I'm not sure if I want to finish it now...maybe save it for later. I always hate it when good things end, but I guess this is just the start of something greater.

if you're going to build a universe you HAVE to have justifications. If you're going to skip that there was no point to this story, you could have just said ponies are secretly sex obsessed.

Frankly, you went grimdark which defeated the whole point of this story and I don't see to many people willing to just overlook you trying to put the cat back in the bag, you've seen the way people judge FoE stories.

unfortunately, much as I would have like to have liked it I end up not being very impressed. I think Luna, the former Nightmare Moon, would be a lot more upset about something potentially altering her mind.

5961124

I would argue I didn't go grim-dark as no one was killed or maimed or seriously traumatized mentally for life.

Won't argue that I went darker than my intentions and far darker than I see follow up story lines being.

I'm at a bit of a loss at what you mean by Justification to tell the truth.

Maybe I should have followed the pattern the Canon series used and have the dark serious stuff in the past and only referred to in passing to explain how a certain situation came about.

The canon series did not detail Luna and Celestia's war. Or the first war over the Crystal Empire.

Pretty clear that Sombra didn't treat his subjects with kid gloves. Yet the badly traumatized population recovers in an instant when the magical Crystal Heart is recovered.

And in the Canon I'm constantly hearing fan comments about how characters don't suffer consequences for their over the top antics.

Most recently Rainbow Dash destroying the weather factory, just so she didn't have to miss playing with her pet for a few months.

But there were other examples in canon that were simply brushed over. and what Trixie got up to with the Alicorn Amulet was in some ways way worse than anything I did on screen, yet she didn't even get a slap on the wrist.

The Amulet might have influenced her, but she was the one who found and put it on in the first place, on purpose.

I did try very hard to gain some pre-readers and editors while I was constructing this for the very reason of trying to keep me on an even keel, but got no takers. Not surprising I suppose. No one knew me and had no reason to put out any effort on my behalf.

Hopefully I'll get a little more help with the material I'm going to try and construct in the aftermath of this.

5961303

what I mean by justification, is exactly what you said. You said you were going to avoid justifying the character's actions in future stories, I'm saying you need to. And the plots on the show aren't doing much to alter ponies' personalities or dramatically rewrite Equestrian society. Those stories you're talking about are mostly slice of live with some action thrown in

5961303
Aw. I thought I was being helpful

Well, I'll try better in the future then! With access to the GoogleDocs I'll do my best! Or just per PM, that's how the other authors I pre-read for do it.
I do kinda prefer Google Doc, though... my own system takes hours and it's pretty much the same, only less... comfortable.

5961311

My fault. I'm sorry. What I meant was that I was not going to jump through hoops trying to justify the actions the characters take.

That does not mean I'm not going to try and provide a reason why they might have this particular fetish, or take this particular action. Just that I'm not going to beat that reason into the ground and try to force the reader to my point of view.

For instance I have a good reason, I think, why Twilight will be playing around with Gendershifting spells that does not require a huge modification of her character.

Lots and lots of young kids go through a period when they think life would be better if only they were only the other sex. Has nothing to do with sexuality. Could be as simple as girl's not being allowed to play in boy's league sports.

Twilight has serious OCD at times. Seems logical that she would not be able to let go of a desire to create a spell that would change her into a colt, especially if she created a check list as a young filly that included the task of figuring out such a spell.

In normal circumstances this would simply be a simple little comedy of errors, but add in the Caridoon situation and Twilight might find being male both a serious complication and useful in ways she never imagined.

5961343

Lots and lots of young kids go through a period when they think life would be better if only they were only the other sex. Has nothing to do with sexuality.

Really?

5961410

Really. Grass is greener on the other side of the fence thing. If only I was the other gender things would be so much better. I went through my bout of this long before puberty. Boys in our family were treated like shit while the girls got all the attention and perks. Or so it seemed to my eight year old mind.

And I've known girls who when young really resented that boys got to do things they were not allowed to participate in. despite the fact that at that age they were every bit as strong and fast as the boys.

