- Member Since 11th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen Dec 16th, 2021
Goof Theorist
I write for the fun of it. Just trying out a few ideas to improve my writing, and hopefully get some awesome, critical feedback!
Goof Theorist
Joined 11th Jan, 2014 ·
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Delightfully strange. Have a like. Post more soon and often.
Don't worry about the down votes, that will happen. Every story gets a handful to start off, I have no idea why, but I happens. Still an ineresting idea you have here so Please continue :D
6341642 Sweet of you to say! It's just like trying to push a boulder down a hill, I guess- it moves pretty easily, but only after you've tackled the thing long enough to powder your collar bone.
I really hope to play with worldbuilding with this one- not too many people write about where the ponies came from before Equestria. Tying it in to the early generations is likewise a rarity.
Will she see Hayli again?
This story is really good so far and i can't wait read more of it.
I'm so confused
6378417 Confused by what, precisely? If I need to go back and edit for clarity, just let me know.
6380555 so much happened in so little time that I can't keep up
More I say!!!
This is a great story, I think this is one of the best HiE stories that I like. I like those stories where the protagonist doesn't have much to do with the mane 6 and that he must adapt almost on his own to this new world that he is in, that he only realize how good he had it until he lost every thing.
I can't wait to see more of this soon...
6661489 Aw... More than that, I wanted a character that didn't have any of modern Equestria's advantages. Every tribe is insular, untrusting, and desperate to advance their own interests. Harmony isn't even on the map- windigos are on the map.
I like it and hope to see more updates .I dont understand what could have coused the downvotes
I saw this updated in my mail and was like
, and clicked and as it loaded I saw it said "spoilers" and I was like 
"dang, it's not a chapter." And then it loaded and it was a chapter and I was happy.
Edit; was not expecting that.
6666568 'Spoilers' as a title was more about Tamara's willingness to lay out her story, her entire story, for somebody.
Really hoping I got this one right. As a lady's lady, I've never had that kind of experience with a guy, so... yeah.
I think I have a buried line in an earlier chapter, or one of the unused drafts, where the main character says she wouldn't sleep with a male in a hundred years, so... eighty is close enough?
Ooooooooo good Madam.
You gave my intrigue. I have read through this up until this point.
*puffs cigar*
You have painted a thorough image of how times used to be before Celestia and Luna and I am thoroughly hooked.
Keep it up the phenomenal job, I sincerely look forward to future updates!
*tips fedora*
can't wait to see what you add to the Xenophilia lore. as far as the explicit material goes i give you 8.75 on romantic and a 7 on clop. very good scores in my book it was a lovely scene. next time try and hold the build up portion of the the scene a bit longer. you had basically two clop scene that were a bit too short by themselves. hope that helps.
Spare us thine punches to the feels.
If Master Winter perishes in the coming storm it would be dreadfully tear wrenching; we are all just coming to be so fond of him and his sad back story.
6666766 Thanks! Frankly, for as many drafts as I tended to do on these chapters, I've done even more so far on the next story. A little more explicit -since the sex isn't the point, really, in this one- and with the prerequisite delving into human versus pony mores. Basically, this story is about the world, while the next is a little more about the characters. Balancing that is my personal challenge.
6666865 i kind of figured that clop was not the point of the scene which is why i gave it the score i did. honestly i was highly impressed with how well thought out the scene was. it felt very realistic for how a pair of sentient hexapods would get each other in the mood. so kiddos on that.
6666864 Hate to say it, but considering the time period, most everybody's gonna be dead by some point. Or not... It all depends on who I want to give the 'Joss Whedon' treatment to!
Hmm, tall and slender moon and sun cutie mark pegacorn plus non-normal aging blank flank alien Pegasus witch....equals Tia maybe
Quite spectacular. I love your voice, at least before the accident happens. It was very unique and entertaining.
Tamara's time with Theratha and Hayli was tragically sweet. I originally got a feeling that it was more of a paleopony primitive herd thing, but then it seemed to move far up the civilizational scale. I'm not sure I liked that.
I find Winter Whistle uninteresting, but I probably have a bias against stallions. I find Tamara's travels as a witch in medieval pre-migration Equestria interesting, but unsatisfying. It feels purposeless. And I'm not very fond of the idea of the main character birthing Celestia and Luna.
I want Tamara to encounter Theratha or Hayli again. Just once. I am far more interested in Tamara's own character than another destined Equestrian origin story.
6666766
What does this have to do with Xenophilia?
An other great chapter. This story is getting better and better as it goes along. I can't wait to see what is going to happen next.
When Tamara got her cutie mark a number of small details interspersed throughout the story so far suddenly made sense. It is also kickstarting a number of theories of what is to come.
