Part III
The Best Laid Plans
Part III
A FiM fic by (Insert Pen-Name)
Mr. Cake was in a very good mood. Perhaps it was the excellent weather, perhaps it was the smell of cinnamon that wafted in from the pantry, or perhaps it was simply the mischievous way his wife was smiling at him, as she was wont to do after a long day of baking. Yes, today was indeed a good day.
His blissful ruminations were suddenly interrupted by the sound of somepony knocking on the back door of Sugarcube Corner.
“Darling...” called Mrs. Cake. “There’s somepony at the back door.”
“I hear it, Honeybun,” answered Mr. Cake. “Now who could that be?” he pondered aloud to himself.
With a shrug, Mr. Cake trotted across the kitchen, opened the door, beheld two ponies in gas-masks, and reacted accordingly by emitting a high-pitched yelp and slamming the door in their rubber-clad faces.
“So much for not makin’ a scene,” deadpanned Applejack, her voice muffled by the heavy charcoal filter.
“Yeah, I was afraid that might happen,” wheezed Twilight.
Reaching out with her magic, Twilight gently eased open the door.
“Mr. Cake?”
When she received no immediate answer, Twilight cautiously peered inside just in time to see two heavily serrated, ludicrously-sized kitchen knives flying at her in rapid succession. The first one whirled past her head, missing her ear by mere millimetres before loudly embedding itself in the wooden door frame behind her.
The second one did the same thing, only harder.
“Stay back!” yelled Mr. Cake from behind a nearby counter. “Stay back! You’re not turning me into one of those things! I’ll-”
“Mr. Cake, stop! It’s me, Twilight Sparkle!”
“And Applejack!”
“Pinkie’s friends?” added Twilight.
“Oh my sweet mother, they got you too?!” cried Mr. Cake.
“What is going on in here?!”
Mrs. Cake had suddenly appeared in the doorway, wearing exactly the sort of expression one would normally be expected to wear upon finding their frantic husband desperately hurling cutlery at hazmat workers in the kitchen.
“Twilight Sparkle? Applejack? Is that you?” she asked.
“Mrs. Cake! Finally, somepony rational,” said Twilight with a relieved sigh.
“Yer husband here just about took Twilight’s head off!” exclaimed Applejack.
“Yes, I can see that,” said Mrs. Cake as she shot a sideways glare at her husband. “But what in the world are you wearing those masks for?”
“It’s... complicated,” said Twilight, with obvious discomfort. “We think that Pinkie Pie might have something... hazardous in her room.”
“Something hazardous? But what-”
“It’s complicated,” repeated Applejack tersely. “All that matters is we’re here to get rid of it.”
“Oh, well that’s good... I guess,” said Mr. Cake, still shaking from his sudden fit of violent overreaction.
“Have either of you been in Pinkie’s room at all today?” asked Twilight curtly.
“Er, no, I can’t say I have,” answered Mrs. Cake.
“Me neither,” said Mr. Cake. “We’ve both been down here all day. Why, is Pinkie alright? Is she in some sort of trouble?”
“Oh she’s fine,” chuckled Applejack. “In fact, I reckon she’s in very good hooves right about now...”
“Speaking of which, what are your thoughts on a certain Rainbow Dash?” asked Twilight.
“Rainbow Dash?” repeated Mrs. Cake. “Well she’s a bit rambunctious, but she seems like a good pony. Pinkie certainly likes her. Why do you ask?”
“Oh, no reason,” said Twilight. “Anyway, we’ll just head upstairs. Don’t you worry your pretty pony heads, we’ve got everything under control.”
Taking their leave of the Cakes, Twilight and Applejack made for Pinkie’s apartment. Only when they were sure they were out of earshot did they begin to review the situation.
“Okay, the Cakes haven’t been affected, so I guess the fumes haven’t spread beyond her room. That’s good. The last thing we need is a crazed mob of Rainbow Dash-lovers on our hooves,” said Twilight as they ascended the rickety spiral stairway that led to Pinkie’s bedroom.
“Probably also means we didn’t have to be wearin’ these masks when we knocked on the door,” said Applejack sternly.
“Hey, better safe than sorry!” retorted Twilight. “Besides, you weren’t the one who almost had her head cleaved off, so you’re in no position to complain! Why the heck would Mrs. Cake have those kind of knives in her kitchen anyway?”