>Not that Twilight would vent properly. The self-effacing scholar would just repress her inclinations and protest in a very polite and conciliatory way. Really the girl needed to learn to cut loose on other occasions than when her back was against the wall.

twilight is actually very much the kind of person who doesn't care much for propriety, though I cant say if she would vent either. she scarfs food like a maniac, hides in bushes, storms into her brothers wedding, charms random ponies to create an incident touhou style.

I honestly can't wait for the mane six to go mystery men on their royalties trained infiltrators. Applejack wont take things lying down, and where she goes, her friends follow. its going to be a blast watching them brave the fire in true chucklefuck/murderhobo style. who needs training when you're PCs?

5961124
this really isn't grim dark at all. grim dark settings have no hope in them. the content here in reminds me very much of shikama interface; both the porn and the story go hand and hand, and the characters elastic personalities let them endure punishment that might realistically crush anyone. It was very clear in that fic that the linger rape and relationship with akane had hurt ranma, but despite moments of vulnerability it really is similar to punishment taken in physical form brought over to mental punishment.

of course people who can't handle tough topics like this even if they aren't played completely straight and consequences are more abstract are going to be shocked by the content. but it doesn't make that content grim dark, it makes them new to the internet.

5961529

Much of that is true, except where it involves Celestia, and to a certain extent, Luna. Which is the POV that Luna is thinking about this from.

No matter what the situation Twilight would have a very hard time bringing herself to feel that Celestia did a very stupid thing.

By the way, there is still a little bit of head-canon I'm feeling that in some small part Celestia might just have been looking to end her existence and that influenced her decisions making to a certain extent.

If that were the case it would no longer apply because I see the reduced Celestia as having regained her zest for life, to an alarming degree maybe. She just doesn't look like a Teenager, she has all the hormone driven emotional swings that go with that.

5961555

By the way, there is still a little bit of head-canon I'm feeling that in some small part Celestia might just have been looking to end her existence and that influenced her decisions making to a certain extent.

no, no. Uh-uh, wrong

5961615

Not going to go all angst on the topic, or really even make it an issue. It was just one of the things that bounced around in my head while I was thinking on her motivations.

Okay I came into this later on so I decided to wait for you to finish this story before giving my thoughts.

I'm going to go right off the bat and say that this story was enjoyable and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take it. If that's all you take away from this comment that is fine but since I decided to wait until the end please indulge me as I go in to a more in depth analysis of the universe you have presented thus far.

I really like this take on Big Mac. I reading the chapters that focused on him in a lot of ways made me think of a sex based Dexter Morgan. Seeing him deal with this animalistic side is something that I look forward to. Also having earth pony magic be based around fertility in all forms was brilliant. I can't wait to see more of him.

As for the question you asked in an early chapter about whether Big Mac and Applejack should do it once to get it out of their system, have it become a regular thing for them or have them never do it. Now after reading the Big Mac chapters where you had asked this question, may answer was no for two reasons:

The first reason is simply that I find incest squiky and a major turn off. There have been multiple Harem stories I have stopped reading or avoided because it decided to go there.

The second reason was more from storytelling angle. To me, Applejack needed to be the line Big Mac doesn't cross. It has been made clear that something dark within Big Mac has been let loose and, much like Batman's no killing rule, there in needs to be one line that Big Mac doesn't cross so that he knows he's still on the side of good.

Having read this story to completion has made me decide to rethink this answer. I don't like but I do think Applejack and Big Mac are going to have to do it least once. While Big Mac's darkness at first came across as a willingness to bang any able female and the fact that it's his sister is inconsequential (therefore why I felt she should be the line), Apple Jack appears full on obsessed with Big Mac, basically any males she is going to be screwing is going to be Big Mac in her own head. I don't like it but from a story stand point, I'm with Luna, those two need to just do it because the alternative isn't any healthier and at least this way they're being somewhat honest, if only to themselves.

It was like a story that I was reading that had Big Mac and a pony version of Jack Harkness working for an Equestrian version of Torchwood and despite the awesomeness of the concept, the angst Big Mac was dealing with because he was in love with Apple Jack killed it for me, not because he was pining after his sister but because the emo bs that ensued was undermining the fun I was expecting to have.

I dislike Big Mac/AppleJack couplings but I despise having to be swim through a sea of needless angst a lot more so if you're going to do it, keep the related drama reasonable, or at least as reasonable as you can in this situation. Can't say what a reasonable amount of drama in this situation is but I trust your judgement.

