6515795 Oh, this is great.

Edit: What you fail to understand is that there is no one true be-all end-all guide to create a great story. What you consider in your eyes to be a waste of time and an absolute failure is regarded to be an excellent work of art in others, mine included. Oh, the story ended with a lot of characters that were built up, including the main character, dying? Boohoo. That definitely does not give you an excuse to unleash your hatred and insults on Somber for ending his story the way he wanted it to end. After all, Somber is not just writing the story for us. He is also writing it for himself.

The source you give talks about not ending your story abruptly in such a way that defies the reader's expectations. The thing is, when reading through this story myself I always just felt that it would have an end such as this, and that it was building to this point. If I could have picked up on it, surely you, a professional writer, could have as well?

You couldn't give your criticism in a way that wasn't completely filled with insults on a story that Somber is not compensated for, and act like he's a professional writer on a site where anybody can post their own fan works for free.

You are the only failure I see here.

The contents of this recent blog of Kkat's on the wisdom of Dan Shive are something always worth keeping in mind, and seem particularly relevant in the context of the recent conversation.

6515795 Wow. I'm not to big of a fan of Somber, and I'm hardly liking the story so far (I'm on chapter 6) but you're acting in the most uncalled for, childish, sort of way. I know anti-bronies smarter than you. You've been on this site for about three years, and you think just because you have three followers you can leave a comment like this? Saying someone who has a whole army to back himself up fucked up his own story?

I literally know nothing about Somber, but you're making yourself look like a complete fool. How old are you exactly? I'm sixteen and even I seem to have my priorities straight. I'm not even mad. Your incompetence is just too hard to watch. Here's a challenge, write a thirty-chapter story with each chapter being over ten thousand words long.

During my time on this site, I've said some pretty dumb stuff, but what you're saying makes me feel a whole lot better about myself saying those dumb things. Do you expect the writer to just make a perfect world? The main character's perfect, her friends are perfect, life is perfect?

I'd say stop replying to Mr. Somber and let him continue updating this fine ass story until it's over. You don't like it? Go read My fucking Immortal.

6515795

I never said writing was easy. I said coming up with an ending that wasn't total shit where 90% of everything in the book was ignored so your OC could get her Superman on, was easy.

I'm not cleaning up your mess for you. You fucked up. You can live with it or you can change it. But you should at least disclaimer the shit out of this story that most of it is pointless filler and none of the characters or anything that happens makes a single shit of difference in the end.

Blackjack ends up being no different than her first week out of the stable. All the character development for all the main characters was a massive waste of time since you just offed them to prove how badass Blackjack is that she keeps on going.

The entire book is there to end in a pitty party for your OC and by extension you.

You don't get to waste everyone's time lying to us as if all the events of the book are leading up to something when it's all just pretence for your own emotional self gratification.

You, as an author, lied to your readers. That is why you are a failure and people should never read anything you write again. It is a waste of time because it is only a selfish act on your part. You broke the first rule of writing. The most basic rule of writing.

Did you never actually take a writing class? Ever learn the basics of what not to do? Because this was some pretty basic shit. There is a thing called the Unspoken Contract. You broke it. You might not know about it, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

This is from a page for amature writers that might help clear up why you fucked up so badly. I found a game designer who made the same mistake you did to explain it to you.

Wow... what a wall of complete and utter trash. Every bold is the "you" detailing the tamper tantrum being shown quite vividly in this paragraph.

Every scra scratch is to show complete falsehood in a statement trying to sound smart but in the end, just sounds like a total dick wad.

Every underline shows things that by all means should not be, due to the blatant level of 'higher than though' attitude.

Red lettering is to depict words intended to share a collective thought of a great majority... or a believe in a 'rule' that does not exist and is in every way wrong. In short, stop speaking for people when unqualified and not elected. Share your opinion yes, but don't make it like your opinion is everyones... otherwise you are no better off then idiots who try to rule by fear.

Just with this paragraph alone, I don't even want to read what you have written earlier.

Yes, I have issues with this story... but the worth of this story is nowhere near as low as you are barfing it up to be. So don't you dare tell me what is a waist of my time, and don't you dare tell me what I should think of a story because that is no ones right, and if it were to be anyone, I would not even remotely chose you for such a tender honor.

