Never Forget It
Chain O'Command, just your average royal guard in Canterlot, sat at a table in the guards' simple but welcoming mess hall, enjoying the lunch his family had packed for him. It was noon, so the entire room was busy, filled with the smell of food, chatting and the odd friendly laughter. He wouldn't stay for very long, his next shift in the garden would start in just ten minutes.
Sitting opposite him was Night Shift, a bat-pony, looking quite ragged as he tended to do whenever he had to work extra during these hours.
"You alright there, Shift?" asked Chain O'Command with a mouthful of a tomato sandwich.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for asking." He leaned his head forward, clutching it with his legs. "This headache, though."
"Need something?" asked Chain.
Night Shift looked up at him. "Other than better work hours? No. I just need to help out for another thirty minutes and I can finally go home and sleep."
"Good. Good... what are you doing anyway?" asked Chain, taking another bite of his tasty sandwich.
"Just have to do a quick shift in the garden," said Night Shift.
Chain stopped chewing the sandwich, almost like he forgot he had it. "What? No- I have the shift in the- Wait, is today friday?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Crud!" said Chain, putting down his sandwich. "I thought it was thursday! My kids usually- so I- nevermind. I thought I had that shift. But... today I'll have to stand next to Princess Celestia's throne."
The way he spoke wasn't with pride, but slight dread.
Night Shift suddenly seemed to have forgotten his headache and sat up straight, looking a bit worried. "You didn't forget your-"
"I did!" said Chain O'Command, feeling like an idiot. Whatever would happen, he could only blame himself.
Night Shift quickly glanced around the mess hall, looking for a solution. "Can't you just ask if the others-"
"No, we can't have it just lying around. She would get suspicious," said Chain. He thought to himself for a few seconds. "Okay, that's it. At the next meeting I'm going to suggest we have an emergency stash hidden in the broom closet, or something."
"We should-" but before Night Shift could finish whatever he wanted to say, the main door of the hall flung open with a loud bang.
Everyone's eyes were drawn to the entrance where there was a single royal guard standing in the doorway, a bit smaller than his peers. He looked furious, so much that he was literally red.
The young guard, the 'Rookie', as he would be known for a few more days, pointed his wing straight towards all the ponies inside. "You guys are jerks! You could have freaking told me!"
Most ponies, including Chain O'Command and Night Shift, started laughing. They didn't quite mean anything by it, and actually drew him into the room, welcoming him into their fold with smiles and cheer.
"Relax, Rookie, everyone has to go through that at least once. You're one of us, now!" said a random guard, offering him a beverage. He put his leg around the Rookie's neck as he handed him the cool drink, but quickly let go when the pegasus winced. "Sorry."
"That was horrible. I thought I was going to die! You seriously do this with everyone?" asked the Rookie.
"At least once," said Chain O'Command from his seat. "And I forgot the essentials, so I'm probably going to have to do it today!"
A few other guards winced in empathy. "Good luck with that," said one.
The Rookie sat down at the table. Despite having calmed down, he was still bright red... this morning he had been gray. "Didn't expect this when I joined the royal guard."
Night Shift raised his cup to him. "Nopony does."
The Rookie seemed a bit confused. "But... seriously, Princess Celestia gives you sunburn?" he asked.
"Or a nice tan," said a captain. "When ponies say she's as radiant as the sun, most don't know that's literal. Always make sure you've got plenty of sunscreen when you're going stand guard by her."
Chain O'Command spoke up. "Don't look at her for too long. You'll go blind."
"Shouldn't ponies have noticed that by now?" asked the Rookie.
"Princess Celestia is busy, so she usually doesn't stay in one place for long. Thank goodness," said the captain.
"Okay, but shouldn't Princess Celestia have said something?" asked the Rookie. "Why have I never heard about this?"
Night Shift looked at him, smiling. "She doesn't know. We don't talk about it much when she's around. Those that do know don't talk about it."
"What? Why?" asked the Rookie.
Night Shift looked at him. "Dude, Rookie, it's been going on for probably hundreds of years, maybe millennia. Do you want to be the one who suddenly breaks it to her?"
"I- I guess not...," said the Rookie. "But shouldn't she have noticed me getting all red?"
"She thinks it's the sun shining through the large windows," said Night Shift. "I don't know if this is ironic or not, but she apologizes for the sun. She asks if we want curtains, but we all just say it would ruin the look of the throne room."
The Rookie nodded, and then looked puzzled. "Wait, so is this why the children's hospital suddenly cancelled her visit a few months back? There was this big commotion in all the tabloids."