As for the setting, it's growing on me. Males all as doms and females all as subs aren't my favourite stories but you managed to give it a few fresh twists. I like the idea of the curse effecting the males as well in to forcing them to need to have sex, it just reiterates the idea no-one is truly free in Caridoon (though the males are still somewhat better off). The villains still need some time to develop but I do like that they do manage to lose from time to time, it makes them more interesting to follow because you can't help but wonder if they will manage to pull off their scheme.

Also I can see that you have put a lot of thought and effort into how a society like this would function. As someone you loves world building I appreciate it.

I think the biggest thing I would warn against in terms of this universe is having it become bi-polar. I like the fact that you trying to bring humour to this universe and I don't want you to stop. With that said in the space of this story you've combined Big Mac's darker side being let out and Applejack being raped repeatedly with a curse by the goddess of fluffy bunnies and the moose brothers from Brother bear making an appearance. That doesn't even begin to cover the fking bear (something I never thought I'd say in the literal sense) which was both awesome for being there and at the same time somewhat confusing, though I expect that you'll be exploring that part later. What I'm trying to say is just make sure you have a clear direction in mind for this universe otherwise things may spiral out of control.

Still as I said, I'm interested in seeing what you'll do with this universe and I look forward to seeing more.

Ok so I also decided to make a second comment addressing the elephant in the room.

(btw don't use elephants in the story, the bear was awesome but elephants would just be too much)

How do I feel that this story and this concept compares to Fall of Equestria and Equestria's Training Society? I know that stories should be viewed on their own merit and not compared to other works but let's be honest. They are to BDSM pony universes what the Lunaverse is to recasting of the elements of Harmony, when you enter this game that is the bench mark you will be measured against for better or worse.

Now right off the bat, there is one thing that you're story has that the other two lack, a hopeful outlook. FoE is based after the end, the Caribou have won and now it's just a question of survival in most stories. While the Society in ETS is having to operate in the shadows, they have not hit anything that could really be considered a set back or a loss in the canon universe. At the end of the day, the bad guys win in both cases.

Here there is a sense that the good guys will triumph. They won't be unscathed and there will be sacrifices along the way but there is still reason to believe that things will work out. It's just so great to see a series (in a similar vein to collar6) is willing to create a bdsm universe that can have humour and positivity. So Kudus for that.

Villains wise I'd say you're miles ahead of FoE. I've gone on record to call the Caribou in FoE plot devices with dicks attached, there has been maybe one that was somewhat interesting but that was is only in contrast to how to one dimensional all the others are.

In terms ETS, it's hard but I am going to lean towards favouring their villains to yours for the time being but that is mainly because of a few key ones and because I've a had chance to know them. Most of their villians aren't particularly deep but I think that having them be unisex means that a bit more effort is taken to show that they're here because of their personality and not because their gender immediately means they'll be one role over the other. Though Lady Schrol is what takes the cake for me, I just enjoy watching her in action. She this masterful manipulator who despite being the ruler of her domain will still let Blue Blood do her up the ass. Yet I don't for one moment doubt that she is the one pulling everyone's strings.

Duneyrr and Rasmus read a lot like RPG style overlords but the fun kind and you have seem to find a good balance between them succeeding and failing. It keeps things interesting. I think the main thing they need is time to develop more.

Thank you for a fun story and I hope I haven't bored you with my thoughts.

5965047

Thank you for a fun story and I hope I haven't bored you with my thoughts.

Not at all. They were most welcome. Input is very valuable. You've given me some thoughts to dwell on in regard to Applejack and Big Mac.

At the current time I've sort of decided that they will dance around their mutual attraction, but it won't go anywhere. Any author who wants to develop that story line is welcome to do so, but it would at the moment be non-canon.

I'm not going to go for angst. Applejack's attraction to her brother is a combination of a filly crush, and a bit of hero worship. His attraction to her is more a case of constant proximity combined with having the fact that she's an object of desire shoved in his face at a point in his life when he was nothing but a big bundle of teen-age hormones.

I have plans that will sort of short circuit Applejack's attraction to her brother, without a whole bundle of angst being involved.

