Coxswain
Joined 29th May, 2012 ·
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Welp, you have now started a fire.
im 12 and what is oviposition?
I'm guessing it has something to do with eggs. And positions. And I'm too scared to look it up.
U SICK BASTARD^^
dammit that was nice ._.
Track
Should not want! Wants anyway!
I'm so confused.
Also, does this mean Twi's going to become a changeling as well?
Nnnnope
now i have yo look up what lynch means
This sounds exactly like something I like, I'll read it later.
Then they fell in love, got married, and freaked Shining Armor out.
The end
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/263/916/955.png
I didn't ask for this...
665678
An ovipositor is a long and often sharp organ used by many insects to lay their eggs either on a surface, or sometimes inside other creatures. I've never heard of this fetish before, but I'm guessing it involves forceful injection of eggs via an ovipositor. You're probably regretting asking now though.
Anyway, I'm sorry boner, but we're going in.
EDIT: That was far less horrifying than I had feared. The plot was good, the clop was enjoyable and it was well written. I'll be watching for updates.
I have the weirdest boner right now.
motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0803/moar-demotivational-poster-1206752145.jpg
I'm not going to click the Fav button. I'm not going to click the Fav button. I'm not going to click the Fav button. I'm not going to click the Fav button. I'm not going to click the Fav button. I'm Not-
*Click*
Gog F@ckin Condemn it.
Not sure if i should read it , sounds interesting and "different" and there is no gore tag...
Im being torn in half Celestia damn it.
Ill give it a try since the comments are so helpful
Well, that was something.
*look around*
*click fav*
*Silently clicks Fav*
can't wait for update
fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/059/a/e/dashie_does_not_approve_by_tartii-d4raiqh.png
This fic has all my wingboners.
I humbly request more kind sir. Of anything, not necessarily this pair.
669153
Mmm, Dashie.
Crazily hot, extremely well written, the premise is interesting and the potential for the next chapters is phenomenal. Very interesting. Im excited to see where this is going.
Finding a cover image for the story would help with getting more readers.
Epilogue pretty please.
Hello!
You have a great story here. Some minor issues I found:
This sentence needs to be fixed:
"Her closed eyes scrunched up even tighter as she became more and more aware of the throbbing headache pounding he skull from the inside out."
And also some minor internal dialog problems, specifically right here:
What happened? Where am I? Were her two natural first thoughts. I was in the library... Dash was there, but she wasn't- Everything came back to her in a flood, and the unicorn snapped open her eyes in panicked fear.
This is difficult to explain as I don't know the rules exactly correctly, but if you are going to comment on the internal dialog with the "Were her two natural first thoughts" then you need to put the internal thoughts in quotation marks. If you don't want to use quotation marks because Twilight is another narrator then you need to get rid of the "Were her two..." because as a narrator you're breaking the fourth wall by commenting on what another narrator said. You would have to move some punctuation around in order to fit her narration together smoothly, but that is doable.
Keep in mind, the last part, "Everything came back to her in a flood, and the unicorn snapped open her eyes in panicked fear." Is O.K. because you are not commenting on what the other narrator said, but commenting on a character in your story. The other narrator is just giving more information to make this sentence more fleshed out.
All in all, great story. I'm sure there were more errors, but these two were the only ones that pulled me out from the story. Also, I may have the rules wrong on the second part, all I know is that it was jarring to me as a reader and made me think about grammar and not the story for a few seconds. If it makes me think about grammar it's distracting!
Plus I just don't like saying great job without some criticism. But yeah. Great job!
I fucking support this!!!!!!!
i want more ell me, where, where is the link!!!!????
Oh sweet Nightmare, yes! YES YES YES YES. I love oviposition. First saw it when a wasp had captured a beetle and raped it (I saved that beetle and watched it die as the baby wasps tore it open) and then again in hentai not long after, and then this! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS. All of my loooooooooove!
I... I'm sorry, I should leave before this good rating makes me read things I will regret.
For those who don't know, oviposition includes eggs filling (and sometimes OVER filling) a recipient. Twilight could run the risk of dying horribly via being ripped apart from the inside out or possibly just being forcefully impregnated with children that aren't exactly hers. You know how the face huggers in "AvP" make alien babies rip out of a human chest? that's one of the more brutal forms of oviposition. Another form is if she were to give "regular" birth to the inhabitants of the eggs. I believe they might get more inventive with it but I've only stumbled across a little.
675884
I don't combine gore and sex. Maybe a leetle bit of pain, but nothing truly terrible. Rest assured that Twilight is not going to die or suffer horribly. She's just not going to be her old self anymore.
*Looks at chapter title, starts singing One by Metallica*
No witnesses!!!
677454
Damn nice to see other people recognize the classics.
