//------------------------------// // Damn It, Sparkle! // Story: Life Ever After // by Goof Theorist //------------------------------// Chapter One: Damn It, Sparkle! It was a beautiful day, with a sky almost clear and blue. The weather had been forecasted (scheduled) to be pleasant and warm... so it came as a complete surprise to Germane when he found himself drenched just a second after stepping out of the Ponyville Post Office. He blinked in confusion, then glanced up. He was pretty certain that rain wasn't usually accompanied by shreds of blue rubber. In fact, unless he was completely mistaken, that hadn't been rain at all. "Miss Dash, for the last time, I vow to destroy you!" The chromatic menace laughed from her cloud-top perch. She was literally rolling on the floor laughing, if by floor, one meant a cohesive chunk of water vapor. "Your face! That's... ha ha... that's too good!" Germane stomped his front hooves in rage. "You lousy pigeon! You aerodynamic blueberry donut!" She kept laughing. "Pigeon is a tribalist term, dude. Where's the solidarity?" If she was offended, it certainly didn't show. Germane flapped his wings in an effort to dry out, some. "The solidarity is dripping down my flank. I have had enough!" His left wing, which was dripping slightly less than the other, dipped into his saddlebag and brought out one of the finest inventions to hit the Equestrian markets in years. The Butter Ripple Mark VIII Accu-Shot paint barrel (plus extended rifling attachment) swung up with steady certainty. Rainbow Dash, local celebrity and pain-in-the-plot, was laughing too hard to notice. Germane felt a grin which would have shamed a hydra settle over his face. Pock-pock-pock! Rainbow Dash shrieked. Obviously, Germane's semi-blind firing through the bottom of the cloud must have hit something sensitive. Instead of immediately taking flight, the shock reduced her reaction to a frantic dance over the cloud's surface. "Green is your color, Miss Dash! Green is your color! Roll over and I'll make your new dye-job even! Bwa ha ha!" Knowing not to push his luck, Germane stowed the paint barrel and ran for it. Flying for it against Rainbow Dash herself would have been a stupid prospect for any pony, but moreso for Germane. He loved his wings, but they were not an option right now. He ran for the market place and put his hopes on one of the paint splashes being somewhere too embarrassing to show to a crowd. For a race of nudists, certain things could make ponies very body-shy. Several minutes later, and free of any suspicious, lingering clouds, Germane circled through the busy streets until he'd neared the town library. If the Element of Loyalty (and bloody-minded annoyance, he thought privately) was out pranking again, it was highly unlikely that the building was closed on account of world-ending dangers that required the town librarian's personal attention. Having the magical equivalent of a super-heroine running a public institution did not make for steady opening hours. Germane swallowed down his sense of trepidation, which was something he had to do whenever he found himself in close quarters with Celestia's protege. Unfortunately, sometimes waiting on a delivery of magical manuals from one of the big-city publishing houses wasn't always convenient. and he needed a few references books post-haste. The library... the tree... the library which was in an honest-to-goodness tree (he was stallion enough to admit to being a little jealous), soon lay just ahead. Miracle of miracles, the 'open' sign was on display. The green-on-white pony pushed his way inside, and smiled at the scent of parchment and ink. It smelled like his own home, minus the metal fumes. Several schoolfoals were gathered in a circle in the room's far corner. The town's resident dragon was fetching them books. "You'll never find anything about the Griffon Wars in that one," he was saying from his spot up on the movable ladder, "Especially since the author of that book thought griffons were a kind of feathered dragon." "...Are they?" asked one colt. Spike sighed. "No. No they are not." One of the fillies swatted the colt over the head with a notebook. "We're really sorry for Acorn, here, Spike," she said, and the colt gave her an offended look. Spike flashed her a quick grin. "I'll never know if I don't ask!" replied Acorn. "That's technically true," admitted the dragon, "but the next dumb question earns you a seat in one of Twilight's Special Lectures." Germane winced. The last pony to refer to the purple unicorn's assistant/little brother figure as a lizard had been restrained and forced to listen to a six-hour lecture on the history of Equis's sapient species, and the importance of cultural sensitivity. The poor mare had been weeping after the experience. "Miss Cheerilee said there's no dumb questions!" insisted Acorn. "You must have misheard her," replied Spike. The dragon was snarky, which was a quality Germane could get behind. "Good morning, Sir Spike," said the stallion to grab his attention. Spike looked over and smiled with embarrassment. "Hey, Mister Craft! Um, about Twilight last week..." Germane waved a forehoof. "Think nothing of it. I'm sure Miss Sparkle was entirely within her rights to suspect me of smuggling Timber Wolves. For whatever reasons any sane pony would do that." Germane was amused to note that it was, in fact, possible to blush through scales. The entire thing had been pretty hilarious in retrospect. After the hospital visit. Secrecy and weirdness (the latter of which he had in spades, even after eight years of... well, eight years) were double-edged swords, after all. So once again, Germane had been reduced to an awkward stand-off with the Element of Magic. "Speaking of which, is she, uh, here?" he asked. "I didn't want to bother her at all, just hoping you had a few titles on hand that I really need." With a minimum of fuss, he handed over a type-written sheet of paper. Spike grabbed it with the all-business attitude he always took when it came to library business and scanned the list. "We've got the first two, but Hoofington's 'Metallurgical Mysteries' is on loan to Fillydelphia for the next two weeks. I'll just grab these for you." Germane nodded pleasantly. "As for Twilight-" "Did somepony call my name?" Speak of the purple devil, and she will appear, thought Germane with a sigh. Twilight Sparkle was descending from the private residence in the tree's upper level. She was hovering a mug of tea after herself, which she nearly spilled at the sight of the winged pony on the ground floor. "Oh! Germane. How are... things?" She was wearing her best 'nothing happened and I haven't accused you of being a mad scientist because, golly, that would be hypocritical, now'-grin. Germane gave a quick, tolerant nod. "Miss Sparkle. Just checking out some books," he said. To illustrate his point, Spike shuffled up with the two of his requests that they had on hand. "Completely normal, not-at-all suspicious books." To her credit, Twilight blushed. In Germane's mind, doing so through purple fur was an accomplishment almost on par with blushing through scales. "I'm really, really sorry about the thing with the Timber Wolves." Germane stared. She stared back. To his satisfaction, she blinked first. "And the thing with the copper ore. And the thing where I thought you were trying to produce weapons for Saddle Arabia. And the-" "All forgiven!" cut in Germane with a broad smile. And then a very evil thought overcame his better sense. "Really, though, you pay a great deal of attention to me, Miss Sparkle. It's downright flattering. Perhaps offering to buy me a cup of coffee would result in less property damage?" To the stallion's delight, he was graced with the sound of a dragon gagging dramatically in the background, along with the sound of foals' laughter. Celestia's student began stammering. "I, I didn't, I wasn't, are you implying-" Germane shifted his saddlebags to a more comfortable position and made for the door. It had been a rather stupid impulse, and he'd surely regret it, but he'd be damned if it didn't make him feel better. "Good day, Miss Sparkle." And because he just couldn't resist, he called out over his back, "I'm really fond of Java's House of Java, just so you know." Germane Craft: 1, Twilight Sparkle: 0. The alarm came several hours later, long after the sun had set. Germane threw aside his soldering iron and pulled his smoked glasses down around his neck and immediately made for the door. It had to happen tonight of all nights, he thought, and then immediately after felt ashamed. It had been an unkind thought. Really, somepony's life was in danger and his first thought was about how inconvenient it was? Germane bolted outside and immediately took off in the direction of the Everfree Forest. He