Sha-bam! Analjack!

Also, apparently there's already fanart of Billy Club dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png
(hah! Take that crystal pony who doesn't even have a name yet!)

Yeah, I need sleep dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png

Hah! Luna might've inadvertently made the entire male half of the species ultimately obsolete!

Okay, not so much half, as ...Seventh? Two-fifths? Ah, something like that...

Finally! A chapter with Applejack and her Stallion. You did the impossible by having a dawww moment in a fic like this.

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Heh, it's probably cause I'm half asleep, but what was the 'dawwa' moment? I think a few could qualify

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For me it was both AppleJack finally admitting to herself that she loves Twilight and the scene where she confesses to Twilight that she loves her.

Words can not express the amount of awesome contained in this story. Who would have guessed that a story about Twilight becoming Ponyville's most notorious sex offender could have both horrifyingly glorious depraved sex AND a good plot? The only thing I can see that needs to be fixed is that there's not another chapter up yet.

I think i now officially qualify as a perv... and it's all your fault!
Great chapter with an adorably anal ending.

Keep up with the pervy stuff, you have a gift for it.

ah, that was adorable.

.....holy shit, never thought I'd say that in regards to this story. What a weird way to start a morning....

Billy Club kind of reminds me of somepony else... O_o

I was actually expecting you were going to put this off longer.
Maybe it's just me, but you seemed to be trying to draw out the plot a bit
so I thought you were going to hold off on Applejack for a lil bit longer.

I'm not complaining, I just didn't think you would finally get around to that plot point in this chapter.
...
...
Anyway, AWESOME CHAPTER!

Its so perverted.... but so good....

egrterhegdfjdrrrgddfdhgsyrhhdtrdwetdfhdvdtfhdfshdhrawesomedfvgdfjvyhjdvfcjvncfbdfapfapfaphsjdbvilsbvlhbs`lvblsbvlsbljshbdvljhsbvbslvblwbrvlibslivblsbvljbaslbvdlsbvbmotorisedseesawsjbdcliaubsviubasvibasilvbaisbvliabsvlibaslvblasbviasbvibslibvliasbvlibasluvbaslbvifutaisthebestlisabviabviasanalisbetterlisundvliasbvkwhataboutbothlsjnvcblasbvabsvi'monly13sdhv asbvibvbasbviabsvibaisbvabsvbasvbioabvawbvibasvrbdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png a,siuasbviuabsvubusabviuabdsi;uvb;iaubviuabwevibaieubvabeviubaiuvbiueabvibaeiubviuaebrvlbaelibvliabviubvebveabICAMEisnvilzbsviaibvpiaunsvibuasiobvasdbvabsvoubaeubvuoarbvuoybasouvybaeubvoiaybvuayebrvlbaevuby

My basic thoughts on the story. Maybe next chapter, have applejack get the A.F.T (Awesome futa thing) then give twilight a piece of her own medicine.

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Oh? Who would that be?

I'm really starting to hate everyone in this fic. To start out with:

Friendship plus Physical Intimacy does NOT equal Romantic Love.

Applejack, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle all immediately fell in 'love' with their offender immediately after the assault. Maybe it would be possible for them to look past what the attacker did because of prior friendship, but that would not unlock or form any romantic connection between them. This was the first time any of the three even had sex, and combined with the physical assault and the mental link between sex and romance, their bodies tricked them into believing that they fell in love in some kind of sick 'Stockholm Syndrome' spinnoff. This reaction is evidence of serious mental trauma.

And look at everyone's thoughts about their situations. The assaulted all think back on the aspects of the physical sensations, the act of being dominated, and the thought of being with their 'Stallion.' Twilight focuses on the act of dominance and the desire to be with her mares and their spawn. Cheerilee wanted her foals. When thinking about each other, no one looks back on their personality, the mares don't think of the cute way Twilight giggles or how she shows her leadership in crises. Everyone focuses on the sex, their role of dominance or submission, and how they make would make fine babies. No one looks any deeper into each other than their bodies, not seeing their habits, personality, outlook, dreams, or goals. Everyone is driven by lust and reproductive instinct.

There is no love anywhere in this fic.

Luna is allowing the curse to run free, rather than warning the town and preparing it, or at least letting the people know that it's okay to let others know that they're being affected, because she doesn't want to be blamed.

Sweetie Belle and now presumably Apple Bloom are being allowed the chance to take care of a newborn that they have no idea how to raise, which will ruin their schooling, burden them with responsibilities, cause horrific pain during birth, and socially stigmatize them, all while subjecting the unborn baby to a life of hardship and suffering as a child conceived in sin. (I'm not even bringing anything religious into this. Society will try to look past the uncontrollable circumstances of their origin, but their reputation will always suffer at the hands of subconscious discrimination.)

