Pinkie, I'm So Sorry
Rainbow Dash woke up slowly to the light of the sun that streamed mercilessly down at her. She tried pulling the nearest thing over her face to block out the light, in this case, it was a pillow.
A minute later, her mind started to kick itself on, thinking that something about this was completely off. At first, she couldn't put her hoof on what exactly. But then, she realized what was off, she was in a warm bed with sheets, blankets, and pillows. The last thing she remembered was that everything was cold, wet and she couldn't...
She opened her eyes. It took a moment to figure out where exactly she was. She's in the hospital, again. In a room that she spent so many times in that it almost became like a second home thanks to all the crashes, she had in the past. But this time was different. For one, on the nightstand there were cards. But these weren't the usual "Get well soon" kind, as she could see, many of them said things like: "Please wake up soon." or "We do love you Rainbow." or "We're sorry." There weren't just a few hooffuls either, there were dozens upon dozens of these cards. Along with flowers of every kind. And the smell of... cake.
She turned around and her pulps shrank to pinpricks to see the very last pony she ever wanted to see at that moment. The very reason of what driven herself to--
"Hi Dashie," said Pinkie, not in her usual bubbly self, but she said it in a calm and gentle manner. She noted that her mane had deflated, but not to the point where it has gone straight like that one time.
"Uh, Pinkie? What are ya doing here?"
A quick chuckle later she responded: "Don't you remember? You... You almost... Died."
There was nothing but dread that filled Rainbow. Not only what she tried to do wasn't a dream, but she failed, she was still alive.
She was driven out of her thoughts when she heard her sniff, followed by a crushing hug.
"DASHIE!!! Don't you ever do that again! You really, really scared us!" By now, as Rainbow struggled to breathe, Pinkie's tears fell like heavy rain.
"Pin-kie! Can't- breathe!" She was released from her death grip, but Pinkie continues to cry. Rainbow didn't want to admit it, not even to herself, but she really hated to see her friends cry. Especially her.
"Pinkie, I'm still here aren’t I?"
"B-But, y-y-you al-alm-almost weren't! Y-Y-You c-could h-have drowned!"
Rainbow let her cry for a very long time until she was able to say something coherent.
"Pinkie, how did I get here?"
"Fluttershy saw you. She dove in to fetch you out of the water. But she saw that you weren't breathing so she tried to get your heart going by giving the whole mouth to mouth thing." Rainbow fought to keep the blood rushing to her cheeks. Pinkie didn't seem to notice and continued: "She got you to breathe, but you still wouldn't wake up. So she untied you and rushed you over to the hospital. Dashie, we were so worried and so shocked. Not the kind of pleasant surprised kind of shocked, but the horrified kind. You wouldn't wake up for a few days, so while you were sleeping, we searched for clues."
At this point, Rainbow grew paler.
"So what we did is we went to your place," -Pinkie kept on explaining- "of course, me, Rarity and Applejack couldn't go in since we're not a Pegasus. So Twilight and Fluttershy went in. And we waited and waited until they came out with a note."
Now Rainbow was horrified. "P-Pinkie, I-"
She was cut off when Pinkie continued: "They gave me your note that they told me that it was for me. And Dashie, I got really, really sad. Like my mane went straight kind of sad. I mean... I don't know what to do since this has never ever happened to me before. I mean sure, I've thrown a few apology parties before, but this..."
"Pinkie," Rainbow said, by now, she had both of her hooves covering her face. "Just say it. Just say that you hate me and just go."
There was a moment of silence, that was until Rainbow was caught completely off guard when Pinkie was gently hugging her.
"Pinkie, what are you-"
"I never said I hate you. I just feel guilty that I didn't notice that you... well... really like, like me."
"But Pinkie, you’re not, are you?"
"Well no. I can say I'm not flattered though. But I have to ask... Did you ever, you know... Check me out when I wasn't looking?"
"Pinkie!" Rainbow was flabbergasted. "Good Celestia! I- Uh... Well... N-Not all the time. It's-"
She was cut off by Pinkie's giggling. "It's okay Dashie. That's what I want to know."
"That was embarrassing! You just don't ask somepony something like that!"
