Warning: This is not a story. It's a giant fight scene. It was never really meant to be a story, though some parts may make you want to get to know the characters more. If you like fight scenes though, have fun.
Every morning, just a few hours after having breakfast, Ace Blade trains. Every evening, just a few hours before bed, she trains again.
Being one of the best guards in Equestria, she's allowed to use the more expensive equipment; she's allowed to wear lightweight armour, carry bladed wings with shock absorbers, and use anti-magic crystals on her enemies. She also gets access to the magical training grounds, and oh man is it great.
By the way, you're free to watch. Just don't get in her way.
Thanks to ThatBrony147 for editing!
Chapters (1)
*slow clap* well done, very well done
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Thanks!
Oh, to everyone who read it: there should be two or three spots where Ace left herself open. Do you think you can find them?
yes Luna bring back the art of combat
You named your character "Ace Blade"?
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I was also thinking of Windshear, but Ace Blade was more in your face and matched her personality better. I know 'Blade' may not seem very pony-like because it represents a weapon, but I'm not gonna give a pony who's practising slaughtering an army a pacifistic name. Plus, this is Equestria, where ponies' names can sometimes match their professions. (Shining Armour?)
What would you have named her?
Honestly kind of mehish.
The story seems to be 'pony with amazing super magical weapons, equipment, and training, vs harmless constructs'. It's not battlefield or bodyguard training.
Honestly against any actual trained opponents it seems like she'd suffer pretty drastically. Sure, she can fight vs obvious, unarmoured, untrained, and unaware opponents, but how often are bodyguards in that position?
It does highlight, however, one of the problems with the common idea about ponies and pony magic. Pony magic is defensive and utility, not offensive. The use of shields, while ultimately repetitive, is their main combat use. I am mildly disappointed with their uselessness. It seems to be that these constructs cannot hurt, nor even effect anyone. If they did have useful weapons or equipment, then Ace Blade would not have succeeded.
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You make a lot of assumptions. That doesn't mean you don't have some good points though.
First off, this story was initially only meant to be one long fight scene, as I wanted to perfect writing those.
Second, the constructs may be armored, but her wing blades may be powerful enough to cut through anyway. This is more plausible when you consider she was supposed to be one of the elite of the guard (Though I suppose it's more of a military in this case). Still, I could've added something about her wing blades being able to cut through almost any armour.
Also, the constructs are trained. They have offensive and defensive spells, they have weapons that would defeat, but not kill Ace, and they used strategy and teamwork in combat. Still, they're more like randomly leveled opponents in a video game: they may learn and fight together, but it can be hard or impossible to make an AI work as well as anything with a brain. I did try to indicate their limitations in their thoughts, but I still might have made them too normal. I don't understand why you would think all of her enemies were untrained though, especially when I groups of ponies fighting and ganging up in her with weapons and offensive spells, and I really don't understand how you came to the conclusion that she'd suffer if she went up against actual trained opponents. Sure, they might be stronger or faster, but she doesn't only practice this specific method of training, (I stated this in the story,) and here's a lot more to fighting than strength and speed. It'd be like saying Jackie Chan would be bad at fighting one on one because he was able to fight a whole building of people.
And there are many times where the constructs are aware of her, and she purposefully gets out of their sight. Why would you think it would be a good idea to keep your enemy aware of you?
I did, however, state in the beginning that the constructs weren't able to hurt anything. It's obvious this is a training exercise, so I don't know why you would think they should be able to hurt anything. Having punching bags that could kill the soldiers you're trying to train would just leave you with a dead army.
Like I said, you do have some good points. However, I think you're expecting some sort of epic amine battle where Ace could die during a training exercise. (She did almost lose two or three times by the way.) Why would you expect that?
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To reply, may I address your individual points?
That it is a fight scene does not appear to me to be relevant, as I feel it was obvious. I was not criticising that, to be clear. My real problem was with the 'level' of opponents, and the difficulty that they posed to fighting with.
The fact that they had armour is the thing, though. Armour that she can just cut through with her set equipment doesn't matter to the story, because it's just window-dressing. The Stormtroopers in Star Wars don't have real armour, they have a uniform. The droidekas do have armour (in the sense that they are protected).
Also, real armour is pretty sturdy. You can't actually cut through maille or plate harnesses. Because it's actually made of steel. This actually brings me on to the other point about armour. You say she's been given lightened armour, which, fair enough, magic. Real armour, though, didn't actually weigh you down. Especially plate harness.
The constructs don't actually pose a real difficulty to Ace. This is the problem. She has fancy equipment that means that they are almost literally completely defenceless against her.
Why do I think they are untrained? They fire ranged weapons into a melee. They gang up against her (usually not a real thing outside criminals). They go to her. And they die in droves. If they were an actual threat (which, let's be clear, they aren't) she wouldn't be able to deal with thirty of them in a fight. Maybe five or six, if she was lucky. Even if they aren't that good. Fighting tires you out, and if you make a wrong move, you don't get a second chance.
I don't think it would be, but she isn't actually unaware of them, which is the most likely scenario in an actual fight.
I did, however, state in the beginning that the constructs weren't able to hurt anything. It's obvious this is a training exercise, so I don't know why you would think they should be able to hurt anything. Having punching bags that could kill the soldiers you're trying to train would just leave you with a dead army.
I didn't say you should have punching bags that kill people. But look at almost every actual army in history. You start with the punching bags, so you know how to stab with your sword. But then you practice with other soldiers. Other soldiers who don't react the way you necessarily want them to.