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Phew! You scared me there. I almost insulted the wrong person!

.....who wrote that asinine hateful trash anyhow? Eh. Haters gonna hate. I feel like the story holds true to the FOE theme of hopelessness dashed with points of triumph, a real mix to be honest.
So, quite well-written I think =P

Charon and Cerberus

Ha nice reference there

while she was hammering out a guide to the Wasteland.” He groaned and rubbed his hooves. “When I think of her wanting me to sneak into a radigator nest to ‘observe wasteland wildlife’…”

Oh hello Wasteland Survival Guide, need a mine to write about? Or how about radiation damage? Oh, you need a city's history? Let me just waltz over to the broken bow and say 'hello' to some mirelurks, but don't worry they will be taken care of and I'll even keep your molerat stick because the mole ratties just loooveee it! Because I'm a good research assistant, yes I am!

Just pop in a Stealth Buck and put a recorder in their nest, easy.

(Damn I can be so cynical and lighthearted..)

I turned slowly to face the a cracked road and a collection of blue bars approaching the crossroads.

to face a cracked road ? Either way it should be one or the other

Poor Blackjack, why'd she have to go and lose an eye oh well atleast she has her Glory with her again, for all the d'aww moments between the regularly scheduled madness. I am liking Glory's ideas when it comes to 'hot shower time'

To pick a side or not. Oh damn we are nearing the infamous Chapter 33 already.. infamous for what exactly I dunno I just know the basic theme why it is called that.

Annnd Blackjack lost Steelpony.acv well shit. Why wasn't there a 'Copy' option?

Oh what's up Steel Rangers, fancy seeing you being so diplomatic.

Finally a level up, how I missed that so.

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The import doc button doesn't work for you? I've never had problems using it before.

I've just finished reading this story from the google Docs site and wow.....just wow. I don't want to spoil anything for others reading this story.

All I can say is this. I have no words I can use to fully describe what a brilliant, amazing and emotionally engaging fix this is......as far as I am concerned in my opinion I am putting this story on equal par with KKats Fallout:Equestrian itself. I cannot give any higher praise that this.

Well done sir and others for creating this truly epic masterpiece which I will cherish in til the end of my days

@:3

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Just pop in a Stealth Buck and put a recorder in their nest, easy.

Or instead of using a Stealth Buck we can go over the top to the corner of the building, jump in the river and take the hidden underwater entrance that almost never has anything but nests just inside.

Although I have found that even if you know the entrance is there it can be a bit hard to find at times...

Maaaaan, how did they get caught? Jesus, oh well, let's see what happens next chapter. DUde, awesome work on this chapter, and nice job!
Now, onto some other stuff till next time!

Oh!
6515795 People like you are the reason I don't read comments, cause all I see is nothing but absolute fucking bullshit. And it hurts my eyes. Somber spent, what... four fucking years on this story? And you have the nerve to say he fucked up? Dude, this story is amazing and I love it, its going fucking great so far and Somber has done an amazing job with this!

I'm not cleaning up your mess for you. You fucked up.

You, as an author, lied to your readers. That is why you are a failure

Dude, the only failure here is you, so how about you bugger off.

Somber's an awesome writer, with more skill in writing then you do with coming up with a decent coherant arguement.
And if you really think anyone agrees with you, take a look at your watcher count, then Somber's, he has a fucking army backing him, and I'm one of them. He spent I think four years on this, with other people, giving us all something amazing to read, for free for fucks sake, with chapter that are so long it takes me a whoe day to read through them! I can't do that.

And this is Fallout: Equestria There is no fucking happy ending, tis the wasteland, people die, there's rape, killing, slavery, I have never read a story in this universe that ends happily.

For fucks sake, don't like reading this? Then leave! No one's stopping ya, here's the door. *opens door* Head on out.

So not to sound ungrateful towards Somber and his awesome story (if I didn't like about the story I wouldn't be complaining), but I was currently on chapter 36 before I stopped reading because google docs started burning into my eyes and I had to quit. So if that chapter could be gotten up sometime I'd be willing to continue reading the story.

