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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'll admit there were times I almost stopped reading this story. It just seemed really depressing at times. The main reason I didn't stop was because I'm curious as to why Twilight turns on Celestia (in the opening of the story). Even at this point she seems fine with Celestia, so I'm puzzled. However this chapter made it a lot better, I liked it a lot. Also, I wouldn't mind a pair of Angel Bunny Ear Muffs, and I don't even wear ear muffs, I'd just like them.
I'm somewhat surprised ponies would have documentaries like that, I wonder what the lions eat since most four legged creatures in MLP seem pretty intelligent like zebras, also T.V.s since I can't recall any from the show or this fic.
Anyways despite being 7k words there's not too much to talk about other than I'm still waiting for Pinkie to explain this mind magic thing . I'm looking forward to whatever payback Twilight gives to Angel because he deserves it and more. Also the whole hermaphrodite thing is out to the mane six so I suppose we may possibly see some sexy stuff with the rest of them and Twilight.
Looking forward to the next part !
6818562
The general setting for technology is that minotaurs and griffons have been in a kind of technology war, but Equestria's just been looking at technology advances like 'huh, that's nifty. We got magic, but let's see what all the fuss is about'. You know, just halfheartedly getting into the stuff. But, they do have things like televisions and radios and obviously firearms, electricity...you get the idea. However, what they have is mainly because of the minotaurs. Overall, tech's somewhere between the 1950s and 1960s, with some liberties taken in either direction outside of that timeline.
As for Pinkie, well...you say that like she can explain how she does what she does.
Why do I get the feeling that is mildly pornographic?
6818726
Think of it kinda like...the mare version of Conan the Barbarian. Oh, Red Sonja! There you go.
I wonder who here even knows who Red Sonja is? ._.;
i reread the last 2 chapters and i coulden't find where the inhibitor ring comes from can someone tell me where please.
I was so expecting Rainbow to get her mouth clamped shut at some point.
6818844 chapter 10
And the reason why
6818990 you have my gratitud kind sir/madam
To take the whole story line of the show, and give it a more...dark twist like this. It brings a new way to view each of the characters and just what one of them could be like had they not got a loving upbringing. I enjoy this quite a bit and do hope to see this go on to become one of the epic stories along the lines of "The Chase" and a few others that impact the fandom.
Speaking of, I imagine that if, when Spike started hoarding in Secret of my Excess, Twilight just, say, threw him against a wall and ordered him not to hoard unless she gave him express permission to do so, then Spike-zilla wouldn't have happened. Just saying
Rainbow Dash has a lot to learn about children.
6819861
Pff! Rainbow Dash is a child. One with a particularly thick head. Still, she has her moments!
6818495
Well, not everything in Twilight's life is depressing. Should be interesting to see how you react to the next chapter though, if that's the case.
Angel bunny needs to feel fear...
So you are not off Mr. Bones wild ride?
6821786
I do not know the thing you are referring to, but...I guess not? I dunno, let's see. First it was the water pipes just kinda going BOOM in the kitchen, and then we found mice in the house. I'm just waiting for the third issue to hit. Rule of Three and all that.
6821794 It's ok man. Hope everything goes well for ya.
6821794 (best if viewed on desktop, not mobile friendly) Mr Bones Wild Ride
6823462
You just killed me. Holy shit that's hilarious and amazing.
6822335
I can make no promises in regards to what relationships will and will not happen, who Twilight may or may not sleep with and what she may or may not do, but I will say that I'd been looking forward to writing that chapter for quite some time. Glad you enjoyed it so much! The dynamic between Twilight and Fluttershy in this story is...well, not unique, but Twilight stands out like a cracked and eroded stone pillar that Fluttershy can lean against if she needs to. Despite all the cracks and the potential to crumble to nothing, Twilight stands tall, if weathered. Fluttershy would benefit greatly from having someone like that in her life. She doesn't need it, but she'd benefit from it.
I gotta say, I'm thoroughly enjoying the way you've so subtly changed this from a kids show into an adult read. All the little touches, especially with the use of profanity really help.
6824638
It's something I've done in my head since I was a little kid, actually. My grandparents understood that I was unusually mature for being so young, so they didn't have any serious qualms with letting me watch more adult shows because they were sure I understood the difference between right and wrong, what was acceptable and what wasn't, etc.
Whenever I watched kid's shows, I would imagine what it would be like if they took the whole 'making this for kids' filter out of their creative minds and made it for a more adult audience. You can probably also blame movies like the first Land Before Time for that kind of mindset, because looking back, that movie was pretty damn dark despite being made for kids. Like the whole 'Bambi's Mom' thing cranked up to eleven.
I didn't do it so much once I hit my teens, but whenever I watched a cartoon that actually had an impact on me, I would immediately think 'oh man, imagine what they could've done with this if they'd made this for a more grown-up audience'. Now we have Digimon Adventure Tri, and that anime just makes my eyes swell with delight because it's like the creator of Digimon said 'you know what? Yeah, let's see what we can do with this if we try to appeal to a more grown-up audience!'