I'm not expecting her to die. I'm not expecting an epic anime battle, which is what I was, however, given. I'm expecting a difficult fight that she won not through being better equipped, or able to destroy their every defence, but by cunning tactics that she has to work out on the ground.
I didn't really get that.
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Okay, I'll take that first criticism. The Star Wars example after that doesn't really help your point, as I'd much rather compare my fight scene to real life than movie fight scenes.
Many things can cut through maille or plate harnesses. Any tools used to cut metal would work, and there are some, like plasma cutters or water jets, that might be able to cut through just as quickly as Ace's wingblades would. If they were further designed to cut through things as weapons and not as building tools, then no armour would block against them. There is a similar situation with guns: even though a bullet proof vest can block a handgun at close range, it cannot block sustained fire from an AK-47 for more than a few seconds. There are also many weapons more powerful than AK-47s, such as armour piercing hand gun bullets. They're just expensive.
Note that Ace didn't get hit once. There were a few times she was left open, and she failed some of the last practices, but here she survived by dodging everything.
Um, yes it did? Plate armour can weight up to 60 lbs, way more than the 5-30 lbs some runners use for training, and way more than enough to weigh down something meant to fly.
She almost lost two or three times. Plus, she had to dodge every attack, so it's not as if she walked right through them. Also, I stated that some of the special Earth Pony Construct had bladed hooves, which you can assume are the same as her bladed wings. The special pegasi didn't get to use bladed wings, whether they had them or not, because their formation broke and then they tried to run away.
Are you serious? Larger armies fight smaller armies all the time. If there's an advantage in numbers, even if its versus one, there's no reason not to use it.
I do see the point about not firing into the crowd though. Then again, that could be another point where I could have Ace be amazed about how stupid the AI can be when they don't stop firing into the crowd.
Eh, fighting that many opponents isn't unheard of in kung-fu movies, and those are closer to real fights than star wars. There are also times people make mistakes, but they aren't taken advantage of.
Sometimes. There are times where your opponent isn't aware of you, but you're aware of them. For example, she could be in a gang's headquarters, trying to blend in at first.
Did you know video games are now being used in the military?
There are scenarios that are way too dangerous or expensive to practice in real life. If anyone tried to set up this fight scene in real life, with all the weapons, I can guarantee you someone would get hurt.
Besides, there are AI in many fighting/war games, like Super Smash Bros., Halo, or Starcraft, and people can use those to get good at playing, even if multiplayer can be harder.
I could continue to point out things, but I feel that won't really be satisfying, as you probably already have your own idea about how a good fight scene would go.
Instead, how would you change this so it was better?
Finished reviewing story for the Goodfic Bin. Since the story doesn't really make itself memorable, I've rejected it from submissions folders.
Details are you-know-where.
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Well to jump in here, there's nothing at stake in this story. If Ace had fallen flat on her face and gotten "killed" in the opening seconds of the simulation, all that she would've suffered is some embarrassment in front of a friend. A friend your readers know nothing about or about his relationship to Ace and thus can't even fully care if she does get embarrassed. What do we care?
Your description says that she trains every day. For hours. Which means this fight is the culmination of her training. But, again, we don't see any of that build up. We can't fully appreciate her amazing fighting prowess because we've never seen anyone in this entire story universe actually be in a fight. Not even her. To even fully appreciate where she is now as far as simulated fights go, we'd have to have see where she used to be.
Lastly, you had to drag the Princesses in. They exist in this story solely to lend their legitimacy to this advertisement for Ace. Ace is so amazing that even Celestia is scared of her! Celestia wasn't scared of Discord or Sombra or Chrysalis but she's stammering and stuttering in open-mouthed awe at the glory that is Ace Blade. Really? C'mon!
To improve it, I'd put the Princesses right there watching and judging her. This is her big chance to maybe get promoted to the next level up of the Royal Guards. And her boyfriend can be there too, I guess. She's got something to prove and there's something tangible at stake, something that she wants and been training hard for. So she goes into the simulator to demonstrate her skills. While she's doing so, she could reflect back on how far she's come, note the various things that have now become second nature that seemed impossible earlier in her training, and try to guess whether or not she's impressing the stone-faced demigoddesses watching her every move. One lengthy fight scene later, the Princess Duo withhold her score for a melodramatically appropriate length of time before revealing...that she passed! Or didn't pass! Or that there was a plot twist the whole time! In any case, something actually happened to a character that we (hopefully) care about and thus we're emotionally invested in the story and maybe want to see her again in a sequel.
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Well, I agree that your first two paragraphs would've improved it. I suppose I was more focused on making a fight scene than a story.
I disagree with your third paragraph though. Chrysalis and Sombra weren't Celestia's subordinants. Comparing her reactions to them and her reactions to Ace is like comparing someone's reactions when giving them a gun and when pointing a gun at their face. Plus, if she wasn't behind a false mirror with her sister, she would have likely reacted differently.
Your last paragraph seems close to what I was thinking of doing for a continuation of this, but it wouldn't have been a one shot.
If I get enough free time again to really practice martial arts, drums, or anything that requires practiced movement, then I'll probably completely remake this story with all the suggestions I've received. And it won't be a one-shot. For now though, I'll be working on a MLP story involving mathematical proofs. That way, I can take my love of writing, my fondness for ponies, and my infatuation with math, and combine them into something awesome.
The earth pony kept his head? That was not what i expected!