Okay, thisbchalter had tons of giggle moments in it. Probably more than should've been considered sane. And I'm gonna wager the Ranger decked out like a castle is Steel Rain

Jaded, when I said I'm done with you, I meant I'm done with you.

6521625 Yeah, I got sick of google docs, decided to just download the .epub file then read the whole story on my phone before even finishing chapter 1 :P

>>Somber

This is one of the best FOEs on here, and don't let anyone tell you different!

I can tell you have put a tremendous amount of time and effort in, and it definitely shows. Your characters are all well-developed, and you do an excellent job describing what is happening at any given moment. Just the fact that your publishing 20,000+ word chapters a week makes you one of the best authors on here.

YAY!! New chapters! Ima raed tem now!

Can we have a happy ending to a chapter, please? I'm literally going to cry if the next chapter ends like these last two chapters.
You should be proud, Somber. It takes a particularly well written story and talented author to make me cry. Props to you.

And a rubber ball was pressed into my mouth and tied in place around my muzzle. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t see. Couldn’t speak.

Yeeesssss, haha. Something was taken from the store. Glory maybe likes being a dom.

I don’t give a thundering fart what things are going on!

I have not experienced one of those in a long time.

He was a schemer

Confirmed, Blackjack is like a good version of The Joker.

I chuckled. “‘Cause then it just wouldn’t be any fun.”

Yup, Joker.

I’ve come across ammo containers I’d emptied and tossed aside now miraculously holding more ammo.

Sooooo meta.

The rose quartz wings sparkled softly.

Oh shit, the dead mare in the zebra ruins.

Least Stripes has the data now and can begin working on things. Though I don't know how much shit that will stir up. Cause I know it will, Blackjack touched it.

New Perk Added: Eye for Eye -- For each crippled limb you have, you do an additional 10% damage.

wait does this mean she does 40% more damage because her legs are crippled?

Hah, so, I made the mistake of waiting for the main scene of the next chapter to finish yesterday, then forgot I hadn't responded to this chapter, so you're getting two in a row. :V

So, if I were snarkily renaming chapters like I did with the original story, this one would be called "SUDDENLY BDSM". :V Who would have guessed Blackjack bottoms? On a serious note, if there's a problem with their relationship, it's that Blackjack puts too much emotional stock in Glory. Then again, I think it's reciprocal. It just means that if anything happens to either of them, the other is gonna be a wreck.

Once again, Enclave politics are completely fucking fascinating. I like that you gave Lighthooves a sympathetic angle, while simultaneously not excusing the terrible shit he did.

Keeper is great. :D I would read an entire prequel story about his companions and their time in the Hoof. I mean, I sort of just did, but you know what I mean. :B Looking forward to meeting Crunchy Carrots soon. That whole "stuff keeps appearing" conversation is very meta, but sets up the scene at the end of the next chapter well.

I'm liking Goldenblood less and less, but I expect that's intentional. I mean, if he doesn't turn out to be what's behind everything, I'm gonna need some new hats because I will have eaten them all. :B

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I suppose I react to them a bit differently due to their placement, within the main action rather than immediately adjacent to other non-native features like the chapter breaks.

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Well, BDSM can involve "allegiances" . . .

Keeper's fun. One of the things I like about meeting some of that group time to time is when their stories don't quite mesh, or the parts don't quite match with the characters as we've seen them in Blackjack's present, sometimes in ways that make the one telling the story look better. It does make it feel like they were people who had their own things going on as well as working together, then later a falling out.

“Oh, I would sooner destroy a rainbow window than an artist like yourself,” he replied. “However, since I can’t have you doing something stupid either...” And the stinger tail slipped out and jabbed me in my rump. A lethargy began to overtake me. “Please understand, I hold you in the highest respect.”

Inconceivable.

A half dozen Steel Rangers surrounded them. At their lead was the biggest suit of armor I’d ever seen; it looked as if it had been custom built to contain the size of the pony within. Its matte black frame was gilded in golden leaf, and all four hooves ended in glittering hydraulic rams. The enormous Ranger looked down at me and said in a deep, booming voice, “Step aside! We are escorting these prisoners to Ironmare Station.”

Ante up.

Blackjack: "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M THE MARE WHO'S GONNA BLAST YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF WITH A MEGASPELL GUN!"

