofold, one part is about Temor and the other is about Twilight and the Mane six looking for him.

I went with this start because there will be flash backs anyway that go into the past, from when Temor firsts meets Sombra and his upbringing.

But I can guarantee you this won't be a rose coloured story at all. :rainbowlaugh:

I feel that having Celestia just suddenly remember about Temor and tell Twilight right after they cam back from the Crystal Empire was rather weak in my opinion. I think it would though it better if Temor was actually thought killed or missing during the first liberation of the Crystal Empire, and that signs would have pointed to the Equestrians that he might have actually still be alive even after all there years. I also feel that having Temor be present in the Crystal Empire during Sombra's defeat and not have him trying to intervene before, for his fathers sake, even if he had a cracked horn or not feel forced to me.

Can't say too much because spoilers, but if you read Celestia's letter again, she makes no mention that she suddenly just remembered him, just that she failed to mention him to Twilight. However we will go into this, there is sometimes method to my madness. :pinkiehappy:

As for why Prince Temor was present but did not actively intervene, the narration actually explains it, he didn't feel he could go up against an alicorn. Don't forget he was raised by King Sombra, and the King Sombra I write, does NOTHING until he knows more and Princess Cadance was complete unknown to Temor so he felt it was best to wait and hope that his father could deal with this.

Still I am curious if Celestia met Temor when he was much younger, before the liberation of the Crystal, and if Temor had re relapse of his old self when he saw her. I am also curious about that slave that is following Temor around, how come does she still serve him, when all the other slaves are rejoicing from the their definite freedom.

Since this is only chapter 1, all I can say is read on, everything will eventually be made clear. :twilightsmile:

Sorry
Please don't take this in a bad way

Your just voicing your opinion and how you would write the story, that is okay, :twilightsmile: you are not speaking to deaf ears. I listen to constructive criticism. I may not always agree with it and I might say "there is a reason why I'm writing it like this," but that doesn't mean I don't listen and don't appreciate feedback.

I can only hope that as the story unfolds, because we have just barely started, that eventually you'll see why I wrote it like this instead of the other way around.

So don't worry, I've taken nothing badly and just look forward to your comments in the future. :twilightsmile:

7531561 ... and you believe you could make a story where the basis of the story is king sombra's hair is trying to bring him back to life, into a serious story?
And that it wouldn't be hilarious in the attempt?
I... Would like to see you try.

7533143

.. and you believe you could make a story where the basis of the story is king sombra's hair is trying to bring him back to life, into a serious story?
And that it wouldn't be hilarious in the attempt?
I... Would like to see you try.

Erm I think we might have misunderstood each other.

I don't believe anything like that. What I was trying to say is that I don't trust myself to write long comedies based on any premise. Which is why even though a similar thought did occur to me when I wrote the short summary, I knew that as funny as the idea is, I would not trust myself to write it.

So no, I don't believe I can write a serious story where Sombra's hair tries to resurrect him. Even I know that's just too ridiculous. :rainbowlaugh:

What I really was saying and might not have come out right was, I just don't write comedies or crack fics. :pinkiehappy:

7533162 oh well, a shame indeed.

still not much happening yet, so for it seems like Temor didn't had a chance to be as cruel as Sombra was, if the thoughts of a broken spirit slave is anything to go by. I wanter if the horn is fusing to him or that he will indeed become Sombra's vesaul like in the other story, but that would be treading old grounds again, I wander if their will be something different this time around. we get to see how Privet got selected to say in that time line. I wander if his the original plan is still working. I think Sombra's cruelty is underplayed here, sure he is kidnapping ponies from the future and he is keeping and entire nation as slaves, but we haven seen the consequences of his regime like the death of forced slavery or that his time experiments had failed some time, even if Sombra vaguely commented on it.

Comment posted by Mix-up deleted Sep 17th, 2016

I apologise if my clarification comment hurt any feelings. I have edited the comment out as I feel it is out of place there in the discussion of the story itself.

It's nice to see an other chapter again.

7789163 Indeed, hopefully I can resume a regular schedule now that I'm mostly settled and working again. :pinkiehappy:

How'd you come up with Temor's name?

7954306 It's Spanish for fear, when figuring out a name for Temor, I felt that Sombra would not want to keep using his old Equestrian name and would rename him with something that in his mind would be a more proper name. Since Sombra is Spanish for shadow, I figured I would stick to the theme and started to search for appropriate words. In the end I found Temor most fitting.

