ChainReaction
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FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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So, this is my first fic on FIM Fiction. I encourage as much constructive criticism as possible, and give me your honest opinion of the story. Enjoy
interesting
like it so far
Darn, from the description, I thought it would be a "rarity turns evil and likes it" kind of story. I'm always find of those. Interesting idea none the less, I'd advise you limit your amount of exclamation points to one per sentence. Every time I see several, it takes me out of the story and gets me thinking about people that abuse it to make themselves feel more important.
wait wait is she his master out of gratitude or just cause it was her blood
Not bad.
The only thing that might be a problem is the vampire guy being cliche, but that might work out in a sort of black humor kind of way.
Good job so far.
1071173 It reminds me of the anime Hellsing, the vampire Alucard.
1071170 Thank you for your advice. I was actually thinking about the abuse of exclamation points myself. Kinda making it abit stale. I will definitely keep that in mind for future reference.
1071253 I can promise you he won't be to cliche. There are quite a few surprises left for this story, and thank you very much.
1071122 Thanks!!!
1071173 It's a blood-connection. You'll learn more of this in the next chapter.
1071458 Alucard is actually who I modeled Marius after, however there are some large differences between the two.
plese sir.. may i have another?
Me gusta. I like.
which is I like. I like.
Wow ......i already love this fic....... and i require more....MAOR I SAY......also is marius the only non MLP creature in this fic?
because later on i would not mind seeing more "Dark" creatures appear......so yeah , chain pm me if you feel like hearing a suggestion for later on in the story.......peace.
P.S it involves rivalry
1071666 Indeed you shall my friend.
1071740 Then I am doubly thankful sir.
1071808 Thank you so much!!
He may or may not be. We'll have to see. 
and I would be glad to chain pm you to hear any suggestions you might have, but the link to your user page seems to not work for me.
1072192 I understand completely my friend. Being a little put off by the detailed description of blood is completely understandable, and I thank you very much for your praise!! I can't tell ya how much it means to me. I too have felt this way by many people, and his primal view of our species as a whole is exactly what I was going for. This is purely what I've seen from almost everyone, outside from our fandom of course.
It is indeed why I am glad to be a Brony as well, and thank you for the FlutterYay!!! 
1072330 I would be more than happy if you used Feral as an inspiration my friend!!
1072177
srry dude but i meant just Pm me this is darkrabbit77 i just changed my user name
and its not chain pm.....the chain part was a reference to you "Chain"reaction....
1073678 Woops. My bad
I love it, Rarity must of brought him back to life with the blood that leaked off of her from her wounds? Much like in Underworld heeheh Liked and faved!
I wanted to make this chapter a little more lighthearted that way I could elaborate somewhat on the situation between Marius and Rarity. Although some of this story is going to be lighthearted like so, there will be some points where it will be VERY graphic. I will include a warning (such as an authors note) before it becomes too incredibly bloody though.
Like and fav if you enjoyed. I encourage criticism in the comments, so please, feel free to dissect each chapter!! Thanks!! 
I like this. Marius reminds me of a cross between Alucard and the Vampire Lord/Marcus from Underworld: Evolution.
I commend you on your writing, but alas the wailing on humanity put me right off.
I hope things go well for you.
Onwards and upwards!
1083682 Thanks! That's exactly what I was going for with this chapter.
There will indeed be many shocks in this story and I'm going to delve into Marius' backstory a little more each chapter. At some points, this will DEFINITELY live up to the Dark tag, but I'm going to keep it as similar to the show as possible. 
1083403 Read the last thing that Marius thought before the end of the chapter.
1081501 It's all right. I thank you for your compliment! The feral nature and view of humanity Marius has will not be for everyone.
1081482 Thank you. There are quite a few influences on Marius' personality, but Alucard is one of the larger influences.
Dude reminds me a little bit of Alucard. The bashing of humanity turned me off a little bit, usually when I see that I just stop reading the fic because I just can't stand that stuff. But since this story involves a Vampire working for Rarity I'll keep reading.
And I can't wait to see how Celestia reacts to Marius, something tells me she's not going to be happy.
1084205 We shall see.
and I know everybody's having a tough time dealing with the human bashing, but I can promise if you're patient, there will be lessons learned, for everyone including Marius. I can't elaborate more than that without giving anything away. 
1084227 Can't wait to see what happens.
Honestly i could care less about the human bashing cuz to me it gives the ponies an idea of what he had to deal with and it only added to the experience of the story
........hehehehe and celestia is gonna have abit of a problem with another mind reader.........another TROLLER
also his description gave me an image of the crusades for some odd reason
1084815 Oh, Indeed it will be a debacle.
and you get the premise of this story very well my friend 
Be warned, you shall receive a shout out in the comments for the next chapter!! 
