• Member Since 16th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Chronicler06


Anything can be awesome when it's made of Lego.

Sequels1

E

This story is a sequel to LEGO Equestria Girls


In an alternate world where everything and everyone is made of Lego, a trio of banished sirens known as the Dazzlings discover the presence of Equestrian magic, and decide to use it to regain their lost power.

When a certain team of friends from Canterlot City find out about this, they call on Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria for help. Now, with the assistance of a reformed Sunset Shimmer, Twilight and her Lego friends will once again journey across various regions as they attempt to save the Lego World from falling under the spell of the sirens.

Chapters (19)
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Comments ( 144 )

I'm guessing the one in the space suit is either Sunset Shimmer, Lego!Twilight, Lego!Trixie, or Adagio Dazzle.

Haven't read anything yet. Oh why...

5581042 I say it's Sunset Shimmer.

Hmm, interesting. Considering they just left Canterlot, it's probably going to be a while before Twilight joins them. As they'd have to return to canterlot to get to the portal.

There's a bit too much of captain obvious here. You don't need to spell out every last feeling and every bit of sarcasm out to the reader. It isn't necessary and you quickly get annoyed at it. It's also bad writing style. A well written dialogue establishes underlaying feelings and motivation simply by the said text with the aid of just a little bit of narration.

If you feel like you need to bring over more that just the text itself, add information about tone, expression or body language. You could for example say that Adogio says something annoyed. This in combination with the text brings over the sarcasm without directly stating it.

5582945 Assuming the portal hasn't been moved, or Twilight's been messing around with it.

What about Lighning Dust? The Astronaut suit would fit.

5583113 To be honest, I was completely surprised that this story got so many dislikes so quickly, so I'm very glad to see at least someone willing to provide constructive criticism. (I'm a bit of a perfectionist, plus there's nothing I hate more than not being told about something.)

I guess the reason I've struggled with the whole "show, don't tell" concept is because I want to make sure the readers understand what I'm saying, and avoid any misunderstandings at all (especially after one guy blew up at me on the first story from a misunderstanding). It just never occurred to me that I could end up being too obvious.

Interestingly, thanks to reading a certain random fanfic (and one of the comments to said fanfic) just two days ago, I think I'm finally starting to understand that concept. Progress on the next chapter, after learning this lesson, is already starting to look promising to me.

Normally, I would absolutely refuse to do any editing more than a day after publishing a chapter, but after receiving such rocky initial reactions to this story, I think it's best that I make an exception in this case. Give me a few hours to work on it, then come back and read through the prologue and chapter 1 again and please let me know if I did any better.

5581427 Okay, I'll admit that I hadn't thought much about how this chapter would go until it was time to actually write it.:twilightsheepish: I can assure you that won't be the case with most of the other chapters, so just wait and see.

5581042 5581554 5583124 Nice to see that I already got people speculating over a wide range. All I can say is that a lot of those possibilities will be eliminated over the next few chapters. (Admittingly, I have a feeling everyone will have it figured out before I even get halfway to the moment of reveal.:ajsleepy:)

At least Sonata's not a total idiot here.

Now I'm surprised by the lack of comments this story has been receiving so far. Hopefully, that'll change once things start to pick up over the next few chapters. The next chapter will mostly focus on Sunset Shimmer and reveal something about her that will affect her role for much of the story.

5633771 I suppose you could say that, though she will occasionally have her moments. (Some rather expected, and others that are completely original.)

SO we are going to see Sunset's redemption? Awesome!

So Flash Sentry's been promoted to chief of police huh? Well hopefully this prison break won't be enough to have him demoted, once people find out who's really responsible for it.

I’m not like one of those bad cops who likes to kick chairs around.

Flash Sentry replaces Bad Cop? Hmmkay.

No creativity Sunset...?
...that will soon change...

5690059 5692615 It's going to be a gradual process, but you can expect to see her in almost every chapter from now on.

5690565 For this chapter, he's more like Good Cop, but later on... just wait and see. :trixieshiftleft:

So...Flash is either under the domination of the Dazzlings, or there are Changelings in LEGO Equestria as well and they're throwing their own monkey wrench into the mix.

