• Member Since 7th Apr, 2015
  • offline last seen March 6th

Lvl11Bard


Pending...

T

After the Starlight incident, Celestia decided to try an experiment. If Twilight could reform Sunset and set her on the right path, why couldn't she do it to other magically blessed unicorns? With Rarity as an assistant, can Twilight convince her charges that friendship is magic? Or will she even manage to keep her sanity?

Now proofread by Danthebronyman

(Not a harem story, but as a heads up, I am a Twixie fan)

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 32 )

Snarky Sunset Shimmer.. I have no words. Jon? Would you like to say something?

I know your going to do this. But may I ask why you considering Trixie a criminal? I mean the Ursa Minor was never her fault. Snips and Snails did that. And with the Alicorn Amulet, not only was Trixie being corrupted and influenced. She stated herself she wasn't in control of her actions. And the final nail is that she was forgiven at the end of the episode. So how can Trixie be considered a convict?

The Flim Flam brothers are way more criminal then she is with all their shady businesses. Starlight glimmer on the other hoof is indeed a criminal as so far her actions have been slightly hinted to be selfish rather then miss guided. You could also put Sombra in but he already paid the ultimate price at the end of Crystal Empire for his misdeeds.

Perhaps Trixie had been arrested without Twilights knowledge. If that's the case then if you play your cards right you can actually make this story even more intriguing. What is Twilight to do with Trixie, a pony she knows is innocent yet is considered by society a criminal. Just food for thought. :twilightsmile:

Great story! I can't wait till the next chapter btw. Also, I've noticed a few errors. If you want any help, I'm proofreader and am always looking for people to help.

Looking forward to how this goes.
Also, there were a few small errors:

if the others can see ho Sunset's life has been turned around,

I'm pretty sure that's not what Sunset was doing prior to learning Friendship.

I'm also suppose to be helping them

I know a lot of people don't really say it right, but it's supposed to be "supposed."

there was now backing out now.

No. Just no.

I'm suppose to be another student

It's only "suppose" when you're talking to someone who is supposing.
Like, "What do you suppose did that?"

Didn't think you were into Sparkle,”

Either you're missing a word here, or Sunset suddenly thinks Twilight is narcissistic.

Hope this helps you to avoid these kinds of mistakes in the future.:twilightsmile:
[/grammarnazi]

Comment posted by Lvl11Bard deleted May 5th, 2015

I am looking forward to the next chapter. Besides the small mistakes already mentioned though, not trying to be rude or anything, I did catch another one.

I'm supposed to be another student that will help influence the others into changing there ways.

Just a small mistake here. Its "their", not "there". Again, not trying to be rude, just thought I'd point that out.

Still, this story is great. I can't wait to see what happens next. :twilightsmile:

Good start! Promising potential.

If Sunset is reformed, why must she wear an inhibitor ring?
Besides, she is too casual about it. For an unicorn, being deprived of magic is like forbidding a pegasus to fly, is negating a part of their own being.

Need I remind you that Spike got his own room?

5942127 Thanks, I'll try to make her snarky as possible.

5942513 I already have a plan for that and I'll answer your questions in the up coming chapters, but I'm open to new ideas if you have a suggestion.

5942619 I'd welcome the help. I'm terrible at proofreading my own stuff :twilightsheepish:

5942766 Thanks for pointing those out. I fixed them as soon as I could. I'll try to get future chapters proof read.

5942883 Dang it. Thanks. I'm going to try to avoid those mistakes in the future.

5943022 Thanks. I hope I don't disappoint.

5943036 I figured that if she didn't have magic as a human, she wouldn't miss it as a pony. As for why she needs to wear a ring, I planned on explaining that next chapter.

5943374 Why? Did I miss something?

5943983 If you watch Tanks for the Memories.

5943933

Well too early to give any suggestions because the story can go anywhere yet. Still I guess I could give you a few since you want to hear them. It would indeed be more interesting if you make the cast bigger of unicorns that used their magic for wicked ends rather then just two. Perhaps create a few OC's for it. For Flim Flam can't actually be used for they use the silver tongue with their criminal activity rather then their magic.

As for Trixie I would actually suggest you made her scape goat. You know someone whom is convicted for a crime where they are actually innocent for? We know from magic duel pony society can be rather biased. That way you would create more conflict to deal with. Namely Twilight realize that not only need criminals to see the error of their ways but so need society to give them a chance to redeem themselves. So to make the story more interesting you could make it that some of the convicts only became evil because of circumstances. If you have read the comic "Magic is Fiendship" issue #1 (Sombra origin story) you have an excellent on how a person can be forced to become evil. While the last comic "Magic is Fiendship" issue #5 (Chrysalis origin story) you have the example on how person was simple born evil.

Although I like the idea of using Twilight to rehabilitate other ponies with cutie marks in magic, there is one big flaw in this story--the idea that there are no worthwhile ponies with a cutie mark in magic. Just the thought of it is ludicrous, like saying that there is no one on the National Honor Society who won't use their good grades to evil ends.