“Dunno,” muttered Applejack. “And it really don’t matter none right now. Let’s just get this done so we can all get back to our normal, not-so-lovey-dovey lives.”
At length the two ponies crested the top of the stairs and were, as usual, taken aback by the state of Pinkie Pie’s lodgings. The Pinkie Pie they knew never stood still for longer than two seconds, always had a pack of confetti secreted away somewhere on her person, habitually employed light artillery in her party preparations, and had absolutely no qualms about smashing a pie on her face and sticking her head in a fountain of chocolate fondue. As such, the fact that her bedroom floor was spotless, her furniture in perfect order, and her bed made in such a manner that even Rarity would be unable to fault was, to say the least, somewhat unnerving. Nonetheless, the two mares steeled themselves for the task at hand, for there perched atop the nightstand was a single flickering sky-blue candle.
“Okay...” said Twilight in a hushed voice. “Let’s do this quick and clean... Applejack!”
“Uh, right here, Twi.”
“Pass me the hermetic cylinder!”
“Y’mean the pickle jar?”
“Yes, Applejack,” said Twilight with a derisive sigh. “Pass me the pickle jar.”
Applejack deftly reached around and produced an empty pickle jar from her saddlebags.
“Don’t you have a spell for this sort o’ thing?” she asked.
“Yes, but it’s meant for big fires,” explained Twilight. “For putting out a candle, it’s just not worth the effort. Besides, it pretty much works the same way, only it uses magic instead of a jar. Now then...”
By dexterous use of magic, Twilight opened the pickle jar, slipped the lid underneath the candle, gently placed the inverted vessel over the whole affair, and twisted shut the airtight seal.
“Right, now we wait.”
So they waited...
...and waited...
“Hey Twi?”
“Yeah?”
“How long’ve we been sittin’ here?”
Without relinquishing her position on Pinkie’s bed, Twilight glanced over at the nearby wall clock.
“Seventeen minutes.”
“And how long does it normally take to snuff a candle?” asked Applejack.
“Like, two seconds,” said Twilight with a shrug.
“Alright that’s it, time for plan B!”
Leaping up from her chair, Applejack reached into her saddlebags and pulled out a red compact fire-extinguisher. As she tore the tag off with her teeth, Twilight hurried to unseal the jar.
“Stand back, Twilight, this could get messy!” said Applejack.
Without further ado, Applejack leaned on the trigger and unleashed an unrelenting stream of sweet fire-extinguishy goodness upon the hapless taper. Within seconds, half of Pinkie Pie’s apartment had been coated with the frigid grey foam.
Yet still the candle burned.
For a brief moment, all the two ponies could do was stand there blinking in disbelief.
“What in tarnation is that candle made of?” gasped Applejack?
“I don’t know, it must have something to do with the spell,” answered Twilight. She bent down to examine the candle further. “Hey Applejack, Fluttershy lit this thing last night, didn’t she?”
“Yeah...” answered Applejack with a slow nod.
“Then why hasn’t it burned down at all?”
Applejack just stared at Twilight for a second before moving in to see for herself. Just as the unicorn had stated, the candle was absolutely pristine. None of the wax had burned away or even melted at all. Even the wick was seemingly untouched by the flame; where it should have been shrivelled and blackened, it was instead clean and white. It was almost as though the candle wasn’t actually burning at all...
“Hold on a minute...” said Applejack. “Lemme try somethin’...”
Before Twilight could say anything, Applejack rolled up her non-existent sleeve and stuck her right fore-leg into the flame.
Nothing happened...
…for about a split-second, at which point Applejack suddenly found herself bouncing around the room howling in pain as Twilight yelled at her to run her hoof under cold water. To this end, Applejack bounced her way over to Pinkie Pie’s bathroom, where she frantically spun open the faucet and plunged her agonized limb into the sink, only to find that it was already occupied.
“Aaarrrggghhh!!! Getimoff, getimoff, getimoff!!!” cried the unfortunate farmer as she flailed her leg about in a vain attempt to force its reptilian captor to relinquish his hold.
“Applejack, calm down!” shouted Twilight. “It’s only Gummy!”
“I know it’s only Gummy!” snapped Applejack. “But he happens to be chewin’ very hard on somethin’ I just burned a second ago, so how ‘bout you quit pontificatin’ and HELP ME!!!”
