• Member Since 27th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen May 25th

Dustin Lange


The smallest changes can make the biggest difference.

E

These stories are the product of inspiration from six words, and six words only.
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All stories are there own, completely un-related.
The "random" tag is is going to be the only one on this story because the stories are going to vary in drastic ways.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 24 )

Love it :pinkiesmile: But what happened? I am going to keep reading.

Geeze. Always after I write something do I notice the mistakes. Gonna have to fix those at some point. Thanks for letting me collab with you! I'll take a, er, stab at Flutters next.

4174033
All right.
I'll get started on Rainbow Dash's. :rainbowdetermined2:

This is really good. But what happened? :rainbowhuh::twilightsmile:

4175239
I wrote it and I don't know! :rainbowlaugh:
This is a story where you know something happened, but it is so vauge with it that it lets you think up something sad to put in there.
I can't really explane it that well, sorry!:twilightblush:

Please stahp it~
If you're gonna give me feels, then please provide a way to dry my tears :fluttercry:

4182388
Sorry, I just write what the six words tell me... :fluttershysad:

Of course, Twilight is likely overlooking the fact that she is taking it so hard because she has experienced the magic of friendship. I am not sure what happened (and you sure don't give many hints either on that note!) but had it happened at around season 1, I think her reaction might would have been slightly tone down.

Then again, Spike and Twilight have been together for a long time now, so she would probably be just as wrecked if not even moreso, since Spike was her only friend up until the whole Nightmare Moon incident.

Interesting short story, really works as a first chapter (though subsequent chapters are largely unrelated in this case).

Oh, now I understand the method here! The six prompt words are (with the exception of the first) going to be included in the story in some shape or fashion.

Interesting, definitely takes a more positive feeling than the first chapter. Kind of makes you wonder who is going to buy that massive candy cane...

Deceptive. The words at first suggested that this would be Dash swooping in and saving the day, but you took it in a very different direction.

Kind of felt my heart sink a little at the end there. it is emotional, though I think you could have whacked the audience a little harder if you would have included some expression and/or dialogue from the other Mane Six.

4183936
For the Twilight one, I wanted to write something that made the reader think about what might have happened. Not sure if it helped or hindered it. :unsuresweetie:
4183972
As I was writing the Twilight one, I was thinking to myself, "These words don't really fit the story." so Noble Thought let me use the one he made.
As for the :twistnerd: part of your comment, I also wan't to know who it was.:rainbowlaugh:
4184002
This one was rather hard for me to write, and I wanted to start on a different one and see if I could get an idea on how to improve on it; so far, nothing.

4184274

You definitely made the reader want to know what happened. No worries there. :pinkiehappy:


I suggest, once again, that you include some dialogue from the Mane Six, and some of their expressions. I mean, no doubt that if Dash is in retirement and had a full live, surely they have too. I don't mind the silent treatment if that is a must, but at least let Dash tell us what they look like, or if they're mourning already.

4184331
I will probably go through and try to add to it once I write another one.

4183972

Makes me wonder too... and I wrote it :pinkiesmile:

:rainbowhuh: Da fack? Yeah, that last line felt so forced you would think that I was the one who kicked the bed and sent the lines tumbling atop my head. :applejackconfused:

That ending is truly the only off thing about this short story/ chapter. It would have made more sense had Bloom hopped into her bed, suckling or somehow soothing her wound, before stating that last line. Maybe even did a poor job of faking asleep on the floor or something, or some expression from Bloom to seal the jester's deal.

The way it is now just feels unnatural, and knocks the humor off the nightstand.

Other than that, tis good. :twilightsmile:

4208541
I know!:rainbowlaugh: I wanted to put something in there so I could get it out today, while staying with the six word thing.
Any thing you think I could do to improve it?:duck:

4208556
Mostly, change the entire bit at the end, especially in regards to the last bit of imagery we get of Bloom before she states the line.

As I had suggested indirectly in my previous post, think a bit about the joke you are trying to make. Clearly Applebloom was not trying to go to sleep, and yet, she says that in annoyance to Applejack.

Why? Other than "cause she can", what really makes that funny? What is so funny about a filly injuring her hoof on her wooden bed? How would she convince Jack that she is actually trying to sleep? And if she fails, how does Jack respond?

The latter may not work since the last lines have to be the way they are, so you might just need to change where Bloom ends up in the scene.

Staying on her three hooves and hopping about might would be funny if you poked more fun at it. Burying her injured hoof (and perhaps pride) in the mattress or a pillow might would be a nice visual as well.

In this case, the details needed are visual cues, signs of comedy that we are used to seeing, and maybe more audio as to how it should/does sound if you so desire.

4208589
I'll work on that ending after I spend some time out side on this wonderfull Minnesotan day. It's a nice 64°F out and I can't let it go to waste.

Also in your first comment, I love that nightstand part you put in there!:rainbowlaugh:

4208645

Aye, have it. And the nightstand part was in there for chuckles as well as getting a :pinkiehappy: point across.

I never commented on this, so, here...

~Dollars and Cents...

Thanks for the follow, man!

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