• Member Since 9th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 16th, 2018

Mooncalf


T
Source

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there lived a beautiful pony named Trixie. But the evil Queen Fluttershy was envious of her beauty...

Yes, it's Snow White with ponies, but probably not in the roles you'd expect. Because where's the fun in going with the obvious casting choices?

Cover art by the talented Megandresback, used with permission.

Rated Teen for the occasional mildly violent imagery. Just to be on the safe side.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 26 )

“...although Trixie supposes she could do some cleaning,”

Even after an ellipses, the word still needs a capital to begin.

“...maybe?”

Same as above. I do apologise.

Quite the twist on a beloved fairy tail, I do applaud you, good sir. Other than the tiny errors that are insignificant in anyones eye, it was excellent in terms of dialogue and grammar, and even succeeded in making me laugh at a few parts, very funny dialogue indeed.

Good day.

I love this story. I'm so glad you put it up as I suggested.

The moral of the story: Don't sass back to the narrator. Your life will be much happier.

Cute story and nicely done with the dialog and characterization. Messed up folk tales for the win!

That was unexpected. :eeyup:

Wow. That was hilarious :twilightsheepish:

Ponies putting on a play and acting in character? Their own character?
...Where have I heard that before?

Overall that was pretty cool! I read the whole thing! It's a little short for a one-shot, but it does the job.
I would just like to say I feel sorry for Fluttershy, and Sweetie Belle.
ALSO, THAT PRINCESS BRIDE REFERENCE
The closer you look, the more you find in this fandom... >^<

“No!” Fluttershy protested in distress. “Just, I don’t know, leave her in the Everfree Forest or something.”

Rainbow Dash whistled appreciatively. “I like the way you think, Queenie. Slow starvation, dehydration, or getting eaten by wild animals. Any way’s going to be real agonizing. I’m on it!” And with that, she flew out.

“That gal ain’t right,” the mirror said. Fluttershy nodded sadly.

My favorite part of the fic, hands down. :rainbowkiss:

Just really nice to see a 'less nasty' alternative that's really even worse getting called out on it for once.

This reminds me a lot of the Fractured Fairy Tales from Rocky and Bullwinkle. I even imagined I could hear it narrated by Edward Everett Horton himself (R.I.P.). :pinkiehappy:

4078603
That's not true, and no resource ah can find suggests it is. Even if you can reference some style guide, though, ah have ta point ta common usage. Capitalization after an ellipsis is not the form everybody understands.

4078603 It was extremely entertaining to write, I'll tell you that. Sometimes a story feels as though you have to pull it out inch by inch, other times it just flies out. This was the latter.

4078813 4081821 You can't beat the classics, but you can mess them up so much so much they'll need dental records for identification. That said, the original story is really creepy in some versions... if not downright horrible. You'd think the one where the prince decides to bring the dead body home because she's nice to look at would be the worst, but no...

4080090 References ho! I did consider adding the line about going through her pockets for spare change, but it felt a bit clunky. Ah, but did you catch the Monty Python reference?

4083190 I think it depends on whether it starts a new sentence, or continues a preexisting one. In this case, I think capitalization is called for. Minor quibble anyway.

4083383
Thank you for your kind words, sir. I do believe I'll be keeping an eye out for anymore stories you happen to write. Again, I do apologise for my rather unneeded corrections in the comments, however they were minor and I doubt any work such as this should have these errors within the words. Anyway, thank you again.

Good Day.

4083190

I'm afraid it maybe due to the differentiation between English grammar and grammar from the United States Of America. However, I will take the time next time to verify the origin of the author and find out whether the grammar is correct within the eyes of the author due to region specific literacy. Thank you for pointing out my possible mistake, however it may just be the separation of nations rather than solely my fault. Regardless, thank you for taking time out of your day to point out my mistake.

Good Day.

4085745
Ah jus' wanna know what yer source is. Ah've never heard of that rule at all an' ah'm an American who strongly favors British grammar rules. (America has this stupid rule that needs to die about punctuation in quotation marks.)

4087855
Oh dear… I was very wrong in that regard, requiring me to search for the answers myself using the search engine. This is most embarrassing.

4091011
Well, no harm in it, ah jus' get a little riled when ah see talk about punctuation rules due ta some difficult editors ah've had in the past.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::trixieshiftright: I hate you that was so brilliant. Pitch-perfect parody, here. And ending on some delicious Twixie was the cherry on the sundae of supreme. :pinkiehappy:

4134585 My muse is a cruel taskmistress. Sometimes the stories just want to get out. So some days I write fairytale parodies. Other days I write stories about Trixie going on a killing spree. (Yes, that one's still in the pipes.)

Glad to see you liked it! And yes, obviously I'm not turning down a chance to get my Twixie fix. :twilightsmile::trixieshiftleft:

Funny-ass read.

“She was too great and powerful for this world,” Snip* said, his head hung low.

*Snips. Man, that almost as bad as the time you forgot to capitalize the first letter after an ellipses.

“That ain’t how the story goes, Flutters,” the mirror warned. “Stick to the script, ‘kay?”

Title drop!

4149068

Funny-ass read.

Glad to see you found the plot entertaining.

*Snips. Man, that almost as bad as the time you forgot to capitalize the first letter after an ellipses.

I am utterly disgusted with my incompetence, and will never write again. Maybe I can take up pottery instead.

Title drop!

Fairly certain that only counts if I'm dropping my own titles, but thanks for the recommendation.

4154164 Yeah, you're probably right. I was thinking that fic may have inspired you to write this one. I thought I'd mentioned it to you a while ago.

Hey, just rereading your stories to get a sense of what kind of writer you are.

Missed a good chance to include Snooty Spoon and Grumpy Tiara. Cute story though. Babs thankfully covered the sarcasms well enough. xD

"...were pots and pants"

Unsure if typo or Pinkied.

:rainbowlaugh:
That was a very fun read!

This was fun. Have a fav, the Frank approves! Hell, I might even have to follow you.

It did sort of expect Twilight to be the narrator, but this was good to. if you ask me, Derpy is the narrator.

5086781 I don't think I really thought about who the narrator was, so that's as good a guess as any. Or maybe it's Discord. Or Celestia. Or maybe Cadence, telling a bedtime story to a young Twilight, who's not sure why she's being paired up with another girl.

4081821
LOL, totally agree! :rainbowlaugh:

4083383
"Oh, no ma'am, I'm a burglar. I just want to come in and ransack the flat. Honest!"

Also a partial reference, implying that Trixie "bravely ran away, away" :pinkiehappy:

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