cursed himself for being the only winged pony on the planet who made better distance on his own four legs than he did by air, save for the town veterinarian. To be fair, he could go faster flying, but it would leave him tired and useless in a place where it was very dangerous to be tired and useless. Dark houses (not many of them, really, given how close he lived to the edge of town) flew by as he galloped up the road. He was just wondering just how much of a delay there'd been in his detection system when the sound of very distinct voices informed him that there had been just enough of one to make things even harder. "Are you sure you heard it coming from the forest? Who would be crazy enough to wander through there at night?" "I- I don't know, b-but they sounded scared and hurt! Please, Twilight, if you can, I mean, we have to go! Even, um, even if I have to go alone." "Easy, Flutters. We'll have a time of it, sure, but we've both got yer back. Ain't nothing like we haven't done before." Three distinct voices, by a very familiar cottage, who were all on their way to investigate the same disturbance that Germane himself was headed for. It was as bad an outcome as he could have imagined. Well, no. He could easily imagine a freak lightning storm and a stampede of elephants to accompany the evening's... festivities, but even minus his eternal pessimism, things were still pretty bad. He considered, as he came alongside the cottage, just stopping to tell them that he was already taking care of things, but folk of the heroic persuasion tended to be nosy and inconsiderately helpful. Instead, when he almost ran over three of the Elements of Harmony, he played it stupid. "Good evening, mares. Didn't see you there." They recoiled in surprise, and Fluttershy instinctively disappeared behind the eldest Apple sister, but they calmed slightly seeing he was just the harmless local eccentric rather than, say, Nightmare Moon's latest incarnation. "Mister Germane? Why are you out here?" Twilight, always quickest on the ball, nervously glanced between him and the forest. Obviously she, like he did, wanted to warn off the opposite party and head into the Everfree. "Well I was on my normal midnight jog," lied Germane blatantly, "when I heard a... scream," he added, hedging his bets on just what Fluttershy might have heard. "Being a responsible citizen and all, I thought I'd lend a hoof." The mare huffed in exasperation. "That's very... thoughtful of you, but it could be dangerous. We're already going." Germane nodded. "Then I'll follow along to protect you!" That, predictably enough, drew Applejack's ire. She narrowed her eyes. "You sayin' we need protect'n? Ah'm thinkin' it's the other way 'round." "Then you can protect me instead. Good thinking! Now let's go, time's wasting." And before somepony could say something sensible and therefore horribly inconvenient, he hurried off. Sure enough, the thud of six pairs of hooves quickly followed. "That's not what Ah meant!" shouted the farmpony. "But it's what I meant, Miss Apple!" Then followed ten minutes of Germane being as stubbornly stupid as possible until they'd gone a distance into the dark and grim forest where they all stopped. Mostly they did so because Twilight brought up the fact that they were all, in fact, running completely blind. "Are you sure you didn't pick up on a specific direction?" Twilight asked the yellow pegasus. "Very sure. But..." There was, to Germane's experience, an atypical look of fierce focus on Fluttershy's face as she scanned the dark spaces under the canopy around the group. She stiffened. "This way." "How can you be certain?" asked Germane. He wasn't really questioning her judgement, and was actually really glad that at least one pony in their impromptu rescue party had at least half an idea how to proceed, but he was curious. "The bats are fleeing," she said, pointing upward with one wing. "Something spooked the poor things. They're, uh, they're headed from this direction." The stallion glanced up, and sure enough, there were bats. Applejack at his side shuddered. "Flying varmints. If Ah catch rabies, Ah'm gonna be very upset, just so as you know." "Duly noted," replied Twilight with an eyeroll. "Come on." Fluttershy's intuition was dead-on. Within five minutes, the four of them stumbled upon an earth pony seemingly in the middle of some sort of psychotic episode. Without giving any warning, Germane darted ahead of the three mares and wrapped his forelegs around the stranger to try to hold the panicking stallion still. He leaned in and whispered into the earth pony's ear. "If you had fingers yesterday and just woke up... different, then calm the fuck down. I can help. Also, pretend to have amnesia, the others here won't understand." Out loud, to the others he said, "We should get this poor fellow to the hospital. I'm sure Nurse Redheart's on duty tonight." And if she wasn't, he'd drag her out of bed himself. "Of course," said Twilight suspiciously. Because of course she'd be suspicious. She was always suspicious, especially when it came to all things Germane. He'd feel hurt, except he was admittedly a pretty damn suspicious pony in general. "Are you okay?" asked Fluttershy. Applejack stepped forward. "Who are you? What were ya doin' out here, of all places?" Germane discretely nudged the dazed-looking stallion and prayed the guy got the message. "I, um, I don't remember? I think I've got..." The stallion, with his new orange-on-yellow pallet, swallowed nervously. "Amnesia! So tragic," said Germane sympathetically. "Welp, no need to stay here longer than we have to. Shall we?" It was a long and very stressful walk back. Thankfully, the new stallion on the block's terrible coordination was put down to exhaustion. As Germane suspected, the poor guy only had trouble walking when he focused on his footing, thus he did his best to distract the fellow with long, vivid descriptions of Ponyville which left him wide-eyed, confused, and perfectly capable of walking on four legs. Dealing with the females in the party took Germane's finest display of obfuscating stupidity thus far. He wasn't sure if it was easier or harder once Fluttershy begged off to return home once the situation was obviously in hoof. Either way, he was left trying to out-bluff a genius and the very avatar of honesty. By the time the group reached the emergency room, he was sweating nervously. "Nurse Redheart! Maudlin Redheart, darling dear, how are you?" The white mare snapped her eyes up and scowled. "You were just in here two days ago! Germane, I swear I'm going to start using the really big needles if you insist on injuring yourself this often." She finally took in the rest of the group. Specifically, Twilight. The nurse's eyes softened a bit. "Miss Sparkle, I know the urge to beat him is almost unbearable at times, but if you could please-" Twilight's eyes bugged out. "Beat him?! I've never!" "Cough, death ray, cough," said Germane. Applejack gave him a funny look. "Y'know, usually when somepony's coverin' up things when they speak, they actu'lly cough instead 'a sayin' the word 'cough' out loud." Germane stared back in wide-eyed innocence. "Really?" Twilight groaned. "It didn't look like a telescope! You were running half the town's power grid through the thing, for Celestia's sake!" Germane nodded. "And I got truly awesome readings because of it." Obviously turning impatient, Redheart spoke up. "If Germane here hasn't somehow earned another head wound or electrocuted himself... again... then how, exactly, might I help you all this evening?" Her eyes finally settled on the strange pony at Germane's side. She caught the winged stallion's gaze and then lit up in awareness. "This poor fellow has amnesia. We found him in the forest. These two and Miss Fluttershy very kindly came along to help." Redheart nodded brusquely and took the confused stallion by the whithers. "Well, let's get you looked at. As Germane here undoubtedly already said, I can help." She stressed the words and the stranger was obviously just quick enough to catch on. Or was confused enough to just go along with things. Either way, Germane's work there was done. Twilight and Applejack both looked like they wanted to speak up, but Redheart had already disappeared with her newest patient and Germane had taken to the air as soon as he'd stepped out of the hospital. He savored the air, both under his wings and in his lungs, and made a line for home. Twilight was confused, and furious, and several other things that she didn't care to think about. She'd called one of the emergency meetings of the Bearers of Harmony, which she tended to call at least three times a week. To be honest, she'd had to ask Pinkie's cooperation in bribing the group with sweets to make them all show up. As Rainbow Dash tended