As for Big Mac, he has Bother, and may get to sample various members of the Mane Six. Might also end up owning the Caridoon Earth pony Signe, but that is totally up in the air.

You might think about joining the group I created for this story. I'm hoping to get feedback on various plot concepts.

And because this is a whole story universe, I need to break away from the Apples for the next while and develop the other characters. Applejack and her brother are not likely to come back into the story for a fairly long time. Simply because it will take me time to write the other stories that need to happen to bring things up to speed.

This was a very good plotline. I feel that any future Caridoon stories will (hopefully) be as good if not better than this amazing story.

8.9/10 needs more bondage with vibrators and lesbian horse sex.

5976021

Thank you. In general I expect the stories I'm going to be working on in the next little while to be lighter in tone, with a few dark moments, but there will most certainly be bondage and vibrators.

Lesbian sex, not so much. At least not as a major component. Not that I have anything against it, but there is just so much of it in pony clop that I'm going for gender swapping to set up shipping situations instead of filly fooling.

Well I finally got around to finishing this story and I have to say I liked it. Only issue I had was I fully expected a Bi Mac in Caridoon story and that kind of fizzled out. Kind of dissapointing in its way. Especially if he had to take a stuffy male Unicorn or a fun loving Pegasus along to give his sister to. As for the concerns of world building. I myself love that kind of thing. As for the ending, it's all set up for further storys but the Discord/Fluttershy thing just came out of left field.
I do wonder how Twilight and her friends will react though and I can kind of see one or two of them somehow tryng to help Celestia in some way. Rainbow Dash for sure and maybe Rarity with a illusion spell to hide her horn.

5985192

This entire story was meant as a prelude toe the creation of this universe. Which sort of means there was no way to do it without leaving tons of plot threads dangling.

But that could be the fun thing, if other authors want to take some of those plot threads and run with them.

I'm currently working on some introductory snippets to the rest of the Mane six.

Fluttershy's scene was supposed to be a bridge from Applejacked to the next story arc I personally will be working on.

I rather like the idea of Fluttershy going all dominate when in the throes of sexual frustration. ^_^

5985213 Yeah I can kind of see Flutters being that way and Discord really loving the friends with benefits lifestyle. The other girls though are what I wonder about. Like Luna noted, Twilight probably won't do much but sulk. Pinkie Pie would be disaster waiting to happen. Fluttershy would actually be dangerous going into Caridoon if she got all dominate. Someone would bear down on her and try to break her I think. Rarity has piercings as noted in one chapter and might enjoy the play a bit but I don't see the fussy mare doing all that well when it becomes more nonconsensual. Applejack has anger issues now and finally Rainbow Dash I think would get too far ahead of herself and probably get trapped and lost somehow. In some ways the best bet for the pony's is a team of older mares with Gold Collars with Stallions to escort them around. Might be even better if those stallions were NOT pony's but Griffons or minotaur's.

5985376

Some good ideas there. Part of the opening for other authors is to create shipping pairings of OC or supporting character teams to go through the Training Academy.

Example, Trixie and Gilda teamed up with a pair of stuffy Royal Guards. Or heck, seeing as how Gender swapping is a thing in this world, Trixie and Gilda might battle it out to see who would be the guy.

Just an example. I got to much on my plate to do that story line. -_-;;;

I'm busy right now trying to do some short bits to establish some things about the Mane Six in this universe. Rarity and Pinkie's attitude toward kinky sex will be part of that.

I have something in mind for Fluttershy that would let her go into Caridoon with no problem. And very likely have most males giving 'him' a wide berth.

It's spoilery, but likely few people will read this. So I'll just say I loved that last little teaser at the end of the story were Fluttershy was a vamppony.

5985399 For some reason I really like the idea of seeing Rarity having to deal with Caridoon. Especially If she had a real jerk as her handler. Almost wish it was me. Pinkie though always struck me as the eternal party girl-but not that kind of girl . I also kind of like seeing Twilight having to be Celestia's handler when she goes into Caridoon. Of course the entire 'only two unicorns in Caridoon' thing will be a problem. More I think about it, it might just be better for Luna to send something through and kill everything in Caridoon off, or at least near where her sisters power is now stored. She has flown there before and she probably could strike and smash a good hunk of it from above then send in a team to escort Celestia in unimpeded! That or Luna could resurrect Sombra and send him in to overthrow the Unicorn King and Prince. Sorry there names escape me at the moment. But he would easily be a match I think for the pair of them.