* * *
About fifteen action-packed, but otherwise inconsequential, minutes later, Twilight and Applejack bade the Cakes “good evening” and set off for the library in uncertain spirits. At a loss for an immediate solution to the issue of an everlasting candle, Twilight had finally resorted to resealing the amourous aromatic in the pickle jar, which she then nestled carefully in the bottom of her saddlebags. Her intent was to bring it back to the library, where it could at the very least be safely contained while she explored alternative methods of extinguishing it. Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Cake had bandaged Applejack’s burns, whilst assuring her that Gummy was not usually so “chewy”, and that in all likelihood Pinkie had simply forgotten to feed him that morning.
“D’ya think Pinkie often forgets to feed that gator?” asked Applejack as she limped alongside her friend.
“I don’t know, but I hate to imagine what that might imply,” said Twilight. “If the effects of the candle can make Pinkie neglect her own pet...”
No further discourse was exchanged from that point on. Before long, they had returned once again to the library and headed directly for the basement in what was fast becoming a tiring habit. Both were silently relieved to see Fluttershy and Rarity already waiting for them. Much to Twilight’s pleasant surprise, they too had brought back their candle in the jar.
“I take it we’re all on the same page then?” mused Rarity when she saw Twilight place her candle jar on the table.
“I guess so,” sighed Twilight. “At least that saves us some time. Right, so the candles can’t be snuffed or extinguished, and apparently don’t burn down either,” recounted the purple unicorn. “Any other suggestions?”
“Rarity and I already tried a few things,” explained Fluttershy. “We tried burying ours in dirt, dunking it in the lake...”
“We even tried snipping the wick off below the flame,” added Rarity.
“And how’d that work out?” asked Applejack, ignoring the fact that it obviously didn’t.
“It ruined my best pair of scissors!” sniffed Rarity. “In the end we decided it was best to bring it back here for you to work on Twilight. I trust you have a few ideas?”
“Honestly, I really don’t,” sighed Twilight. “I’m drawing a complete blank here.”
“I’m sure you’ll think of something, Twilight,” said Fluttershy softly. “By the way, what did you do to your leg, Applejack?”
“I, er, well I kinda stuck it in the flame,” muttered Applejack sheepishly. “On purpose.”
“What? Why would you do a thing like that?” asked Rarity.
“Well, I figured that since it didn’t look like it was actually burnin’, then maybe it wasn’t actually burnin’. Like it was an ill-lusion or somethin’, y’know? Like the flame wasn’t really there.”
“Well, I... I suppose that is a valid theory...” conceded Rarity. “But couldn’t you have at least used a piece of paper or something instead of your leg?”
Applejack said nothing. Under normal circumstances, Rarity would have relished in her victory, but as has been made abundantly clear, the circumstances were less than normal. Finally, Twilight broke the silence.
“Y’know, you may be on to something Applejack,” she said slowly and cautiously, as thoughts coalesced within her head. “The book talks about ‘fires of the heart’. But there is no real fire, just the candles, just an illusion. Well, what if that’s what we’re meant to put out? Not the candles themselves, but what they represent?”
“I’m not sure I understand where you’re going with this, Twilight,” said Rarity.
“I’m saying we break the illusion. Tell those two what’s really going on, how they really feel about each other, or rather how they don’t feel. It’s a long shot, I know, but if we tell them the truth, we might just snap them out of it.”
For the longest time, nopony spoke as each privately ruminated the implications of Twilight’s suggestion. As usual, it was Applejack who was first to step forward.
“I’ll be honest Twilight, I don’t rightly know if that’s gonna work. But I do know it’s way past time we told those two the truth. They have a right to know, even if they don’t accept it...”
Applejack suddenly seemed to shrink at this comment, as if beset by the memory of an altogether similar experience.
“What about you girls?” asked Twilight to the other two.
“We trust you, Twilight,” said Fluttershy with barely concealed trepidation. “If you think this will work, we believe you.”
Rarity nodded in solemn agreement. Satisfied, Twilight turned around and steeled herself for yet another sojourn into the town of Ponyville.
“Alright then,” she said nervously. “Let’s go break some hearts.”
* * *
It did not take long for Twilight and co. to locate Rainbow and Pinkie. There were a number of places in Ponyville that were generally recognised as ideal venues for young couples, and by good fortune, the young couple in question happened to be at the first venue they checked. The two ponies were seated at a small table in an isolated corner of a cafe patio, their salads overlooked quite literally as they leaned, hoof in hoof, towards each other across the table, not quite close enough to kiss, but nonetheless making it very clear to anypony still harbouring lingering doubts that they were, to the extent of their knowledge, very much in love. And now their best friends had arrived to shatter that illusion.