So... I've had this on my read-it-later list for ages, and finally read the first chapter on a whim. Ended up binge reading it to the current state, so my compliments on making a story engaging enough to grip me. Though it's not like I'm some super critic or anything, I just liked it enough to binge it.
The story was very well-crafted in both a mechanical and flavorful way. There wasn't a typo to be found (and believe me, I spot typos), and your sentence structure in general is very easy to follow and, in my personal opinion, pleasing to the eye. Excellent word choices as well. The flavor side was good as well, with a nice balance of imagery to action. Despite the ridiculous length of the Eternal Night arc (which is a good thing, I swear), it never felt old or rehashed, and I never got bogged down with too much detail or too skim-happy with pages of dialogue. I really liked the scene with the spooky trees and giggling at the ghosties, I thought it was excellently-crafted and very evocative of the story as a whole.
That said, I have to agree with some commenters, I really wasn't a fan of the hermaphrodite angle. While those scenes never really felt forced (which is admirable, by the way), I never really got the feeling they added anything valuable to the story, either. I could go on a bit, but I think a lot of the comments here already have covered a lot of that topic.
So with that in mind, I can honestly say this story really did it for me. I haven't sat down and binge-read a good ponyfic in a long time, and it really got some nostalgia flowing in my veins. Excellent work here.
6824888
Wow, I'm really glad to hear that you've enjoyed it so far! A very constructive bit of criticism that I appreciate. You can partially thank Scy for proofreading and making sure any typos I made were cleared out...of which, and I don't mean to sound like I'm boasting, there were very few.
Keep in mind however, that the whole story's going to be taking a darker turn very quickly. That prologue had to happen somehow, and it didn't happen by way of Twilight sitting around reading books in Ponyville, I can guarantee that much. So now, I get to really dig my teeth in and write some more original content outside of the whole Nightmare Moon thing, which I've been greatly looking forward to!
6824679 These go up to eleven...
No but really, I completely understand. Anyway, keep up the good work.
6824904 I can do dark! Some of my favorite stories are the darkest ones.
As for the prologue, I was curious if that would be happening soon based on one line near the end of one of the chapters. Something along the lines of I had to finish my plans, starting with Celestia. Glad to see I was on the right track.
6828217
Oh, no. That prologue is more like end-game content, and this story's just getting started. Now we get to see what Twilight's like when she's out of the spotlight and stalking the shadows. When she's taking the mask off and being herself.
It's not pretty. Yet, utterly glorious to behold.
6828226
Works for me! I'm trying to think about how Twilight's mind magic might play into this, since it's been pretty consistently hyped over the course of the story. Aside from the usual, of course.
6828243
Oh I can't wait to really get into that stuff. It won't be happening in the next chapter because she's still recovering from the injury to her mana gland (I really, really need to come up with a better name for that, it's just so non-scientific), but I'm looking forward to really showing what she manages to do with that special brand of magic.
Badass Twilight, perpetually horny Twilight, and momma Twilight. This story has everything.
I realise that Twilight needs to go back to Canterlot to get the story moving (looking forward to seeing where that goes) but I hope that you don't leave the rest of the mane 6 hanging, those interactions are great (then again just about everything from Twilight's perspective is great). Regardless o what you do I'll read it, but I'm just trying to get a feel for what happens next.
You're doing great things here man, and I love you for it.
6836823
I have no intention of leaving any of the other Element Bearers hanging. Though they may not play a prime role in Twilight's unbelievably illegal activities, they will have roles of their own, to give context to Twilight's actions and thoughts as well as offering perspectives that Twilight may never consider on her own.
6828648 You know, I completely agree with your views on the mana gland; it's not a very scientific name, but I can't think of what all can be actually done about that... I suppose we'd have to go over the basic, but important, physics of your world... I can only assume that, like the gland in the electric eel, it generates the mana? I suppose we'd have to go over what mana is in your world, first... For example, is it an energy, is it a wave, is it a particle, or is it like light, being in a strange state of both a wave and particle (kinda, sorta)? This question is unbelievably important to even beginning the steps towards a better name than mana gland... If it is an energy, does it follow the laws of thermodynamics?
7731609
its a fan fic about magical talking technicolour ponies, magic could be made of alicorn farts and the tears of foals physics dont mean shit, yes mana gland is stupid , magic lobe (or some other word that sounds cool would be better ) considering it is part of the brain
8026982 I suppose that could work, a mana lobe, assuming it's literally just a specialized cluster of nerve cells. If it's a literal gland, like the one in charge of producing the hormones in charge of emotional responses and thought to store emotional memory, then something else would be better for the sake of naming conventions, like "the thaumatoric gland, which generates mana and stores thaumic processes, which we call spells."
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