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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The comments on this one will be interesting...!
Reminds me of when my family realized I had a "gift" for Blackjack. Turns out, it's really just probabilities and a couple other things. My uncle would play Blackjack with me for quarters(or 50 cents if I hit 21). Ever since I've been a math whiz.
EDIT: I should probably mention I wasn't even in my double digits.
Well in the discussion with Tia, I fully agree with Twilight. There are some people who just have to die. How many innocents have died because an evil guy was let free because he was 'reformed'. Honestly tia, what happened to Twilight and what she has become is all YOUR FAULT. thousands of years ruling and you can't keep a mafia getting powerful enough to do that virtually openly? Perhaps with Luna back things can happened. Heck What's Twilight's ultiamte goal here? TO wipe out the mafia and those like it and she is willing to get dirty to do that. She harms the guilty not the innocent. You don't like it Tia, well too bad it's your fault she's like this so pony up and nip it in the bud.
I can understand Celestia running the background check, It would have been dumb of her not to. But to have her call twilight in, and then just shove the first "incident" in her face being all, "this is when you started killin rite?" After Twilight asked her to let it go. What a piece of shit thing to do.
It truly surprises me how uninformed Celestia seems to be about Equestria at large. Twilight spoke about 'pony trafficking' and how its a problem. Celestia herself upon investigation found that the Chief of Police got the bits at a rather convenient time after the assault on Twilight as a child. Twilight has grown up in the dark side of Equestria, seen it all, and Celestia seems to be completely unaware of it all, of just how bad and how prevalent it is.
Twilight is right; Celestia, despite being around for over 1000 years, is indeed naive. She has to accept that not all ponies can be helped. That there are those who are so sick in the head that they have to be dealt with in a permanent manner, whether it be death or imprisonment. And she is most definitely wrong in that all ponies can be redeemed; there are some that are just too far gone for redemption.
I see her reason for wanting to believe it; Luna. Luna did something horrible, nearly destroying the world. So she has to accept that anyone is redeemable because of her sister... despite the fact that who knows how many ponies suffered for that belief. It shows she's a pony and a sister, but she was a pony and a sister when she should have been a ruler, put her own desires aside and protect the ponies she's responsible for.
6846628 Well Luna is also her fault. She ignored the signs of Luna's troubles till it was too late and Luna was now Nightmare Moon. You'd think she'd learn after that.
She wears a mask? I suppose its clown mask.
6846642 Why so serious?
How long do you plan on making this story? We're passed the average length of an American novel by over half (Length is about 60k words and e're passed 100k) and you still haven't even introduced who the heck Gadget is. Usually you don't introduce characters that seem that important (or she may not be and is only an inciting incident type character) over 2/3 through a story but you may be writing more of a time than a novel. I just point out these things for clarity and my own understanding.
6846658
I don't normally come up with a definite length for my stories, but this one will certainly be much longer than it already is. That's all I can say on the matter, really.
Lo and behold, the people are unable to read between the lines.
I DID say the comments were gonna be interesting...
Interesting, very interesting. Just a quick technical point, if body modification can be so extensive, surely Twilight could use it to temporarily fix her ruined leg. Then she'd be able to run faster, fight better, stuff like that even if it's only for a few hours.
I find it interesting how Twilight speaks of herself as a psychopath, and an insane pony. I always thought she had more of an 'I'm the only sane one' attitude.
6846668
Aw damnit all, I'm going to have to wait ages for my answer aren't I?
6846697
Potentially yes, she could, but the more extensive the modifications, the more intricately-woven the spell has to be, and the faster it burns through the magic used to cast the spell in the first place. She didn't explain everything in the chapter, but to put it simply, she'd require an actual array equivalent to a summoning circle to perform that level of body modification. It isn't something she could just cast with her horn and her mind alone.
As for her referring to herself as insane...she is intelligent. Learned, and very smart. She's aware of how screwed up she is. She just has no intention of trying to fix it. Not yet, anyways. Heck, she might not ever seek any help, and it's highly unlikely there's anything out there that actually could help with her psychopathic tendencies. They're so deeply ingrained.
Also yes, you will have to wait quite some time for an answer.
6846611
Wonder what this version of Tia will say when she finds out Cadance blows Sombra up?
6846668 Nice taste in music author, love this so far, just has that "fuck the consequences" vibe that I don't get in many stories on here. Definitely gonna keep an eye on this, have a like and a favourite from moi
Jeez, Twi! you don't have ish, or shoes, you have bucking boots!
6846826 yeah. While this Twilight may have issues and have good reason for htem. I think Tia is more messed up then she is.
6847399
The fact that you think sexual content does not or cannot fit in with a gritty story is mind-boggling.
6847433 You have to actually reply to them on the chapter they commented on, or they won't get notified.
6846676 Twilight Sparkle is an unreliable narrator. Celestia is not as naive as she looks, she just has reasons for allowing this situation to develop, and having lived for well over a millennium, she can personally attest to how everyone not only deserves, but can use a shot at redemption. Discord, Nightmare Moon, Gilda, Sunset Shimmer and Starlight Glimmer are pretty clearly just the tip of the iceberg. Who knows how many other redemptions took place before the Modern Era?
