I know I was a girl with a big thing for puppet's and marionette's so when I saw Fright Nights with Freddy 2 and saw the marionette/puppet I had to make a costume like it.
At the next con I was proud of my work and a little add ons of my own design.
after that it gets fuzzy and all I remember is standing next to Discord and a rainbow hiting us.
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Corrected version,
Hi, I am Puppet. I don't remember what my name was before I became Puppet. I do know I was a teenage girl in a magical music box one minute and getting hit by a magical rainbow beam the next!
I just needed to do that. Good Luck!
MORE!!!!
I like it but you should get an editer
excellent! brilliant! superb! more please!
This is pretty good but you have lots of errors, so if you want I'll be your editor. would be good practice for me. (kinda went ahead with that)
I notice a few common errors:
1- Should cap the 'c' in Chapter
2 - You typed 'well' as 'wall'
3 - You typed 'realm' as 'ralme'
There may have been a few others but... *meh*
Let's see what do we have here
great chapter, but you seriously need an editor
This was very entertaining but you. Need to find an editor.
I have to say, this story has great potential. There is only one thing that I think you need, dear author, to help this story unlock said potential...
PLEASE, FORE THE LOVE OF GOD, GET AN EDITOR!!!
This story is indeed wonderful. The main character being the marefriend of a current villain (extra points for said villain being Discord by the way), rescued everyone from "Chrystals", gained an army of shape-shifting followers after setting them free from mass mind control, and stopping the CMC from becoming "Cutie Mark Crusader Blood Smears". But during all of this badass-ery, I was laughing my ass off at the terrible grammar and spelling errors. Seriously, I was playing a game half way through the story, on trying to find a sentence with no spelling errors in it. I thought this sentence, in Pinkie's proverb no less, was going to win it.
But instead of "Pinkie" saying this to Twilight, it was her identical twin sister that came into existence to say this one line, Pinke (now that I think about it, this would make a great sub-plot in-and-of itself). I'm not trying to discredit you as an author or a story teller. I'm just trying to help you see were you need to improve your art and nurture it to, hopefully, make you a better author in the future.
Amazing chapter but seriously, grammar ocd killed it for me. In short seriously man get an editor.
Three words = GET AN EDITOR! still a pretty good fic thou..
6361836
That's also incorrect. She was not in the music box.
Hi. my name is Puppet. I don't know what my name was before coming here. I do know that I was a teen girl and was sent here after I bought black tentacles and a magic music box from a merchant. The next thing I know, I'm siting next to Discord and a rainbow hit us!
Still. Good story
Don't worry, we all make writing errors. Me more than you (if it makes you feel any better).
BTW, not a bad story. It was pretty good. And I'm not even a FNAF's fan. That's how good it was.
i like it but for the love of god get a beta or someone to read and correct your errors before posting. Seriously there are so many grammatical errors and wrong names used. Other than that the plotis okay for now if not a little fast paced.
I'm having to agree with everyone here you need a editor bad. I don't even play five nights at freddy's due to autistic qualities effecting my reaction time (my hands move slowly unless I'm typing) but when I learn enough of the lore I can write a effective fnaf fic. In fact I am currently writing one on my deviant art account so I'm going to leave a link to it. Learn from it on the spelling plus your story kinda leaves a bad mental image on the details of the story.
Marionette of shadows chapter one
Just don't rush in writing this and try and get a bit more details out into the story. Because frankly there is quite a mess in your writing style here.
I like the premise and I'm curious to see where this will go. I was going to mention a few problem i had with the chapter but the other comments already mention most of them, the most important being the grammar. It was a bit painful and even bit funny how confusing some of the paragraph were because of it. Hopefully you'll be able to fix this by the next chapter and i am sure some people are willing to help you in the editing. It's also good to see that, despite the bad grammar, you are already getting support from other people instead of them just making fun of you. Hope for mankind maybe?
Also, i like the songs you use here but whenever I think of the puppet I think of this song
...Wow im usually not that picky about grammar and I normally ignore it in favour of the story but this time I just can't do it
. Seriously man there is at least one or two mistakes in every sentence. I tried I really did because this story have potential but now I only have a major headache 
.
This will be the first story where I abandon ship because of grammar issues, I am honestly suprised because this is a new low ground for me
. That being said I hope you keep on writing as from this Point onwards the only direction the story can go in terms of grammar is up (unless you manage to break my expectations a secound time).
I wish you all the luck in the World friend..... you are going to need it
.
Jesus christ a lot of people complain saying the same shit, seriusly stop saying it besides instead of complaining why not do the edit by yourself?
Uh you're missing the first sentence.
6368776 Thanks did not see that.
6368907 slightly better now but there are still a few mistakes in this.
It should be some and while in that sentence.
That should be taught.
Which for this one.
