stanku
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I'd love to have some kind of aftermath. How her friends react and especially Celestia, who send an innocent animal caretaker to her death, instead of letting some guards do their job.
But that would be a whole different story on its own.
Quite a few spelling mistakes and such, and there's a lot of telling going on. Might benefit from an editor.
Enjoyable fiction, as It really caused me to think of all the possible times the Mane six were in perilous danger, only to return unharmed and without consequence. I delight in fiction that causes me to think.
The vore was a nice touch as well, as I am sure other writers shy away from writing it at all.
That was pretty good for your first attempt at vore.
6294362 Thanks! Let's just say that I've absorbed my fair share of vore fics, and thus know the basic script by heart.
6294128 Hmm, I don't believe I'd be into writing a full flegded vore story. These sort of brief clips seem more like my cup of tea. But maybe I'll write a "sequel" where the dragon eats the rest of the cast?
6294146 Yeah, that's true. Took me roughly twenty minutes to write this, so it figures the language would be pretty terrible. The telling part was mostly intentional though: it often goes with these type of stories to focus on direct description via the universal narrator. Makes for a quick, easy reading and consumption. Anyway, thanks for pointing the typos out: I got to fix some of them.
Some of the typos I've found:
so he had to try and swim.
not the speak of
YES! That is something I would be thrilled to see and I even expected them to joint her in the stomach once the noises began. Or her jump to them only for all of them to get swallowed... Or them getting hard vored and then Fluttershy losing her mind and rushing the dragon.
In any case, just try making digestion a bit more elaborate and longer the next time. Also, I love fics that give some attention to privates during vore, whether just simple tasting or actually mentioning them as a soft and tender place that was one of the first to take damage. Some scratches and bruises from teeth and rough treatment would be nice too =P
6300009 Thanks for pointing out the typos. As what comes to the sequel, we'll have to see. I'm kind of busy at the moment, so I'm not making any promises about starting a new project.
Oooo that was good! But perhaps next time you could try making it a bit longer by changing perspectives? Personally I think it'd be awesome to see from the rest of her friend's perspectives as the dragon simply looks satisfied with his meal and they can the dragon's stomach working away at her.
Aww, you allude to it, but I take it that you don't prefer to write aftermath scat scenes?
Good vore! I liked it!
6303160 Thanks! Yeah, I'll be definetly writing more (and longer) vore in the future. All it really takes is the right mood.
I don't mind scat as such: just didn't feel like adding it here. Maybe next time. In any case, often times I prefer subtle things and hints over the excplicit thing.