Despite her street savvy, Twilight is the small, uneducated insect in this dynamic. She's seeing the big picture, but Celestia is seeing the whole museum. There are infinite movements, plans within plans and layered counter-moves, that make the Mafia a necessary evil.
One cannot simply be told to join the Elements of Harmony, because that is not true friendship. So one must be manipulated. The Crystal Empire situation was an attempt to teach Twilight to stop relying on her mentor. Celestia may be a manipulator, but if you replace her manipulation with frankness and total openness of information, the story falls apart and Equestria burns.
Twilight is the naive one here. She is the angry child who believes her way is right because it is the only one that works, when actually it's merely the only method she's tried. Celestia is far wiser than Twilight's speech leads us to believe.
Lines are like covers. Very thick, but it's quite cozy in between them.
Also, so terribly sorry that I have now spoiled the surprise for any future commenters who read the rest of the comments first.
There was a thought running through my mind when I was reading the murder scene. We (the collective viewing audience) have seen such things before (methodical killings). Usually they are carried out by a highly paid assassin or a black ops team. In those cases it is carried out under the guise of a sense of obligation or duty. The fact that Twilight is doing this purely because she wants to kill someone is... relaxing, actually. In the previous cases the participants don't have to admit that they enjoy it, the fact that Twilight does is comforting.
On the previous scene; well I am an advocate of the death penalty, not for punitive purposes, but because it's easier than pouring resources into the lost cause of rehabilitation. It's a sticky issue, let's not be so naive as to say that it's black and white. But sometimes, well most of the time, killing is the best solution.
Great chapter by the way
Sparkle is just another serial murderer..tsk, shame, i thought she is better character. It kills all desire to follow her development. If there will be any.
I am a HUGE fan of Celestia's long game. I love her manipulations, and I love stories that explore them. It's my favorite aspect of her character, both in the show and in fan works.
With that said, I still find Twilight's misguided rant very cathartic. It really captures the plight of the ant beneath the magnifying glass.
6847469
You have a good sense of things, definitely. I like your style.
Though, not quite what I'm seeing people missing here. I fully expected the general commenter to turn on Celestia full stop, when they're completely ignoring things she has said and done in this very chapter, as well as things Twilight has said (and not said, really) that tie into it. I'd prefer people don't jump to conclusions in a story this good. There's also something a bit more subtle hiding here, but, hey.
And... I don't believe you've spoiled anything in the future, actually. But I like seeing people get a broader sense of the picture. These two actually have a deliciously complex relationship, especially now. Their personalities are similarly complex. Twilight is not as naive as you think...
6847524 Huh. I got the impression she was actually doing something, just being really patient with it. Didn't occur to me that she'd actually have not seen this coming and totally painted herself into an inescapable corner.
6847530 Oh, no, when I said spoiling, I was referring to how you seem to be having a ball watching the monkeys dance around and fling poo at Celestia, and I just stuck a big box of clarity in the comments section, thus potentially ruining the fun.
6847542
Heheh, true. But in this case that's a GOOD way of spoiling~
(I would hope most people read the comments AFTER reading, but whatever)
6847537
Hm, I guess I really shouldn't have deleted my comment...oh well.
To put it simply, Celestia can't see the future, and she's ruled for a very long time. Inevitably, she's going to get tangled up and trapped, with no way out. She may play the long game in many ways, but when it comes to something like this, she's just one mare playing by the same rules the rest of society is...and she's losing because they had a head-start and superior numbers on her the whole time.
6847545 No, like, here's the chain of progression I foresaw:
monkey reads chapter > monkey sympathizes with Twi > monkey scrolls down to post sun-bashing > Syc gets popcorn ready > monkey sees comment explaining that Twi is actually wrong > Syc has no excuse to eat popcorn
6847548 Understandable.
Why did you delete that comment, anyway?
You, my good sir have itched my scratch for this story once again! Keep up the good work and keep pumping out dem chapters, bud! This is so deliciously deprived!
6847564
I felt like it was too long-winded, and Scy put it better anyways with far less words. That's pretty much it!
6847562
Sounds about right. ;3
Incidentally, check out Tulip's comment below to see exactly the kind of crap I was ALSO expecting.
6847575 Ah, I see.
#It feels so good to be bad!
No? just me who thought of this song reading the last line
6847603
Oh, my childhood! I used to love that movie so much.
Seriously, what was with the eighties and nineties and making super-dark-on-reflection movies? O.o
6847548 Yeah, makes sense. It seems she was so focused on the long game she forgot to keep up with the short one. Things probably shifted so quickly they got there first, as you said. That's the problem with the long game; the short one can sometimes completely throw it off track to make the original goal impossible.
I'm just surprised Celestia is willing to play by everyone else's rules though. Doesn't she have the power to push through and deal with these guys? Or is she limited in much the same way of US law? If that's the case, Twilight seems to be the only one who can actually do something about them, and is the only one actually doing something, or at least doing it quickly enough to maybe make a difference and save a few others before they can strike again, as she discussed with Celestia about the rapist earlier. I may not agree with her methods, but I would rather see others safe if it means killing the guilty.