to say: 'If the town's not on fire, then Twilight probably ran out of quills or something. Not an emergency!' The unicorn in question scowled. That had only happened one time! So there they were, gathered the morning after the odd events in the Everfree Forest, and Twilight would have to try to convince her friends of... something. "What did he do this time, darling? This hidden battle between the two of you has ensconced itself into local legend, why I dare say it could be immortalized in the finest novel of our modern age!" Judging by Rarity's excited grin, it would be an uphill battle. Germane Craft had gone from constant almost-threat to living urban legend in less than a few years. They'd be more interested in hearing about the latest mystery than about actually stopping his... whatever it was he was doing! Though writing it up in a book might be sort of fun, she thought, before bringing her attention back to the real world. So she described the circumstances of the previous night with helpful comments from Applejack and Fluttershy. Pinkie brightened up. "So he's just a good Samaritan! I should get him a thank-you-cake! And we'll need to have a party for the new pony, and, and, and-" It took Rainbow Dash wrestling the pink earth pony down to halt her mid-party crusade. "Does nopony think that was at all suspicious?! Who takes midnight jogs? Who's that stubborn about running into the Everfree at the first excuse?" pleaded Twilight. Applejack sighed. "Well Ah can't say much to the first bit, but as fer the second, we all were doin' that, weren't we?" The unicorn took an angry bite of a cinnamon-glaze doughnut (though she felt a lot less angry after tasting it). "Only because Fluttershy was in just the right place to hear the commotion. She got us, but who got him?" "What about the new guy? The one with amnesia?" asked Dash as she tried to put a giggling Pinkie Pie into a full Neighlson. Obviously the attempt to calm the other mare had been interpreted as a plain, old-fashioned wrestling match, and Rainbow Dash just seemed happy to roll with it. "He doesn't have amnesia. Heck, it was Germane who suggested amnesia long before we could ask him any questions! He said something I couldn't hear to the new guy, and then the new guy stopped freaking out in no time flat. It was eerie." "Ya suppose he threatened that stallion?" asked Applejack. Twilight hesitated. "No... I think he reassured him of something. I don't even think they knew each other, but it's like..." She sighed. "I don't even know what it's like, really. I checked at the hospital this morning. Nurse Redheart supported the diagnosis of amnesia, and said that he'd be in isolation for another two days. 'Just in case'." "Ha! Gotcha, Dashie!" said Pinkie Pie. The pegasus on the floor under her groaned. "How does anypony get that flexible!? You don't have bones, Pinkie, you have taffy." "Maybe!" Twilight did her best to ignore the duo. "And so now we have a conspiracy," mused Rarity. "This is third-book material, really, after the romance has been developed a bit and somepony's long-lost twin has appeared to claim an ancient legacy." Twilight hardly noticed that her life was being plotted out as some screwball harlequin novel series, and was too busy trying not to choke on her doughnut. "Romance? Who have you been talking to? What did he say this time?" That caused a complete, immediate silence in the room. The purple unicorn suddenly felt trapped, which was an odd feeling to get in her own home. "This time?" Dang it, Rarity. But the white-coated unicorn was not, in fact, the Element of Mercy. "Oh, I get it now! You've been stalking this dashing villain, trying to turn him to the side of the good with your wiles, and he's been reciprocating!" "I haven't been stalking anypony! I- I don't even have wiles!" Rainbow Dash muttered an 'I'll say', and Pinkie gasped. "Twily, you've been stalking? You should have asked me for lessons!" That was the cue for Applejack to make a snorting gasp of laughter. "Look, he was just teasing me, okay? He said something about paying too much attention and just... he was probably just trying to get back at me because I thought he was smuggling Timber Wolves-" "Which was just the dumbest one yet," added Rainbow Dash, as she finally managed to get out from under Pinkie and snag a cupcake. The party pony herself sighed. "And I was gonna buy one off him, too. Gummy could use a friend when I'm out of the house!" "Um, Pinkie, Timber Wolves would not make good pets, probably," spoke up Fluttershy. "It might be dangerous." "He made some joke about a cup of coffee at Java's causing less property damage," said Twilight with a dismissive roll of her eyes. Rarity wasn't so quick to dismiss anything, though. "He offered to take you out for... coffee?" The eyebrow waggle was much less innocent than the comment preceding it. "No, he said that I should ask him out to..." "How scandalously forward!" Twilight twitched. "Oh, Ger~maaane..." The stallion in question's ear flicked back at the noise. He twisted in the half-fabric, half-metal gantry against the thin tower alongside is home and blinked, owlishly, through his goggles. "Miss Doo! Already found me on your mail route, I see." The town's most infamous mail pegasus (and Germane found himself wondering who he personally knew that wasn't, in fact, somehow infamous) was hovering unsteadily alongside him. Without warning, she tossed him a scroll. He moved frantically and cradled the thing in his hooves. It looked familiar. In fact, it was sealed with his own cutie mark. "Er, Miss Doo? This one's addressed to you. I think you mixed up the return address, again." Ditzy rolled her eyes. Eye. "I can see that, dummy! Now why are you trying to send me letters when I live five minutes away? Not that the royal postal service doesn't appreciate the business." He grinned at her as he slowly rotated in his safety strap. Interestingly, she rotated mid-air under her own power to match his angle. "Did you try opening it to check?" She blew a raspberry. "No, seriously, I sent out a bunch of these. I suppose I just kept on going, even for you and Miss Redheart." Astonishment flashed across her face. "Is this about-" Her eyes straightened out and zeroed in on her own muzzle, where his free forehoof was pressed to her lips. "None of that. This will just be a few of us. The locals and Fill, since I pulled his name out of a hat. You remember Fill?" She nodded, and he pulled his hoof away. "So no big meetings?" He shook his head. "Not 'til after Hearth's Warming. I'm calling in a few at a time, to offer everypony a piece of... well, a little piece of the past. It's not much, but, well, I hope you'll all like it." He thought back some several months, and over some of the more... negative reactions he thought he could anticipate. There were some extreme ponies out there, living in extreme circumstances. But then again, there were more than a few who were desperate for, well, exactly what he was offering. He smiled. It was an expression he'd gotten awfully good at faking, but this one, while shaky, was honest. Ditzy's eyes softened, and drifted slightly apart again. She pat his withers and hovered off a bit, but not before retrieving her scroll. "You always take such good care of us, Germane. I'm sure we'll love whatever you did. Olive was always very proud of you." Germane snorted. "Don't pull that mother-figure thing on me, Miss Doo. You've only got two years on my advanced age of twenty-four." She shrugged happily. "Measured one way, maybe. Ooh! My little muffin says thanks." "Dinky liked the toy?" Ditzy nodded vigorously. "Of course she did!" She leaned in conspiratorially. "She can't quite figure out how it works. Of course, neither can I, but at least I've got some idea." "Good to hear she likes it. You've got a bright filly, Miss Doo." "Don't I know it!" She looked around conspiratorially. "See you... soon, then?" "It's in the letter. Good day, Miss Doo." And so Germane happily went about his work. For about five minutes. "Mister Craft." The winged pony deflated slightly, and holstered his comically over-sized wrench. He rotated himself again until he was upside-down, facing his self-styled nemesis. Though she'd probably describe herself as a concerned citizen. Or whatever. Since that was just the kind of mare she was. "Miss Sparkle. Care to inspect my tower?" She stared at him, and he grimaced. "This tower here," he clarified, pointing up at the edifice, and incidentally up between his lower legs. "It's not a weapon, it's a scientific tool, I swear!" Twilight dragged one hoof slowly down her face, as if she had reason to be exasperated, or something. "Look. About that, ah, cup of coffee..." Germane felt a cold shiver running up (down) his spine. This was bad. He wasn't even quite sure