• Member Since 6th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Mar 29th, 2020

Starlight_Flight


E

Twilight Sparkle is invited by Cheerilee to teach the children about magic, the different types of magic each pony has, and the very basics of how it all works. As Twilight is getting started, what appears to be a ghost starts haunting the schoolhouse; mayhem ensues, and each of the lessons in Twilight's lecture must be used to clean things up and send it home.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 11 )

First YAY.

Not bad. Seems like it could be longer or more fleshed out. Other than that it's caught my attention.

10042
Well, it is only the first scene of the story. :raritywink: I promise, we'll get to the adventure I wrote in the summary. :ajsmug:

who YOU gonna call...TWILIGHT SPARKLE! :rainbowlaugh: good so far. :pinkiesmile: interesting to see a spirit pop up.

You have a good writing style, and you understand the characters well! (I grinned at Spike's happiness at his own cooking!)

But I'm going to give you a question: How much does this add to the story as a whole? Is Twilight's morning routine going to show up again later in the story? (Maybe that she forgot to brush out her mane? :twilightoops: )

10117
The first chapter isn't necessarily throw-away material. I know I repeated some of it, but also, it got me started writing the story; if I hadn't had that chapter to build up Twilight's eagerness ("show, don't tell") and provide a bit of character contrast (the food measurements and Spike's behavior), I probably wouldn't have gotten started on the following chapters. Also, I'm skipping details a little for the sake of flow: where the plot demands it (thus Spike made a big stack of pancakes barely a minute or two after entering the kitchen) and where attention demands it (Yes, Twilight would be obsessive enough to pay good attention to each item on her list, but getting her to the conversation at the door and topping the scene was more important to me), as well as where the rhythm of the text feels more appropriate (I'm still wanting to edit Ch.1 a bit, and I might put in a mention of mane-brushing along with the other changes).

While my guide for this story is to make it like an episode (thus the "everyone" rating), this is mostly first-draft work, written in the FiMFic editor itself. :scootangel: That means I can get to the rest of the story and not worry as much about necessary changes; later on, re-drafting and tightening the narrative might be an option. For now, just building things up into a believable and approachable tale is where I'm focused.

Okay, a few minor edits, and this chapter feels more rounded. Also, it will play into the story better shortly (always eat a good breakfast, kids!) :pinkiesmile:

Her new tiara is MADE OF PONIES!!!! :raritydespair: POOOO-NIEEEESS!!!

Quick! somepony call ghost busters

It's either that or it's rarity wearing her invisability scarf playing pranks

-Witchcraft is magic refrence:twilightblush:

Login or register to comment