“Alright girls, I’ll take it from here,” said Twilight, the words coming slow and uncertain. “There’s no need for all four of us to be there making a scene.”
“As much as I am inclined to agree with you, Twilight, I must insist that I accompany you,” declared Rarity. “After all, I started this whole mess, it is only right that I see it through to the end.”
Twilight made as if to argue, but a sudden green-eyed glare from the side made it very apparent that she really had no say in the matter. With a relenting nod, she and Rarity turned and approached their love-struck friends with grave faces.
“Hey Twilight! Hey Rarity! What are you girls doing here?” asked Pinkie, who was first to notice them. “Oh, oh, are you having dinner here too? Are you two on a date? Are you two dating? Are you-”
“Pinkie Pie, listen,” said Twilight. “Rarity and I have something important to tell you. Both of you.”
Pinkie and Rainbow exchanged curious glances.
“Okay, Twilight,” said Pinkie. “What do you need to tell us?”
Twilight gulped. It suddenly occurred to her that she had absolutely no idea how she was going to break the news to Dash and Pinkie. Fortunately for her, a gentle hoof on her shoulder quickly absolved her of that burden as Rarity calmly pushed her aside and stepped forward.”
“Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash...” began the white unicorn, her voice quavering ever so slightly as the addressed ponies leaned forward in nervous anticipation. “I’m afraid that you... you’re not... you aren’t really in love with one another,” she said at last.
Both ponies stared blankly at her before Pinkie Pie suddenly burst out laughing.
“Oh silly Rarity, of course we’re really in love! I love my Dashie!” she squealed, drawing
scandalous stares from the rest of the cafe patrons.
Rainbow however, remained silent and brooding.
“What do you mean, ‘we aren’t in love’?” she asked quietly.
“What you two are feeling, it isn’t real,” explained Rarity after some hesitation. “It’s... it’s-”
“Rainbow, do you and Pinkie remember seeing a candle on your bedside tables this morning?” interrupted Twilight, having decided that Rarity had shouldered enough of the blame for now.
Rainbow and Pinkie nodded, the latter with notably more excitement than the former, who was beginning to entertain the impression that she was not going to enjoy the remainder of this conversation.
“Well, I’m afraid that those are, well, love candles essentially. You’re both under the influence of a magical aromatic substance,” explained Twilight matter-of-factly.
“Okay...” said Rainbow, her voice smouldering with aggressive suspicion. “And might I ask what a magic love candle is doing on my bedside table?”
“It was a prank,” said Twilight with visible embarrassment. “We wanted to get back at you two for all the pranks yesterday, so we tried something out of one of my books. But the recipe got mixed up, and we ended up making the love candles by mistake. We didn’t realise until it was too late. What you two have been feeling for each other all day is just the effects of the candles. I’m sorry.”
Nopony said anything for a long time. Finally Rainbow Dash spoke, her words slow and heavy with suppressed anger.
“Okay, where are these candles now?” she asked.
“A-at the library,” stammered Twilight. “We’re trying to find a way to put them out so you two can... can go back to normal.”
“Well it doesn’t look like you’re trying very hard, are you?!” retorted Rainbow, her eyes flashing. “So this is your idea of a prank, huh? Brilliant, Twilight, absolutely brilliant! I can’t stop laughing, ‘cause I think I’m totally in love with my best friend, only I’m not and it’s sooo funny!”
Rainbow’s enraged rant was suddenly cut short by a high pitched squealing sound not unlike that of air being let out of a balloon. Across the table, Pinkie Pie had suddenly reverted to a wretched shade of her usual self, her candy floss mane now limp and heavy, and her great blue eyes brimming with tears.
“You... you don’t... love me, Dashie?” she asked, her voice cracking under the terrible weight of her new-found sorrows.
Pinkie’s pathetic words struck Rainbow like an iron bar.
“Pinkie... I...”
Words were not Rainbow Dash’s forte, least of all words of consolation. But that mattered little. A single mutual look into Dash’s eyes bore all the answers Pinkie Pie needed. With a final heaving sniff, Pinkie fled sobbing from the restaurant, all eyes following her with silent sympathy as she tearfully retreated to the comfort of home. Trembling, Rainbow rounded furiously on Twilight.