what 'this' was, and it was bad. Twilight seemed to be bracing herself for something, and looked to be just unsettled as Germane did, though he sincerely doubted it. "How would you like to... accompany me... to Java's House of Java?" Silence followed. "Um, why?" Twilight stomped her hooves. "For a... for a date!" She added through clenched teeth. "Is speaking with you always supposed to be like pulling teeth?" Germane frowned. "Are comments like that supposed to make me want to go out on a date with you?" Twilight's eyes widened. "That's not what I meant! I meant that I... find that attractive?" "While I'm sure I was supposed to find that flattering, I'll still be a while before I'm even done up here, Miss Sparkle. Perhaps some other time." It sounded like a reasonable excuse to his own ears, and Twilight nodded resolutely. For a moment, Germane was just stupid enough to feel relieved. "Eight o'clock, then. I'm sure the Princess is looking forward to getting an update after tonight!" As she began pacing away, Germane squeaked something like a question. "You... already told the Princess that you were going out on a date with me?" Twilight glanced back and nodded. "Of course! I dare say she's waiting to hear about how well it goes!" Germane whimpered quietly to himself. "The Princess knows you're stalking Mister Adorkable?" asked Pinkie excitedly. Twilight and her friends had gathered just a block away from the coffee house, fifteen minutes before she was supposed to make her way over there. "It makes sense," supplied Rarity. "As her protege, surely she would want to make sure you managed only the finest match. And for you to throw this villainous paramour in her face can only lead to a steamy end in a tragic house fire." She sighed. "Book number four." "Will you stop that!?" Twilight was starting to suspect that involving her friends would be a lot less helpful than she'd originally thought. "The Princess doesn't actually know I'm investigating this." "Him." Rainbow Dash was grinning. "Investigating him. Closely." "Girls, he is up to something! This is just a chance to beat him at his own game and figure out his exact angle, here." She spared a glance over her back, toward the corner closest to the cafe. "I'll figure it out this time, and prove it! He can't keep up his charade forever." "Um, Twilight? You were sort of wrong... every other time," said Fluttershy apologetically. She flinched at Twilight's sudden look of betrayal, but firmed up some sort of inner resolve and continued, "Maybe he's just a little bit awkward, and has a... very strange sense of humor, but he's never really mean, either!" Her eyes narrowed, slightly. "Maybe he thinks that you really, uh, like him, and if he finds out you're just lying, then it might really hurt him." Twilight sighed. "Fluttershy, that stallion is obviously trying to throw me off balance. Telling him that I'd informed Celestia was a bluff to throw him off balance. You can't tell me that last night's events weren't suspicious!" "Admittedly, yes, there's a certain element of... mystery to this whole affair," said Rarity. Twilight nodded, happy to hear at least some sort of supporting comment from her circle of friends. "Exactly! He's acting under cover of darkness, here, and I'm going to expose whatever dirty deeds he's up to." The rainbow-maned pegasus to her left began shaking. Vibrating, really. Twilight looked at her in concern up until she realized Dash was trying to contain her laughter. "Don't even," she warned with a scowl. Rainbow Dash's smile widened to Pinkie-like proportions. Pinkie herself was watching with wide eyes and bated breath, as if witnessing the hatching of an adorable baby bird. There was a note of pride in her gaze. "You're... pfft! Going to expose him and his dirty deeds!" Germane shuddered at the pure note of frustration which echoed throughout the town and through the walls of the cafe he was waiting at. It didn't do much at all to settle his nerves. Quite the opposite, really. After some amount of deliberation (mostly taking place while trying to scrub the machine oil out of his mane) he'd decided that showing up a bit early would be the best way to put the town librarian out of sorts and leave the fewest options for whatever misinterpretations that might set off a certain over-protective Princess of the sun. It was like walking a tightrope made of razors and strung up by the Cutie Mark Crusaders- nerve-wracking and dangerous. Nervously, he checked the clock set high up on the wall of the dim and, dare he say it, cozy establishment. He wasn't quite sure how long this farce of a date would last, but he was pretty certain about how much time it would take to discretely haul two-hundred pounds of equipment out of his home and workshop. There was a lot at stake that night, and the Twilight element just made things more nerve-wracking. The idea crossed his mind that this all might, in fact, be some sort of genuine romantic effort. It sent a frisson of sheer nightmare-fueled electricity up his spine. Nervously, he tousled his mane again. A discrete peek upward revealed the messy edge of hair just above eye-level. Good. Fine. Wonderful. As to the rest of his appearance, he was clean. Really, that was as much effort as he'd put into this. His wings dipped toward where he'd normally have his saddlebags, and therein his notes. Reviewing them was a calming habit he'd picked up a long time ago, but he was quickly reminded of how he'd (wisely) left them at home and far away from snooping unicorns. As if to highlight just how long a night he expected to have to put up with, the bell over the shop's entrance rang. Germane watched as Sparkle entered and scanned the thin crowd of ponies until their eyes met. She resolutely made her way over, oozing a false casualness. "Good evening Miss Sparkle," he tried. She took the chair opposite his and quirked one brow. "Really, Germane? I asked you out for that coffee you wanted and you can't even call me 'Twilight'?" Something about her words nagged at him a bit, sounding just a bit too familiar. His reply was automatic and just as oddly familiar to his own ears. "Call it a mark of proper upbringing. My mother raised a proper gentlestallion." He paused a beat, and added, "And then she raised me. I must have picked up on some of it." "I'm not sure if your mother should be commended for the first attempt, or prosecuted for the second. What poor turn of luck brought you here, of all places?" "And here I thought that by this date my luck had finally been picking up." Realization struck Germane. "Are... are you quoting 'The Rainbow Bridge' at me, Miss Sparkle?" The unicorn's face was blank for all of half a second before her eyes widened. "What? No. Of course not." Germane's jaw dropped just a bit. "You are! You're working off of a quote from a spy novel!" Twilight looked to either side, as if expecting a laughing audience to spring up. "I wasn't! I don't know what you mean! You were quoting it too!" "Just following your lead, Miss Sparkle. I mean, Twilight." The corner of the stallion's mouth quirked up. Almost without his being aware, his frayed nerves settled into the comforting order brought on by sass and wordplay. "I mean, Special Agent Lumina." Her brow furrowed. "You've actually read it?" Germane shrugged. "I really liked the elements of science fiction that the author snuck in." "I suppose that makes you the baron's son, in this scenario. I didn't even intend to quote that, but it suddenly seems so much more fitting, doesn't it?" Twilight grinned, as if she fully believed she'd gained some sort of firm hoofhold in the situation. As Germane well knew, the baron's son had, in the story, had turned out to be a triple agent and, ultimately, been revealed to be the 'big bad'. "What you didn't intend has made your intentions quite clear, Twilight." Her expression drooped. The sheer disappointment there almost made Germane laugh. Instead, he did the next best thing. He picked up the menu, pretended to scan it, and let his eyes meet hers. "How do you feel about rose petal danishes?" Twilight eased open the library door and shut it softly, mindful of the fact that Spike was probably already curled up in his basket. It wasn't unheard of for him to leave a lamp on at its lowest setting when he expected her to arrive home late, but seeing Rarity curled up on one of the reading chairs next to the lamp and paging through a book bound by a red cover was more than a bit surprising. "Rarity? What are you doing up so late?" She didn't bother herself over the fact that the mare was visiting well after closing time. After all, the library was also her home, and she'd repeatedly stressed that her friends were welcome there at any time. Out of the other bearers of the Elements of Harmony, though, Rarity had