Local D-list villain, mad scientist, prankster and toaster enthusiast- Germane Craft has a lot going on behind the scenes. But when one Twilight Sparkle finds out he's part of a rescue program for reincarnated aliens (instead of, say, running a timber wolf smuggling ring), she finds herself part of an eighty year-old conspiracy which begins breaking apart at the seams.
And then, because it's just not complicated enough already, royalty gets involved...
(A/N): Updating with a cover image soon!
Chapters (9)
More!
Wow.
This was great.
This level of win demands a sequel.
That was rather enjoyable. You had some really great one-liners too, especially with Rarity.
But The best part might have been that it was a Human in Equestria story that managed to avoid all of the tired, overdone Human in Equestria clichés. And those are far too rare.
Very good, ive only seen one more like it. I hope you continue it.
I just want to come back now and add that this was the best story I read all day. I took a bit of a risk by reading it when it had no votes at all, but I'm certainly glad that I did. I've even ended up coming back several times during the day to look over parts of it again. And honestly, I'm not entirely sure why this story isn't on the front page. I think it deserves it. I suppose it's probably just because not enough people have read it. You should really consider adding it to some groups to get it out there some more.
Ah, geez, you're all being so kind about this! That 'consider it complete' thing is just so if I accidentally go on hiatus for a while, or get writer's block, but I already have five more chapters of ten-thousand plus words ready, going up every couple days.
I like Human In Equestria stories, but many of them ARE pretty terrible. I like the whole contrast of species that comes from their different evolutionary starting points, and how they reconcile them and interact. No overpowered interlopers, no immediate and irrational conflict, just good old fun and learning. And awkwardness.
I'm going for realistic surrealism. There will be action, and world-building, but mostly just folks getting to know each other. The plot is just a catalyst for characters to become more like themselves, am I right?
Keep commenting, and let me know what I'm doing wrong and or right!
Holla, y'all!
Another excellent chapter.
Though it does kind of bug me that it seems like Twilight still hasn't gotten much information out of/had her questions answered by Germane. I know that at first, he was specifically not telling her anything, and this time, they got distracted. But I can't help but feel that Twilight should just take him somewhere boring and free if distractions and not let him leave until he answers her questions. Of course, at this rate, they'd probably find a way to distract each other if they did that.
And very glad to hear that there's still a lot more of this coming.
Loving this quite a lot so far, really hope you will continue it in time.
4774360 Next chapter!
Well, you don't have very many. I caught a few, but there weren't enough to be distracting. The only one I remember now is that you said "Pinky" instead of "Pinkie" once.
But if you just want some criticism/advice, I can do that.
It's not always clear what is going on or who is saying what. For example, in the first scene, it isn't clear when Germane turns back into a human. And in that same scene, what is the spell that Twilight casts when he turns into a pony?
You also never make it clear if Luna did know anything about the ex-humans or if she just reacted the way she did because she's nice like that.
And this is probably more an issue of personal taste, but I don't really care for the whole in media res/flashback thing. It's not so bad because you only did it for this chapter and not the entire story (like some people have been known to do around here), but is there a reason you wrote this chapter that way?
EDIT: Also, this was a bit odd
because this was just a few paragraphs above it.
Yes the reference was amusing (especially with Pinkie's reaction to it), but it was also a bit of an inconsistency with the other line.
Well, the world would be pretty peaceful if we were all dead.
(The preceding sentence was meant as a joke, and should not be interpreted as an opinion on guns, gun control, science, world peace, humanity, death rays, or the identity of "best pony." Because it was none of those things.)
Given that you express a desire to improve, i have a suggestion.
Several times in this chapter you have used a format of
"[a sentence somepony says]" [how the one they are speaking to reacts]
[a sentence their conversation partner says in response]
This is confusing since it initially seems like a "said-ism" and sometimes i had to read a segment several times to figure out who was speaking.
for instance
For instance here germane said the second sentence but it seems like it is Twilight, until one realize it doesn't make sense that way by which point one already have been taken out of the story.
This is especially a damn shame considering how good your dialogue is otherwise.
That's actually a pretty common sentiment throughout history.
Well not with death rays specifically, but the idea of "[inset weapon here] will be so powerful and destructive that none would dare make war if they knew their enemy would have it".
Of course it never really turned out that way, except sorta with atomic bombs/nuclear devices.