5985431

I'm not going to worry too much about the logical actions Luna could take. You could say the same thing about just about every single action episode in the Canon show. They had so many smarter options they could have gone with.

But remember at the moment the country is literally out of phase with the world. Luna can no more get to it than she could have gotten to the Crystal empire after Sombra time locked it. There is a small gateway, but at this point Luna does not know what possibilities it offers.

Plus, Duneyrr has proven he has the ability to drain an Alicorn's magic. She has no idea how easily he can use this ability. Best bet is to be sneaky, shadows in the night. Not striking till they know exactly what they are dealing with.

6010265 actally the out of phase nature works against sending the Mane Six into Caride on then. By the time Luna finds a way in the will be to old to fit in with young sex slaves. Though I could see the girls in Gold Collars then.

6010633

Which is where the Gate that showed up at the end of the epilogue and teasers comes into play

6010790 ah perfect! And so bloody obvious! And I completely missed it.

I like this quite a bit more than FoE
For lots of reasons
Like that there are reasons for everything
And that staying an untouchable red collar is ok even if its not desirable at all because sometimes knowing you have the choice is all that matters
And that freedom comes eventually and with pay. It makes the slave years look survivable and maybe even fun. Like school.
I really hope you and more authors write more. I'm sad the group has nothing in it but your one story. (Which was really good. I liked the worldbuilding.)

6027919
Working on the next story in this universe. Need to set up the Mane Six for what is to come.

Check out the forum in the group and join the discussion. There is a snippet of my rough draft for the prelude to Twilight's story.

6028032

yayyyyyy... I hope some mares get bred... Nothing like a willing slave erotically impregnated for her master/mistress

6088156

I'll pass out this warning. Pregnancy and breeding are not my thing, except in a romantic context. And effective birth control is an important plot point in this universe. The lack of any BC at all was what caused the evolution of the culture in Caridoon in the first place.

6088401

I loved the story, how long until the next one?

6123917

Just letting the pre-readers run through the first chapter of the next Caridoon story. Will feature Twilight and Pinkie Pie. Short compared to this one.

6123917
Now.

Right here

Okay. I'm really not pleased with a few things, though not in a way to dis the fic, more in the general aspect of this fic's universe.

I better be understanding this right, that Luna is doing the opposite of what the king and his son are expecting, that they expect her to just come charging in, yet, since she's going to use stealth and infiltrators, they won't notice, focusing on and excepting a frontal assault, while the ponies of Equestria slip in under the radar, integrate with Coridoon society and spread the word that, while what they were doing was fine, thee unicorn king was trying to force that on others beyond them, how it's morally wrong, that he took someone from her home in another country and forced her to live their ways, before doing an atrocious act against the ruler of another nation, just because he wanted to.

From what i've seen, this society isn't evil itself, only the king and his son, plus a few select others. If what i'm guessing is right (and i'd better be right or this will just be a FoE repeat) Luna's stealth team will convince the citizens that what the king is doing is wrong and that, while they were free to live their lives as they are, it is EVIL to do as him and force it on others who come from outside their lands.

Also, about those seeds. They'd better only end up in one place and, once those who planted them figure out the plants are wrong, destroy them! Or maybe, after words get around the castle about what happened to AJ, that guard who'd fucked Bother goes to Luna and gives her the seeds. That would make things a lot better for several reasons. One, another kick in the nutsack for those two bastard unicorns, and two, it could be a way of helping train those who will infiltrate Caridoon and get them used to who they'll have to live there. It makes sense, when you think about it.

After all, i doubt that guard thinks so little of mares and, when he learns what happened, will question the seeds his was given and hand them over to the princess, his loyalty being far stronger than his cock.

And that rip. Isn't it dangerous to have that opened so wide now? Will the Moon Demon guard it, to ensure no one else comes through will those horrid ideals? Though it does provide the perfect way for the infiltrators to get in.