always been the most vocal on the subject of 'beauty sleep'. The mare smiled up from the chair. "I just wanted to know how things went. I'm sure the others will pester you in the morning, but I thought it would be best to offer you a willing ear in the immediate aftermath, as it were." Twilight looked her friend over for a bare second, and was relieved to see none of the mischievous attitude from earlier. Rarity just looked earnestly helpful. Though that might just be her way of indulging in her oft-touted 'mares' talk'. Either way, Twilight found herself not minding in the least. It would be helpful to decompress. Normally, she'd just babble at Spike and he'd be a good little assistant and nod along as she babbled, but he was just enough of a little brother to be more insufferable than Rainbow Dash should Twilight even mention the word 'date'. "It was..." she thought carefully, discarded several word choices, and finished with, "infuriating. That stallion could babble for the Ponyville team at the Equestrian Games!" Rarity's expression fell. "He was boring?" Twilight shook her head violently. "Not at all. He was engaging and intelligent and.... evaded every single question I asked. We spent more time talking about our favorite fiction than we did about whatever his projects are." "Hmm. Two things, Twilight, dear." The unicorn gestured to a little side table, which already held two steaming mugs of tea. Twilight brightened up and hurried over. The scent told her it was one of Rarity's own nighttime blends, mixed just right to ease the caffeine lingering in her system. "Yes?" she asked, as she took a sip of her drink. "Well, haven't you already gotten answers as to what his past, ah, projects were all about?" Twilight scowled. "I know the 'what', but not the 'why'. They all turn out to be proof-of-concepts for concepts that were all already proven! Germane's being incredibly methodical about something, but whatever his ultimate designs are, they haven't seen the light of day outside of that workshop of his!" Her eyes rolled heavenward. "He calls himself a scientist, but he's never published any findings or secured any patents. He somehow inherited Olive Branch's laboratory, but you'd expect the student of such a brilliant pony to have, I don't know, carried on the legacy somehow." She sighed. "I know it seems paranoid to you girls, but a lot of his preliminary steps are just the sort of stepping stones you might take toward some... toward some really unpleasant things." "Oh?" Rarity raised one delicate eyebrow. Her librarian friend nodded decisively. "I only know that much because of a lot of the cautionary tales I had access to in the Canterlot archives. Princess Celestia was always very sure to let me know that some magical paths were just dangerous." "Well, I'm sure you're the most vigilant mare we could have on the job," admitted Rarity. "I don't mean to belittle your worries, and the Princess knows, literally, that we've seen stranger things happen." "Thanks, Rarity. That means a lot. Now, what was that second question?" asked Twilight and took a deep sip of her tea. "Since you both seem to share a taste in books, will there be any 'intimate study sessions' in the near future? Moonlit poetry readings?" Twilight allowed Rarity to stay just long enough to help clean up the results of a truly magnificent spit-take, then shooed her out the door. It was while she was finishing up the few remaining dishes that she was alerted to the true extent of that evenings sole silver lining, which came by means of an alarm audible only to her. A tone, just a few bars from her favorite song and not lasting more than a few seconds, sounded inside her head. All thoughts of sleep vanished in an instant. Twilight grinned victoriously. The tracking spell she'd fixed on Germane earlier was non-invasive, and would only activate if he left Ponyville. Thus, short of doing something immensely suspicious in the middle of the night, like he was doing right then, his privacy hadn't been violated. At this point in time, had they been present, her friends might have wondered if she'd fully grasped Celestia's lessons concerning the abuse of power. Really though, she thought, it had been too good an opportunity to pass up. Twilight grabbed up her emergency saddlebag (good for rescue attempts, diplomatic dinners and anti-terrorist actions) and hurried out the door. "Stupid. I was stupid and antagonized the thrice-damned Element of Magic. Tartarus take me, if bloody stupidity is as much of a sin as I imagine it is," muttered Germane from where he'd hitched himself in front of his cart. It was a pretty shoddy thing, but its wheels were still roughly circular and it did the job, so he wasn't complaining. Not about the physical labor, anyway. Aside from an array of magical equipment, the cart also carried a range of items that were best described as useless luxuries. Germane was a practical soul at heart, but a little kindness could go a long way. Case in point, the catnip toy that he also had with him that happened to be the size and weight of a bowling ball. That, he'd had to consult Fluttershy on, but she had a broad view on what made for an acceptable pet behavior (he'd met her pseudo-assassin rabbit before, oh yes), and hadn't questioned him further. Around him, the Everfree began to thicken as he left the open environment of Ponyville behind. The uncomfortable sensation of being watched struck him, stronger than usual, even, but entering the Everfree Forest was synonymous with having creepy eyes on the back of one's neck. Thankfully, he had just the thing for it. He took the ball in one upturned wing, lobbed it, and bucked it into the deeper treeline. There was a deep, panic-inspiring yowl, the sound of snapping sapling trees, and then Germane felt much better about his little enterprise. In reality, his stopping point wasn't more than five minutes into the treeline. Deep enough to be invisible to the outside world, but not so deep that it bordered the territory of the Everfree's more interesting wildlife. The line between paranoia and stupidity was a fine one, and Germane trotted along it with an ease born from years of practice. He went about setting up a tripod and several bundles of equipment that looked to have been cobbled together with chicken wire and holiday ornaments. It was the very finest of results that mad science could produce, with elements of magic to fill in the gaps where physics fell short in elevating Germane to godhood. Bwa ha ha, he laughed, trying it out in his own head first since testing was such a vital step before field release. The sound was, in his opinion, very pleasing to the ear. When he heard movement in the underbrush, his first response was to panic when his headcount came up too high. Way too high. His impulse to scrap his precious, precious instruments and disappear into the forest in a fruitless attempt to avoid the Solar Guard only abated when Ditzy crashed into the clearing. All was well with the world. "I'm... almost certain that I didn't send that many letters," said Germane. Ditzy Doo, Maudlin Redheart, and Fill Planter he'd expected. Two earth ponies, by the names of Vina Flame and Ash Carton were a surprise. Ash grinned like the happiest pig to ever find muck. "We was visitin' Fill, here, and heard you was puttin' something together. Thought we'd extend the vacation a fair bit, me and the missus." Vina rolled her eyes. "For the last time, I am not your 'missus'. You know I'm only using you for your body." Ash nodded. "And I'm just fine with that, darlin'." He brought his attention back to Germane. "So?" Germane hesitated, but eventually shrugged. "No problem. I would have just invited you guys a little later. I'm just keeping it to small groups so we can maintain a low profile." His gaze tracked over the other pony to accompany the group. Redheart's husband, Easy Hearth, stepped forward and waved. "I picked our last night out," explained the stallion, "So it was her turn. And she wanted to go out into the woods to meet some strapping fellow under cover of darkness. And since I'm always up for something new..." Germane couldn't help but laugh. Easy was a good soul, and as devoted a fellow as could be found. More than that, Germane already knew he could keep a secret. Not to mention he played a mean game of gay chicken. Which Redheart seems to enjoy just a tad too much, sometimes, he thought, then let it go. He didn't mind being the subject of a few fantasies. It was even sort of flattering, he mused sardonically, just how much attention he was getting these days. "This will be a show you'll never forget," he promised the couple. Then he addressed the group as a whole. "Well, my little hominids," a remark which got an appreciative few chuckles, "I've got an early Christmas