"But after reading your note several times over, how could I not think that?"
That shut Rainbow up. A moment of awkward silence later, Pinkie spoke up.
"You know Dashie, there's something in that note that got all of us wondering, why didn't you tell us you're a fillyfooler?"
Rainbow's ears folded back. "Cause... I didn't want to ruin what we've already had. You do know that not everypony in Equestria with something like this right? I didn't tell any of you girls since we're so close that I didn't want to ruin it all just by telling you guys this one little fact about myself. I couldn't tell. Especially for you. I mean, what if you don't accept me? Or, what if you see me as disgusting? Or-"
"I never said you were disgusting. We're just surprised, that's all, but that doesn't mean we hate you or anything."
Rainbow looked at Pinkie in the eye. "Really?"
Pinkie nodded several times. "Um-hum. We're still your friends after all. Besides, that's how strong it is, with a friendship so strong that not even this ruins it."
Rainbow frown. "Yeah. Friend."
"Oh, don't be sad Dashie. Look, even though I don't really look at it that way, that doesn't mean I don't support you at all. You’re still the same Rainbow Danger Super Awesome Dash that I know. And I'm the same Pinkie Pie that you know. Nothing is really lost here. You still have me around."
"But Pink's, that's just it. This whole time I wanted to tell you how much I do care for ya. How much I wanted you to be my special somepony, I just don't see anyone else filling in what I really admire about ya. As crazy as you can get at times, I do think you’re special to me. What can I say that I haven't put in that note? And... When you said you have a coltfriend... It was the last straw that broke the camel's back."
Pinkie tilted her head to the side, "Last straw? You mean there really was more than one reason?"
"Huh?"
"Well, Twilight said that she found the note a little odd since heartbreak alone isn't the reason why anypony would... you know. So I guess there was some other reason?"
Now Rainbow was uncomfortable. "Pinks, I don't wanna talk about it."
Pinkie grabbed both sides of Rainbow's head, forcing her to look at her in the eye. "No. You tell me what's wrong. Nopony is going to help you if you don't say what's wrong. And I don't care how stupid it might sound. If a stupid reason is what drove you into ending your life, it's worth listening to. Now tell me, what is wrong, Dashie?"
"It's... It's a little complicated."
"So?"
With a defeated sigh, she said: "Alright. I'll tell you. But it's not really a happy story."
"I'm still listening."
Rainbow paused for a moment, summing up the courage to tell her. "You know that Shy and I used to grow up in Cloudsdale right?"
Pinkie nodded.
"And that we were bullied at some point too right?"
Again she nodded.
"Well, looking back, I think I might have it a little worse than Shy because at the time she had only one fault. She had trouble flying. But with me, I was an easy target because I had several things that they picked me on. You know that I was used to be called "Rainbow Crash" right because I tend to crash into stuff. But what I didn't tell you girls is that I was called other things too... Like when I was putting two and two together that I'm- you know, I was called several other things like... Rainbow Dyke. And that one was just tamed. You know the phrase "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" I don't think that's true. Bruises and broken bones heal over time. But insults and slurs can still sting in here." She tapped her head for emphasis.
"Now, maybe luckily I was never physically been beaten or anything like that. But what they said, I think, hurt more than any punch could give. So I stayed in the closet and remained there. Then came Gilda, and before you say anything, no, she didn't do anything to me. At least, not directly. I remembered that we were really good pals once. She hung with me because she thought I was cool. That was until she came to Ponyville where I saw what she really was. A bully. But ever since then, it made me question myself. About my loyalty."
"Your loyalty?"
"Yeah. What if I'm being taken advantage because I'm so loyal? That I can be talked into practically anything so I can fulfill their agenda. Getting swept up at the moment, making me forget where my loyalty really lies. I wonder if one day I might betray you girls in the end because of my loyalty."
Pinkie didn’t say anything and let Rainbow continue. "But sometimes that's not what I worry about. I sometimes think that no matter what I do, I would just end up being forgotten."
"Forgotten?" Pinkie asked, "What does that suppose to mean?"