Okay, that's about all i wanted to say. Despite my desire to never write clop again, this is seriously tempting to write for, though i would want to write the time of the infiltrators as they work their way into society as well as the downfall of those two bastard unicorns. It also brings up that Ursine. He seems to have some respect for females, so, maybe those two will meet up with the infiltrators during their travels, they explain the situation and he agrees to aid them.

wait. I just realized. Why the hell can't other races become pregnant from each other in this universe. It's been a fan-favourite-theory that crossbredding is possible, so how come it doesn't seem so here? that doesn't make any sense

6168919

Part of the magic, plot bunny. Not even different races of ponies can apparently interbreed in this land, though a Pegasus mare might on occasion have a foal who is an Earth Pony, or Unicorn. Right now Signe is the only native Caridoon Earth pony.

6168751

You might be making a mistaken assumption based on the way you are phrasing things. I tried to give an explanation as to how the Caridoon culture came to be. It evolved over thousands of years and is a result of the environment. It has allowed them to become stable and actually advance as a culture with females gaining more rights and respect even though the entire population has descended from rapists and slave owners of the worst sort. Back before the current set up females could expect to spend their entire lives pregnant simply because abstinence was impossible. I've stated outright that the country is littered with the remains of civilizations that collapsed due to constant wars over females who were treated as resources and not persons.

My idea was that from the outside what looks horrifying, and would cause that observer to view the culture with horror, once you understand what is going on it is not nearly as bad as it seems. Still not good by Equestria standards, but not nearly as bad as it seems.

The most important point I think you need to understand is that the title of King for the principal bad guy is a self title. He only actually owns an old Castle and the land around it while employing a group of mercenaries who themselves are mostly outcasts. He's really nothing more than a petty warlord/power broker

The general population had nothing but contempt for him, and if not for his magic he, his son, and the entire Unicorn race in Caridoon would have died out hundreds of years ago. Or maybe without his influence they would have become valued partners in the land and prospered.

It is my intention when a native eventually meets an Equestrian unicorn, 'female' they will be extremely protective toward her and do everything in their power to make sure she does not come to the attention of the 'king'

does not mean they won't expect her to serve as a sex slave, but they are certainly not going to sell her to the king knowing she'll have her horn chopped off and end up being treated like a disposable tissue.

The seeds are a future plot point I'll discuss with anyone who might be interested in doing a story set several years into the future of this universe. Say when the Cutie Mark Crusaders are all over eighteen. Possible they might never factor into any of the stories I write which will be focused on the set up.

Most important point was that this story was dark because I got carried away in my quest to shake up Equestria to an extreme degree that would allow for a shift in their culture. I intend for future stories, the ones I write anyway, to be much lighter in tone.

Other authors might want to do dark stories.

Equestria might moderate the culture of Caridoon a great deal due to close contact, but the effect is intended to go both ways, with 'consensual' sex slavery becoming a part of Equestria culture as the area around the gate becomes contaminated with the same magic that makes it impossible for Caridoon males to go more than twelve hours without sex without suffering severe discomfort.

The most important thing Equestria can do to combat Caridoon has already happened. Applejack has let an important female know about the existence of practical birth control. Their whole culture is centered around arranging non-procreative sex after all.

6168919
6169712
Autum, I would really really love to see your work in this. I have read your other works, and love them. One of which I really enjoyed in the uprise fiction. I think you and thtiger will be great working together, I would definitely read and fav if you choose to write.

Although, due to some real life issue, I won't be active for the next few months. After that I should be able to find time, and maybe help with proofreading or editing.

It's sad I won't be able to read Dusk Shine Rising as it is released. I would love to watch as the universe grows, and help build it.

I confess, I just want to see Luna infiltrate them and take them down. Chronologically, what's the next story after this one?

6218557

Story universe is still in development. Right now I'm working on Dusk Shine Rising, which mostly takes place at the same time as Applejacked.

Should mention that I'm trying to set up a fetish universe and while the Unicorn getting his is likely an event that will take place in this universe it is not the goal. My main focus is going to be on the consequences of what happened due to the events in Applejacked and how the principal characters get drawn into a BDSM lifestyle situation.
Done in a much lighter tone than Applejacked, mind you. Dusk Shine Rising as an example is a comedy with no dark elements.