...gotta say, a Changeling minifig would be pretty amazing to see.

Sheesh girls, you actively fight in front of the one who's in charge of you. And then you wonder why she's enlisting the help of a former criminal.

5745521 It's probably the influence of the Dazzlings. Last time we saw him, Flash Sentry was investigating the source of a prison break. And we all know who's responsible for it.

5745521 Sorry, but as far as my plans for this series currently are, there will be no changelings in this Lego World. I will say that some new faces will appear throughout this story, many of whom are familiar to Equestria (though I will not identify them right now, due to spoilers).

That was quite enjoyable. I must say, I'm looking forward to what happens when they get back to Canterlot City. They'll probably find Twilight waiting for them.

So was Lightning Dust the one in the space suit?

I see Lightning Dust is as reckless as always. One of these days she's gonna blow herself up if she's not careful.

5802389 Apparently so. How much do you wanna bet The Dazzlings have Trixie under their spell as well?

Ah, I always look forward to new chapters of this. A great job as always. :twilightsmile:

I have to admit, as I was writing the chase scene near the end of this chapter and for much of the next chapter, I couldn't help but think of this music going through my head, over and over:

What can I say? I've been playing The LEGO Movie Videogame quite a lot. :twilightblush:

5802389 5805474 Keep in mind that the mystery person in the astronaut suit had appeared just as the team had left for Bricklyn, before the night of those major jailbreaks, so that means the mystery person can't be Lightning Dust or Trixie, because they were both still imprisoned at that time.

5819288
...ohmigod, the mystery person is Vinyl, and she's going to come in to save the day with a transforming lego Bass car! \o/

So we'll be seeing the power ponies make an appearance later on? Cool.

“Yeah!” cheered Rainbow triumphantly. She quickly picked up the nearby radio and excitedly announced, “I got one!”
“Don’t get cocky, kid,” came Daring Do’s response on the other side of the radio.

We interupt this Lego Equestria Girls fic to bring you Star Wars.

That was pretty awesome and fun.

So I take it the Power Ponies will be showing up at some point?

Flying car, flying train... This has a very Back To The Future feel to it. Also a possible reference to the movie Space Cowboys.

5861431 There's more to that particular reference. (Keep in mind which actor said the line I gave to Daring Do, and what other major role he was famous for.) As for the upcoming appearance of the Power Ponies, it won't be much, but it will be more than just a cameo appearance.

5875210 Obvious Indiana Jones and Shortround nod is obvious.

So...was making the code knock to open the secret door identical to the knock to open the path to Diagon Alley a deliberate reference?

If so, nice touch. This was fun.

(Random fact: I like to think of Star Swirl the Bearded being voiced by Morgan Freeman, just like Vitruvius.)

quickmeme.com/img/9a/9aaf46d171d642f5ac06569d55b6542345a62a1b239dfced7a13aeef7545ed2e.jpg

5913266 Not intentionally, at first. As I had mentioned in the author's note, I simply wanted an excuse to include my favorite Lego Movie Videogame quote, "Secret doors are cool." So I came up with the idea that Twilight had decided to hide the mirror in a hidden room behind a secret door, as a way to keep out any unwanted traveling across the gateway. (After all, the Equestria Girls movies supposedly are not meant to influence the actual My Little Pony series, so I decided to emphasize that point by placing the mirror out of sight until it would be needed.) It actually didn't take me long to realize that some people could interpret that as a Harry Potter reference, so I made no changes from my original plan and simply accepted the coincidence. (It's hardly the only coincidence I encountered while writing this particular chapter. For example, the idea of my pony OC, Rusty Wrench, being a sort of scrapyard engineer is about two years old now, and in this chapter I wanted to emphasize how Twilight realizes that building things in the "real world" is never as easy as it would be in a Lego world, so I was honestly quite surprised by how easily these two seemingly random ideas could be put together so perfectly.) Though I should probably point out that, even though I've never read the books and it's been many years since I watched the movies, I'm pretty sure the secret knock from Harry Potter is different from the one Twilight used here. (The one for Diagon Alley, if I remember correctly, was around four missing bricks, three taps on the left and two taps on the right. The one used in this chapter is around a pushed-back block, three taps above and three taps below.)