Boom

6517371 Dude. you could've put a spoiler tag on the "dying" part. I was expecting to read comments about this chapter and I had the ending spoiled for me in the first comment. Really shitty.

“Maybe,” she replied in a playful tone that screamed ‘yes.’ Then she gave a little murr and kissed me softly. “If you’re a good mare, you’ll find out.” Oh, okay. I’d be good. I’d be the goodest bestest nicest mare ever, yes sirree!

sounds like something i would think too blackjack

I reached over to the terminal to pull out the cables, then blinked as my hoof passed right through it. “Bwah?!” I gasped as I waved my hoof back and forth through the computer. “Wha… how…?” I stammered as the computer swirled and then seemed to resolidify on the table. “That’s weird! You’re weird! Everything that flies is weird!” I pointed at the computer, my mane bristling. “This is not natural!”
“Relax, Blackjack. It’s just made out of clouds,” Glory said as she rested her hoof on top of the terminal easily and unplugged it with her mouth. “She fights monsters, has a building collapse under her, smashes through an interrogation window, tears apart soldiers in a chem-induced fury… and this is what freaks her out? I don’t know if I should be impressed or disappointed,” Lighthooves commented.

“Well, if you like ‘em so much…” the stallion said. “How about… eighteen hundred, but I throw in the berries, some scrap electronics, and some gem power cells for the weapon?”
“Deal. Gimme!” She lunged for the container and he held it out for her to snatch away. Holding it in her mouth, she trotted away and began to munch them one after the other with a blissful look on her face. Suddenly, the earlier comment about them being a controlled substance didn’t seem quite so ridiculous.

“Absolutely and completely?” she pressed as she smiled at me. I nodded, and she dug through her bags a second, withdrew a blindfold, and tied it in place. “Don’t touch it,” she said firmly. O…kay… Then she was off the bed and rifling through her saddlebags. I fought hard not to peek as she returned to the bed. Then she pressed my forelegs over my head through the gaps in the bed and… my ears twitched at the sound of hoofcuffs being locked around my legs.

“G…Glory?! What are you doing?” I gasped, and then I felt my rear legs spread quite far apart and cuffed to the hoofrail at the bottom on the bed.

She moved over me and whispered in my ear, “Shhh… trust me.” And a rubber ball was pressed into my mouth and tied in place around my muzzle. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t see. Couldn’t speak.

But, sweet Celestia save me, I could feel! And what was inflicted upon me was some of the most intense feeling in my entire life. Some sour, rational, sane part of my mind grumped that it was no time for… this! That part was grabbed by the rest of my brain, beaten with rubber hoses, and tossed into that closet in the back of my mind. I crested, wailing into the gag, and she didn’t relent.

Glory had to have been related to Vanity… somehow. She paused only to remove the gag and let me catch my breath before silencing me with a very lovely something else. I returned the favor in desperation, rewarded with noises of her bliss and the feeling that I was a very good pony.

When we’d finished she’d returned my sight to me, and I was feeling quite confused and exceptionally buttery inside

Bruh...you should try your hoof at "cloptional chapters".

“Pfft. As if I’d ever sell such a piece of beauty,” I said, pining over a gun I’d only seen once. For all I knew, it kicked like an orgasming mule and jammed like a virgin on… oh Goddesses, was I feeling the itch again already? “What are the odds I could get more of those berries?” I asked as I looked at the lovely berry fiend.

What a colorful imagination, Blackjack.

Got out on my own, hooked up with a ghoul to start our business; I was the handsome face and she was the set of wings that got us from place to place while she was hammering out a guide to the Wasteland.” He groaned and rubbed his hooves. “When I think of her wanting me to sneak into a radigator nest to ‘observe wasteland wildlife’…” He shivered and shook his head. “Eventually, we parted ways… she wanted to sell it for cheap. Me… I fell in with a crazy bunch who’d be my friends.”

Anyone wanting to make a story on Ditzy's story in the Wasteland?
I can imagine it now: Fallout Equestria: The Wasteland Survival Guide!

“Deal. Gimme!” She lunged for the container and he held it out for her to snatch away. Holding it in her mouth, she trotted away and began to munch them one after the other with a blissful look on her face. Suddenly, the earlier comment about them being a controlled substance didn’t seem quite so ridiculous.

