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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You really sucked the "magic" out of Pinkie Pie. It doesn't really feel like Twilight could look back on that and conclude Pinkie represents laughter; the mind magic aspect dominated the scene too much. It's a cool idea for fitting Pinkie partly into Twilight's secret world, but cheering ponies up feels like the least inexplicable aspect of her, so having it implied to be mind magic really cheapens her talent at it.
I liked what you did with the other two scenes, though.
6629208
Actually, Pinkie's abilities are ultimately irrelevant when it comes to her representation of the Element of Laughter. It is her intent behind that power's use that matters.
I liked this chapter a lot and overall I liked seeing things from Twilight's PoV here.
I'm very interested in the idea that Pinkie Pie can use mind magic and I also kind of thought it cheapens her element. You say it's her intent behind it that matters but no one except Pinkie can know what her intent is and that makes it pretty suspicious. It would make me wonder if the main reason Pinkie is able to make friends with absolutely everybody is because of her use of mind magic and not her actual personality, especially if I didn't know her too well personally. She's obviously conscious of her ability and was able to feel Twilight blocking it and knew why Twi could block it so I think Twilight will definitely need to talk with Pinkie about this later.
The Steven Magnet scene worked well with your more perverted Twilight and I like the idea of a cute flustered Rarity trying to snap her non-existent tail. Also I've no idea why a sea serpent was in the middle of the Everfree Forest, perhaps he was going on an adventure himself? Twilight probably could have asked him but I understand she's in a bit of a rush right now.
The bridge bit was interesting, Twilight's magic again seems fairly useless unfortunately but it's understandable for NMM to prepare runes to stop her. I'm unsure why Rainbow Dash was affected by Twilight's mind magic but not NMM's, in the show it just seemed like the Shadowbolts were magical constructs that just weren't very convincing but if they were mind magic instead I'm unsure how RD would beat them. Hopefully Twilight will find a way to remove those runes or she's still going to be useless when they meet NMM.
I noticed the jibe or whatever about this being a fairy tale adventure and NMM acting like a one-dimensional villain, so I hope she's got a decent explanation or something for all of this because she didn't really have a good reason in the show. I could see everything perhaps being an attempt at getting rid of the others so she could deal with Twilight alone maybe *shrug*.
It's not too long now 'til the finale and I'm still unsure if Twilight can use the Elements of Harmony considering her own use of black magic/mind magic, It'd be a fun twist if she used mind magic through the Elements of Harmony to fix NMM though...
Looking forward to the next parts and whatever you plan to do after completing the NMM arc .
Cliché Chapter incomming
I really liked seeing the retake on these events from this POV...especially the part with Rarity's tail...it had me chuckling. The dialog was really fun to follow and you had enough twists in there to make it entertaining and different from the original.
Nice chapter.
Interesting to see Pinkie being able to use mind magic, it's really gonna be a case of "the only evil thing about black / mind magic is the potential with the user", seeing as Pinkie really can do no evil.
Pervert Twi strikes again .
6630418
She strikes like a snake and leaves nothing but satisfied mares in her wake, I tell ya! Freakin' tang whisperer over here.
6630424
She also strikes with her snake
6630454
Ba-dum tsh~!
Poker is not a proper noun, and therefore is not usually capitalized.
Absolutely loved the scene with the tail.
Finally, it would seem that Twilight is far more of a novice at mind magic than she thinks. She doesn't have any frame of reference for how positive emotions impact a spell, only having dealt with the mortally terrified.
6630883
Good catch! Yes, practically speaking, she's a novice. While she's conducted her own experiments on very unwilling victims, she hasn't done so to the extent that ponies like the Magister has, nor has she had any form of formal training like Luna has. There's a lot about it she just doesn't know. She knows the essential basics, like how to protect herself from outside influence, but more advanced techniques are beyond her scope.
Very nice. I like how you can put a lot of adult content into a kids show and have it still be mature, not just crude.
I especially liked the scene with Pinkie, and the discussion about mind magic, and it's influence on this chapter in general. I hope you expand on it in a later episode, it's pretty interesting.
As always, great quality of writing too. You're doing good.
6631324
I'm of the mindset that excessive crudeness should be reserved for the proper setting, like an underground sex club orgy, or...well, your average more extreme-fetish clopfic.
*adjusts bowtie* I prefer classy crudeness, thank you very much!
The Completely Expected Love Life of Hermlight Dingle
Finally got caught up on this; still loving it.
6631826
...You realize I'm going to probably quote that at some point now, right? It's just...it's too good to not do that.
6631869 I was going to put that as the subtitle to your fic's main title, but I forgot.
oh I know exactly why. Her entire life has been one big chess game with Celestia spike and herself being the only pieces that mattered to her with everpony else being pawns, something that is okay to sacrifice, but now she has found ponies that could fill remaining slots for the rest of the important pieces.
King=Celestia
Queen=Twilight
Knights= Rainbow Dash/ Spike
Bishops= Fluttershy/Rarity
Rooks=Applejack/Pinkie Pie
6630424 so Twilight is Pootytang now??
6632911
She is beyond Pootytang. She can see the infinite abyss that is sexuality. Oh my God it's full of stars... @_@
6632275
That's...actually a good analogy. I like it!
6632275 I like the metaphor, however, it doesn't account for them very well. Pinkie pie is definitely a knight, one that moves in complex patterns that can baffle an opponent. Whereas Dash is Direct and hard hitting, definitely a rook. And the king is Spike and her brother. The king is that which is protected, not the most powerful piece on the board.
6649476 Agreed.
orig09.deviantart.net/d22a/f/2012/230/d/8/samurai_rarity_by_v_d_k-d5bkcqf.png
Indeed.
7716919 I don't know; she feels like to type to have a reverse blade, because getting garish blood on her clothes is unbecoming of a true lady...
Technically, being gay generally means you are attracted to the same gender, so in Twilight's case, wouldn't gay mean she is attracted to hermaphrodites and the her liking both mares and stallions mean she is being straight either way?
8007864
Just a thought, but hopefully Twilight wasn't the mage who used mind-magic on Grannie Pie.
9052825
Not really, twilight is rather lethal when it comes to mind magic, no survivors.