• Published 1st Apr 2014
  • 7,481 Views, 45 Comments

Almost Romance - Sir Hat

In the new Equestria, full of humans, romance blooms for almost everyone. And tonight a certain pink pony is gonna make a move.

  • ...


I heard her coming before she even reached my door. Her usual cheeriness and jubilation doing nothing for her stealth. I walked over to my door, unlocking it and taking a single step to the left. As the deadbolt clicked out of the lock, Pinkie threw herself through the door, nearly slamming into me, if not for my previous sidestep.

"Daaaaaanny!" she cried out as she nearly shot past. I managed to grab her by her back legs, spinning her around to help bleed off her momentum. She let out a wild giggle as I slowly winded down and held her upside down. "Danny!" she hugged my legs, nuzzling my kneecap as she tightened her grip. "Hi!"

I waited until she finished with her hug and set her down. "Hello Pinkie...how are you?"

Pinkie smiled and started bounding around me. "Super special amazing wonderful awesome supe- already said that, splediforous!" Pinkie did a final roll in front of me, landing on her back and staring up at me. "So...pretty great."

I gave Pinkie a dirty look, making her squirm around nervously on my carpet. "Pinkie...."

She cracked a wide smile and started laughing nervously. "Danny...."

I stifled a laugh. "Pinkie...."

Pinkie pulled her forelegs to her chest. "Danny?"

I let out a final huff and stood tall. "Pinkie...you know what's about to happen."

Pinkie's eyes turned to pinpricks. "Please don't, I'm not r--" I cut her off, crouching down and squeezing her exposed belly in a flash. She started giggling and squirming as I went to task pinching, tickling, squeezing and rubbing her soft belly. "Danny- stop it- I'm gonna pee!" she cried out as her hooves kicked wildly and she wrapped her front hooves around my hands.

I let her off easy and scooped her up. "Pinkie you should really be expecting that by now. You come by every Tuesday and you always act like I've never done that before."

Pinkie's giggles faded away as she settled into my arms. "It's more fun that way. It's like a surprise every time, and you--"

"I know how much you love surprises." I groaned as I set her down on my couch. "So what are we gonna watch today?"

Pinkie stood on my couch and started bouncing. "Ooo ooo ooo, the one with the deer!"

I threw my arm up. "Bambi it is!"

Pinkie let out a load of joyous cheers as I went into my kitchen and started grabbing snacks. Before I could finish I felt Pinkie nosing her way between my legs. "Don't forget the cheese!"

I rolled my eyes and forced her out from between my legs. "As if you'd let me." I grumbled as I pulled my fridge open and found a few pieces of string cheese. "Only girl I know that can eat string cheese and chocolate in one bite...." I mused to myself as I kicked my fridge closed and found Pinkie messing with my TV. "Pinkie do you even know what you're doing?"

She spun her head around, staring at me like a deer in headlights before blushing slightly. "Sort of?"

I set the snacks down and joined her in front of my TV. "Man, I wish this place had internet." I muttered to myself as I dug through my DVDs, eventually finding my copy of Bambi and setting everything up. I flopped back down on my couch, Pinkie following quickly behind and stepping onto my lap. She pranced about my my thighs before plopping down and curling into a tight ball. "Geez, comfortable?" I asked in a joking tone.

Pinkie ignored my jest and held her mouth open. She popped an eye open and let out a few grunts. "Ahh- ahh-" she hooked my hand with her foreleg and brought it up to her mouth. "Aaaah."



"Pinkie stop." I pulled my hand away and started rummaging around through the snacks. "I get it."



Pinkie snapped her mouth shut and started blushing. "Sorry...."

I found what she wanted and started unwrapping it as the movie started. "Pinkie, cheese." I held the stick for her, waiting for her to snap her greedy maw around my fingers and chomp down.

"Danny...it's not all peely or stringy...." she moaned as she poked my hand with her hoof.

I let out a soft sigh as I pulled the cheese stick back and started peeling it. "Pinkie, you're a grown mare. It's a stick of cheese either way you slice it." I returned the newly stringy cheese to her level and waited.

As expected she took my whole hand in her mouth and ripped the cheese out of my grip with her tongue. Something was different though, she seemed to linger around my hand a little longer than normal. She let out a pleased noise, either from the tasty cheese or something on my hand, but it did nothing to rid myself of the discomforted feeling her lingering touch she was giving me.

Once she pulled away and started loudly chewing the remaining cheese I wiped down my hand. "Pinkie that was gross."

Pinkie just chewed happily and let out a long mmmm. "Shhh- movie." she thrust a hoof to the TV and snuggled in close to me. She settled into her usual idle squeaks and giggles at the movie got started. "Look at him...look at him...Danny...look."