677232
Alright, like I said, it could go either way either forced pregnancy or brutal tearing although I'm assuming twilight isn't exactly wanting it until she gets "broken". Glad to know your not a sadistic type.
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678794
She sorta does, sorta doesn't. It's repeatedly hinted at in the story that part of her is really getting off to it all, but the rest of her is resisting because of societal norms, loyalty to friends and the princesses, etc. Although I've had ideas that incorporate the latter so we'll see what happens when/if I get time to continue this.
678633 You make it like that on purpose?
679743
Would be interesting if Twilight ends up deposing Chrysalis and raising the 'children' herself.
Because I have an intense desire to murder Chrys, right now.
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Not to mention that the second Chrysalis does a spell, it would be green instead of purple, and I'm sure Celestia, being as powerful as she is, has a spell or two to fix Twilight. Also, Candace spell was fueled by hate? This fic is basically taking a dump on the canon, and all I see is a joke of a fic trying to be the next Cupcakes, but instead of using gore, it's forced impregnation. Yeah, not buying this at all. Chrysalis is a horrible actress, she didn't even act like Candace in the slightest, so you made the Changeling queen into a villain sue.
This has great potential. As it is, it's a nice little piece of clop, and including a little fetish that's very rare in general.
Well, I sort of agree with NaturalGlitch and other critics that Chrysalis takes a very 'villain sue' sort of position, that the Candace spell sure wasn't fueled by hate (that doesn't bother me much though since I had assumed it was just Chrysalis lying), that Twilight's powers and her resistance would be stronger than that, and so on. But this is "porn with a slight plot", bascially, and "rule of hot" applies.
I can't help but fav and vote up (even though there's lots that I would work on). Especially since it works great for me in terms of fetishes.
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I appreciate the criticism, and yes, there's a bit of villain sue going on. Because mainly, as you've noted, it's about the action, not the plot. Well, it's about the "plot", too, but all in due time...
Anyway, yeah. I wrote this chapter all in one day and frankly, erotica doesn't get my A-game. Because in the end, no matter how well you plan the story, it's still about helping guys pull one off, and so as long as I get the hotness and a reasonable (not necessarily great) level of suspension of disbelief going, then I'm good. That was basically my entire focus, was delivering the shmexy action in an engaging manner and focusing on the acts with the story having just enough to keep things going. Your basic porn story, in essence; it's there, but no one expects it to be grand.
Besides, TAW kind of did the same thing in Corruption. Not exactly, but similar. But as I said, this story's just not that important to me, really, more of a blow off steam sort of thing. And to finally get the one fetish that sprang into my mind when I saw the season 2 ending and then NEVER saw appear in any of the stories or pictures that came out after, and I was like "COME ON PEOPLE! I've seen enough of ovi with furries, where the hell are you sick fucks?"
Thanks for the comment, though. You were actually helpful (if I intended to actually improve this story, which I don't really care but it's the thought you provided that counts), and polite. As opposed to NaturalGlitch, who seems to be an asshole. So just saying, I appreciate people who can disagree with me without throwing a hissy fit.
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Not to promote myself or anything, but I've written something similar only with the tables turned-- with Princess Luna having Chrysalis as her captive: Chrysalis' Nightmare. Curious what you'd think of it.
The thing is that Twilight is really powerful and Chrysalis is a bad actress in terms of pretending... so those issues people will bring up. Twilight really seems to bend too fast. She's all angry and upholding Celestia's honor, but as soon as she starts getting some sexy touches-- she melts into a sexy-repressed-librarian-girl stereotype. Eh...
Of course, my own fic that I mentioned above has the same kind of problems. In both cases, it's hard since it's nothing more than "porn with plot". But, even in cases of PwP, I feel like it's important to be consistent and to know that audiences are more in the mood for happy endings. I'm not going to hold my own story up as some kind of paragon when it's mediocre writing for sure, but I really think that an ending with something like Luna standing over a conflicted Chrysalis saying 'I'm going to love the evil out of you' gives more satisfaction than something with a brainwashed Twilight locked in some slime with bugs in her womb.
Or maybe not. Just throwing that out there.
Also, dammit I want a Chrysalis icon!
>a brainwashed Twilight locked in some slime with bugs in her womb.
You just described, like 20% of all Japanese porn. No Joke.
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I have to disagree with one of your statements. A lot of people do like bad endings. I wouldn't say the majority goes either way, but the people who are drawn to stories like this...? There's an argument to be made that a happy ending is the last thing they want to see.
My brain says this is full of win. My boner agrees. More please.
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Like I said, I can see your point. I'm just not interested in really making a heavy-duty go at this when I have lots of other projects in my head and wank material is something I only work at rarely. For me, it's just good to have the plot allow for the action, and any more than that is more effort than I'm willing to put into something like this.
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Haha!
I loled so hard at the Indiana Jones crap movie reference! 