present for you. Who here wants to be able to play 'rock, paper, scissors' again?" Silence greeted him, but that was only to be expected. He gestured toward his equipment. "I've been working on this for a while. And before you ask, I've already tested it on myself. It works. It works very, very well." "Prove it." It was, of all the ponies present, Vina who spoke up. She stomped forward and stared into his eyes, leaving Germane off-balance. "Prove it, Germane. Please?" "Yeah, just use your doohickey and let's get a gander," spoke up Ash, who was trying to put a calming limb over Vina's barrel. Germane smiled softly. "No need for my 'doohickey'. It's one use, and for ever after, it lets one do... this." The sensation was familiar, by now, even if he'd kept himself on a kind of strict limit. It was almost like he'd reached inside himself, grabbed whatever he found there, and pulled until he'd gone inside out. Something like luminescent water faded into view and was pulled soundlessly into his own body, which had changed. He'd never been a tall man, but given the switch in perspective he positively felt like a giant. His mass hadn't changed much, but it was proportioned in a very different way. Germane knew from a detailed inspection in his mirror that his hair had become a black, slightly curly mass that tickled his eyebrows. Relatively straight teeth filled his slightly shrunken mouth, and they were a magnitude sharper than they'd been just a minute ago. His fingers, because that's what his arms, not his forelegs, ended with, flexed up and down the cloth of the crude pair of pants he'd sewn up for himself. Bertrand Merkel smiled at his frozen friends and acquaintances. He expected an explosion of questions, or some audible signs of shock. What he in fact got were three things: a gasp, a jingle, and a roar. It was, he suspected, much easier to see somebody go pale in fear when they didn't have any fur in the way. Bertrand felt he must look positively ghost-like. Without hesitation, he spun and jumped into the brush. He was responsible for them, and he had screwed up so badly that words hadn't been invented that could describe his carelessness. Germane (which was as much his name as any other, and he'd grown to like it) prayed that something manageable, like a pack of Timber Wolves, had shown up. But his luck failed him for the umpteenth time that day. Twilight Sparkle, because who else could it be, stared with wide, terrified eyes at the manticore standing between her and the assembly of ponies behind Germane. The stallion (man, he reminded himself, then brushed it off as irrelevant) watched the manticore's scorpion tail twitch rhythmically. Germane did the only thing that wouldn't make things worse. "Simba, back down!" The creature froze and its growl turned into a low, inquisitive purr. Germane walked up to it and buried his fingers into its mane, and the monster leaned in with a louder, more pleased purr. "What... what? What?!" demanded Twilight in what Germane found to be an entirely reasonable tone of voice. Then the peanut gallery decided to add their two bits. Several ponies were poking their heads out between the bushes just past him and the manticore. "Oh shit, it's Sparkle! We're dead!" "No, we fake our deaths! I can start over in Zebrica, somepony get me a rhyming dictionary!" "Germane, keep her away!" "Did she hurt Simba?" It was the remark after that which made Germane want to curl up somewhere and die, though. Ditzy had actually stepped out of the brush and had thrown herself on the ground before Twilight. "Please don't take my muffin away, Dinky needs me!" Sparkle looked an equal mix of confused and horrified at the assembled figures before her. Germane thought desperately over contingencies for worst-case scenarios, which this was, and steeled his resolve. He picked up Ditzy gently, which wasn't too hard given her pegasus-specific lightness. With a swipe of his thumbs, he dried the thin fur under her eyes and jerked his own head to the side. "Everybody back to the clearing. Maudlin, take Simba and give him scratches. The poor thing's riled up. Ditzy? It will be okay, I swear it." She shivered and nodded, clearly buying his lie. Vina hurried forward and guided the distraught mare back. Simba followed after Redheart's soft, crooning summons. Once he and the librarian had a modicum of privacy, he carefully walked to what he suspected was the very edge of her personal space. He figured he'd hit that point because of the subconscious flare of her horn in response. His moves were downright glacial as he dropped into a cross-legged seat on the forest floor, and splayed his arms to either side in as non-threatening a gesture as he could make. Twilight eyed him in much the same way as she'd eyed the manticore. "We surrender." Twilight didn't quite grasp his meaning at first. The thing, like a tiny minotaur but clearly alien, and which had once been a pegasus, had folded onto its rear with on odd grace and braced itself as if expecting to be hit. She was vaguely aware that she'd been ready to cast a spell on pure reflex, and allowed her horn to dim slightly. Even then, for as alien as the thing was, it looked like it was standing at an executioner's block. "What?" Twilight cursed her own lack of eloquence, but she wasn't quite sure where to begin. The thing that had been Germane swallowed nervously. "If you take us," he winced, "me as a threat, then I surrender. Completely. I'll sit here until I rot, if I have to." Twilight shook her head violently. She had to focus. "What were you doing to them? Why were Nurse Redheart and Ditzy there? And the others? What did you do to them!?" "I didn't do anything. They are my... friends. So are the others." Obviously he caught her expression, and how she wasn't going to buy that load of horseapples. "May I explain?" "You'd better," she threatened. He nodded with that strange, short neck. "I come from a place with... people... just like me. There is no magic there. There are no other sentient species. The world was a much different place, is what I'm trying to say." He swallowed. "I died, I believe, and woke up in this forest. Nobody knows how it happened, but a... a lot of other people went through the same thing. Most of my friends are people like me, who all had to get used to living in Equestria." Next, the whatever-he-was gestured gently toward himself. " Just recently, I discovered a way to change back to my old body for a limited time, and wanted to share my discovery with the others. Then you showed up and scared our pet manticore." "I scared-" Twilight stared in disbelief. There were so many things wrong with his little speech that it defied reason. Then again, so did the creature. "May I change back? It might make you more comfortable. I won't change again after that if you don't want me to." Without waiting for her to sort out her thoughts, the creature did that glowing inversion thing again, and Germane was standing on all four hooves again. That was, until he slumped to the forest floor. "That... is really, really tiring." Twilight waited to see if the thing with Germane's face (had there ever been a real pony by that name?) would try to fly away, and if so stun it, but it chose not to move. Or else it really wasn't able to. Twilight couldn't be sure. "That is completely unbelievable," she informed him. He died and woke up as a pony? The creature smiled up at her humorlessly. "You can't believe it? I woke up in an alien forest and woke up with hooves, wings and a horn. Tell me what not to believe, Miss Sparkle." Her eyes narrowed immediately. "That's rich. Are you seriously telling me you woke up in an alien world as an alicorn? You're trying to get me to buy something out of Rainbow Dash's 'Daring Do' fanfictions." The thing's smile continued without a flicker. "Not an alicorn, Miss Sparkle. Pegacorn." "Pegacorn's are old mares' tales. It's just slang for a... birth... defect..." The thing brought a shaky hoof up to brush away his mane for her benefit. The fur on his forehead darkened around a wicked-looking scar, exactly as it was on Winter Leaves, one of the soft-spoken gardeners Twilight remembered from her life in Canterlot Castle. "Oh." The thing nodded. "Yes. I wake up in a world with magic, and find that casting it costs crippling pain and seizures. I wake up with wings, to learn that my flight magic will never be above half its potential. It was a real kick in the tail. Which, by the way, was also a strange little surprise." It flexed its wings and tail to demonstrate, and shrugged again. "Olive Branch found me eight years ago and took me in. I had no identity in Equestria, then, so the kindly Nurse Redheart had to perform the operation in secret on top of one of Olive's workbenches. The old stallion held my hoof while I