• Member Since 1st May, 2014
  • offline last seen 11 minutes ago

Good Evening! I am BackroundVoice, a like minded Brony with an appetite for writing. I hope you enjoy my story's as I try my best to entertain you. Lazy is my middle name and I really like to write.

Sequels1



T
Source

One crippled Equestrian society, one chance to save it, and fifteen-thousand potential heroes to live the legend. Join Twilight Sparkle as she lives a second life to defend Equestria one last time. Action, suspense, and Pony-Puns await you.


Thank you to Piecee01 for making this amazing artwork. Please go support his awesome artwork on deviantart!!

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 126 )

Good a Job BROSKY! You have learned well my pupil... When I left you two years ago you were but the learner, now YOU are the master!

5207821 I know, I hadn't seen the Destiny in the title :twilightsheepish: Thanks for answering anyway! :raritywink:

very good so far! but the dialogue is annoying as hell. every time someone new starts talking, you should start a new paragraph.

“You can come back for them when you’re ready. Let’s get you home” I said to my Guardian, watching her lift the Jumpship through the hole in the ceiling.
Clearing the hole just barely, we reached the outside air.

The sky was blue, the clouds were white, and the sun shined gold.

“Beautiful… Isn’t it?” my Guardian said.

“It is…” I agreed, watching as the sky zoomed by as the Jumpship’s auto drive kicked in. And we were on our way to the city.

My guardian fell back on her chair. “Tired?” I asked,

“Extremely…”

As I watched her rest, I noticed the wings that I had accidentally fused onto her body. Feeling just a little guilty about it, I decided to apologize.

“I’m sorry Guardian…”

“What for?”

“When I brought you back, there were two sets of bones from what I constructed you from. A Unicorn, and a Pegasus. I must’ve fused the both of you together. That’s why you have wings… Sorry”

I was unsure of how she would react, but after seeing her first wide eyed and confused and then laughing harder than a Hyena. It became quite clear to me that I don’t know the first thing about this mare.

“Why I are you laughing? You might have an extra set of ribs, or-

“I’m pretty sure that I don’t have any extra bones anywhere Ghost, these are my wings”

I went silent… I didn’t know how to react to that.

Sensing that I wasn’t going to ask, she sat up straight, and looked me dead in the eye.

“Sorry Ghost, you must be confused… So why don’t I introduce myself. *Ahem* … My name Twilight Sparkle, I’m the forth Princess of Equestria, the Princess of Friendship… And I… Am an Alicorn”

Hopefully she come across the Zombie Apocalypse WF47 and keeps it later on. :pinkiehappy:

5208446 thank you for the feedback friend. I like a critical opinion every once in a while.
And I'm sorry it's annoying.
Is it just that last part? Or could the dialogue really be that bad?
I just want to know =)
- BackroundVoice

5208550 that's a gun only obtainable in the crucible at rank three.
And I don't take Twilight for the PvP kind of Guardian.
But maybe somepony else will have it...
#foreshadowing

5209137 oops, sorry i wasn't more clear about that. it's all of it, but i wanted to give an example of what i was referring to.

5209707 so it's all... Annoying... Ow...
Sorry to ask this, but what would you consider to be good dialogue?

5209988 Each new person that talks should have a new paragraph.

"HI I AM GOAT!" said the floating ball.

"I AM TWIRLIGT I WAS DED!? D:" said the mare that was dead before.

"AND I AM THE FALLEN COME TO EAT YOUR FACE!" said the fallen who did intend to eat her face.

"BUT I NEED MY FACE TO LIVE!"

As you can see each character has there own line and its far more clear who is talking at any given time.

5209985 well, first off you'd want to fix the spacing thing i mentioned. that's a big killer for stories. another thing would be descriptive dialogue. or where you show/tell what's happening either before or after the person is talking.

“You can come back for them when you’re ready. Let’s get you home” I said to my Guardian, watching her guide the Jumpship up through the hole in the ceiling, and out into the sky.

As they emerged, they were greeted by a beautiful clear blue horizon, only obscured by puffy whites clouds that cast large shadows on the ground below.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" my Guardian sighed.

“It is…” I agreed, watching as the sky zoomed by as the Jumpships Auto Drive kicked in. And we were on our way to the city.
My guardian fell back on her chair. “Tired?” I asked?

“Extremely…” she sighed harder.

As I watched her melt into the chair, I noticed the wings that I had accidentally fused onto her body. Feeling more than a little guilty about it, I decided to apologize.

I floated closer to where she was sitting, “I’m sorry Guardian…”

My Guardian cocked her head in curiosity. “What for?”