6218557

Dusk Shine Rising takes place in the next time frame. When I get around to it the Discord/Fluttershy story will pick up at the point where Applejacked ended.

6246537

This is after season four, and I might even throw in elements of season five if they appeal to me.

Discord is indeed a game changer, but for right now I'll say that Celestia is reluctant to use him as a nut-cracker. IF you get to the end of Applejacked you'll see he and Fluttershy have a marvel type teaser clip in the epilogues.

I've got plans to take Discord out of the equation, after letting him supply what I think will be a fun plot twist for this universe. for the simple reason that if he exists in the universe as an active participant it makes it very hard to not have him solve, or complicate things on a constant basis. And if I just ignore him, people will ask why.

6247013

Thanks for your commentary. It's a help and motivator. And fixed the typo. Sure there are tons more.

6247224

I'm not going to be so egotistical that I think I've created something without flaws. There are lots of flaws. What I was going for was to create a society that evolved to it's present status and has become the norm for them. I created a plot device to drive the formation of that society, but it took generations to achieve.

My real goal was to create a society that is no worse than many real world societies, and in some cases a heck of a lot better. But because of prejudice an outsider looking in without any real knowledge of it will see it as disgusting and evil. To help that attitude along their only real contact has been with a bad element of the society.

If you look at the history behind a lot of the traditions of Western marriage and imagine you have no knowledge how it actually works out in real life you might feel the same thing. Especially if you go back a century to when Women were considered property. They could not vote, they could not own property, unless there was a specific legal consideration created by a male, and so on.

On paper and in a legal sense females were slaves for most of history in the real world. And as having sex with the male who controlled them was part of their duties, it would not be out of line to call them sex-slaves. The societies involved just used different words to describe their position in society.

I can remember the legal debate when I was young about writing it into law that a husband could rape his wife. Up till that point, because the marriage vows were considered consent and a wife did not have the right to deny her husband access to her body. That was less than fifty years ago.

“It worked, Luna. It actually worked. I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you. The odds were so slim, but it worked. It really did,” Celestia babbled, her words coming a mile a minute while if anything the wild look in her eyes increased.
“Yes Tia. We know. Applejack is safe and with her brother now.” Luna said, keeping her voice in the talking to crazy people range.

This fills me with amusement. Have a cookie.

Tia, acting very much like the young teenager she now appeared fairly bounced on the bed from impatience as she continued. “That’s not what I meant. My magic! It wasn’t dispersed as we feared it would be! Duneyrr’s trap collected and contained it! All I have to do is get to it and I can re-absorb it. I can restore myself. Best of all I will no longer have the restriction of the geis holding me back. That means I’ll be able to operate with impunity in Caridoon.”

She soon reached the edge of a clearing and looked out at the source of the conflicting scents. A pale yellow pegasus with a pink mane was pinned under a vile chaos-creature. While she writhed and twisted in the grass he methodically drove his thick cock in and out of her over-stretched sex.

So this IS post Twilicorn.

The chaos-creature, Discord? twisted his head to the side. Small liquid crocodiles crawled out of his eyes and down his cheeks to vanish in the grass. “I just don’t know, Fluttershy. Each time you say you won’t do it again. And each time, here I am, violated brutally. I don’t know if I have it in me to forgive you again. Maybe we should go back to being just friends?”

Crocodile tears, ha ha.

“Oh, no. Please, Discord. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”
Discord’s expression turned gleeful and his crocodile tears vanished in little puffs of steam. “Really? Anything?” he drawled out.

And now you done bucked up Shy, never give Discord ideas. I just won't work out well for you.

6246747

This is after season four, and I might even throw in elements of season five if they appeal to me.

Neato. Wonder how Starlight would react to Caridoon as would all the other Our Towners?

Discord is indeed a game changer, but for right now I'll say that Celestia is reluctant to use him as a nut-cracker. IF you get to the end of Applejacked you'll see he and Fluttershy have a marvel type teaser clip in the epilogues.

Considering that Discord does pretty much whatever he darn well pleases within limits, yeah, I can see why she'd be reluctant to call him for help, he's chaos incarnate and with him just having reinforced his loyalty by becoming more of a Chaostic Neutral leaning towards Good than just Chaos Neutral after Tirek, yeah, I'm just repeating myself aren't I?