sobbed like a child." "Olive was one of the first of us to wake up in this world, and did his best to look out for us newcomers. I took over after he passed, and have tried to do the same. There are other wild magic zones where the same thing happens, and the other caretakers and I keep an informal network to help others adapt to their new lives. We adapt and try to be useful to our new community, but not everybody, sorry, everypony, takes to it too well. Hence my little project." "You... you claim you all just live in secret, and nopony ever noticed?" Twilight found herself shaking. If there was even a kernel of truth to the alien's claims, then how would those individuals take to her discovery of them? She found herself scanning the trees for danger. "Some do," continued the alien gently. "It gets dismissed as craziness, often enough, since there's no real proof. Some choose to tell their spouses, and some spouses choose to believe. Some tell their children, or don't, depending. Miss Doo's little filly has no idea her mother used to be a clever ape-descendant, and her onetime stallionfriend... left. You can understand her fear, I hope. With the Changeling invasion such a short time ago, rumors of disguised aliens might not be dismissed out of hoof. Little Dinky might be taken away, labeled a dangerous crossbreed and studied in a lab somewhere. Dissected, maybe" That idea, if nothing else, shocked Twilight into a slightly more stable frame of mind. "What? Who could consider doing that?! Somepony dissecting somepony like that?" The alien caught her gaze with a chilling stare. It horrified her not because of some look of anger or some other, alien emotion, but because of its absolute lack of hope. "Dear Princess Celestia," the tired-looking alien intoned. "I discovered an alien conspiracy. They've been hiding among us for years, and have access to advanced and dangerous technology-" Twilight cut in and interrupted the disturbing (and poorly-voiced) imitation of one of her own letters. "What technology?" That drew another stare. "My connection to Olive Branch was obvious even before I told you. Ponyville's most famous founding member next to the Apple and Smith families." The unicorn's eyes widened. "The inventor of steam engines and photographic chemistry and, and..." Her gaze went just a bit unfocused at the implications. "He never invented those things. He introduced them." "Humans, which is what we call ourselves, by the way, homo sapiens, of the branch hominidae, have the same average intelligence as ponies, as far as I can tell. Humans are just more inventive by nature. Or just got luckier. Whatever. Given the speed of pony development, I'd say humans are at least four centuries ahead of ponies." Another rush of questions flooded Twilight's mind, but her earlier concern rose to the fore. "If you think I could..." the words 'recommend for dissection' couldn't force themselves off her tongue, so she went on with, "hurt you, what do you plan on doing to me?" The thing, which if it was to be believed had always been the pony she'd distantly known as 'Germane Craft', closed its eyes and settled its head down on the loose earth. "What could we do? And not just literally, since you could flash-fry us all, or just teleport away. You're one of the ten most important individuals in the country." Twilight found herself caught again by those strange, grey eyes which had been so much smaller, a moment before. The irises had stayed a constant size, no matter how the light made the pupils shrink or widen. "We're not monsters. That aside, you've saved our lives, all of them, at least twice. What would we have done against Discord? Or Nightmare Moon? Jump ship and return to a world we can't find? For that matter, build one out of paper mache, somehow? I'm sure I could set us down in Times Square and wave my wings and tell everybody that I'm proof of life after death, and that the afterlife is comprised of talking, technicolor midget horses?" He stood, unsteadily, and took a step toward Twilight. The unicorn stepped back. "This is home now, for better or worse. And if nobody wants us, or at worst want to kill us, then our best option would be bearing arms against the only families we've been able to cobble together after losing everything we'd ever known." He swallowed. "Not happening. Do your worst, Miss Sparkle, because we can't really stop you. Well?" "I, I should-" "Fetch the Princesses. I'm sure you'll be commended for hounding the aliens into submission. I've never harmed a single pony, and you're going to make sure I never do. Go on," a hoof gestured in the direction of Ponyville. "I won't stop you. We'll wait here, far away from innocent bystanders, and you can come back with the guards. You-" "Stop it!" Her horn lit up and Germane froze, face gone blank again. "I am going to observe you, and you're going to answer all of my questions, and I'm going to deal with this after I understand everything. Nopony has to get hurt. Okay?" "Okay," he replied simply enough. With a flick of his tail, he started shuffling back to the other clearing. Twilight firmed up her resolve and followed. "Wait. What do I call you?" The alien didn't look back. "I used to be named Bertrand, but I'm pretty fond of Germane, if you don't mind." The other ponies, plus one sleepy-looking manticore (that was... chewing on a large ball? Twilight blinked hard, at that one) were arranged in a semi-circle. Ditzy didn't look much better than she had, and Redheart and her husband were huddling against each other ('some tell their spouses', she remembered Germane saying, and was still somewhat blown away by it). Easy was smoothing the mare's mane and whispering calming nonsense. The other mare, whom Twilight didn't recognize, was muttering something and clenching her eyes tightly closed. "-on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, and deliver us from evil." Then she repeated her... mantra, plus a few lines. "Ditzy?" tried Twilight, still unsure about the mare who'd been one of the first to welcome her to Ponyville. The mare looked up, and burst back into tears. That... is very unsettling, thought Twilight. Before she could try to say anything, though, 'Germane' spoke up. "Miss... Sparkle will obviously be joining us this evening. Most of us know her, already, or know of her, so no need for any of that 'AA' stuff." The stallion next to the muttering mare snickered uncertainly. "Hey, y'all. I'm Ash, and I've had a tail fer five years, now. Takin' it one day at a time, God bless ya." Germane chuckled weakly. "Right. Now, I've marked out a little circle. Just step into it and I'll have this done in just a second." Nopony moved an inch, noticed Twilight. "Come now, it's alright. I promise. Easy, you can stand right next to Maudlin, there. It won't affect you, so no need to worry about growing toes, okay?" "Toes?" Nurse Redheart nudged her husband. "Tiny claws on the feet, like little Spike. Except without the claws." "Or like on a bunny rabbit. Very ticklish, if that helps," added Germane with a reassuring grin. Slowly, the group shuffled into the marked-out space. Then Germane had to usher 'Simba' back out, where the manticore curled up again with its toy. "Miss Doo?" Germane prompted the only straggler. Twilight, almost before she knew it, was the one to cut the other off this time. "It's okay, Ditzy. I promise." The pegasus didn't meet her eyes, but shuffled forward with all the excitement of Fluttershy at school dance. The unicorn felt frustrated that she was being treated like some sort of monstrous interloper, but bit her tongue. "On three," announced Germane from his haphazard-looking tripod. "One, two-" He counted off, there was a flash and crackle of ozone, and then nothing happened. The assembled ponies-who-were-also-aliens looked around in disappointment. "Ah, now what?" asked Redheart. Germane reached down and picked up an apple in one hoof. "Now catch. Just do it with your fingers. Now, catch!" He winged the fruit at the startled unicorn. A flash of white, a strange inversion of something that Twilight couldn't quite see, and then a bipedal creature in a torn, red dress was standing there with a look of astonishment on her face, and a red, shiny apple in the digits of her forelimbs. "There you go," said Germane enthusiastically. "Just remember what it's like to be tall, or to stub your toe, or, well, you get the idea." Seconds later, four more bipeds stood next to the human mare. They were all clothed, Twilight noticed, except for the one with the drawling accent. He looked around frantically, trying to cover himself with his forelimbs until Germane threw him a tall, shoddily-sewn robe made with a biped's height in mind. With a look of utter gratitude, the male (and it was obviously male, Twilight noticed