In fact the ballista was originally invented in Rome on exactly that basis.
I have to say that germane is my favorite character to ever be written on this site.
I liked the story.
This is all that needs to be written.
4799916 You caught a little dialogue quirk of mine, yeah. Still, I have a tendency to multiply paragraphs if I start separating dialogue and reactions. I'll try to work on it! Vegetalss4 mentioned this too, so he's got a quick shout out here, too.
As for comments about Luna's behavior, that, along with some short background pieces will be touched on in the next chapter. It'll be a bunch of short 'one-shot' scenes, and I'll be doing such 'interlude' chapters every three or four storyline releases. Things like Luna's reactions, background characters with amusing backstory, and snippets of the ex-humans' learning experiences will go there.
This is pretty high quality and somewhat different. Germane really feels like a real character and for once I don't feel like you're being lazy by having him already part of the town. And his interactions with the ponies are hilarious. All in all, this is in the really high end of HiE.
One thing though, he could really use some diplomacy lessons. His worry makes sense, but the way he browbeats Twilight just after the big reveal seems too hostile and it bothers me that Twilight just takes it. She doesn't deserve that and shouldn't act like she does. She deserves to be more angry that he would even suggest that them being so cruel to other sentient beings, because, while ponies are fallible and Twilight is both at times unstable and quite mad sciency, she would never get out the scalpel like he suggests. And there are kinder ways of opening negotiations than he does. In short, while Germane handling that situation like that makes him very distinct as a character, it bothers me that the narrative paints him as being in the right in being so harsh. For me it works as him being flawed, and letting his fear turn into anger that bleed into what he has to do, which works, but Twilight shouldn't actually be portrayed as deserving of that anger, as she was suspicious in the "curious kid way" and not the "men in black" way.
4805976 An excellent point- but remember, he's (through nobody's fault) spent the last two or so years letting himself be portrayed as a highly suspicious individual who can't explain his actions without compromising a lot of other people. He's USED to being a D-list villain, in Ponyville's eyes. No worse than Trixie (her first appearance, anyway), but definitely not a pillar of the community.
Each of the coordinators has a sort of specific job- Frost and Plum coordinate a slow technology release, Germane is working on his telescope on the off-chance of finding Earth, and so on. He doesn't think he's as capable as the others, and it comes out as an inferiority complex. Now he's the one who failed their little conspiracy, and he's terrified of screwing up further.
He doesn't think Twilight's a bad person, he never did, but you're right in that he erred way too far on the side of caution. This is going to come back to bite him, hard. Some call it me torturing my OCs, I just call it future plot development.
Quite interesting story you made here. It was nice to read and i.enjoyed it :)
Human skinned pony? Now that's nightmare fuel. Not on the level of fetus in a sink that sometimes talks to you in demonic voice in the P.T.(playable teaser for Silent Hill(s) new game), but still not something I would like to meet at night.
Nice chapter, I enjoyed this slices :)
Just a suggestion: "Xavier desanto" is not a common name in the center of Spain, you could use Javier. Desanto sounds like an american immigrants names.Also in spain people has two surnames ^^
4888114 Mmm, possibly, possibly. I'm meshing names from two friends I knew from Spain (though we met near Austria during a school thing) and pretending this person grew up in the 1920's. They only ever used one surname each around me, so I'll chalk this up to a lack of experience on my part.
Danke und gruess Gott!
4888253 yeah I assumed that, is not common knowledge. Just wanted to help :) Hope to read.more of you
Bitte
"Not always. Please look at me? You are safe." A flat, bare face jerked around to look up at her, still attached to a blank pony's body.
"No we're not."
That scene will undoubtedly give me nightmares
Your authors note says something about a next chapter, but the story is marked complete. Is it complete or will there be more?
4917575 Bah! I'm fixing that, now- I have three more already completed and this thing probably won't be done until after Tirek. Plus some epilogues/interludes and such.
The problem is, this started as such a small project...
4926367 As much as you may try, you can't compact awesomeness of this magnitude.
I am glad there will be more
I didn't know that Germane could do that type of transformation too!
-Twilight and Germane's misunderstood conversation.
-Rainbow Dash's fanfic.
-Hypothetical Rainbow Dash's reaction to Luna hooking up with Twilight and Germane.
-The pillow fort.
-Everything Luna did in this chapter.
-Probably a dozen other things I could list.