5928879
Actually, the order of the taps and their positions were identical, and the pushed in block matches the missing bricks.

I'm guessing Sunset will discover her Creative Talent in the final battle with the Dazzlings, by building a device specifically designed to channel and amplify Harmony magic in the Lego World...which gets her released from jail.

5966061 Or the reduced prison sentence she's been promised.

So, Daring didn't find the tracking device then, that's a problem.

I'd just like to say that I always appreciate receiving comments on every chapter I write. Half the excitement is not knowing what things people are going to comment about. With this chapter, for example, one thing I had expected a comment on was that running gag of pizza slices somehow ending up in Twilight's lap (unlike most gags I've come up with in these stories, I hadn't even thought of that one until I was actually writing this chapter). One kind of comment I certainly hadn't expected at this point was something like this one:

5966061 All I can say is that I'm afraid I can't comment on this at this time to avoid spoilers. Though I'll say that you're not completely accurate, so you'll just have to wait and see which parts of it you got right or wrong.

Spotted a few errors.

a large mass of clouds that were so think that it was a wonder the pilot even knew which way to go.

thick

The meeting will take plane in the Cloudiseum.

place

At least their anger is no long directed at you.

longer

Twilight let out a sad sigh as she scratched he head again,

her

the rope was pulled taught.

taut

And yet no one on the team is suspecting how convenient it was for Flash Sentry to just up and find the handcuffs?

I would have hoped at least Chase freakn' McCane would belived them.

6018037 Thank you so much for pointing all of these out for me. :twilightsmile: I already made the corrections just hours after you posted that comment. Normally, I read entirely through each chapter more than twice to spot any such errors before finally publishing the chapter. For this one in particular, I guess I was just in a bit of a rush to get this one up on time of my self-imposed schedule (normally, I try to go for mid-afternoon, but you may have noticed that I didn't get this chapter published until early in the evening). I suppose that could be blamed on this being the longest chapter I've ever written so far. (According to the Word Document on which I typed this, I spent a total of over 1500 minutes on it (over 25 hours!), which I did over a two-week period.) I'd like to avoid such a problem again, so I'll just have to remind myself to get an earlier start on longer chapters, when it's time to publish them. I'm really glad there are people like you out there who are willing to help me catch any errors I might have missed, though I would prefer to catch them all before I publish the chapter.

6018738 To be completely honest, I know almost nothing about Chase McCain, nor have I ever played LEGO City: Undercover (I just don't have the gaming system for it). :twilightblush: The only reason I included his name in the list was because I've heard it being mentioned by lots of other Lego fans, which gave me the impression that he's a rather popular character, so I gave him that cameo with many others. As for why nobody at all was willing to believe Twilight's team, let's just say that if you haven't figured out the clues here, it'll be explained more clearly in future chapters.

6032851
No worries, man. I only point out errors in the comments of stories I really like.

A double-decker couch? I remember that from somewhere...

“Do I really need to explain? Sure, we barely escaped from Cloudsdale, but we still failed to stop the Dazzlings. Not to mention my parole has been violated, meaning that no one will ever trust me again, and the longer I stay with you girls, the more that’ll apply to the rest of you.” She let out a sad sigh and slumped in her seat.

And yet not one of them seeks to say anything in response, effectively proving her right. Good job girls, you just effectively rendered your only wild card useless.

I was wondering where Hum Drum was when we were seeing the Power Ponies.

I figured he was just... not important. Disappointing but okay.

Oh wait. There he is. :raritydespair:

6071061 Obvious LEGO Movie reference, what can I say? I also wanted to demonstrate that Spike isn't going to be treated as some background character here. Let's just say I've got some big plans for the little guy.

6071483 From what I assume you seem to be interpreting from that paragraph, it seems that I've made a rather poor choice of words there, and I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding. What I meant to have Sunset Shimmer state here was that because the team had accepted her so easily (and even kept her by their side after her parole was violated) that she fears the entire team of friends will now be just as hated by everyone in the Lego World as she is. I had decided to slightly edit that paragraph shortly after you made that comment, so please read through it again and let me know if I did a better job of getting my intended meaning across.

6085359 Well the change gets the intended message across a little bit better.

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