Chapter 1 - Enter, Stage Left
Trixie and Twilight, Sitting in a Tree
Chapter 1 - Enter, Stage Left
It was the most perfect day Spike could ever remember in Ponyville. The sun was out, the birds were singing, Twilight was sleeping in after a long night of studying, and nothing at all could possibly go wrong.
Spike peeked out the window while wearing a pot on his head and carrying a stout wooden spoon. There was something terrible about to happen. He could feel it in his scales.
Outside, the shouts of happy foals filled the air, and the distant sound of music could be heard from the small carnival that had set up in front of the town hall. If he squinted a little, he could just make out the sign that advertised ‘Free Ice Cream And Balloons.’
It was worse than he thought.
A sharp shudder shook the library as a heavy object burst through the front door, pinwheeled across the floor in a flurry of paper, and smashed into the library couch with a terrible thud.
“Mail call,” shouted Derpy, somewhat muffled from the remains of the couch on her head. “I’ve got a couple letters here for you. Somewhere.” After digging out the letters and placing them in Spike’s claw, the mailmare staggered out the door and flapped up into the air, somehow managing to remove two muffins from the library kitchen in the process. Spike placed the letters on the book check-in table and opened them up with a single swipe of his claws.
“Oh, no!” he groaned. “A letter from the Equestrian Revenue Service. We must owe… a refund?” He looked at the hundred and twelve bit refund check and trembled. It was far worse than he thought.
Somewhat later, there was a quiet knock on the doorway and Applejack looked into the library to see Spike under a tin washbasin in the middle of the floor, still clutching his wooden spoon.
“Spike, are y’all feeling all right?”
“Applejack! You need to take cover. Something horribly awful is going to happen.”
Applejack pushed her Stetson back on her head and chuckled. “Heck, no, Spike. There ain’t nothing bad happening today. Matter of fact, we was cleaning out the shelves at the farm, and we found a couple leftover jars of Zapapple jam for every one of our friends. That’s darned lucky, if you ask me.” Ignoring the moaning dragon, Applejack put the jar of jam into the kitchen and trotted out the door, taking a muffin with her. “Y’all just need to relax a little, Spike. Come out and see the carnival.”
“Relax,” muttered the dragon from inside his tin turtle shell. “Easy enough for you to say.”
“Hi Spike!” The sudden introduction of a pink nose to the inside of Spike’s inverted washbasin made the little dragon jump nearly straight up in the air and cling to the library ceiling fan.
“That looks fun, Spike. But you forgot to turn the fan on.” Less than a minute of violent rotation later, Spike picked himself up off the floor and thanked his draconic ancestors that he had a natural coat of armor, or he would have been killed years ago. Pinkie turned off the ceiling fan and began to bounce around him.
“Guess what? Guess what? I got a hoof-itch, tail-twitch, and you know what that means?”
“A party?” he hazarded.
“Yes! Somepony new is coming to Ponyville, and I get to throw them a PARTY! Isn’t this fantastic?” Pinkie bounced out of the library, pausing only to pick up the door and stick it back in the doorframe.
“Now that’s not ominous,” muttered Spike, climbing back under his washbasin and waiting for the end.
There was a rumbling noise.
A thunderous burp.
And green smoke billowed out from under the washbasin. Spike came out coughing, holding a scroll.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
It is such a beautiful day today that I thought I would visit Ponyville this afternoon for no reason at all. There’s no need to make a fuss over my trip. I just wanted to spend some time with my favorite princess and maybe get just one slice of cake that my sister has not hidden from me..Your friend,
Princess CelestiaP.S. If you hear anything about a Royal Diet, it’s a lie. I’m allowed to have as much cake as I want.
Spike flipped the scroll over and began to write.
I, Spike the Dragon, being of sound mind and will, do hereby bequeath—
A peal of thunder rolled through the library.
Spike looked out the window. Still sunny. No clouds. Chirping birds. Distant music.
The sound of pouring rain came from the library front door. Small trickles of water leaked in under the sill where he was supposed to have installed weatherstripping instead of reading comic books.
Spike looked out of the window again. Still sunny. No clouds. Chirping birds. More music.
He turned back to his will, hoping to get it done before the eventual end of the universe, only to draw up short as a series of pathetic knocks sounded from the library front door.
“We’re closed!” he called, trying to remember how to spell amethyst and finally deciding just to eat them all before the end instead.
The knocking continued and Twilight called out from her bedroom. “Spike! Somepony’s at the door!”
“I know that, Twilight!” he called back. “Do we have a notary public in town?”