I've got plans to take Discord out of the equation, after letting him supply what I think will be a fun plot twist for this universe. for the simple reason that if he exists in the universe as an active participant it makes it very hard to not have him solve, or complicate things on a constant basis. And if I just ignore him, people will ask why.

Makes sense, consideing how powerful he is, or even just how manipulative he can be, I really pity the King if he thinks he can take on a draconequus. In a straight up magic duel, he'd probably lose to pre alicorn Twilight in terms of power, maybe, Celestia or Luna would crush him and Discord? Well, he can remove pony horns and wings. That and one sucker punch and Discord wins. FLAWLESS VICTORY.

6248019

Crocodile tears, ha ha.

You get a cookie for being the first to mention that.^_^

6248067

The pun was so obvious I'm honestly surprised nobody else brought it up.

wow , and mgs the plot dump is real....

sooo why did celestia turn gold instead of her canon filly colors?....

also you really should break up your scene transitions with characters like ==== ***** ~~~~~ or something to make it clear that the scene is transitioning and possible to navigate where you are in the fic......

so how did luna escape if duneyrr made a control collar for her while she was captive there?.....

so much hinting at this caridoon course , it's like it's teasing just for the sake of teasing.......

so oh shit the female entity that had a grudge against that hidden land was mother faust wasn't it? that's too much lol.....

really all i want now is clop between luna and celestia ._. , again you left me with just a bunch of teases and i hate you for it........

5961311 >what is discord and chrysalis episodes.....

5961343 5961410

Lots and lots of young kids go through a period when they think life would be better if only they were only the other sex.

i kinda had those thoughts too when was younger in my teens , but it was basically just a passing fantasy thought like 'wouldn't it be cool if i trained myself in swords play , eh but that's too generic , but what if i was a female , female warriors are so much cooler than male ones , yeah that would be cool.....'
there's probably some other thoughts i had about it too that i don't remember though.....

5965047

I've gone on record to call the Caribou in FoE plot devices with dicks attached

hah really? i would say they're 'insert plot device here' with dicks attached XD , but that's what they were intended to be sooo.....

6366581

I confess that part of my motivation for some of the plot teases was to maybe encourage other writers to come and play in this world.

Celestia and Luna's interaction, while something I'd like to do myself is one such example. I don't know when I'll get the time with all the work I need to do getting the Mane Six into the universe.

So if you, or any other author wanted to have a go at doing a 'training' scenario it would be perfectly fine.

Nice thing about that set up is someone could do a stand alone story about a single training session, and someone else could do another with a different feel. As long as the center theme of Luna amusing herself, and discouraging her 'little' sister from doing something stupid is maintained it would all be good.

On the topic that other poster brought up about Slave cultures in the real world never being stopped by war, but by economic reality. I'd take issue at that. There is still real slavery in the world right up to this day, and while the sex trade gets the press, there is slave labor.

Caridoon however was constructed so that their slave system is necessary to prevent the destruction of their society by constant wars and raiding. Sex is not an option for them, but as necessary as food and water.

And I've already inserted the plot device that will cause a massive shift in their society, over time. the Concept of birth control.

Once Equestria, several years down the road, can start supplying that, their society will move away from enforced slavery. Though the cultural constructs that accompanied it will stick around for centuries. Just like some of the traditions in western weddings hark back to the days where females were nothing more than property to be handed off by their current owner, father, to their new owner, husband.

6367113 right of course....

lol no i wont be looking to write anything anytime soon , especially not to satisfy my own fetish fuel....
remember i said i had my own grand story idea that i want to make it's just i can't find some key information that would be crucial to the structure of the story....

wait how is acknowledging that there is more slavery in the world today than ever before in the form of wage slavery taking issue with the fact that throughout history the literal owning of slaves had been phased out/abolished due to economic reasons?.....

but wasn't the only threat to their society that new op race that was like 'yo slaves forever (in classic biblical fashion 1 person makes 1 mistake and every other person who existed before and after that 1 person are considered to have also already made that same mistake by default) or exile to death for yall'?....

yes i remember that key plot point , though i don't see how it was significant in any way , how is the option of contraception possibly going to make it so that they don't need/want sex/slaves anymore?.....