with a blush) donned the robe and tied it closed. "Ash?" "Vina!" The drawling stallion, now pale and bearing a receding mane line, swept up the dark-skinned mare who'd just seconds ago had a cutie mark of a loaf of bread behind a bunch of grapes. The stallion who'd accompanied the two, now with a red mane instead of brown, and slightly less pale than 'Ash' was cheerfully stretching and contorting himself in odd-looking poses. Ditzy was staring down at her hands, and looked remarkably similar to... herself. Yellow mane, pale olive skin, but with perfectly normal (if small) eyes. Nurse Redheart, who if Twilight had to make a guess by the tiny lines at her eyes was a fair bit older than the others, dropped the apple and crouched next to her husband, who was watching her with wide-eyed amazement. She nuzzled his neck and wrapped her forelimbs around his whithers. "Hey, baby." He nuzzled her back and sighed. "You know, I liked being the taller one." Twilight boggled. "It's getting late," prompted Germane. Twilight was startled out of the fevered look of observation that hadn't quite left her face in all of the previous two hours. The group, humans, ponies and manticore, had gathered around an impromptu bonfire, sharing anecdotes from both lives. Some of the most innocent comments seemed to send the violet unicorn reeling, but she somehow restrained herself from interrupting. That, mused Germane, was probably for fear that she might interrupt this new curiosity. He well understood the fascination of a new discovery, even if he tended to be less manic about it than Twilight did. "Huh?" "It's late, Miss Sparkle. These people, er, ponies, have homes to return to or jobs to wake up for in the morning. You know their names and faces. Will you allow them to leave?" He wasn't too ashamed to admit he was gratified at the victimized look in her eyes. If righteous indignation on her part kept the others safe, he'd take it. "Will you stop saying it like that?" she hissed back. "No." He leaned in. "They are my friends. Or like distant family. And you have absolute power over them, and myself. You've figured out my dastardly plot, after all. Should I expect not to be treated like a criminal?" The unicorn glanced away. "I'm sorry about that, okay? But I wasn't wrong, either. I... I won't say anything." "Even to Princess Celestia?" That, there, was the reaction he was fearing. She flinched. "I'm not going to lie to my teacher!" She chewed on her lower lip. "But I won't give her incomplete information, either. You owe me the whole picture." "Everything I know," promised Germane. If disclosure was his only defense, then he was perfectly prepared to commit to it. He raised his voice to address the group. "Alright, everybody. Let's go home." The assembled humans glanced down at themselves dubiously, so he added, "Transforming back would happen automatically in a few hours, as there is a limit, but you can do it early by remembering your other bodies. Same process, different trigger. I'm just going to shoot Miss Sparkle with our patented, human 'memory rays' and that'll be that." Twilight froze up. "We have those?" asked Fill, perplexed. Germane sighed. "That was a joke." He turned to Twilight and repeated it for her benefit. "Just a joke. Humans don't have magic, and I sure as heck can't cast anything either way." "Not funny." "No, but your expression was priceless." He received a hoof to the side for good measure. Back to the group, he said, "Miss Sparkle promises to keep quiet for now, so don't panic just yet. One way or the other, I'm sure I'll see everybody at our get-together after the holidays. The rest of you I'm sure I'll run into before then. Maudlin, next time I get a concussion. Miss Doo, next time you give me a concussion." Twilight was fascinated to see how easily 'humans' blushed. "Miss Sparkle, if you would help me pack up?" One by one, the humans flickered back into ponies and began wandering off. Before Redheart could do the same, she shrieked and jumped. "Easy! Did you just lick my feet?" The stallion grinned. "Germane said they were ticklish. I was just checking." Redheart transformed and bumped flanks with him, and they toddled off together into the trees. Germane found Twilight staring instead of poking at his invention, which was unexpected. "Is something wrong?" Twilight shook her head, but more like she was clearing her thoughts than denying anything. "They're just... really affectionate." Germane nodded. "Interspecies romances are disgusting, aren't they? It's like watching a dragon pine after a unicorn, or something." Twilight went wide-eyed. "That's not what I meant! You, uh, know about that?" The pegacorn rolled his eyes. "Everypony knows about that. Manehattan probably got a memo on your adoptive brother/son/assistant-figure and his worship of a certain, fuzzy flank." More sputtering, which amused him to no end. "Really, though, the body's just a container for the mind, and the mind expands to fit. I read that in a book somewhere. So yes, most of us got really used to, really fast, the fact that ponies can be sexy. Hard to argue when you're stuck as a quadruped yourself. Even sticking to our own selves for a dating pool would present the same problems, unless one was really into roleplay." The mare glared at him. "And what about you, then? Find any 'sexy ponies', mister 'hominid in hooves'?" "I had a date with a cute unicorn, earlier," he countered easily. "Maybe she thinks I'm sexy, but I'm not holding my breath. The mystery's just gone out of that relationship, I guess." He lasted about three seconds before laughing at the expression on her face. Twilight watched Germane unhitch himself from the cart full of equipment next to his home. The manticore had followed them right to the edge of the woods, and had licked both their faces before willingly stalking back into the dark. That... had been an experience. "Manticores can't be domesticated!" she'd insisted, and Germane had shrugged. "Nopony told Olive that. He just found a manticore kitten and kept feeding it kitty-chow. Simba's a big softy, and keeps us safe whenever we need to visit the Everfree. I think that zebra keeps sneaking him table scraps, though," the pegacorn had added with suspicion in his voice. "She's spoiling him, dang it." "So, I suppose I'll see you tomorrow. I imagine you'll have plenty of questions for me, right?" said Germane once his materials were buckled down and secured. Wordlessly, he started in the direction of the library and she trotted after him. Walking her home would give them time to hammer out the details, she assumed. Except he did that... thing, again, where he kept guiding the conversation to every topic except the one she wanted to discuss. She found herself demanding explanations on, among other things, how to train manticores to walk backward, how potatoes could produce electricity, and how something called 'Crystal Pepsi' had been an economic failure. Then the topic wandered yet again. "So Fill runs into the shop, panicking, and tells me he has a date. 'What if she expects sex?' he asks. 'Will she lay eggs in my brain? Does she expect me to lay eggs in her brain? I don't know how to lay eggs, Germane!" Twilight was crying by this time, but he didn't stop. "I tell him to go with what feels natural, and if the hive instinct takes over, to just run with it." Germane scoffed. "Like he should be asking me for dating advice. Eventually I gave him a biology textbook and told him to try getting her flowers. I have to admit though, I was as surprised as he was when she thanked him and started gnawing on the bouquet. Humans don't... generally eat flowers, you see." "Ah ha, oh Celestia, that was horrible of you!" Twilight rubbed at her eyes, then was hit with an odd thought. "Er, humans don't lay eggs in ponies' brains, right? I mean, you said you were related to apes, so-" It was Germane's turn to laugh. "We are, were, mammals the same as you. Your brain is safe, Miss Sparkle." "I wasn't suggesting that! The context was misleading!" Germane nodded sagely. "Right, right. Well, here's your tree. Come by tomorrow and we can get started on your questions," he said. "I'm already formulating a list," Twilight assured him, and went inside. A second later, there was a knock on the door. Puzzled, Twilight opened it and found Germane still there. "Yes?" The stallion had a thoughtful look on his face. "A bonfire chat with snacks probably counts as our second date," he said. "Tomorrow should then be our third, if I'm counting right. Wear something nice, and we'll go out to lunch first." He leaned in, pecked her on the cheek, and shut the door after himself as he left. Twilight stood staring at the closed portal for some time afterward, rigid with shock and having had one too many surprises that night. "What?"