When Tamara first arrived she's described as having a cream colored coat with red hair. Her firstborn is a pure white pegasus with strawberry blonde hair and rose colored eyes. Tamara earns her cutie mark, which is a quill and inkwell.
Based upon her description, love of writing, and current lack of Faust, I'm starting to suspect that Tamara herself will eventually become Faust.
Another thing that I suspect, though I know that it's a bit of a stretch, is that based on the first child's description and name, the second child will be a girl. If so and she is colored and named after the night (like Solar is about the daytime), I suspect that we're witnessing the births the future Celestia and Luna. I know Solar is a boy, but it's not like gender disphoria is an unknown concept in this story and given Tamara's change in gender in addition to species it's entirely possible that Solar could change gender during ascension to alicornhood.
All that said, I'm extremely pleased with this story so far and very eagerly await more!
Oops, I commented before reading the chapter.
And given the main character's origins, I don't find her first child's status as a colt convincing evidence that it will not become Celestia. It makes me slightly happier about the probable direction, actually. Points to interesting character interaction.
A thing I noticed. Most fics depict powerful magic-users, and their foolish enemies who consider it to be trickery are dashed against a magical wall. This fic depicts a magic-user who uses illusions and trickery, but I haven't seen many people call her bluff. It feels self-serving. But that doesn't really factor into my enjoyment, it's just something I noticed.
6669829
Yuh. I thought about the possibility of Tamara being Faust (considering the incredibly likely destiny of her children), but I didn't remember her coloring. This just clinches it.
6670335 Think less 'paleopony', more 'serfs'. Our earth pony duo in the beginning live simple lives, decades before earth ponies form any real, cohesive tribe. That doesn't mean civilization can't be found.
I'll admit, a weakness in this story is how little time I can devote to each character- I'll already be edging past novel length by the end, and the earlier chapters tended to jump by decades. I've fleshed Winter out as much as I can in the time I've given myself. As for Tamara's attitude, you can see the stark difference between the 'flashbacks' and bulks of the chapters just how her time in Equestria has changed her.
I get what you mean by the society being more interesting as a stand-alone thing, but any time travel story needs to tie into itself, unless you want to leave plotholes and Macguffins littering your office.
The question nobody's asked yet: why hasn't Tamara aged?
6669829 I've got ideas for a trans character in a later story, but believe you me, I think it would cheapen things to leave it as a 'whirly light show, boom, you're a girl!' scene. One of the best concepts in MLP:FIM is that the characters don't just pull out magic solutions- even when they have actual magic solutions, they need to work for them.
6670371 Oh, believe me, I agree. I would much rather there be a deeper story and explanation to it than that cheap trope. And based on what I've read of this story so far, I'm not worried about being disappointed.
As for why at least I haven't asked about Tamara's aging (or lack thereof), I was actually under the impression that she was aging, but only at a slower rate, for reasons as of yet unknown. My mental image of her until now has been of a mare who looked to be, perhaps, in her late 50s; aging but still rather spry. Your comment basically confirming that she hasn't aged at all brings up a number of questions, for sure, but it also makes me want to reread the last handful of chapters with the new mental image of her appearing in her mid 20s.
And it adds further validity to my first theory about Tamara being Faust.
Buuuut, like I said, I eagerly await future chapters to learn for sure.
6670371
Well, yes, I figured that out. Even during the primitive feel, earth ponies had agriculture, so there had to be civilization going. The very visceral way you depicted Tamara's learning of the old earth pony language (which was very good, by the way) probably contributed to that. Tamara at least was living a fairly paleopony lifestyle.
Uh... Have you watched the show?
And the movies:
6670452 Good point! I meant more about how every problem was of the man versus... well, 'mare' versus nature, self, etcetera.
The Elements of Macguffin, for instance, don't work if all the bearers aren't cooperating. The Table of Unobtanium only pointed out the problems, but the work still had to be put in.
Also, thank for the language bit- I was inspired by a couple of old sci-fi stories, actually.
I have to say that this story has cot my interest and I am looking foreword to the next chapter so Keep up the good work you are doing.
Dragonfox
How the hell did it take me this long to find this gem of a story. Your take on the pre-Equestrian history is one of the most engaging and interesting versions I have read so far.
I hope to see more soon.
I only found the story a few days ago and am aready in love with it, I honestly can't see why it isnt already on the top 10 list but keep up the good work
efangelist.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/brace-yourself-winter-is-coming.jpg
...This story isn't too confusing, is it?
I have to say that was sad event to happen. At lees she has her children to keep her company, to fill her life with joy.
Keep up the good job you are doing on this story. I do hope to see a new chapter ASAP.