“I was. But as your grandmother would often say, death in a world so magical like this one, is merely an inconvenience if you know what to do,” she told him and started to approach. Temor didn’t move, in fact he was starting to feel a little awestruck to be in the presence of the last queen of the dark ponies.

Wow...wow... I had to stop and read that 10 times again. I didn't expect this to happen. That was awesome. I wonder how Sombras will interact with her. I mean he didn't see her for what... over 1000 years. :pinkiegasp:

“Oh for the love of… I tried for months to corrupt those two and it happens to one of them AFTER I’m banished!?” King Sombra snarled loudly and stomped a ghostly hoof on the floor. Starlight jumped and looked around startled.

I had to stop there again... to laugh:twistnerd: ... really hard:twistnerd::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

“Welcome to back from your exile, nephew. As a spirit I watched you grow under my brother’s care. Now that I am flesh, I will assist you in bringing your father to it as well,” she said as she gently raised her hoof to touch Temor’s cheek.

Does that mean she watched, when Sombra had to explain to Temor, what concubines are used for. Interesting...:trollestia:

8359847

Wow...wow... I had to stop and read that 10 times again. I didn't expect this to happen. That was awesome. I wonder how Sombras will interact with her. I mean he didn't see her for what... over 1000 years. :pinkiegasp:

Yeah, last time he saw her, was her broken and battered corpse after the Saddle Arabians dethroned her and destroyed the Dark Pony Empire, soooo yeah it will definitely be interesting to show he will be interacting with her. :pinkiehappy:

I had to stop there again... to laugh:twistnerd: ... really hard:twistnerd::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Nothing more frustrating than to learn your efforts possibly worked AFTER you get defeated. :rainbowlaugh:

I have to admit this is line was inspired from the Ask King Sombra blog on tumblr by Wiggles, where it is more blatantly stated that he did in fact corrupt Luna. Since my Sombra is a little bit more serious, he's a bit more frustrated that he was apparently succeding only for it all to happen when he was on ice, quite literaly.

Does that mean she watched, when Sombra had to explain to Temor, what concubines are used for. Interesting...:trollestia:

Quite likely, probably almost dying (Even if she was already dead) from laughter at the whole scene. :rainbowlaugh:

Of course, a cascade effect through time and space, caused by some dimwit in another reality who clearly didn’t know how to operate his time traveling device! He didn’t realize - or did not care about the damage he caused, not just to time and space, but in the multiverse itself. That broke the tether meant to send Temor back. Sombra slapped his own forehead.

...Of course!!! ... Very obvious! ... Saw it coming! (actually no)

“And the boy, by the first queen, Sombra. You weren’t just my brother, you were my father, you raised me just as much as mother did. You were the best father I could have ever had...

Good question, who was their actual father?:rainbowderp: Had Queen Rabia a husband? She was a Queen so probably Yes. I guess he was just really busy with protecting the land, like dark pony stallions are supposed to.

“Seeing him like that, I actually worried I might lose him and there have been times I wished I could have sent him back to his own time, but I couldn’t. I could have easily just tossed him to the slaves and let them take care of him, but I didn’t. Think what you like, but that is my son up there and I will not have anypony think that I do not… love him,” he turned his head downwards, sighing deeply.

:rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::raritystarry::pinkiehappy: THE FEELINGS!!!
I really love this chapter.:heart: Ira seems like a very reasonable and kind pony. I midly expected something very different after her wicked grin in chapter 10 but who knows, there are still more chapters to come.:pinkiecrazy: Also Sombra talking with somepony whose opinion we values is great. Her saying those things to him leaves a much bigger impact on him.
One thing is still unclear. If she thinks he's a monster why did she lead a religious order of fanatics and tells them he will be good for their world and benevolent? (I don't expect much of an answer to that question. Not yet.:raritywink:)

8961051

...Of course!!! ... Very obvious! ... Saw it coming! (actually no)

Don't worry, Sombra was feeling the same. :pinkiehappy:

Good question, who was their actual father?:rainbowderp:Had Queen Rabia a husband? She was a Queen so probably Yes. I guess he was just really busy with protecting the land, like dark pony stallions are supposed to.