Dope? Weed? Marrejuahna , anypony?
Got some berries here too. Think they may have psychoactive properties...hrmm...

Spaciba

Russian for "thank you"...wonder where that came from?

Dianmond done got turned into diamond dust.
She got dusted.

I don't know if this is the right chapter or not but its almost midnight and I'm to lazy to go and check,

That Enclave pony that traded info for talismans mentioned something about the SPP towers eventually being taken down by entropy.

This bugged me a bit.

Now I'm not the smartest pony in the stable but I know my way around basic quantum theory and I can tell you that made no sense whatsoever.

Entropy is (If I remember correctly) basically the amount of randomness or uncertainty in the universe. The amoumt of entropy in a sealed vacuum (IE our universe if it is a true vacuum but thats another lecture) dictates how many possible configurations of something in that system there could be and it also factors in with heat and thermodynamic equilibrium (The heat death of the universe)

The law of the system states that entropy In an isolated enviroment can never decrease therby increasing until heat death occurs.

In conclusion, entropy has absolutely nothing to do with a stupid cloud tower.

8303037
Entropy is also the universe progressing to a more evenly distributed energy state. In the case of matter, this means a more stable oxidation state. Iron in steel is in a high energy state because you literally spend energy digging in out of the ground, processing it to seperate it from all the silica-oxide around it, heating it up to remove the impurities, processing it again into a bar, transporting it to the machine shop, processing it into a girder, transporting it to the work site, and installing it into an SPP tower. All that energy you put into making a girder for the SPP reduced the entropy in that girder. Over time, the universe is going to return it to the state it was in originally, via rust.

This is constantly happening all around us. We use energy to violate entropy and create things that would have otherwise oxidized long ago. Life is the ultimate violator of entropy, because it takes energy (In the form of sunlight and geothermical chemicals) and uses it to reorder matter into a lower entropic state. When life dies, the complex chemicals break down again into its constituent parts because it can no longer use energy to keep itself from falling apart and returning to the distributed low energy state that most inorganic life exists in.

In short, eventually the SPP towers are going to fail via rust, cracking, wind, or even the geological shifting of the earth. An SPP tower is HORRIFICALLY unstable, with a center of mass way up above ground level. Entropy wants to move that center of mass as low as possible, preferably fusing it completely with the ground it rests on. Really, the bigger surprise is that so many others haven't fallen over. Even birds unevenly nesting on the tower would stress the structure, since they're effectively giant mushrooms.

8303037
In a less wordy way than Somber said.
Entropy is also used as a five-bit synonym for "rot". Every building eventually decays and falls over.

It's a very classy villain who asks for permission before going into a monologue.

New Perk Added: Eye for Eye -- For each crippled limb you have, you do an additional 10% damage.

Uhh, I’m pretty sure having damaged limbs is counter productive to someone’s fighting ability. Then again we’re in a city where ammo and caps literally respawn, so logic is kind of thrown out the window.

8908731
This would be on top of any debuffs resulting from crippled limbs (which tend to go to speed, weight capacity), not instead of them. Crippling becomes less detrimental, not an advantage.

“Well now… it depends. Professor liked to say that maybe a spirit of discord was floating around putting bottlecaps and trash in places to tease me. The rest didn’t think it was a big deal,” he muttered sourly with a scowl. Then he sighed and shrugged. “But me… I don’t like it one bit. It ain’t a natural market. So I got to thinking… why do ponies come to Hoofington?”

huh, so that's where he's been. apparently something reformed him cause the "ponies die every five seconds" is not his preferred method of chaos. he is helping ponies.

I am not good at predicting stuff, but I am almost certain that the silver butterfly from the memory orb was from project eternity. I thought that this project was about the statuettes I dont want to be spoiled, so neither confirm or deny it.

“ Spasiba …” I muttered as I touched the golden memory orb with my horn. Wait, what’d I just s--

Um..... Why does Blackjack know Russian? That's "Thank you" in Russian

10138151
She a liquor savant. Give her tequila and she'll be speaking Spanish. Yeagermeister? German.

10138151
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