I was playing one of my RPG game as my best chatater an half aka-oni and half dragon. Get as I was about to log off I see that my screen black out. The I got a magic circle come of it next thing I see was a forest with a woman dieing in front of me and two little girls next to her crying...AND WHAT THE HELL HAPPEND TO MY MANHOOD! =0
Page generated in 0.52 seconds
Total duration
1,039 users online
2,379,541 hits today, 2,328,677 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
more plz
Well I like the direction this is going. But you have some grammar errors all over the story, I'm not trying to hate on this, just trying to give some.... constructive criticism. There's also a few spelling errors and it was a bit hard to tell what they were saying near the end. I do hope to see more though, so don't get discouraged and don't give up.
what rpg?
7218743 It stans for role playing game like Dragon age or Mass effect.
7218789
i know that i mean what rpg is it from
NIce start!!
But the Gramar!!! hoppe you can findo someone to help you with it .
hate to see a posibly good story suffer because of gramar.
regardless i'll be folowing this story .
keep up the good work
Good job it was good keep it up
I'm hope this isn't a displaced fic. I find adding the whole displaced token thing makes things way more complicated then necessary.
7218813 i don't think it's an RPG that exists, solely because it was a VR RPG. Remember he tried to disconnect by taking off a helmet.
By the way Author, you should get a proofreader, bluntly speaking, that was torture to my eyes. No downvote yet, cus i wanna see where this goes. A bit rushed as well.
I think the better question is, what happened to the grammar.
Great start can't wait for more. Also there was alot of grammar mistakes
The story could be the best conceptualized thing since Lord of the Rings and it would still be unreadable with this many grade-school spelling errors. Please get a proof reader.
hey dont listen to any of the haters i loved it and hope for more soon and i hope the Ch are longer
What is the name of the game this story is based on?
i like the story but you need someone to help with editing because there are so many grammatical errors
seriously i like the story and all but the misspelled words are getting annoying
Hey, if you need an editor/proofreadeer I'd be glad to help out. If you're interested just pm me at letstryanother695236@gmail.com great story btw
Who is the woman in the picture?
7250434 This picteure?
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/r5cb-1463010555-325250-full
Ugh, please at the least run this through a basic spell-checker; MSWord if you can for the basic grammar checkong as well. So many errors would be fixed just with that as some parts are painful to read with all the errors.
"my reaction it one bit"
7250448 um what's your first language?
really looks like a promising story, but damn man you need that editor. until then ill be putting this on my back burner.
Great story but THE GRAMMAR OMG PLEASE FIX IT but other than that, the story is a joy to read.
grammer error galore
This is a very interesting story to read it hope you get a editor for you story keep up a good work update more soon
You need a proof reader. Also you should rewrite this chapter to fix the grammar errors.
Can you do more please
I know you are probably getting sick of hearing this but you really need an editor. I suggest here http://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors or here https://www.fimfiction.net/group/200289/editors-r-us
great story so far
7250448 Yes, that picture.
7219889 dammmmnnnnnn
Goddamn
! Someone needs to edit the shit out of this story
, it has so much potential but is severely dampered by the spelling and grammatical error.
I like it. though you probably don't need an editor just re-read your story you'll find em.
Please get either a working keyboard, or an editor. Now on to the next chapter I go.
interesting and different then what i suspected at the cover(looked like to me the mom dies during the attack)
Ca you do more please
dun, Dun, DUUUN!
Just edit the spelling and I'm sure a lot of the dislikes will become likes
OK this is a very interesting story to read keep up a good work update soon. I hope you write more soon
7218789 You, my friend need an editor for this story.
Whens the next chapter out?
So, Erza's flame empress armor, on a taller body, plus an iron club. Honestly, letting gravity it's self be the driving force behind the fall would of been enough. After all, big thing goes up, big thing must come down.
badass
I have to ask, is this a displaced story??
Spell check other wise great story.
YOU NEED AN EDITOR!!!!!
I will re read this chapter when it's edited, I'm glad that it updated but the misspellings are giving me a headache
Good story can't wait for the next chapter Is her wife be there when she meets the mane six because I want them to meet her wife