As KingMoriarity said, there may be something Celestia is doing in her infinite wisdom, which we seem to not be able to see, but it may still be there; the story isn't finished after all, and she does like to work on a higher level. Then again, this incident with Twilight just might be a huge wake up call to Celestia because the horribleness that is the mafia has never been so personal before in the form of her personal student. Its always been stats and words on a page, never a pony she's known for so long and so personally, or so I think.
6847661 Dingo. If you have read the Savage Skies series. In that Celestia showed compassion to a former student that was willing to ruin reality to insure that he made something original. In addition, she also didn't hammer down and a cult that was ultiamtely responsible for Luna becoming Nightmare Moon in that universe. As a result her former student has killed several ponies and still threatens the world with this plan and the cult has killed many innocent ponies because of a genetic mutantions. If she had killed her student and wiped out the cult many ponies would be alive and the world safe. The choice is never always between good and evil. Sometimes it's lesser and greater evils. Twilight does what she does to ultiamtely end it and prevent others from suffering what she has.
comment all you want on twis murder.
i'd just like to say that her dancing is not like an epileptic having a seizure.
its like an epileptic having a seizure while being electrocuted.
6847797 Yes, I have read Savage Skies. The situation is similar. She lets her personal feelings sway her judgement; hesitating to use her power because she was afraid of being seen as a tyrant, and giving a lesser sentence that ended up in later pain and misery. However, I don't know the rules here. In Savage Skies, she had the power to do both. Here, I'm not so sure; I don't know the restrictions Celestia has on her power. But she wants to give bad ponies a second chance (influenced by her sister), which I agree with. Its just that the results are difficult to predict. Celestia has too much optimism.
As for Twilight killing to prevent others from suffering her fate, yes she's doing it for that, but I get the sense its more out of vengeance. She wants to hurt those who hurt her. Do I agree that something needs to be done? Yes. Do I agree with Twilight murdering ponies in the mafia to do so? Yes and no. Action needs to be taken; if Celestia won't, then someone needs to. I just don't like her motive. If it was purely out of protecting others, maybe, but with vengeance? What will stop her from killing an innocent if she sees him as guilty when he isn't as much as she thinks? Its the difference between Batman and The Punisher.
I don't want to bash Celestia because of this without knowing the full picture. Things are never black and white. I'm going to pull back and wait for Celestia's justification first before I make my decision, though I favor Twilight's at the moment.
justice served for Twilight
6846658 Minimum length for new authors used to be 50k, most editors want 75k now. 100k-175k is the normal length. 200-300k happens often.
6846628 Twilight's pretty naïve herself. She berates Celestia for banning the death penalty and then a couple hours later is casually noting how unreliable the courts are. And vigilante justice is typically *worse*, accuracy-wise, than even a corrupt court system.
Hopefully Celestia and Twilight will be able to reconcile their differences as they both had good points. Celestia is too soft while Twilight is too harsh. Hopefully they realize this and make up.
And then have make up sex.
I'm also waiting for the moment when Twilight confronts the Royal Magister who started it all.
There, somewhere, you messed up, if I had to guess, because this doesn't make any sense for me right now and how it is. There was some more things, but I'm not sure. I'll reread tomorrow on clear head
Totally love your Twilight man
Happy to see this new chapter out early. Twilight revealed her gender to her friends, I can't wait for her to reveal her true self
It probably won't be too hard for Celestia to connect Charlatan's death with the argument she had with Twilight, considering Charlatan's shady history with all the rape accusations it's not hard to assume he was mafia and Twilight's anger caused her to kill him (assuming the info about his death ever reaches Celestia of course or she decides to look into it personally). Now unless there's evidence accusing Twilight she probably won't act on it but since Celestia is suspicious of Twilight it'll be more likely Twilight might end up being watched by the law enforcement. Hopefully Twilight recognizes that having the highest law in the land be suspicious of her means fulfilling her psychopathic tendencies will be much more dangerous than previously.
I do wonder why she says " But friends were few and far between for me, as in, I had none at all." when we just got back from her saving the world with the Elements of Harmony who supposedly have to be her friends in order to work? Also is Twilight famous now? Shouldn't she be getting her picture in all the newspapers and getting mobbed in the streets by sycophants?
Definitely enjoyed Twilight letting out her stress this chapter, a lot more how I imagined her after the first few chapters compared to the NMM arc. Looking forward to whatever you and Twilight have planned next .
Hoo boy, I'm glad we're finally getting to the meat of the story! That murder scene? Really simple, but all the better because of it. I'm glad we're getting to see Twilight's dark side more than just a bit of backstory.
One other thing, I really like the way you expressed Twilight with the contrast of her exhilaration from killing someone and the cute little squeaks and hops I was picturing in my head.
6849571
What she meant was that she didn't have a lot of friends back when she was working for the Mafia. As in, she had no friends at all.
As for Charlatan's death...you're expecting Celestia to hook a seemingly random murder committed by a mystery pony to Twilight? That's pretty flawed logic. Twilight has motive, but so do twenty-six other mares, just to name one issue with this.