The knocking continued. Twilight called out again. “Spike! Get the door!”
“All right, all right,” he grumbled. “Maybe they can witness my will.” He stomped over to the library door, kicked a rug over the damp spots where the rain had run in, and opened up the door.
Standing in front of the library doorsill was a woebegone blue unicorn, her pointy hat squished into a flat soggy disk on her head. Rain poured off her purple cloak, bearing with it the dissolving remains of a few glittery stars that left sparkly tracks down her sides and across the puddle she was standing in. The Great and Powerful Trixie was soaking wet, so wet in fact that if she had been thrown into a lake, she could have emerged dryer than she was right now. Even her tail had been drenched into a rat-like plait, hanging down to the ground and dragging in the mud. It looked much like her mane, separated on each side of her head in a thick white stream of rainwater that arched from each shoulder and brought a cold shudder down her soaked coat.
She looked up at Spike with deep blue eyes, her bottom lip trembling. “Please, kind dragon. I seek Twilight Sparkle for—”
-SLAM-
“Who was it?” called out Twilight Sparkle.
“Nopony important,” replied Spike, going back to his will.
“I am too!” The knocking resumed, only louder.
“You turned me into a basketball,” shouted Spike.
“You got better!” replied Trixie. “Now open this door!”
“Go away!”
Twilight Sparkle stumbled out of her bedroom with a yawn. “Spike. It’s rude to leave somepony outside when they knock.”
“It’s just Trixie.” Spike rolled his will up and stuck it in the desk drawer. Perhaps it would weather the upcoming armageddon better there. “I’m going to make my last breakfast. You want anything, Twilight?”
Twilight Sparkle was not listening. Her eyes had lit up, an extravagant grin had swept across her face as her hooves were doing little tapdances of joy on the library floor. “This is great!” she squealed. “Trixie came back!” Happy wings took Twilight on a quick circle around the top of the library while she giggled. “We can talk about magic, and do each other’s manes and hooves, and she can be my very bestest of friends. Isn’t this great, Spike?”
“Yeah, great,” said Spike as Twilight fluttered to a landing in front of the damp door.
“How are my wings? Is my tail straight? Do you think I should go get my crown? Why are there books all over the floor?” Twilight spun in circles as familiar panic set in.
“Fine, yes, no, and you put them there last night.”
There was more hammering at the door. “The Great and Powerful Trixie was not done with her monologue, you ungrateful lizard!”
“Go ahead and start,” shouted Spike. “I’ll be in the kitchen making breakfast.”
With a blast of alicorn magic, books flew around the library, each seeking a landing spot on a shelf somewhere before Twilight Sparkle yanked open the door and stood there gawking at who it revealed.
If anything, Trixie had become wetter, to the point where even her blue coat seemed to be dissolving in the rain. She blinked sorrowful eyes as she gazed at Twilight, the tears and sniffling nearly drowning out her voice.
“Oh, Twilight Sparkle. Trixie is so glad to see you. The Great and Powerful Trixie did not know where to turn in her time of trouble. Just as Trixie reached her last bit and descended to the lowest point in her otherwise spectacular career, Trixie discovered a secret that shattered her life forever!”
She flung out a hoof and clutched it to her chest. “The Great and Powerful Trixie is… pregnant!”
“Well, don’t look at me,” said Twilight Sparkle.
“Well, don’t look at me either,” said Spike. “I’m taken.”
“Well, it sure wasn’t me,” said a voice from outside and above.
“Rainbow Dash,” said Twilight, sticking her head out the doorway and looking up. “What are you doing stomping on a raincloud above Trixie?”
“I couldn't find a thunderhead,” said Rainbow Dash, looking over the edge of her cloud. “Don’t worry about it, Twilight. I’ve got Cloudkicker and Thunderlane out looking for one. And Flitter says she maybe able to find something with hailstones in it once this one runs out of water.”
“Do you see what the Great and Powerful Trixie must go through?” Trixie shook a hoof at Rainbow Dash, who responded by stomping on the raincloud and making it pour even harder. “Everywhere Trixie goes, she is mocked and disparaged. Only Twilight Sparkle ever understood Trixie’s sensitive nature, which is why Trixie has turned to you as her last resort in the time of — what are those?” Trixie pointed at Twilight’s wings.
“These?” Twilight fluttered her wings and smiled. “I’m a princess now. You see, Princess Celestia gave me a book that Starswirl the Bearded—”
“I’m out of here!” Trixie turned and stomped away, only for her tail to be captured in a purple magical aura. Drawing four squelching furrows in the mud as she was dragged, Trixie struggled to no avail as Twilight pulled her into the library, talking all the while.