"I... I know this sounds completely stupid, I know, but at times, I wonder even if I die, would anypony remember who I was or what I did. Would anypony talk about saving Equestria several times or even mention my signature sonic rainboom? Will they know that in thirty, fifty, maybe a hundred years from now? I know it sounds stupid, but there have been ponies who done ineradicable things only to be forgotten in the end. What about them? Or would my name be a hoofnote in a history book one day?"
Rainbow paused to take a deep breath: "Then there was the news that dad was gone. I didn't tell you, girls, this before because I wanted to show you that I was tough enough that not even my dad passing away would affect me... You have no idea how hard it was not showing that... I... I didn't want you girls to worry over me, to think that I was weak."
Pinkie saw that her friend was fighting as hard as she could against her own tears.
"And then, there was you. Pinkie. I didn't just fall head over hooves overnight. I thought you were weird at first... But over time, you wanted to get to know me not because I'm fast. But because you want to know me. So I let you hang with me... Over time, I got to like you more and more... Then one day, I realized that maybe... Just maybe, you could be the one that I can spend the rest of my life with. I was going to tell you. Hoping against all hope that maybe you would like me back that way... I was going to tell you until you said you have a special somepony. Pinkie I... I just couldn't take it anymore... Then I got really depressed. That greatest happiness I've ever found, and I lost you... What's the point of living, when it gives you too many problems to handle it all?"
Pinkie couldn't believe her own eyes. Rainbow, the toughest pony she's ever met, who would let nothing get in the way of her dreams, was breaking down right in before her very eyes. Rainbow Dash was crying. She wrapped both her hooves around her and for several minutes, she just held her there.
"Because we're worth living." Pinkie said, "I'm not sure if you’re even aware of this, but for many ponies out there, you were the one to give them hope where there wasn't any. Like, take Scootaloo, even though she couldn't fly, you gave her the hope that she can become something greater than a flyer. You gave Applejack some competition to become stronger than before. Teaching Twilight how to fly when she got her wings. Being Fluttershy's first friend when nopony would. Modeling for Rarity's dresses-"
"You do know I don't like doing that right?" Rainbow interrupted.
"But she's grateful. And you also helped me."
"I did?"
"Remember when you girls were planning a secret-happy-birthday-surprise party when I thought all of you were avoiding me? You came in when I thought you guys didn't want me anymore so you had to drag me over to AJ's."
"Oh yeah, that."
"The point here is, you still have us. And I Pinkie promise you, that as soon as you come out of here, we will make each and every day better for you. We will work with you just so you can be happy again. I'll even go as far to find you a really lucky mare to make your day happy too."
"So, you’re going to find me a date or something?"
"Yep!"
"Um, Pinks, since you already know, I have to ask... Where do we go from here?"
"Cheer up Dashie, I said I don't hate you or anything. But since you’re alright, I've got to throw you a coming out of the closet party for ya."
Rainbow's eyes widen. "You wouldn't."
"Why not? It's not much of a secret anymore is it?"
Dash opened her mouth to try to say something, but nothing came to her.
"OH! That reminds me." Pinkie said as she stuffed a cupcake in Rainbow's mouth, she smiled at this, "See, that's much better isn't it?"
Rainbow, given her condition, couldn't help but laugh a little at this crazy mare's ways.
"There you are!" Pinkie exclaimed. "We're off to a good start here already."
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Could use some editing, someone should probably take the time to correct you onomatopoeia, but it's good nonetheless.
4858207 not at all. There is a group that's dedicated to authors looking for editors.
But she saw that you (went) [weren’t ]
(Checked) me out when I wasn't looking?" [check]
what if you see me as (discussing)? [ disgusting ] both times the word is used.
I... I'm not entirely sure how to say this, but here goes...
Bad news first: the logic. Just... The logic. Don't get me wrong here, the overall "RD attempts suicide, commence heartfelt chat with (insert mane 6 member here)" was good. I just felt the execution was a bit wonky. Specifically how her love was what drove her to suicide, and how the conversation was handled. Again, not that those plot points HAPPENED, but their execution.
Good news: it was well written, it was an actual story, events were easy to follow, everypony was in character, etc.
Overall, I just wish the explanations and reasoning was either re-written, or better worded.