“Nice going, Twilight Sparkle, you made Pinkie cry!” she yelled, fighting back her own tears. “You made Pinkie cry!”
“Rainbow, I-I’m sorry, I really am, I-”
“No you’re not!” shouted Rainbow, all pretense of public sensibility forgotten as tears of sorrowful rage streamed down her face. “Just go away! All of you! I don’t ever want to see you again! Ever!”
“Y-you don’t really mean that...” pleaded Twilight.
“Just leave me alone, Twilight,” croaked Rainbow.
Turning away from the sullen unicorns, Dash spread her wings and flew forlornly into the night sky, leaving her four friends with heavy hearts. In the solemn silence that followed, an earth-stallion waiter with oiled blue hair and a pencil mustache approached Twilight.
“I’ll send you their cheque by mail, madame,” he said coldly.
If Twilight was feeling down now, it was nothing compared to her disappointment when she returned home alone, went downstairs, and found the candles burning bright as ever within their sealed jars. With a resigned sigh, Twilight turned back to the stairs.
“Spike!” she called. “Put on a pot of coffee and turn off my alarm clock; I’m pulling an all-nighter.”
* * *
Rainbow Dash couldn’t sleep. Her tears had dried up hours ago and she felt terribly tired, but still she could not sleep. As soon as she would close her eyes, her mind would fill with rose-tinted images of her best friend, and her heart would fill with a terrible empty longing. But unlike that morning, Rainbow felt no desire to satisfy these urges. The butterflies that had been using her stomach as a dance hall all day had long since passed out from their excesses, and the thought of holding Pinkie in her grasp no longer gave her the same comfort it had that morning. Pinkie Pie was Rainbow’s best friend, Rainbow enjoyed her company always and cared deeply about her. But she knew now that she did not love her, not like that anyway. No matter how much she lusted for the presence of the pink pony, Rainbow could not escape the fact that none of these feelings were real.
Which now presented another problem, albeit a less emotional one. The fact remained that despite the best efforts of her friends, the candles continued to enact their enchantments upon Rainbow and, presumably, Pinkie. Something had to be done, and the more Dash thought about this, the more she began to think that she was the one who had to do it.
So be it.
Without further ado, Rainbow leapt from her bed, shook herself awake and dove out her bedroom window to catch the midnight breeze beneath her outstretched wings. Her first thought was to head straight for the library, but before long, another thought emerged from the part of her mind that dealt with logic, reason, stop signs, and all the various other things she tended to ignore in the heat of the moment. True, this was her problem to deal with, but not hers alone. She was going to need some help...
* * *
Pinkie Pie’s bedroom window had been left mercifully open, allowing Dash to silently land on the sill and slip into her room. All was quiet and dark, and Pinkie was lying quietly in bed, the pink pony’s depressed locks spread like a fan across the pillow. Dash’s first impression was that Pinkie had succeeded where she had failed and managed to cry herself to sleep, but as she approached, the forlorn earth-mare suddenly spun over to regard the pegasus with wide, fearful eyes.
“D-dashie?” she asked.
“Hey, Pinkie,” said Dash quietly. “Uh, how are you feeling?”
Pinkie did not answer, but instead reached out and pulled Rainbow into a soft hug and buried her face in Dash’s mane.
“Dashie...” she sniffed, tears flowing freely onto Dash’s shoulder.
“Uh, there, there, Pinkie,” said Dash, permitting herself an awkward kiss on her friend’s head. “It’s alright... sort of.”
“You... you don’t love me, do you Dashie?” said Pinkie, her face still pressed against her friend’s shoulder. “I don’t really love you, do I?”
Rainbow shook her head gently. “No... neither of us do.”
“B-but it felt so real...” sobbed Pinkie.
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. And you know what? Maybe some of it was, in a way,” said Rainbow. “I really do like you a lot, Pinkie, and I honestly care about you, even if you are kinda annoying sometimes.”
Pinkie gave a little snort into Dash’s mane, provoking a relieved smile from the blue pegasus.
“But all the stuff we did today? That really wasn’t us was it? I mean, all that sitting around and holding hooves and kissing. I don’t think I even did any flying today!”
Pinkie gasped out loud.
“You’re right, you didn’t! And I didn’t feed Gummy today either! And I bet you didn’t feed Tank!”