There are couple here. You forgot to put a 's at the end of shining's name for the bar academy and forgot to put the word changeling in plural.
We will all and comforting are the corrections for this sentence.
Stopped
Creature or being fits better here.
Switch this to 'yes I can, all' for that bit of the sentence makes it flow better for that.
Sending for this one.
Chrysilas should replace crystals otherwise I thought it was Sombra for this part.
Defy here.
Bruises and inch for this sentence.
This is all I could notice for this chapter.
Well, ain't this story is neat. Not a big FNAF fan myself, but that didn't stop me from enjoying it. As for everyone complaining about the grammar or what not, I think it adds a layer of delight to this tale. It's probably just me that thinks that though, so maybe I'm nuts for liking it as it is. Maybe with a 3rd editor you could bring it up to other people's standards and then you could have more of them enjoy this fantabulous fable!
6376878 i just like storys that look like a pro writed it but i dont realy care about grammer so yeah... just a comment
ugh the grammer the grammer.
6389365 Ikr? it took me hour to even make it acceptable...but it's still hard...
It took me a long time to get past all of the spelling mistakes and everything else in this chapter. YOU NEED AN EDITOR XD
OMG i wish i could give you more likes because you put the OP of the best anime of this time. Vloody brilliant!!!
All hail to Ainz-sama!!!
more please! i beg of theeee!
welp just heard my fav anime XD
6417782 yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
100/10
could use an editor and if you want i can help with that but otherwise pretty good
Wow... grammer
i find this hard to read... fix?
Please, get an Editor.
A little rushed, even though it is quite cute.
But let's be honest. She and the Changelings get a lot of trust, which really seems strange and rushed. Maybe she could use magic to soothe them, so that the guard listens to her? That way it would make more sense. Just an idea. 
6446707 OK! all sand the next chapter your way.
It is too easy. I mean, no objections to her or the changelings, from no side at all? At least Rainbow Dash wouldn't have been that trusting towards them.
Just my opinion.
I love the idea for this story, but I hate the execution. It would be much better if it had an editor.
6459024 k
I´m confused, maybe I had read to fast, but I´m pretty sure a moment before, it looked like Discord was free, but suddenly it is only Puppet.
Not sure if it is really important for me, but I´m not sure if I could react like that, if I hated someone a moment before.
I think you need an editor/ proofreader, either that, or you have Queen Chrysalis, and Queen Crystal in your story.
had you changed the POV again? I think you probably should refer to her as the creature, or something like that, since Twilight still didn´t knew her name, that is if this was Twilights POV.
I don´t know how much she knows Canterlot already, but somehow it feels strange for me to see how much she knows, probably since I don´t know what she really knows.
6451342
Well yes I believe I said it already, but I agree with him, now sure how to say it, but even if it was something nice, it can´t really happen that fast.
The story idea seems to be nice, I think I like it.
edit: I think I´m going to read your other storys too, they look interessting, and I try to mention some mistakes if you want, but only stuff that is important for me I guess.
I really enjoyed the chapter, it is not perfect, because you really need an proofreader, or at least an editor, but I just like the idea of Puppet like that, and that she likes Discord.
Another good thing about this story was, that I noticed another anime I could try, and it was a good opening too. At first I thought it would be to much for that situation, but then it was suddenly fitting rather well.
You get a like, but try to search for an editor somewhere.
Interesting chapter you have here.
There were a few mistakes in the description that I wanted to help you with (they will be the bolded words) so here also some of them I didn't know if they were supposed to be like that (punctuation errors will be in parenthesis)
I know I was a girl with a big thing for puppet's and marionette's so when I saw Fright Nights with Freddy 2 and saw the marionette/puppet I knew I had to make a costume like it.
At the next con I was proud of my work and a little add(-)ons of my own design.
after that it gets fuzzy and all I remember is standing next to Discord and a rainbow hitting us.
That covers what mistakes I saw!! also sorry if this comment sounded a bit rude
ok first of all please don't take this personally, but for the love of all things that are pony please have someone go over your three chapters there are so many issues that it makes it hard to want to read the story, I want to see how this turns out but all the issues are keeping me from enjoying the story
Hm... errors in the short and regular descriptions. Not a good sign for the story itself.
6363679 You're wrong as well. You didn't capitalize 'my' and left two spaces before sitting (Which, by the way, you misspelled as well).
I wanna see more about Mary's story. I think I'm starting to like this story more and more
I am sorry, but the grammar kept me from enjoying a lot of the story. Just look at that last sentence when puppet was talking to cadence.
I really want to like this story, but the grammar and spelling is just too abysmal even after it says edited. The worst part is that the mistakes aren't even just the common your and you're, but switching up words like mine and mind. Sorry, but I won't be reading any more of this.
In the picture the top right one looks like a Pokémon.