Elephant in the room: how can we know (as readers) that RD will not try again, because from the end of the story and her motives, it sounds like she will. Whether or not you meant for it to sound that way, that's what I, and likely many others, took from that.
Conclusion: I won't downvote you for what may very well be a small error in wording, but at the same time, I cannot bring myself to up vote or favorite either. I hope I was able to give you some helpful criticism, and I wish you the best in any future endeavors.
4858347
Such is the nature of suicide. I see it done wrong a lot, not due to bad writers (though there are some) but because it's hard to write about. The best suicide/attempted suicide fics I've read never tried to answer every detail, but focused more on the emotions involved... But I digress.
What I would suggest for this story would be to separate the crush on pinkie, and the overarching reason she tried to kill herself. The rejection/incompatibility could definitely be a contributing factor, but I have a hard time believing that missed love opportunities are the sole cause of suicides.
More plausible: RD is feeling down and depressed due to some life problems. For example; she could've been kicked off the weather team, she could feel that she is taken for granted because of her loyalty (I see this one a lot.) then she develops a crush on pinkie pie. (Insert rejection here). RD feels that life isn't worth it, boom, drowning, cue sappy music and heart to heart.
And that's why suicide is a cruel mistress to write for. The amount of buildup to the actual suicide has to show the readers why this character believes life isn't worth living. It's just too complex to have a failed relationship driving ponies off of bridges. Besides, that's what Shakespeare is for...
I like this story, upvoted. Interesting concept, it could use a little more wording make-up.
But you have a few errors :
It should be:
You're the same Rainbow Danger...
and a few others.
4858663 I'll fix that as soon as I can. But as of Now, I need sleep.
4858567 no problem. Glad I was able to help.
4860752 Well, it's still awkward in places, but I read the before and the after, and it is much, much better now that you revised it. Most writers can't be bothered to try to revise at all. So you got an upvote from me for really doing more with Dash.
One easy thing that would help is if you put an extra space between paragraphs. It will be much easier to read.
Bleh.
There is no indication that being gay is actually something socially awkward in Equestria.
4860844
Also, the whole reasoning behind "ohgog, I`m a sexual freak of nature, better go kill myself cause I`ve no chance with Pinkie" you ascribe to Rainbow is entirely asinine.
4860917
There's something to this. Bullying - under any name, for any reason - is always done with the tacit support of the community. Someone who's hemmed in and harassed to the point of attempted suicide isn't going to have dozens of apology cards. The hostility will continue until they've finished the job. Any supporters will face harassment and ostracism themselves.
If the situation is that bad in Ponyville, then Rainbow's friends are taking some personal risk by being willing to continue to associate with her. It's also begs the question of why they want to continue to associate with her; if homophobia is a deep part of Ponyville, then it's likely a deep part of them as well. If Ponyville isn't all that bad, then Cloudsdale must have been terrible for her to internalize the hatred to such a degree.
4862131
In the broadest sense, "they" is pretty much everyone.
There are those who are actively hostile, who holler insults, make up lies, attack people, and otherwise do the dirty work. But they are only the most obvious part of an intimidating culture.
The next batch is the passively hostile. They provide the moral support for the first group, nodding agreement, repeating untruths, laugh at the bigoted jokes and generally giving the impression that society as a whole agrees with them. They don't quite have the guts to be aggressive, but their role is vital.
The last batch is the bystanders. They may not agree with the first two classes, but they provide the important role of denying support to the victim. When the target of aggression is flailing out desperately for someone, anyone, to help them, they pull back and look the other way.
They aren't going to follow her to Ponyville. Bullying is done because it's easy, free of consequence, and socially rewarding. When any of those things stops being true, the bullying ends. Going all the way to another town requires too much effort. Rainbow can easily be replaced by another local victim.
Kids, bullies especially, do what the adults allow. If the bullies are launching sexually-charged epithets at another student, it's because the school officials allow this. They'd be in the second or third category; either themselves disliking homosexuals (and thus allowing the bullies to be their proxy spokesmen) or being unwilling to stand up against the bullies' parents who would defend their children's words and actions.
This would make sense.