“Eh, don’t worry about him, he doesn’t eat that much,” said Rainbow. “But the point is, even if you’re not my girlfriend, Pinkie, you’re still my best friend. And no magic candle is ever going to change that.”
“You really mean all that, Dashie?” asked Pinkie.
Rainbow smiled.
“You know I do.”
Immediately there was a sudden explosion of energy as Rainbow’s head was engulfed in a nova of curly pink hair. Pinkie Pie was no longer sobbing quietly into her shoulder, but giggling with good-humoured glee.
“Oh Dashie, you’re my most bestest best friend in the whole wide world!” cried Pinkie.
“You bet your wings, I am!” answered Dash.
“But I don’t have any-”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Listen, Pinks, I’ve been thinking about those candles. I think you and I are the ones who have to put ‘em out. Don’t ask me why, I know it sounds like some trashy romance novel, but it just seems like the sort of thing we have to deal with ourselves, y’know?”
Pinkie nodded.
“I’m with you Dashie!” she said, springing to salute. “Let’s do this!”
* * *
Twilight had never put in a more exhausting night, and that was by no means an uncontested honour. She had pored over every spell tome in her library in search of a counter-spell, and when that search proved fruitless, she had resorted to pulling out every book that explored the subject of fire or the subject of love. She had even discovered a few that managed to combine the two, including a short novel about two Manehatten firefighters that she was quick to discard after perusing the first few pages, but secretly resolved to examine in greater detail at a later date.
Ultimately, she was fed up. Fed up and tired. Five hours of high-impact research and not a single possible solution to the problem had revealed itself. Before her, the two candles flickered within their inverted pickle jars, mocking her with every second they cast their light.
It was at this point that Twilight felt her gaze drift over to a certain book that stood on the shelf to her left. She had been hoping to avoid this particular book all night, but in hindsight that seemed hopelessly optimistic. Reaching out with her magic, she carefully floated the codex over to the table. It was a large volume, bound in aged leather and clasped with bronze. Gold letters upon the spine and front cover conveyed the title, An Exhaustive and Detailed Study of the Buoyant Qualities of Small Rocks. With a trained flick of the snout, Twilight flipped open the cover to reveal a hollowed out interior, in which was nestled a shallow drinking glass and a clear bottle filled with murky amber-coloured liquid and adorned with a cheap label that displayed the name Berry-Shine beneath the grinning portrait of a mulberry mare with short puffy hair. Clearing a space on the desk, Twilight uncorked the bottle, poured a small amount of its contents into the glass, and downed the whole thing in one shuddering gulp.
Twilight’s first thought was that she had just swallowed a mouthful of something that was probably better suited for the removal of carpet stains than for equine consumption. Her second thought was that she would very much like to have another.
* * *
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie stood outside the front door to the library. All the windows were dark, save for a soft glow that could only be the magic candles. Taking a deep breath, Rainbow stepped forward and tried the door.
“Locked! We’ll have to find another way inside,” she said in a harsh whisper.
“Couldn’t we just knock?” asked Pinkie with a raised eyebrow.
“I’d... rather not talk to Twilight right now,” admitted Rainbow. “I kinda told her off back at the restaurant.”
“But you’re going to apologise later right?” asked Pinkie, with an imposing glare.
“Right, later. Okay, wait here, I’ll fly around and see if any windows are open.”
Rainbow quickly lifted off and performed a swift fly-around of the library. Much to her consternation, every window was closed and latched, and the balcony doors were all locked as well. Defeated, she landed back beside Pinkie.
“No go. I guess we do have to knock. Unless you can pick locks,” muttered Rainbow.
Pinkie raised a hoof to her chin.
“Hmmm... give me a minute, Dashie.”
Pinkie trotted up to the door and peered into the keyhole for a few seconds before taking the end of her tail and running it through her mouth. She then bent her slicked tail into a fine hook and inserted this into the keyhole. After a few minutes of intense tinkering, she finally turned back to Rainbow and declared:
“Nope.”
Rainbow cocked her head at her friend.
“Nope?”
“Nope, I can’t pick locks,” said Pinkie with a shake of her head. “I wasn’t sure if I could, so I gave it a try, and now I know for sure that I can’t pick locks. Also, I think I’m stuck,” she added, illustrating this point with a few short tugs at her tail.
“Oh for crying out-”
“But don’t worry, I’ve got a better idea! Grab on Dashie!”