“Oh, no! Please, don’t go! Princess Celestia will wonder why I didn’t make you a friend and she’ll be all disappointed in me. I mean now that I’m a princess, I’m not her student any more, but I’m still a bearer of the Element of Magic, even though we had to give it back to the Tree of Harmony, and you’re really good with magic, so maybe I thought we could have a totally platonic and friendly relationship that I could write her letters about and we could do things together but not in bed or anything that I wouldn't want to put into a letter even though I don’t put everything into my letters except what happens when I make new friends and I want you to be a friend so please won’t you stay?”
“I’ll get the towels,” said Spike, trudging to the bathroom.
“Me?” Trixie dripped on the rug with one hoof to her chest. “Well. Maybe. Not that Trixie deserves a place inside your humble hovel. Trixie can just sleep outside your back door on a patch of wilted grass. Eat out of your trash can. Wear whatever cast-off bits of clothing you throw out. When the time comes for Trixie to deliver her foal, Trixie will try not to let her pain-filled cries of agony disturb your studying.”
Rainbow Dash’s voice filtered in from outside. “Hey, Thunderlane found a good hail cloud.”
“Or the basement,” continued Trixie. “Cold, dark and damp, just like Trixie’s future.”
“Do you want me to pile some newspapers in the corner down there for you Trixie?” Spike paused with the stack of towels in his arms. “I think we can find some nice musty ones if you want.”
“How dare you think we would shut poor Trixie down in the basement, Spike!” Twilight rubbed the towels all over Trixie, carefully cleaning and drying with mathematical efficiency and totally missing the startled blush when she was drying Trixie’s tail. “She’s a friend, and friends don’t have to sleep in the basement.”
“Trixie does not want to displace your loyal servant from his little basket,” sobbed Trixie with one hoof across her forehead. “Maybe a dark corner of your bedroom where Trixie can rest her back, which has been horribly mistreated by months of having to sleep outside in moldy piles of leaves and stones.”
“Oh, no!” said Twilight. “Does it hurt?”
“Only when I breathe,” Trixie wheezed. “What I really need is a SomniCoil Two Thousand mattress with extra firm cells and a thaumaturgically stabilized cloud core. But where, oh where could Trixie possibly find one of those?”
Twilight gasped. “Why, I’ve got a mattress just like that on my bed! The same model and everything!”
“Yeah,” said Spike with a suspicious glare. “It’s really convenient, like somepony snuck into the library while we were gone and checked it out.”
Trixie gasped, holding a hoof to her chest. “Trixie would never lurk in wait outside Ponyville with binoculars and spy on Twilight Sparkle until she left the library so she could examine her bedchambers and sniff her pillow, relishing the soft sweet scent of the innocent young unicorn who has bested Trixie twice in magical prowess. By the way, you’re almost out of shampoo.”
“Don’t worry, Trixie,” said Twilight, wrapping the towel around Trixie’s head and passing her sodden hat and cloak over to Spike. “We’ll get you all tucked into my nice warm bed while Spike gets your clothes cleaned and dried. Does that sound nice?”
“Trixie does not deserve your kindness and generosity, Twilight Sparkle. It is no wonder that Princess Celestia chose you to become a princess while I languished in the darkness. I just have one request.” She lifted a fairly small bag, all patched with heavy fabric, and clutched it to her chest. “Please, may I bring my few pitiful physical belongings into the library? Perhaps I can sell them to pay for my lodging within this magnificent estate.”
“I wouldn’t think of it!” gasped Twilight Sparkle. “Why, you can stay here as long as you need, and I won’t take a single bit. That’s what friends are for!”
“You are so kind, Sparkle.” Trixie stifled a brief sneeze into one of the towels wrapped around her. “Once you get me tucked in, do you think you could make me some tea? Oolong, gently brewed, with lemon and honey if you have it. And some crisps. Perhaps a biscuit or two.”
“Of course. Would there be anything else you need? Anything at all?” Twilight beamed, the warmth of her friendship filling the library.
“I have a few things out on the library steps. If your lizard could bring them inside so they don’t get any more damp.” Trixie floated her patched bag over to Spike with a weak smile. “Just bring them up to my room.”
“You mean Twilight’s room,” grumbled Spike taking the bag and heading for the library door. He opened the door, looking out into the dwindling rainstorm at the huge pile of heavy chests and crates sitting damply to one side. “Packing a little light, aren’t you?”
Unfortunately, the target of his remark had already been borne away to the library bedroom and Spike turned to his task with a sigh.
“I sure hope this doesn’t last for long.”