The reigning Queen was actually not required to have a husband. In the rare cases the Dark Pony Empire had a king, he was required to have a queen to advise him. But the queens were not under such obligations and could choose a stallion considered worthy enough to sire their children, but have no hoof in their rearing.

So no, Rabia never had a husband, however, I will say that Sombra and Ira's father was a renowned stallion in the empire, renowned enough that Rabia used him to sire her two children, but was denied due to tradition to actually acknowledge that he was the father or have any real interaction with them as a parent, at best he could only interact with them as any other subject of the empire would interact with the Royal family. And yes, it was very painful for him to watch Sombra and Ira grow up and not be able to call them his children.

:rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::raritystarry::pinkiehappy:THE FEELINGS!!!
I really love this chapter.:heart:Ira seems like a very reasonable and kind pony. I midly expected something very different after her wicked grin in chapter 10 but who knows, there are still more chapters to come.:pinkiecrazy:Also Sombra talking with somepony whose opinion we values is great.Hersaying those things to him leaves a much bigger impact on him.

I do love playing with expectations. :trollestia:

Ira is the only one who can truly slap Sombra upside the head and tell him he's being idiot and Sombra will actually listen.

One thing is still unclear. If she thinks he's a monster why did she lead a religious order of fanatics and tells them he will be good for their world and benevolent? (I don't expect much of an answer to that question. Not yet.:raritywink:)

Let's just say for now that Ira has plans. :pinkiehappy:

Thanks for reading. :twilightsmile:

9369619

I heartily agree, I was going to post chapter 13 earlier this month, but work got in the way, you can expect chapter 13 to be up soonish.

I wanted to ask this for some time now.
A while ago I made a little sketch to a scene in Chapter 8, but it kind of turned into a finished fan art.
I would like to show it to you but I have no idea how to do that. In Private Messages you have to add an Image URL but even though I tried to figure it out it didn't work for me.
I never send someone on FimFiction a picture so I'm confused.

9400868 You could always e-mail it to me, my e-mail is askre5@yahoo.no

9400978
That´s so crazy simple it could work.

9400978
Did you receive my e-mail?:rainbowhuh: I sent it three days ago.

9408369

Yes I did, I've just been recovering from a recent wisdom tooth extraction so I haven't exactly been online a lot. Actually had to have the bottom one surgically removed.

I'll respond too the e--mail a soon as I'm able.

I love this story better then the other Iceland stories. This one is so much cooler. cant wait for more. Like and Fav :pinkiehappy: Temor/Iceland and Emerald will make a cute couple. ruling as King and Queen of the Dark Ponies :heart: I want the Dark Ponies to win and have their kingdom! Sombra brought back to life as King and Temor being the prince again. PLEASE DONT LET THE GOOD GUYS WIN!!!! I would LOVE it if Twilight & Shining's Parents are part of the cult, worshiping Sombra! :pinkiehappy:

Yea long live the dark ponies!!!!!!! Can't wait for darkness to win at last.

If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?

9579962

Okay these answers are given with the disclaimer that I very rarely think that hard about what my characters sound like, even if I do have their voices in my head, but I seldom put too much thought into what voice actor could do the job, or have any specific character from another show as an inspiration for the voice.

Temor, being Private Iceland's evil alternate, would have a similar sounding voice. In my mind Private speaks in a dry, often bored sounding voice (not monotone, but more like "ugh I have to talk?" kind ) Temor would replace the dry and bored with hard and and sharp. I really can't think of a voice actor. If you want a bad example, here is me trying to voice act Private, but I'm no voice actor sadly, so it might be difficult to tell which is Private and which is me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59zlBl1GZ6I

Ira the High Shadow, I guess kind of like Poison Ivy from the Arkham Asylum game, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RW-nHt8-ms just a little bit softer. Parts of Ira's motifs are kind of if you replace obsession with plants with obsession with the Dark Ponies and not quite as genocidal.

Emerald, wow she appears in three different stories as three different versions of herself, I've sadly just not given her voice that much thought at all. I just sound it in my head as someone deferential, bit quiet sounding, uncertain as she's had a lot of changes happen in her life. I just can't think of a voice acted role, if anyone has any suggestions or their own ideas, feel free to share them. I'm quite open to it.