Before Dash could react, Pinkie reared up and pulled Dash into a one-legged hug and held her tight, while she wound her other foreleg around her entangled tail.
“You might want to close your eyes,” she told Rainbow as she planted a kiss on the pegasus’ cheek for luck.
“Close my eyes, why would I-”
Before Dash could finish, Pinkie pulled hard on her tail, and the whole world came with it. In a split second, Dash felt her insides bottom out as the universe shattered into a kaleidoscope of light, colour, sound, scent, and taste. Reality lost all meaning as black became white and white became polka-dot, and she beheld the glorious entirety of all creation in a single ray of light.
A split second later, the two of them were suddenly back to the way they were, the only difference being that they were now inside the library, with Pinkie’s tail now stuck in the other end of the keyhole. As Pinkie cheerfully untangled her tail from the stubborn tumblers, Dash’s brain synapses held an emergency summit concerning how best to deal with what had just occurred. It was decided almost immediately that her best course of action would be to simply forget all about it, so that’s just what she did.
“Right!” said Dash, ignoring the fact that she was slick with a cold sweat. “Where’re those candles?”
Conveniently, the candles were actually right in front of them, the prized centrepiece to a table laden with numerous codices, scrolls, charts, and also a sleeping purple unicorn and an empty liquor bottle. While Pinkie pulled a blanket over their slumbering friend, Rainbow twisted open the protective pickle jars (no small effort on her part) before turning to face her friend.
“You ready Pinks?”
Pinkie nodded.
“Okay then... here goes.”
Pushing aside the final desperate images of her burning passion for the pink pony, Dash closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and blew out the flame on the pink candle that stood before her.
* * *
The light of the morning sun shone through the library windows, alighting upon the sleeping visage of a purple unicorn. With a groan, Twilight’s eyes fluttered open and she instantly hated them for it. With great effort, she lifted her pounding head from the table, noted an overturned pickle jar, rubbed the sleep from her eyes and-
“The candles!” she gasped suddenly. With a sudden burst of magic, Twilight tore the pickle jars from their resting places and was simultaneously relieved and confused to note that the candles were not exposed after all, but completely missing.
“What the- Where did they go?” Twilight wondered aloud.
“We threw them out,” said a casual voice from behind.
“Oh, okay... wait...”
Twilight wheeled around to see Rainbow Dash slumped in a large and very comfortable armchair, idly flipping through a large picture book from the foals’ section. Twilight simply stared at her for a while until Rainbow finally glanced at her over the top of the page.
“Can I help you?”
“Sorry, you say you threw out the candles?” asked Twilight incredulously.
“Yep, just tossed ‘em out and done,” said Rainbow as she casually licked a hoof to turn the page. “Don’t bother trying to dig them back out, though. They kinda, uh, what’s the word, disintegrated after we blew them out.”
“Hold on...” said Twilight. “What do you mean, blew them out?”
“We blew them out,” repeated Rainbow slowly. “Sheesh, for an egghead you can be pretty slow sometimes.”
At that moment, Twilight’s disbelief was shattered by the sudden appearance of a very happy pink pony balancing a large platter of chocolate chip waffles on the tip of her nose.
“Breakfast time!” chimed Pinkie. “Eat up, Twilight, you had a loooooong night.”
“Uh, thanks,” said Twilight, who felt like she might throw up just looking at the impressive stack of pastry that towered before her. “So, when did you guys...”
“Last night,” said Rainbow coolly. “And before you ask, we’re perfectly normal again, so you can relax now.”
“Oh... okay,” mumbled Twilight, who suddenly longed to return to the comfort of her bed. “Where’s Spike?”
“He ran off to tell everypony else,” said Pinkie cheerily.
“Oh, that’s good. So... are we cool now?”
Rainbow stared at Twilight for a moment, and then grinned.
“Yeah we cool.”
* * *
Having inhaled the entirety of Pinkie Pie’s excellent breakfast, Rainbow and Pinkie took their leave of Twilight and her library.
“So, what do you want to do today, Pinks, now that that’s all over?” asked Rainbow.
“Actually Dashie, I kinda have to bake a big order of muffins today. Sorry,” said Pinkie, genuinely so.
“Oh,” said Dash, visibly disappointed. “Well, I guess that’s okay. I mean, I should probably make up for all the flying practise I missed yesterday so... yeah.”
An awkward silence descended gracelessly between the two ponies. Suddenly Pinkie perked up.