The authorities have released two molesters who, while maybe not responsible for their actions, still harbor dangerous urges, and no one is getting any therapy.

I realize this is a clopfic revolving entirely around rape, and the characters can go and follow their desires, but trying to excuse anything that has happened with love is just wrong.

Great chapter. I would suggest getting an editor though. If you have one already, get a new one. That leaves one question... what happens to Sweetie Belle?

1470700 Easiest solution: Don't like it, don't read it.

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That's the problem, I'm invested in this story and want to see it resolved. It's hot, and the story is gripping, but holy fuck does everything in it piss me off.

I'd like to think that I know better than to discuss morality while reading graphic depictions of the sexual assault of characters from a show targeted to little girls.

It's just that claiming love between characters makes this dishonest in a certain way.

Sure, let the mares go back to the attackers for the sex. Just don't dismiss the fact that they were wronged because of a hollow sense of yearning that they've mistaken for 'love.'

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It's not a hollow sense of yearning so much as a powerful magical curse.

I suppose you could argue that they shouldn't love Twi (or she shouldn't love them), but given that they have all been affected by magic that makes Want it-Need It look like a card trick, the whole concept of free will is highly suspect.

They love their attacker (and foal) because the curse makes them. It's what it does.
Yeah, it's a little icky, but anything involving mind affecting magic will tend that way.

Love this fic. Poducken has a point, though. Not really true love. I think the curse basically amplified the desires already present, while at the same time warping them to suit its purpose. For Twilight and Applejack (I don't really know about the rest) it amplified their friendship, while at the same time warping any desires toward each other .

In Cheerilee's case, it amplified the love she felt for her students, and warped it to make her need them in a physical way.

All of that aside, as a clopfic, this rules.

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I realize this is a clopfic

Ya sure about that?
Don't really sound like it to me.

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You know, there are authors out there that would argue against a different grading scale for clopfics as opposed to regular fics. I've read this in one of the blogs from the people I follow.

Anyway, I'm way too deep in this to quit reading now. I know I gave some pretty strong criticism, but that doesn't mean I think it's bad. Pretty much everything from the grammar, pacing, setting, mood, and all that stuff is solid, and overall this is a good story.

I just don't agree with the way that the emotions are handled. Many of the choices the characters make, such as Luna withholding info, are necessary to drive the plot forward, but I'm still angry at them. I'm just shouting at a movie screen that can actually shout back.

More than anything, though, it was the comments about 'Daaaawww Moments' that made me go off on that rant. I see the work of what would be mental scarring happening to the victims in this story and sympathize with them because all the women in my immediate family suffer from a certified mental illness. Them bitches be trippin'.

I want to stay on good terms with you as the author, but I'm gonna keep giving feedback, and a lot of it will be strongly opinionated. I'm going to keep this fic liked and faved regardless.

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I've never claimed that my fics will be realistic. I never claimed that they will accurately touch on hard, emotional issues. Never claimed that I cared to cater to the wants of the fans (except for the anal sex, friend of mine loves him sum butts). Never said I would make the character development all that deep.

I did say that I would be shameless, and that I wouldn't regret anything I put into my fic. So far, I'm doing good on that part dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

If you're still interested, and you want to keep reading, then I'm happy to have you along for the trip down to pony hell. Just don't take any of this too seriously. In fact, don't take any of this seriously at all. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png

But I would like to ask you one thing.

Do you enjoy your angry? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_future.png

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Yes. I used to have serious anger issues when I hit a growth spurt many, many years ago. I suddenly became so much more physically powerful than most of my peers, but that still didn't get them to listen to me or show any respect. After some altercations and minor property damage, I eventually learned to bottle up my anger. Now I don't usually act rashly in spur of the moment things, and a couple of angry thoughts gets my adrenaline pumping so much faster than is healthy. It's a shame that my sisters didn't end up sharing my mental well-being.

1473044 You're goddamn right I like me some buttsex! Hellz yeah! Now to just disappear for a few days and clop till it falls off.

If you'll excuse me...

It is interesting though, and even I thought something along the lines of this 1470700. You know, which much less actual anger. Then, I remembered that I don't care because I am a foalophile! I'm very interested in how this will all be resolved, though, and am THROBBING to see Twi get her Sweetie Belle. In more ways than one. If you know what I mean....

