Dark doesn't always have to be depressing, morbid shouldn't seem so mundane, and romance without regret just sounds... insane, rather than sweet.
Day after day Snails just keeps appearing and pestering poor, precious, "flawless" Diamond Tiara in her well earned mansion. She doesn't know how he keeps getting in after she keeps throwing him out, but Snails is determined and dense. a deadly combination for the soft-hearted deed he has in mind.
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This is nice, but you really need an editor or proofreader.
i would like to know what happend between the timeskip or at least....well let say even if it takes me a bit to finish it, i would like a bit more explanation,
.....Long story short, i would have liked a bit more from the story, it is long but it happend to less for me, maybe that is why i usually don´t like the one chapter storys. But not bad.
How much time did you put into writing this?
I rather enjoyed this quite a bit. I wasn't expecting this from you at all, but I do enjoy seeing the other side of Diamond and Silver quite a bit. I, personally, favor Silver as a character more than Diamond, for a few of the reasons shown in the story, but I believe both have more to them than what the show dictates. It does seem just like Snails to randomly bound into such a situation, and the maid being there was icing to the cake.
Some grammar and word choice issues throughout, but nothing that killed the story or the meaning at the time. Good stuff. ^^
4786666
About five days in total, I imagine you have some sort of /opinion/ or you wouldn't have asked. Even if it's critique that's already been stated, I don't mind it being said again. I'm well aware of fact against fiction so speak your mind freely without censor, that's all I ask.
4787162
Oh, that, I'm aware a need proofreaders and editors that happen to be above my own capacity, which... honestly isn't hard to find. Finding /available/ ones seem to be the issue with me. Still, I'm glad you enjoyed the fable for what it's worth, even if it isn't within my usual range of writing, apparently I can't make children as exciting as they should be.
4770435
I'm the same in that particular sense, but I wanted to try something /extremely/ short... which I failed considering length. But I understand completely, the sense of wanting more, rather, completion that genuinely feels like it came to a conclusion without question.~
This was pretty good. Though a lot I'd strongly suggest a proofreader. Story would have done well to continue a bit more with showing how Snails and Silver grew more acquainted and such. Particularly how she was being introduced to Snips.
Overall, it was a good story for Snails and the gang. It really opens up some doors for future adventures or shenanigans. And the final scenes with Snails and the very end was sweet.
Wish I had gotten to this sooner, it was certainly a fine story.
5147033 I agree. I loved Snails interaction with DT and the comedic value it offered. His conversations with Silver Spoon were equally satisfying.
that being said there are several issues with this.
most notably are the many times you forgot to add quotations to dialog.
also
here i think you forgot to add what he heard that made him lose his train of thought. The there's an "Achoo" and you mention "there it is again" so obviously Diamond sneezed once and it broke his train of thought but your train of thought was also derailed because you forgot to mention he heard the first sneeze.