Dragonfox
Top line, 10/10
...What the hell was Winter doing with a pickle in his saddlebags?!
Also, fffffuuuuuuuuuuuck. That was hardcore witchy retribution right there. Good to see she has learned enough magic to be dangerous, it's a big contrast from the fight with the auroch.
That was absolutely brilliant. The way our beloved little witch dealt with the murderer was almost poetic justice. Little Snows reactions were believable and interesting.
This hit the feels in on several levels. It's easy to see just how shocked Tharma is after what happened to Winter. The young foal looking for his father not understanding what has happened. Knowledge that Snow lost someone so young and that his younger brother/sister will never even meet their father.
You have shown the beginning of their struggle in a believable way. I don't even have the vocabulary to praise this. I just hope that the coming chapters continue to build what you have started here.
Hm, that's quite an interesting story you've spun here. I will be looking forward to seeing more
I love your story. I am pretty certain you will get crap about Celestia but I for one applaud you for it. It's nice to see representation in stories.
6691518 I actually find it rather refreshing when authors do something like this. Though I have always had more of a live and let live attitude towards others. Up to a point at least.
And lets be honest here. Something like this could be seen coming a few chapters ago. We might not have known how exactly it would happen but there were clear signs everywhere.
And lastly. I honestly can't see myself getting tired of this story anytime soon. Great humor and one of the best descriptions of pre–Equestrian world that I have ever read.
6691518
6691589
I'm sure some readers did see it coming, but I figured it would be a bit of a surprise once Tamara revealed that Winter's last words were a possible name(s) for their second foal.
Of course, as far as 'representation' goes, Tia and Tamara aren't the only ones in the story so far that you all have read about...
I don't mind negative marks from readers who don't want to read about 'that sort of thing'. I expect it. Which is probably a little sad, but... yeah. I just wish fimfiction made you fill out even a one-line reasons box for downvotes. Single lines like 'bad grammar' or 'Too OOC characters' would be more help to the writers than a simple 'didn't like'. It's why I might leave a critical comment, but not a downvote. Nobody goes back to read a story they didn't like, just to see it their issues with it were resolved enough to take back that downvote, you know?
Next chapter is going to be awesome as hell.
I can't claim to be an expert in psychology, especially on matters like this, but I can't help but think that she might have rushed Solar/Celestia's gender issue, especially since it's iffy if the kid was even old enough to understand the concept. Then again, for all I know it may have been better to go ahead and get it out of the way. *shrug*
I'm not really a fan of the abrupt resolution of the trans Celestia subplot. Some ambivalence would have been nicer.
I am cactuskin, this triggers me.
What exactly is the thestral reacting to?
6691916 You'd be surprised at what kids are aware of. Especially since I figure ponies develop faster, not having to make their brains grow a full year after birth like humans do as opposed to most creatures, given the way human hips developed for bipedalism. And given I'm going off of personal experience...
And, as you'll figure in the next chapter, Tamara figures she and her little herd are weird enough to claim the kid's whatever she wants to be, whenever she wants to be, and have it passed off as the witch just being the witch.
Wow, that was fast. It was indeed foreshadowed a long time ago, but still hilarious.
)
These things (like adding Flash to herd in your other work) always come to me out of left field. But it's because I am just poor old me.
One question and Firstborn.Name := "Celestia"; Firstborn.Gender := False; (Do you see what I did here?
Because there were two sisters, not sister and brother.
Otherwise, go on. You have pretty interesting style and good imagination.
(SPOILERS)
I totally expected Tham'ra to be Tia and Luna's mom, but then she had a boy and I was like ok, so what, does she find them orphaned on the road? But nooooo, Tia is transgendered. I can honestly say I did not expect that. Congratulations you have stupefied me. I wish I could like your story twice.
6691796 I can definitely say that I mostly called it with a couple of the theories that I posted on the chapter before last. I very eagerly look forward to more!
That was an...odd resolution for the sisters. Still, I like the story over all so far. You do well with character interactions and byplay. Very enjoyable to read.
... I have only one question... How does these ponies evolutionary path work. If they're able to eat grass and all that then that means they would have no need for the ability to eat meat so why would they have evolved the ability... Did ponies use to be carnivores?
And don't you dare say magic!!
6737890 Most everything is an omnivore under the right circumstances. 'Our' equine species are fed meat in some parts of the world, such as in areas with little vegetation, and they adapt fine. It's a nutrition game- you have to eat more of 'nonstandard' foods if they don't have all the nutrients you need. A school friend of mine once calculated how many twinkies he'd need to eat per day to get all his nutrition. Unfortunately, it would have exceeded his own body weight.
Well that certainly went south fast.