I can understand Luna's predicament though. She has been, quite literally, the bad guy for a thousand years, then this, a spell that she had cast long, long ago, pops up as a potential threat to her lessening fear/caution of her. She can't do anything but try and keep it hidden and solve it on her own without fear of being an outcast once again.

Also, Billy Club better get that dick.

Hohoho, pony hell you say?? Clearly you haven't read my publication of "There and Back Again" (not that ripoff con artist Tokien's). It's a trilogy. You wouldn't believe how seasonal pony hell can be... Great chapter .

This is simply perfect
Now all we need is more Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie.
And maybe a bit more Rarity, But that will probably end in a hoof fight

Hmm, I wonder, will/can the curse affect males? So far we've only seen it hit mares, but it was brought up earlier that one of the reasons it didn't crop up in Shining Armor even though he shares the same bloodline as Twi was that by marrying Cadance, he'd effectively 'left the herd.' But now the curse is running wild and hitting whoever it runs into, related to the Stargazers or not, so I'm wondering if we'll be seeing any straight up guy on gal incidents?

Also, fully aware that this is, as admitted in the description, a shamless clopfic, but still have to agree that there is a lot of fridge horror in the rape em' and they fall for you tone. Granted, this COULD be a side effect of the curse, but there's nothing specifically saying it is, and Luna didn't mention anything to that effect either.

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When the curse became 'active', it had only Twilight to work with, so it set on the fastest means to repopulate the Stargazers. It's been set on that course even after being contained by Luna and then breaking free. It's looking for a mare to use to impregnate other mares. Right now it's effectively 'lost and confused', so you could say it's just trying out whoever it thinks might 'feel right'. If it had been 'awoken' before Shinning Armor got married, it may have picked him and he would have gone on a breeding spree.

As to the whole issue about there not being 'enough love'...

People are finding issue with this now?

Listen, all things set out on the table. I don't see these characters as 'humans in fuzzy, four-hooved bodies'. I see them as what equines would be if you put human intellect and emotions into the same head along with their natural instincts. Their emotions are going to follow where their instincts point them. A mare's instincts tell her 'that stallion just had his way with you, probably got you pregnant, and he's going to do everything he can to make sure you and his foal are alright'. You introduce the concept of 'love' into that, and love is probably going to mean something different to them than it does to a human. Even if that stallion happened to be a mare. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Also, I don't feel like spending 6 chapters just to develop one relationship.

It's a clop fic with no romance tag stuck on top of it. Don't claim it to be anything it's not. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

SIR THE DARK HEART IS FAILING!

Me: That's not possible! I should be immune to any feel at all! That's why I have a fucking dark heart!

IS THIS STRONG FEELS SIR! WE CANT HOLD THEM BACK!

Me: Sweet mother of Celestia... BRACE FOR IMPACT!

OH MY GUN!

1.bp.blogspot.com/-nTWPwL2Yzq4/UHIJ5nZ-MDI/AAAAAAAADlc/GHzZVjaUFKY/s400/animated_annie.gif
FUCKING RIGHT IN THE FEELS!!!
__________________________________
Congratulations you fucking bastard, not many can make me shed manly tears...
keep up the good work mate.

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Were this a story about our world, I'd back you up 100%. As it stands, magic. I know, that answer blows, but it turned Twilight into a rapist. I think it's safe to say the "curse" can influence the receiver as well as the... Donor? Rapist? Ok, victim as well as the rapist.

Very well thought out and presented critique, even if it did come across slightly angry.

Suddenly, when I think of Sweetie Belle, Gray Fox from Metal Gear Solid comes to mind.

Sweetie Belle: Hurt me more!

1548066
"Hello, Marline."
"I'm Sharline!"
"Hello, Sharline,"
"I'm Marline!"
.
.
.
"Chew your gum."
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Love the story and the hilarius comments.

was actually hoping Twilight would actually get to fiddle with all of her friends including Trixie.

I am happy i have no decentcy.... Choatic Good for the win!

Wow! Though this is labled as a clopfic, I feel its better thought of as a thriller with sexual themes. It wasn't until chapter 11 that it had something actually sensual. Something that was not dark, and yet it fits perfectly within the story. Also, it was very well done too.

I literally refused to read anything else until I had finished all posted chapters, its that good.

I can't wait for the next chapter.

still think twilight should have been on a rampage

The intriguing part about all of this is that some people are getting worked up when a lot of it makes sense from a psychological standpoint. I mean AJ got raped, and she's feeling some really odd things about herself that she never really thought about or considered before. She's always stood up strong and dependable-like, and out of nowhere, somepony (that she cares about and trusts no less) shows her what it feels like to submit. To be weak, to be able to be broken down by someone else, to be claimed whether she likes it or not.