It seems that every unicorn either has no interest in pursuing magic, loses interest before becoming great or attempts conquest.

This is such an outrageous statement that I've rewritten this sentence fourteen times trying to adequately describe it, only to fail each time.

On another topic, will Rarity actually be of any help? I suppose that if she has free use of her magic and the others don't she'd be able to help reign them in, but she isn't a student of magic--she just uses it. It's most likely that everypony there will be better at magic than she is.

I figured that if she didn't have magic as a human, she wouldn't miss it as a pony. As for why she needs to wear a ring, I planned on explaining that next chapter.

But magic is her special talent. As a human she didn't even have a cutie mark--but now she does, and when confronted with the opportunity to use magic again after years of deprivation, can't.
That aside, she's already been reformed, rehabilitated, and has suffered for her crimes. Unless she's supposed to be snuck in with the others as an example, there's no reason to put her under that.

5942513 I agree with this person. Trixie is, for all purposes, reformed already (particularly if you consider the comics canon), so forcing her to undergo "reform lessons" seems redundant. The idea of her getting dragged in by the legal system and Twilight trying to help her holds merit, though. Or if you have something else interesting planned. Twixie is best ship, so I'm optimistic on that front.

Horn rings feel so cruel, though. It's really not going to help the reformation process if you treat them like dangerous armed criminals. Admittedly, Glimmer is that, but...

Yeah, a few things here feel leery, but I'll stay hopeful and read on.

Is Trixie like Helga from "Hey Arnold." :facehoof:

But first, I need to send a letter to twilight.

It took a moment for twilight to catch on to what Sunset was implying, but when she did, her face decided to resemble a tomato.

Twilight*

Sunset, who had been staring blankly and Rarity, slowly began to blink.

at*

If twilight was shocked before, she was now stunned. She thought that Trixie had changed for the better.

Twilight*

Are you sure Sunset pretending to be a criminal is such a good idea? Isn't honesty an integral part to friendship? It's gonna leave a bad aftertaste in the reformees if they find out afterward that they have been lied to by somepony they thought they could trust. I think it would make more sense to just be open about everything and have Sunset Shimmer as a positive role model from the beginning.

Also here's hoping that if you do go down the romantic route you accept SunLight as the OTP. Trixie can have Starlight as far as I'm concerned.

I wonder that Trixie now notice that Twilight is now an Alicorn.

5975318
Nopony said the plan was perfect. That's probably just Twilight trying to be clever and it's going to come back to bite her at some point.

5975318 Thanks, I corrected those as soon as I could. And no, Sunset pretending to be a criminal is not a good idea, but I'd have to take the comedy tag away if it was a story where ponies had good ideas and well thought out plans.
Also, I like SunLight too, but Twixie is my OTP.

How do you convince Starlight Glimmer to do good when in her heart of hearts she sees herself as DOING GOOD already, and that it's the mane six who did evil by ruining her 'perfect' society?

"You should do good."

"Yes. And cutie marks are evil. Therefore, removing cutie marks is doing good."

"But you use your cutie mark."

"And changelings used violence, and you used violence back, does that make you as bad as the changelings? Cutie marks already brainwash ponies, I merely wash off the filth that cutie marks have programmed into ponies."

5973767 As in, a total type A tsundere? That's how she always is in my Twixie headcanon. :pinkiehappy:

I can't wait for you to finish it! Loving it! Nice twist with prisoners! :trixieshiftright:

... They're all gonna fall in love with Twilight, aren't they

I have not much that I think about it right now, but it looks like it could be interessting enough.

5944276 do you have to buy them, or can you watch them online? I still have to see if I get the money to buy something like that in a few months.

Sunset lazily looked over to the new comers. “Sup?”

that looked to obvious somehow.

To be honest, my favourites in that class are Trixie and Starlight, so I´m probably happy with every shipping that can happen.
However it seems a bit to soon for Rarity to get that special idea, but I guess she could at least notice how strange Trixie is acting.



5975318

Trixie can have Starlight as far as I'm concerned.

Yes please do exactly that:pinkiehappy: Well I like the Twixie shipping too, but since they are both my favourites, that shipping would be the best outcome for me.

6786059
There is a site where you can watch pony comics for free online, but I would rather suggest you buy the issues. For me it's a necessary evil where I life they have translated the comics in my native language and its really a very poor translation indeed. So terrible it sometimes breaks even character doesn't make sense at all.

Not all of the IDW Comics are good but there are some real gems in them. The best ones are in my opinion the 1st main story arc (The one with Chrysalis.) The entire fiendship is magic series. (Though the sirens one is kinda weak compared to the others with 1st (Sombra) story and the last (Chrysalis) being the strongest. The mirror verse arc is also really good. And my last favorite but I think that's because I'm a bit bias is Trixie two story arc in which tries to help manehatten police to capture a cut burglar but ends up being framed in being the burglar herself.

Best Artist for the comics is Andy Price in my opinion. As for the writers well they all have their ups and downs.

I would like to have a new chapter please.

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