This chapter was hilarious.
Pinkie inheriting her father's humanity is definitely interesting. It makes me wonder about a few things. Like, did Pinkie pick up her human pop-culture references from her father? And more importantly, just how many ponies are part human? If the traces of humanity that let Germane's device work only last for a generation or two, then that's probably only a few hundred extra. But if it lasts indefinitely, and any pony with a human ancestor can become a human, then depending on how long humans have been showing up (I can't remember if you've said anything about when they first started to appear), there could be an enormous number of potential humans.
Also, why did they ask where Pinkie's father was from instead of both of her parents? Do they already know that her mother was born a pony somehow?
Oh dear God, the omake was made out of pure gold, and maybe bacon
The chapter itself was really entertaining as well, I do really enjoy the story a lot.
His story is amazing. I like the interaction between Germane and Twilight. I missed seeing Twilight act crazy, she seems more calm with each season.
The date was cute and I enjoyed watching Twilight read books on dating.
I loved the chapter...enough said.
The interlude was funny.
I have to say, I love the reactions!
About that typo- no unexplained gender-bending in this story. As funny as re-writing Ranma 1/2 with ponies would be... I already have an outline for the next project. It'll be an epic of secondary characters and hidden adventure.
Remember, the human phenomenon has only been going on for about eighty-odd years. The interlude showed Olive as he was when he was first setting up Hominids Anonymous. We're looking at second-generation immigrants at the furthest, really.
This is really a comedy first- I wanted a bunch of nerds to act all awkwardly sexy around each other while the rest of the series goes relatively canon. The human elements only highlight what the main cast has already done, without taking away credit for the Elements' achievements. No Marty Stu/Mary Sue characters stepping in.
Heck, Germane's a sort of joke take on OC alicorns- the shape was a birth defect. Even without really having been born there, certain humans such as he and Derpy find themselves dealing with the kinds of problems that plague some families.
Some of you might be wondering about the human myths and such. Hopefully, I'll catch you all off-guard when it comes to the big, sad reveal. The sadness will be dealt with by sheer sexy.
Quick request- can anybody out there with a good eye draw a cover with a sketch by me as a guideline? I'll trade one full-length omake chapter on the topic of your choice!
I enjoyed the "Father my Children" line from both Luna and Twilight.
Damn fine story, bro
Another great chapter!
I know it's (probably and hopefully) not what you intended, but that could be taken in a very interesting way.
Wasn't it said or implied that some other ponies in the fashion industry are former humans? Wouldn't they already know all about human fasions, and wouldn't they have already tried to use them?
Finally! Another story besides The Unity Pact that has multiple Humans in it! It's fairly well - written too.
Awesome chapter.
Homing badgers...
AWSOME !!!
Ohhh nice romance comming, i also need popcorns
Eghehe troll luna is always good
Love the chapter.
I don't holla.
"Do you want to ride her now, too?" Oh God!! That was the hardest I've laughed in a long time!
Ah yes. Nikola Tesla. It's sad, really. He believed that if everyone had line-of-sight, instant death particle beams, that there would be no way to land troops, and no one would use such horrible weapons. That it would make war obsolete.
He actually called them Peace Rays.
As amazing a man as he was, I'm very glad he never actually produced them.
Even though the sci-fi weapon nerd in me weeps at the lost awesome.
This was a really great chapter. You have a good story here
ehehehe very funny
Put Flash Sentry there is some kind of revenge? XD
And thus the goon squad was born! But I feel that it will be quite fun to see said good squad deal with the crazy.
This whole story is excellent. Your characters are well written, and the dialogue is frequently hilarious. I look forward to seeing what else you'll write.
I know we've brought this up before, but you really need to work on making it clearer who's speaking. But other than that, this was another excellent chapter.
This Jenny Levy character interests me. If you were to write a story about her, I would definitely read it.
These are some insanely positive responses! Still working on speech indicators, since apparently they come out differently in my head than they do on paper. So, sorry, J, still trying!
There are a lot of throw-away references to events and characters that aren't shown, but that's mostly for the sake of world-building.
A lot of that extra stuff is going to go into it's own, without-humans story I'm calling 'carousel', already under construction!
Loved it. Can i feed him too?
This is looking most excellent so far. Yet another bit of evidence that you can't trust the bloody ratings.
Great chapter. Nice to see that this story is back.