1084841
"It says, "Life's nectar is the key. Nosferatu will reign the Darkness.".
this gave me cold chills
warning is duly noted
In the beginning of this chapter, I really wanted to delve into Marius' backstory a little more to reveal some of his past in order to give insight to some of the Gods that the human race worshiped as well as the land of Equestria in his time, known back then as the land of Alon' Dar. (thumbs up to whoever gets that reference
) I'll reveal more as the story progresses. Also a huge thanks to Dark Rabbit Inganno for the idea of Lyre. He will be a large character in the development of the story. Criticism and ideas about the story welcome in the comments. Hope you enjoyed!! 
Just like a general op vampire mixed with a teddy bear. :D
Oh boy, shit is going to go down. Also, I hope Marius doesn't crush Lyra's dreams and make her stop researching humans.
1098312
also the first part reminds me of the hound and the mountain from game of thrones
simply exquisite .......feels like a show......I LOVES IT
alon'dar does sound familiar
honestly this fic is top notch
behold Y U NO ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
also here is an interesting poem sorta thing for inspiration WOOH
Take my advice,
Follow MY path.
Hold on to your hatred,
Bask in your wrath.
Crusade of fire,
Chaos will rise!
Ignore the sisters,
I see past their lies.
I have survived,
Through deception and pain.
I ignore other's doubt,
They call me insane.
"Too long he has lived,"
"Stop him we must!"
I will burn them to ashes,
I WILL TURN THEM TO DUST.
I love ponies! I love vampires! I love you! *huggles*
1099191 Haha
I like that. Cuddly Vampiric Teddy Bear of Death. 
1099264 Indeed it will be!!
and I can promise you that he won't crush Lyra's hopes and dreams and he will indeed become fond of her like the other ponies, just can't say any more than that though. 
1099362 Thanks youz so much Inganno!! You gave me the aweome idea for Lyre so you should get some of the credit as well
I'm an avid Game of Thrones viewer and incorporate a lot of that influence into my writing. 
Also why the Y U NO? 
and I love the poem. 
Did you write it?
1100000 I thank you for the love and *huggles* and return them to you in full!! *huggles*
1100530
*starts dragging me away.*
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-*Faints*
Avatar Pony : Great...
1100538 I must say, jolly good show.
*gives a round of applause to you while you're dragged away*
1100557
Avatar Pony : By the way, my name's Kris. *Trots away, dragging me*
1100654 They call me Josh, but Chain or Chain Reaction for short.
PM me anytime if you have suggestions about Feral and whatnot. 
1100679
hey chain im back....sorta took a 4 hour nap
the Y U NO was for kicks nothing serious and i wanted to show you the face
sadly no i did not write the poem , i just stumbled upon it..........did it help?
1100844 No biggie man, believe me, I know how awesome midday naps are from personal experience.
, and I love the Y U No 
Kinda wanna use it to express why Feral doesn't have more thumbs up, but the story's going to be VERY long and I'm quite patient. 
The poem actually did help alot. Helped me muscle through a paragraph I was having writer's block on in the next chapter. 
so thank ya!!
1100932
[img]<a href="http://photobucket.com/images/dark%20souls%20jolly%20cooperation" target="_blank"><img src="http://i416.photobucket.com/albums/pp242/Kaelanbg/1318865209476.png" border="0" alt="dark souls jolly cooperation Pictures, Images and Photos"/></a>[/img]
behold the jolly cooperation
1101003 I'm not sure what you posted dude, but it seems to be broken for me!
I'm sure whatever it is though, it's absolutely EPIC. 
1101037
http://pikigeek.com/files/2011/10/10132011level1_thumb.jpg
http://static.fjcdn.com/large/pictures/5d/6b/5d6b73_3474134.jpg
http://newbreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/void0.png
these are from dark souls ......an insanely hard game.......
and i beat it
if you have no idea as to what dark souls is, look it up when you can..............it induces rage quits
1101132 Sweet Celestia, I think playing that game for a month straight took 3 years off of my lifespan
I love the pics though 
1101182
how far did you get?
and YAY QUICKLY GRAB MY SUMMON SIGN!111!
1101207 I got up to where I was about to beat Gwyn, and then my PS3 crashed, corrupting the game data.
I think I was about to throw my console out the window.
1101235
im screwed
wow i am truly saddened for you.......I SHALL SLAY THE BELL GARGOYLE IN YOUR NAME.........in new game +
1101254 Ha
thank you my friend.
1101296
ironically......i just killed and rung the bell.......wow that was easy.......seriously
sooooo......how goes the writing of the story and stuffs?
1101369 I'm going to PM you about that, if that's ok with you.