But it also draws back to bigotry. Once you find out that someone you would otherwise admire has a quality you despise, what do you do? There would be those who would feel betrayed that Rainbow Dash is gay. "I used to look up to you! How could you turn out to be one of them!?" There are those who have been sitting on the fence who now have a reason to get off it. "Being gay can't be so bad if Rainbow Dash is gay." Some of those will be closet cases who can cautiously address the issue without risking coming out themselves. And all the victims have a cause celebre to inject some much-needed confidence in their lives. "Rainbow Dash is gay and okay, so I can be okay, too."
And this is how bigotry ends. One friend at a time, one link at a time, until the victim is no longer a safe target. Once Rainbow Dash has close friends - friends who clearly accept her, homosexuality and all - one can no longer harass her in isolation. They risk crossing and angering other ponies. This is something that spreads; even if (theoretically speaking) Carrot Top is homophobic, she's far less likely to open her mouth on the subject if Big Mac or the Cakes were nearby because those ponies are linked back to Rainbow via her friends and are likely to have harsh words for her. She risks being argued with - or even rejected outright - instead of receiving cheap support. No one wants to risk their social standing; bullies don't operate from deep principles and most simply shut up and move on in the face of a meaningful challenge.
I've probably talked way too much here. I always enjoy asking questions and exploring the background behind things. Please don't take this comment - or the other one - as complaint of your work. I'm not trying to tear it down or anything. I just want to know more, even if that takes me outside the scope of the work. So, please forgive my poking and prodding at things.
Absolutely not.
4862573
I'll admit I don't really have any suggestions for improvement. There's several things - as I mentioned earlier - that I want to know, but they don't neatly fall within the scope of your story; I can't really justify adding stuff just to satisfy my curiosity that would pull focus from the story that you are trying to write. I suppose it would be nice to have the text of the note, but it's substance can already be inferred. There's some editing needed (as always) and some peculiarities with formatting (underlining used for emphasis? Strange), but those aren't really issues with the story.
Grammar needs fixing, spelling needs fixing.
Whole damn thing needs fixing.
4862573
4862813
Mechanically-wise, it`s acceptable. Granted, if someone with good eye for grammar were to take a look, they`ll probably have some suggestions, but it`d be nitpicking at this point.
That being said, I have had read through your discussion... And it leaves me rather confused. The story itself didn`t touch much on the issues of homosexuality acceptance/rejection in Equestria. Moreso, Dash`s reasons for actually trying suicide are rather... less then reasonable. Don`t get me wrong - suicide IS a notion that occurs to many people in all the kinds of life situations. Key words - OCCURS AS A NOTION.
The number of people who actually make a serious attempt on their own life is order of magnitude below that, and their reasons are usually MUCH more jagging then "I`m worried things will go badly for me." As a rule of thumb, suicide usually happens AFTER bad things happened and person in question is flat-out unable to cope with them.
So, given the story example, it could`ve been plausible if Dash had tried to talk to Pinkie about this, and received something to the tune of "Dashie, what are you talking about? This is not funny. Why would you ever want to pretend you`re one of those filthy.. things?" That could`ve done the trick. But as a rule of thumb, people do NOT walk off the deep end until their worst fears are confirmed.
I won't harp on about much of the stuff that other people have, but I do question the romance tag given that there isn't any.
your grammar hurt my physically at some points... but aside from that this is a nice little ball of fuzzyness^^ Once you look past the fact that dash tried to kill herself
5184871 youre welcome
Yeah, she better be sorry. For making anyone listen to that. "I might not be remembered forever by everyone who will ever live, just the same as all the rest! Oh woe is me, for I am not acknowledged as I deserve, though I am more important than anyone has ever been! I cannot bear the agony of life; I die."
You really couldn't have come up with a reason that doesn't make her look quite so snivelingly juvenile?
I like your writing style
Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love LOVE your writing style and this story
5984943 Please, a little less enthusiasm I beg you.
5984957 Can do unless that's sarcasm? Not good with that...
5987788 It's a reference to the movie "Amadeus" actually. In this context, it means, "Thank you for the praise, but tone it down a touch." But still, thanks anyway.
That was very touching. I liked it.
Ah yes, the first story that me and my friends read together... happy memories