This story is a sequel to This is an Order: Live
A month has gone by since Trixie agreed to become Twilight's obsession in exchange for her immortality. Since then the two have been troubled by more than mere nightmares. Not too long ago Twilight forgave Trixie once before, but can she now forgive herself for speaking her true feelings aloud, or will the sun continue to cast an eclipse over her eyes?
Indeed a goddess can possess an immortal body, but what can be said of her heart? The very organ still aches, hurts no matter how heavenly its host maybe. Does that mean the heart will cause the body to wither if not cared for, the same as any other mortal?
Chapters (1)
Ooh. . . Me likey.
I love the concept, it's very new and exciting. Now that more has been revealed I feel that it has raised more questions than answers. What is the true nature of the bond that they had made while Trixie was at death's door or to put it poetically, the twilight before her night of eternal sleep. I know that they are bound to each other and that this bond goes both ways, with Trixie being Twilight's servant, her lover, and companion; while Twilight having her "smile" taken by Trixie, having given her talent, knowledge, and power to her, not to mention the promise of bowing to Trixie every day and night. With this I can say in full confidence that Trixie will be by Twilight's side forever, but what vexes me is what happened to Twilight's eye and Cutiemark. Another thing is the mystery of the two hearts that reside within Trixie, and which heart will live forever with Twilight and which one will die; is it the one of hatred or love? Given the nature of this bond things cannot possibly be so clear cut and simple, there has to be more to it than that.
Also that letter in the end was unexpected, it seems to me that Twilight is afraid of her immortality. I can't wait to read the next story and see Trixie's answer.
p.s. I totally saw Pinkie killing Trixie. . . okay maybe not, but it was a coin-toss between her and Rainbow Dash.
I wouldn't call it "new," but thank you all the same. I didn't think you'd read tonight actually.
Though, regarding your questions, Twilight hadn't given her talent, that would be a bit absurd considering her position. The promise itself was merely to entice Trixie even further, as I've always envisioned her to be the type to only yield if another yields to her /ego/ first. And the notion of the eye, if you read closely and connect the two sentences you'll know exactly what's embedded within it.
And would you please not give away spoilers, let the others figure it out.~ I'm really glad you enjoyed the story and took the time to comment, on both even, it really lift my spirit this evening.
this is so WTF....
In a totaly good way
I have to say, that I was only able to read the first section of this story. I am completely and utterly confused.
4427699
Just to be clear I've no intention of offending you, but, have you read the original story?
Regardless if you have or haven't, thank for taking the time to try and for commenting at the very least.
4427779 Yes, I have. If I recall, Trixie was dead (or dying) and Twilight offered Trixie life, and her immortality when it's Trixie's time. In return, Trixie must be Twilight's servant until that time comes. Trixie agrees, but make it clear she wants to avenge her own death. However, for some reason, she can not because Twilight had something to do with it. Does this sum it up?
4427820
Pretty much.~ Though, the /actual/ reason was never said, it is stated in this chapter though. May I ask what I part I lost you at? I tend to romanticize many things,(most romantics will) and I've learned its difficult to convey every scene to every caliber of mind seeing as none are the same.
That's my goal, to construct imagery and speech that any comprehend, I'll consider myself a novice until I can. My rambling aside, I'm here to answer any questions and take on all responsibility seeing as you've already read the fable before.
4425915
Thank you, I appreciate the sentiment and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
And even better, you left a comment.
4427911 You lost me with the whole exchange between Twilight and Trixie in her room. When exactly did Twilight wake up (I thought she woke up as soon as Trixie step in the room.)? What were they talking about? What were these invitations for and why weren't Rarity approve? I'm sorry if this was simple and a lot of other people got it, but I'm just plan lost.
4427966
Woah don't apologize, please. Again, its /my/ responsibility as the writer to portray the story in a coherent manner.
And Twilight was dealing with her dreams,(night terrors) when Trixie first arrived, the second time she arrived she was then fully awake. It's why Trixie had to wake her up in such a /harsh/ way, asleep or awake an order is an order. As for what the two spoke of I feel it best to message you such details to avoid spoilers.
As for the letters, their purpose is revealed in the next/final story. You'll have to wait for that bit.
Heh, I feel I should apologize for you apologizing, it's really weird. And I wouldn't say it was all written and spoken in black and white, simple is a vague definition as is. I'm always open to questions and quite open-minded, ask what you will at anytime.
cup fit only tea
...Only.. for tea?
You shift verb tense a bit in the story, are we getting past tense or present tense?
you’re crueler Trixie than realized
...Wait, is Trixie talking to.. herself, calling herself cruel? Or is this just third-pony getting in the way of conjugation?
hood
Hoof
that head become
...had become?
Trixie dictate the
...'To lay down authoritatively'.... while a creative use of the word, I dooon't think that's a correct usage of it.
awfully close, she gave
Missing closing quotes.
so cherry in
cheery
alias
Prooobably alas
though to
thought
bond to obey her obsession, she
bound, needs closing quotes.
...Hm. This one still raises a handful of questions, but at least answers some. Where this is going... eh.
Not sure the story can count as a one-shot if it's three 'chapters'... but it is pretty good. Getting a bit better, still vague. And, well, as above, some editing is suggested.
The ending I can't see as anything but dark, even if only mildly so, but that's the point, isn't it? To keep us engaged enough to want to reach the end. Looking forward to the final chapter, with a high likelihood of thumbs upping all three at the end.
Luna, that's embarrassing, very much so.
A cup fit only for tea, yes, a teacup.~ That
As for present and past tense I instantly knew couldn't deny myself being guilty of such. But there are moments when the past is being described and others when the present is being spoken. Still I know I need to do a better job of moving between the two... or just stick to one.
Thank you for pointing of the legion of errors you came across. I always feel like a fool when I read what I've written and still find my eyes auto-correcting errors before I can exterminate them. I'm fortunate to have readers like you, that comment on my mistakes which is what I always hope for.
Luckily you enjoy the story enough to stick around, and... I said the same to myself yesterday about the /one-short/ genre, I don't believe it fits that category at all anymore. The editing has been done, and again thank you.
4424148
Hmm, thanks for clearing that piece of info up. *reads story once more*. . .
. . .
*commence evil, manic chuckle* Now I get it. So that's what happened. Sorry, but poetry was never my strongest suit. I always found that my mind is able to break down stories and songs rather than poems, which is the general vibe of the writing style in this story.
And you're welcome. There wasn't really much for me to go on with the first story, which is why I didn't really leave such a long comment.
p.s. Sorry for posting spoilers, I'll get right onto that.
Hmm...
I see.
So her eye only sees Trixie. Very nice idea.
And good talk with Caddy.
Now to see what her answer is.