“Hey, I know! How about you come help me bake, so we can be done twice as fast, then we can take the afternoon off and I can cheer you on while you practise!”
Dash smiled.
“I’d like that.”
And so they set off, side by side, down the main street toward Sugarcube Corner.
~ FIN ~
“A big thank-you goes out to all those who enjoyed this fic, as well as to those who didn’t but took the time to read it anyway.” -the author
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Moabite · 6.8k words · 321 11 · 6.7k views
- Cosmonaut · 1.8k words · 172 9 · 5.9k views
- Jimbo · 3.5k words · 284 6 · 10k views
- Donnys Boy · 21k words · 627 17 · 19k views
- Cloudy Skies · 10k words · 665 14 · 15k views
- Professor Coruptus · 49k words · 214 16 · 5.8k views
- AbsoluteAnonymous · 9.4k words · 656 13 · 11k views
- Donnys Boy · 8.5k words · 398 18 · 8.3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.151 seconds
Total duration
1,037 users online
1,826,669 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Gas mask child Doctor Who reference? Me gusta
611003 Okay, I have to say this, cause a lot of people have said the same: The gas masks are not a Doctor Who reference. Mr. Cake's line is obviously quoting the crazed marine from Halo, but apart from that, any apparent reference is purely coincidental.
Sorry.
611012 Wow, where'd all those comments come from? Didn't see 'em when I started reading. Ah, well, I was wrong- no need to apologize!
611003 Mommy? Are you my Mommy?
Oh yeah! I remember this!
I've been meaning to read this for a little while (since I saw it featured on EQD), and now that I have, I can safely say that I wasn't disappointed at all.
Very, very nice job!
I love your use of vocabulary within the narrative. You have a very sophisticated style of writing which describes brilliantly (I hardly noticed when you repeated words - if you did at all) and injects the perfect amount of humour when the situation calls for it.
The story itself is beautiful and heartwarming. You nailed the characters excellently, particularly Rainbow and Pinkie. (Call me a wishful thinker but I sorta hoped their love would be genuine all along.
) You captured the hilarious side of Twilight's personality, too.
All I can say in the way of constructive criticism is that the cafe scene felt a bit... rushed. I just feel there should've been more confusion and disbelief. Just a few extra lines of dialogue or so at each state of the conversation (the confession, the revelation, and the saddening conclusion) would've helped it flow better, in my humble opinion.
Anyway, you get a favorite, a thumb-up and a watch from me! Keep it up!
Are you my mommy?
611059
Not good...
The image source link is trolling me
611159 What you said.
Hmm... can't quite figure out if I liked this or not... it kinda felt like it had some undertones to it that never really got explained and maybe that was what you were aiming for with the story... to be a kinda "make up your own idea of what was really going on" thing... oh well
611522 Undertones? What sort of undertones, exactly?
I liked your story very much! I too hoped that their love was real all along... I read too much shipping
612277 Read the ending over again; I thought I left that one pretty open-ended...
Good job, though I am disappointed that they didn't get pranked. BUT I GUESS IT IS THE NATURE OF THINGS
Wow, I completely missed that. Never mind
Amazing.
612117
multiple ways it could be understood in... going to explain will take more time than i really care to put into it (no offense...)
"The last thing we need is a crazed mob of Rainbow Dash-lovers on our hooves,” said Twilight as they ascended the rickety spiral stairway that led to Pinkie’s bedroom.
Thanks for writing and sharing this fic. It was consistently entertaining, flowed well, and had a solid story arc.
I look forward to reading more from you.
just want to say I thoroughly enjoyed this.
Neep button!
A nice, comedic take on shipping.
if i could play with my female friends feelings leik this, i would do it
and i would just laff and laff and laugh my ass off as they weep their eyes out trying to convince themselves theyre not really in love
(y'know probly not but idk)
611059 Go to your room, Mommy is very cross with you right now. Go!
1889249N͖̳̠̗ͫ̎̇ͦ͗̒̓ͭ͝E̷̡̢͖̙̜̠͗V̵̴̳̼͍̝͚̩̠̉̏͆Ḛ̸̸͇͈̣̗͉̍̍̔̊̏ͮ͞R̡̛͉͎͍͓̯̭̅̐̓ͦ͞
Are you my mommy?
hereticaljargon.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/national-high-five-day.jpg?w=614
(this is the closest pic I could find)