"Look at him walk!"

"Pinkie...I can see."

"Oh...did you look?" Pinkie asked as she turned back to the TV. "Wait, wait, look!"

"Pinkie, stop it!" I shouted authoritatively. She perked up before folding her ears and settling into my lap.


I put my hand on her head and played with the base of her ear. "It's alright Pinkie, it's okay."

I continued to pet her head and toy with her ears as she let out a content sigh and watched the movie. Things went smoothly, Pinkie snacking and me relaxing as the movie went on. Eventually the trademark scene came up. Pinkie's eyes went wide as she stood up. "No...no no no." She started prancing heavily on my lap as the shot rang out. "No!" She stamped her hooves down on my lap. "No!"

She turned in circles as the movie grew grimmer. "Danny no...Danny why-" she was crying as Bambi crawled from the brambles. "Danny...I don't...." she closed her eyes and threw her hooves around my head. She buried her face into my shoulder as the movie hit its lowest point. "Danny...I thought...I didn't know it was so sad...."

I put my hand on Pinkie's back and rubbed her up and down. "It's okay Pinkie...it's just a movie."

Pinkie shifted her backside a bit, into a rather compromising position. But given her blubbering state I was willing to chalk it up to happenstance. I continued to console the blubbering mare as she clutched my head against her chest. "And he- he- he- bwaaah." she held her head to the side of my own and let out a long cry. "I don- why would you-"

"Pinkie...it's fine, it's just a movie." I held the back of her head and tried to stop her crying. "Pinkie are you gonna be alright?"

Pinkie's crying slowly faded as he nuzzled the side of my head. "Danny...I'm sad...."

I rubbed Pinkie's back a little more. "That's okay Pink...it happens. Just watch the movie and I promise it'll all be alright."

Pinkie squeezed my head. "You promise?"

"I promise, now please...let go?"

Pinkie planted a soft kiss on my cheek before drawing back. "Remember...you promised."

I felt a growing sense of dread as Pinkie sat on my lap and leaned her back against me. I knew where this was going and simply tried to put it off as long as I could. I loved Pinkie, but whatever she was planning wasn't going to go over well.

I suffered through her now obvious advances as the movie went along. She had another little episode as another woodland creature was slain. I played dumb as she snuck a kiss and a nuzzle into her hug.

Soon enough the movie ended, Pinkie let out a gracious awww at the end and set her pink mane back into my face. "Again!"

"No!" I shouted as I turned the TV off. "No more deer." I snuck my hands under Pinkie and scooped her up. "Well, it's been nice, but it's late."

Pinkie went silent as I carried her to my door. "I know...it's all dark and spooky out...." she looked up at me, fluttering her bright blue eyes. "Maybe I should...stay...with you...tonight?" Pinkie got to her hooves and looked up at me. "I'll be super quiet and polite and nice and quiet, and...I'm really warm, I'd make a great pillow!"

I gave Pinkie as softening a look as I could muster. "Pinkie...no."

Pinkie's mane started to deflate. "Oh...okay...but I mean--"

"Pinkie...." I got down on my right knee and gave her a hug. "Pinkie no. I know what you've been getting at, and...I'm sorry Pinkie but no."

"Oh...." Pinkie completely deflated, leaning into my shoulder. "I...I thought...okay...." she tried to pull away, but my arms kept her tight to my chest. "I'll just go."

"Pinkie, we need to talk." I cradled her backside and held her back. I carried her into my kitchen and sat her down at my table. She looked crushed, her mane reminded me of a popped balloon, her eyes red and puffy from her stifled tears. I mixed together some chocolate milk and set it in front of her. "Pinkie...how long have you felt like this?"

Pink just stared into her glass. "A few weeks...I wanted to make sure you didn't have a special somepony."

I tapped my finger on the table. "Pinkie, I cant."

She just stared into her glass, letting her head dip lower and lower as I spoke. "Is it because we're different?"

I grew a little angry at her accusation. "Pinkie, I've been with ponies." I rubbed my chin hard. "I never make a decision like that just because you're different!"

Pinkie cracked a smile for a millisecond before going dour again. "Then why?"

I took a deep breath and extended my hand across my table. "Hoof."

Pinkie stared at my hand. "Danny don't...I'll just--"

"Pinkie, hoof." I demanded. She set her hoof in my hand. I rubbed the inside of her hoof and took a deep breath. "Pinkie, I'm gay."

She shot upright, her mane whipping back as she nearly yanked her hoof out of my hand. "What!?" she grew bright pink as she realized what I meant. "But you- I mean I- uuuuh."