And even before Applejack had time to think about it, she realized that a large part of her loved it.

Now, it's all she wants, to feel that way again, to just submit and let somepony else take the reins. It's twisted, yeah, but if one could somehow remove the rape from the equation, it would be oddly beautiful as well. Technically that's exactly what Applejack did when she said that she didn't care about how it happened, she only cared about what she wanted now. It's an example of a relationship where instead of being equals, one does nothing but give and the other does nothing but take, and both are infinitely happier for it. The same kind of relationship is strived for by those that desire owner/pet relationships, you know, the whole whips-n'-chains thing when taken to the level of being a lifestyle and whatnot.

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Why can I not thumb up comments yet? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png

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Y U NO ALLOW THUMBS-UPS FOR COMMENTS FIMFICTION?!

Anyways, I'm SO looking forward to the next chapter, I just have to see what happens with Sweetie Belle and Twilight, not to mention Apple Bloom and Cheerilee! I just can't wait to see how Rarity reacts when she realizes that Sweetie Belle wants nothing more than to be with her rapist, I mean she was already disgusted by the fact that Twilight knocked her little sister up, but to find out that her little sister wanted to keep the baby? And then find out that her little sister wants to be with her rapist, be her rapist's mare?

It makes me excited to see what will happen between Sweetie Belle and AJ. I mean AJ might actually be disgusted by the fact that Twilight nailed and impregnated a barely-legal little filly....at least, I think she's of legal age. Is she? It never really was clear, it just said that Sweetie Belle was at 'that age', assumably the age for estrus and such.

I haven't a clue how things are going to work out between Cheerilee and Apple Bloom. Applejack is obviously encouraging and even willing to work for a relationship between the two, because she knows how Apple Bloom feels, she can understand the NEED to be with her stallion. I know Cheerilee's a smart mare and knows that going to Apple Bloom now would be a horrendous mistake to make, because I guarantee Big Mac and Granny Smith likely aren't anywhere near as understanding about Apple Bloom and Cheerilee as they are about AJ and Twilight, since those two are older and of legal age. AB and Cheerilee though, there's a pretty big age gap, even if AB's of legal age.

I'm so very much looking forward to more! Give me moar! MOAR I say!

I'm going to pony hell for favoriting this. . . aren't I?

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Yes, but at least the company will be interesting. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy_invert.png

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Yes, Cheerilee and Apple Bloom are in quite a mess. But Applejack sees herself in Apple Bloom now, to some extent. And she has an idea what was going through Cheerilee's head then and what she must be going through now. She might not like it, but she understand it, and knows what it's going to do to her sister if they're kept apart.

As for how Applejack is going to take Twilight and Sweetie Belle, that remains to be seen... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Sweetie_Belle.png

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Oh I know, and it's going to be excellent to read!

Damn... Has it really been so long...? Months since I've read ponies? Since I've come and comPlained about this story not getting updated? And now I have bloody hundreds of chapters of all of my favorite stories to read! Excuse me as I go weep silently in joy. I'll be reading this as well over the next... Month or so of catching up I have to do...

What are morals and where do I get some?

Working on the next chapter, despite my writer's block. Unfortunately I'm gonna be out of town till christmas, so the next chapter likely wont be published till after then.

Ok i have not read the first chapter yet but based on comments Im going to both regret and enjoy this fic aren't I?

ME BUUU KLL U!!

Been so long since I came here .

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Yeah. As if it isn't real obvious already, I post this story unedited. Only thing that's been done to it is a quick and painful run through a spell checker, so there's likely all kinds of minor typos and spell checker artifacts scattered around the story. I'm more worried about getting the story done, then having a second person go through and fix the errors, since I'm horrible at proof reading and grammar checking my own work.

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Yeah, everything's in a huge mess, but they're slowly working through it, even as new messes pop up. Spike needed to take a break from taking care of a borderline suicidal Twilight before he too started to crack, but he'll be back soon. Sweetie's in a bad situation too, but she's a strong-willed little marshmallow, and things are going to get ugly between her and her sister. Apple Bloom's not gonna have it very easy either, but at least her family is more supportive than Rarity is. Well, supportive without being dead set on isolation.

As for Twilight's other mares, they pretty much all have their own supports they can lean on.

Cheerilee, though, is taking things pretty hard. Really hard.

And about Luna succumbing to the blessing herself? Well, there's not really any danger of that. Just something probably much worse