Night Shift nodded. "Yep. When we heard she wanted to visit colts and fillies and read a story to them for several hours, we decided it would be best to talk to the doctors first. Turns out they don't want to give sick children a heavy dose of radiation for an afternoon. She still donated a fortune, even enough for a new playground, but she was still a bit upset about not reading to the kids. She still met them for a short while though, gave them candy and toys. It worked out in the end. The kids didn't mind."
"Yep," said Chain O'Command. "And... now it's my turn. I have to go up there before I'm late. Shift, when you leave for the day, can you visit my family and just tell them 'Bright Sun', they'll know what it means."
"Sure."
"Hey, Chain O'Command, take my sunglasses," said the captain. "They might help, if only a bit."
"Thank you," said Chain.
***
"Good afternoon, Chain O'Command," said Celestia as Chain entered the throne room. She was sitting on her throne, right next to her sister, Princess Luna, going through some seemingly important papers together. On their right side stood another guard, vigilant as always.
Celestia turned to Chain O'Command as he walked up to their left and stood firmly guard. "Is everything alright this fine afternoon?" Always so polite, always so friendly.
"Yes, Princess. Absolutely, Your Highness," said Chain O'Command.
"I like your glasses," said Princess Celestia.
"Thank you... I was just in the sun. With a bit of luck I might get a tan," said Chain.
Celestia turned to Luna. "Hm... should I get a pair of shades, dear sister?"
Luna considered it. "Perhaps. It might suit you. If nothing else, I'm sure it would fit thematically."
"What do you two think?" asked Celestia to the two guards.
"They would no doubt fit you, Your Highness," said the other guard.
"You would still be as radiant as always, Your Highness," said Chain O'Command.
Celestia nodded her head. "Well, back to the matter at hand." She turned to her sister. "Luna, where are you going with these reports, exactly?"
Luna looked at her. "Well, sister, I've given it some thought and looked over the evidence, and I've come to a conclusion. There's a problem, and we need to find a way to solve it.
"And the problem is?"
"It appears that prolonged exposure to my very being causes my guards to suffer from lycanthropy."
The End
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This one was magnificent.
Just one thing: why didn't Twilight Sparkle tell her? She's not the pony to skirt from troubles like this one...
Love it! Being sunburned by being celestia is certainly better then being one of lunas guards...
Liked and faved. Keep up the good work!
6371068 Twilight's brain probably doesn't allow her to notice
Headcanon accepted.
There's now a niche spot for a Luna version of this.
6371193 I dunno. I wouldn't mind standing around. If anything to 'prove' this fact.
Luna causes Ponys to turn into werewolves? Celestia's guards are getting off lightly! Bet all Cadance's guards get are akward boners and Twilights get sleepy from how boring she can be at times.
Of the two, I'm not sure which is worse...
6371743 No, Twilights' guards all start learning random facts by the sheer amount of information she emits. That, or they all become better ponies in general because of Friendship Rays.
6371759 they become very good at trivia prusuit. Downside is they become unpopular at partys.
6371068 Twilight never noticed. She occasionally bursts into flame so she didn't really notice hot hot and bright Celestia's body was.
Loved it. Especially the ending.
Albeit I feel bad for the guards. They are all snow-white, making them even more vulnerable towards the sun, much like very pale people
6372984
Alternatively, Twilight Sparkle did notice. Noticed no one talked about it. Noticed Perfect Pretty Pristine Princess Celestia not talking about it. If Celestia so obviously ignored it, than it was not worth talking about. There are plenty more books to study after all. And if that means quietly putting up contingency spell #345818.4 (Sunny Side's Sunblock SPF 700 Spell) every so often no biggie.
6379847 Or maybe she learned to set herself on fire so she wouldn't have a problem with radiation, light, or heat?
Lycanthropy is specifically for when a human turns into a wolf. I'm aware this isn't meant to be taken seriously, but it just bugs the crap out of me.
Oh so that's why the guards are always white, they have a healthy layer of sunscreen
And it also means you just explained how Thestrals came into being
6382221 The generic term for shapeshifting into animals is Therianthropy.
6391672
Except the -anthropy implies humanity, what with that being derived from the Ancient Greek ánthrōpos, which means human. For a horse or pony, something derived from the word hippos would be much more appropriate.
6391859 Therihippopy? Therihipthropy?
Okay, gotta admit, this was clever.
Started foundering a bit as it tried to take the core concept seriously and offer justifications (you might have been better served just going full-on bizarro world with it), but the ending made me grin, and the core idea works. Have some sunglasses (and slightly burned skin) to go along with your upvote!
i.imgur.com/uyFwr.gif
At the least, I'm willing to believe that Celestia's coat emits some amount of light. It would explain why non-radiant "white" ponies tend to be technically colored with some shade of light gray.