Quite honestly though, this is not written in stone, if any of you have your own ideas, they aren't necessarily wrong and if you want to share your ideas how they might sound like, please feel free to do so. I've long since learned that sometimes the readers do a far better job than me coming up with ideas how my characters both sound and look like. Yes I said look liked, I have changed characters because a a friend of mine drew a far better version of the character than I had initially described.

9498887

I love this story better then the other Iceland stories. This one is so much cooler. cant wait for more. Like and Fav :pinkiehappy: Temor/Iceland and Emerald will make a cute couple. ruling as King and Queen of the Dark Ponies :heart: I want the Dark Ponies to win and have their kingdom! Sombra brought back to life as King and Temor being the prince again. PLEASE DONT LET THE GOOD GUYS WIN!!!! I would LOVE it if Twilight & Shining's Parents are part of the cult, worshiping Sombra! :pinkiehappy:

Heh, you and me both! I was that way when proofreading it and had only gotten to this chapter by then.

Heehee let darkness rain all over the lands

“I trust there are no objection to this,” Prince Temor looked at the guard, a white stallion with blue mane and tail.

Shining Armor?!?! Please let Twilight's family be part of this. Heehee

9589261
No, just a former royal guard.

Oooooo nice. Heehee Fluttershy has join the right side.

okay so did this Sombra abduct a young Private Iceland and adopt him after naming him after his own bf

Because that’s kinda the vibe that I’m getting here

9629068
Well basically this is a what-if story from the line in Possession of the Crystal Empire, when the spirit of King Sombra mused that he regretted not being able to keep Private back when he abducted him via the time-spell, this story basically is a "what would have happened if the time-spell actually failed to return Private back to his own time." Temor is not named after Timido, who I think you are thinking of. Temor's name is actually explained in another chapter. Incidentally Temor means fear in Spanish, while Timido means timid. The comics introduced a Spanish word naming theme to the umbrum, so I kept it for my Dark Ponies. :pinkiehappy:

Oh wow, I didn't expect Ira to show up in this timeline. Looks like there's a multiverse family reunion going on.

“This jerk ass Prince is sick, making a group like that,” Rainbow Dash grumbled. “What kind of a pony has his followers kill themselves if captured?”

Pony Jim Jones, duh.

Ira was such a sweet, graceful mare, and seeing her speak so highly of Sombra is cute. I presume she was like this in the other timelines, too?

“My main objection was that my mother intended for me to marry Ira. However, I see no problem with this. Starlight is a powerful mare, bit misguided in her ideals, but we can fix that. She would serve well as your consort,” Sombra told his son sternly. Temor winched then nodded.

Okay, how vaguely some of this is worded feels bad. Is he saying he doesn't have a problem with what Temor/Private said, or that he's okay with marrying his sister - something he's rightly against in other timelines.

Also, how come the father of Ira and Sombra is never mentioned? Considering the age gap, it seems likely Sombra would've known him, and that Ira might've in early life. Did he die at some point?

9641536

For the most part yes, especially in the main proper timeline this particular one branches off from. I haven't really touched on this family I semi-created for Sombra in the Tyrant of Fear and Hate time-line, I might touch on it if it's relevant in the sequel.

9641586

Okay, how vaguely some of this is worded feels bad. Is he saying he doesn't have a problem with what Temor/Private said, or that he's okay with marrying his sister - something he's rightly against in other timelines.

Okay I'll try and fix it, I think I see where the problem is. Sombra is not okay with marrying his sister, what he is saying is that he's okay with arranged marriages so has no problem with Temor being arranged to marry Starlight, but what he does object to is marrying close relations, like siblings.

Also, how come the father of Ira and Sombra is never mentioned? Considering the age gap, it seems likely Sombra would've known him, and that Ira might've in early life. Did he die at some point?

This did come up in a comment discussion in Possession where I was explaining some of the Dark Pony culture to Mix-Up. Basically Dark Pony culture was strictly Matriarchal and Queen Rabia was one of the most sexist of the ruling Queens. By their laws, the ruling Queens were not required to marry, what they did instead was choosing a stallion as a temporary consort to father children with but the same stallion would not be allowed to be recognized as the father nor could interact with the children as a parent. That is what Queen Rabia did and yes, she used the same stallion to father both Sombra and Ira, so no Sombra has no idea who his father is and yes it was very painful for said father to watch his children grow up and not being allowed to call them his children.

I actually intend to more properly address this in the sequel to the Last of the Dark Ponies. :pinkiehappy:

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