“When I brought you back, there were two sets of bones present when I reconstructed you. A Unicorn, and a Pegasus. I must have fused the two together. That’s why you have wing. I'm so Sorry”

I was unsure of how she would react, but after seeing her go wide eyed and confused and then laughing so hard i thought she had lost it, It became quite clear to me that I don’t know the first thing about this mare.
“Why are you laughing? You might have an extra set of ribs, or-

Guardian held up her hoof, “I’m pretty sure that I don’t have any extra bones anywhere, Ghost. These are my wings”

I went silent… I didn't know how to react to that.

Seeing that I wasn't going to ask, she sat up straight, and looked me dead in the eye.

“Sorry, Ghost. You must be confused… So why don’t I introduce myself." Guardian cleared her throat dramatically." My name is Twilight Sparkle. I’m the forth Princess of Equestria, the Princess of Friendship. And I… am an Alicorn.”

5210445 I guess its time for some serious editing huh?
Thank you for the tips!

5213467 well like i said, i'd start with the dialogue spacing thing first. maybe leave the detailing thing i messed with until you get more comfortable with typing like that. but you do what you want , and keep at it until you get a style that's comfortable for you.

This...was beautiful...please...make more...:fluttershysad:

Destiny is not as good as i expected it to be.
This fanfic is like the game: average.

5236892 well... this is only the first chapter, and Destiny is only a bad game if your looking at it as a genre breaking story. (Which it isn't) Plus the real meat of the game stems from playing together with others.
Like a real good vs evil storyline.
It has the basic idea of an epic adventure, but the real adventure is up to you and how you combat the Darkness...
So yeah it is very Average...
Huh...
You make a very good point Friend. =)

5238092 Epic Adventures require Epic Story.
This game is Great FPS, but it was also advertised AS MMO. Where are the MMO elements in it?
BTW. I said that Destiny didn't meet my expectations, but does it mean that's a bad game? No.
I expected much more, but still I had some fun with it.

5238850 Cool...
I'm Sorry if i got off on the wrong hoof with you... I was just agreeing with you that Destiny is average. Because that's exactly why I like it.

5209202 A guy I know online actually got it while playing a story mission on mars actually. I think there is more than one way to get that awesome gun. But if you are writing in a character with that gun, that would be cool to see. :pinkiehappy:

5253820 Thanks for the info friend!
It's nice to know all the little things about the game.
Every detail counts in an adaptation. So thanks! :pinkiehappy:
And please, name any other guns or things you'd like to read about in the story.
I'm always open for ideas.

when will we get to see the rest of her friends? i mean, there's no greater force for the Light than the Elements of Harmony and their Bearers.

5285673 I don't want give away spoilers... But i'll tell you this.
The next chapter will explain where the rest of the main six are and what they are doing.
Of course they will all be reunited in the end, but how they get there is all apart of the adventure

And things are only getting better from here...but what is the word on Discord? Other than a cameo, he's absent from the best chaos around.

5287499 Sorry, I don't like to spoil stuff. But I can say a little bit about Discord.
He's going to have a bigger part later, but all I can say is that he's looking for somepony, and you'll have better idea on who that somepony is in the next chapter.

I both dislike and enjoy your writing style... On one hand, it fits this very well. It makes it feel as if its a transcript of a recording made by Ghost, narrated by his own internal voice... On the other hand, every time I see something like *sniffle* I want to smash my damn keyboard. Seriously, would it be so hard to actually write out "She paused, sniffling for a moment, before continuing."?

Still, like I said... It fits this well and despite my gripe with it, I do enjoy this.

5288064 Well I am still learning how to write to the best of my ability, but I fall short in some areas.
I'll try to implement your advise into the rest of the story. Criticism is one of the best parts about this website.
And I'm glad you liked it!

Fluttershy still MIA...this ought to be interesting.

5302257

Admittedly you have put your own twist on things so far, tis interesting to see where it will all go.

5302266 Thank you very much!
And as thanks, here's a hint about the next chapter....

I have stated in the story that there are those who hate the Alicorns. And next time, one of these hater's is going to be fight Twilight in the Crucible. No more spoilers for to day.

Great job so far. Only thing I noticed though was a small grammar slip up.

“… We to tell the other Vanguards!” Lord Spike declared.

5312633 NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Meh, I'm over it... =)
I will fix this when I can kind reader. I am just writing a bit too much right now.
(But seriously, grammar drives me nuts)
thanks for pointing that out.

Summary:

And with the Darkness making it's move soon, the galaxy could use little more Magic.

Danger and Despair await those who challenge the Darkness and it's endless armies.

2x "its" not "it is / it has"

5338249 Yeah... I kinda need to remake that description anyway =)

and the many other Guardian's adventures alive.

WHAT FOOLISH MORTAL SUMMONS THE GREAT GUARDIAN OF BRITTANIA, THE SECOND MAGE OF TRIANNIA, KING OF MALTIFORNIA?

and sunsets still a bitch. big surprise there.

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