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First comment reserved for the author. I assure you all, that there will no hanky-panky under the covers between Twilight and Trixie in this story. Honest. Would I lie to you? If I'm lying, may lightning strike... the dog next door. And yes, this starts post-alicornification and pre-crystal castle. It would be a shame if Trixie were still in the library at the end of S4 when it has its little... accident. Right?
Chapters will be posted whenever I get the urge and write them, so don't get too caught up if a few months/years/decades go by between them.
5123863 ... It's got the romance tag on it Georg. I thought you said there was going to be no Twixie in this story!
Spike the Dragon, properly cynical beyond his years.
Regarding the rain clouds and the weather team, I could definitely see Ponyville collectively holding a bit of a grudge after Trixie’s second visit. But hey, that just makes it a better Friendship Problem.
5123863
Hanky-panky on top of the covers, on the other hoof...
5123863
So... Uh, Spixie?
5124071 ... Trilight... *nods sagely*
5123863
So, first, about lying and lightning...
KARAKABOOM! Yelp!
And secondly, regarding the "tragedy" of Trixie being in the Library during Season 4...
It really just amounts to whether or not she really is pregnant. If she's not, though, good riddance.
5123983
Maybe its romance between Spike and his upcoming doom?
Hilarious so far
Pretty interesting so far.
Because he has no bones?
And Spike's unreasonable douchebag levels skyrocket into the red zone in a Twixie fanfic for the millionth bloody time. It probably is in the upper thousandths, too. I seriously would not be surprised. Twixie authors seem to have a mental block when it comes to mixing things up.
5124417
Well I didn't mind since his thought process was explained.
A perfect day in Ponyville of all places sounds too good to be true.
I am betting it won't take long for Trixie to empty the fridge. Damn roommates taking food clearly marked as mine. Glad I moved out.
5124417 I thought his actions were perfectly reasonable, given that Trixie's clearly just here to mooch and Spike is established as being quite genre savvy.
5124538
5124923 His thoughts and actions are indeed reasonable. Problem is, that's the case in literally every single Twixie story ever written. At least, the one in which he has any presence at all. And I think alexmagnet of Mooncalf may have written an exception.
5124974 So Spikes actions are reasonable in every Twixie fic he appears in? I'm failing to understand why that would be a bad thing.
5125071 Because no one (as far as I can remember) ever does anything different. A talented author would be perfectly capable of providing and sustaining logical reasons for Twilight to be defensive and Spike to be open-minded...or perhaps giving Trixie a goal she's never had in previous iterations. I swapped a few words with Mooncalf about this once.
5125107 Well obviously I haven't read every Twixie story - in fact I don't think I've read more than half a dozen. But it occurs to me that there's a couple of reasons why Spike and Twilight might be commonly portrayed that way.
First, Twilight is the Princes of Friendship. It's really kind of a big deal for her. So if somepony shows up on her doorstep and claims to want to be friends she'll probably give them a chance. I mean she gave Discord a chance, and she has far more reason to hate him that just about anyone.
Second, Spike wasn't overly fond of Trixe right from the start. Even all the way back in Boast Busters he was giving her a hard time. It's not hard to see that continuing after Magic Duel.
5125107 ...providing and sustaining logical reasons.... You haven't read much of what I write, have you?
5124417 5125537 More like his dragonic ability to determine the value of items, applied to Trixie.
Spike uses Evaluate. It's highly successful. The value of the targeted item is - Zero bits.
Actually I twigged to Spike's actual role in the cartoon when I was writing "To Sleep, Perchance to Dream." He's an audience, and he provides the voice of the watchers/readers. In TSPD, I was trying to write about a particularly hard time Luna was going through, and I was getting frustrated until I gave her a 'Spike' of her own to talk with. In this case, all of the readers should be shouting 'Scam!' at the top of their lungs even while Twilight is happily getting her bathrobe resized for Trixie and stocking the fridge with peanutbutter crackers. In this production of The Odd Couple, Twilight has the role of Felix Unger, Trixie plays a rather conniving version of Oscar Maddison crossed with every freeloading roommate you ever knew at college. Spike, as planned, provides color commentary and snark.
5124786 Just wait until she takes the first bite of that gem-encrusted cupcake...
5124089 Well, she says she's pregnant. And she wouldn't lie, would she?
5124021 You let one giant star bear romp playfully through the city and you never hear the end of it...
Aw yiss.
I was just thinking that I needed a new Twixie fic. I wait with baited breath for updates!
This is messed up on a number of levels. I look forward to seeing where you go with it.
Also, Twilight really needs to pegasus-proof that door. Or was that supposed to go on with the weather stripping?
5124538
5124923
5125638
Don't bother too much with the rabid Spike fans who scream bloody murder when Spike isn't the main attraction and isn't treated with deific-levels of respect or seen as some sage wisedrake and master of his own destiny. Then they try to say that's not the case yet you always find them in story comments doing this constantly, anyway.
I got a threat on my physical person from one of those for saying I'm not a big fan of Spike. They're usually pretty crazy and more than a little cult-ish. Best to ignore them and enjoy the story!
5125638
zerowoes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Modified_Raised_Eyebrow_Smiley_by_Prince_of_Powerpoint6.jpg
5126655 I think you might be jumping at shadows a little there. Go back and read Swashbucklist's complaint again. It has nothing to do with Spike's not being the center of attention.
5127169
I think you may be taking that too literally. I was being generalistic. It was not a specific complaint against Swash, whom aside from the frequent Spike complaints I've seen, I have no problems with. Rather consider not engaging someone who becomes offended over the way Spike is written in a story. Many of the times I've seen this happen, everything's devolved into a crap-slinging fest, no matter how polite or well-intentioned replies started out.
Swash, thankfully, isn't of that sort. But they're becoming increasingly annoying and prevalent and love starting trouble. Simply advice not to get mixed up with them, for the sake of sanity and not driving a story's comments off into an unnecessarily long and often violent tangent.
5127362 Are you sure the problem lies with the Spike fans? Because you seem awfully determined to find an argument in a thread that didn't have one until you showed up.
5124417
I would have to agree, Spike is usually portrayed as a meanie in some of the twixie fics, and I've read at least 90% of all Twixie fics on this site...
I have a problem...
5124974 The reason why I said in some fics is because of this.
In most of the Twixie shenanigans Spike is usually off somewhere doing dragon things or helping Rarity.
I've had days like that Spike, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
How is acting like an intelligent person mean by the way? He has all the justification in the world to be cynical and many reasons to not welcome Trixie with open arms.
5128504 In a lot of cases, Spike - and the rest of the protagonists, sans Twilight - are played up as peaceful, to make Twilight's acceptance stand out more, and make Trixie seem more sympathetic. I actually find that to be a cheap trick.
And of course he needs to be conveniently removed from the scene if there's going to kissing or heart-to-heart talk or hot pony lovin', because he is essentially Twilight's little brother and that's what you do with little brothers.
5126438 Since Spike messed that up, Twilight decided to hire a professional and brought in Cloudkicker. Who misunderstood what she was supposed to do. It was very educational, though.
5125107 They can have an interesting chemistry if done right, particularly since both have a lot of snark potential. Here, though, I'd say it works as is, because it's not supposed to be particularly serious; Trixie is being a blatant moocher and not bothering to pretend she's not lying, Twilight buys the whole act like a fool, and Spike is the only sane guy. And Rainbow Dash doesn't care as long as she can pester Trixie.
I just hope that the baby will be okay, since Twilight is the father. What? Alicorns are incredibly fertile.
Oh Georg, this is why I love you.
Edit: Also, possible Twixie. That gets some love for you too.
I like how much Twilight want to be friends with Trixie, i just hope she isn´t that obsessed anymore. I don´t know if i like it that Trixie is probably pregnant, but with the right reason i am sure i can like that too, right now i have no problem with it right now.
I think i like the story.
That last line killed. I involuntarily laughed while keeping my mouth closed, making a sound not unlike a drowning seal.
Also, it is rare that I read the first chapter of something and immediately upvote it, but this was the case.
Trixie is pulling the same sort of stunt Discord did with his "Blue Flu" routine. (Note that the term "Blue Flu" refers to a police union action in which all members call in sick on the same day, and so has it's own historical humor.)
I'd have written this with Twilight agreeing that a pile of musty old newspaper in the corner of the basement would be the perfect place for Trixie, since saying that would be a good way to pry a little bit of truth out of the Trixter... But this isn't my story, and in fact belongs to a better writer who will surely do something entertaining with the thoughtless thespian.
OK something up yes but I wish Spike would lighten up on her
5292682
I wish she wasn't blatantly taking advantage of Twilight. she deserves it.
Ok... I think I... can breath... aga...
You need to ease up on the drama a bit, as the whole thing seems just a bit forced. The idea and premise is great, but you seem to be trying too hard to make this work.
i want to ask for a new chapter.
You have really many storys, and i hope this story doesn´t suffer because of that.
Great beginning. I'd love to see where this story goes.
(Hint, hint)