I let out a few laughs and settled back. "I thought you knew."

Pinkie let out a few nervous laughs as she tapped her hooves together. "I just thought...oh...oooh...oh...that's why you and Pokey...oh." she cracked a perverse smile and grew bright red. "Oooooo--"

"Pinkie stop saying oh."

"Sorry." Pink looked away and continued to blush. She traced a hoof around my table as her mane regained it's poofy style. "So...you and Pokey."

I nodded. "I really thought you knew."

Pinkie continued to laugh nervously. "So...I mean...I could be...maybe just once we could--"

I cringed and ran my hand over my face. "Pinkie, no."

"Just once!?" she asked as she jumped up onto my table and laid across it. "Just one night?"

"Pinkie, I can't."

Her mane drooped slightly. "Please?"

"Pinkie if I do that you'll never move on. I'd be hurting you more than anybody else." I stood up and ran my hand along her back. "I'm sorry Pinkie, I just can't."

Pinkie took a deep breath and laid her head across my table. "Danny?"


"Can I stay the night?" something about her voice eased the tension in the room.

"Pinkie, you're my best friend, you can stay as long as you need." I picked her and her milk up. "Don't try anything funny Pink...but...this." I plopped us down in front of my TV and cradled her against my cheek. "Always remember you're my best friend."

Pinkie nuzzled my cheek and gave me a deep kiss on the cheek, further from my mouth and much less needy. "Thanks Danny...can we watch--"

I turned on the TV and turned off the lights. "Better?"

Pinkie found herself locked with the TV as sappy Pony movie came on. "Danny...milk." she flailed her hoof daintily. "Milk please." I handed her the milk and settled back as she clumsily drank. Eventually I ended up holding it for her as she drank. She finished up and cuddled against me. "Danny...can we still do movie night?"

I ran my hand through her mane. "Yes Pinkie."

Pinkie shuffled around a little. "Can...can you not invite Pokey?"

I held back a laugh. "Yes Pinkie, Tuesdays are just for me and you."

Pinkie nuzzled my chin and settled down. "Danny...I love you."

"I love you too Pink, I love you too." We settled down as the movie droned on. Pinkie ended up falling asleep on my lap. I carried her into my room and tucked her into bed. I spent the night on the couch as Pinkie snoozed happily in my bed. Movie night was certainly interesting. I would have to tell her about Peter. He's a nice guy, she'd love him.

Author's Note:

Someone once said: "There's never enough HIE Pinkie romance...." Well, it's not exactly romance, but here it is.

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Comments ( 45 )

Awww I'm gonna miss u...

I'll be back within a month. Depends when the depression lifts.

I'll be back with a vengeance though! :YEAAAAAAAAAAAH:

4165969 that's good. If there's anything I can I to help don't be Afriad to ask...

Uh...do a barrel roll?

That was a cute story! :pinkiehappy: This was well done, as usual!:pinkiehappy: Hope you feel better soon! I know what depression's like. Went through periods long before I got diagnosed. If you need to talk about it don't be afraid to reach out.

4165975 o-.....k... *does a barrel roll*

Hope you feel better

4166077 Seriously? *Points at description*:ajbemused:

4166079 i'm kinda one of those people that when you say don't do something i will do the complete opposite just for shits and giggles
and no i will not to stupid things like kill myself

4166045 you douche lol. That description was shot
At me wadn't it...!?

4166087 hehehe this is getting interesting :pinkiehappy:

The first two comments have been about me asking for help. Gotta nip it in the bud, yo.

don't fill the comments with: "Hope you feel better."

I hope you feel worse

Thank you.:ajsmug:

4166268 it's my job

I know who you are...professional asshole.

God speed you glorious fuck. derpicdn.net/img/2014/3/14/574923/large.png

4166273 I will cum in you so hard you get pregnant with triplets

Xob muc a ekil kool tsuj d'tI !tah a etangerpmi tonnac eno. :ajbemused:

Tah a xob muc reven dluohs eno dna.

> Nemow > taH gniylpmi

Ytinecsbo thgin etal eht rof yay.:rainbowkiss:

4166298 i hope you feel better as well, however my wishes are based primarily on greed so come back soon to continue writing glorious pony.

Though that doesn't mean i am not sincere.

Also.. Should i have written this all backwords?

Why can't I have a movie night on Tuesdays with Pinkie? Yes yes, I know there's only one Tuesday in the week...

Fuck you too Doc,Fuck you too.

As Dan

Human x Pinkie is rather rare.
Human x stallion gaying out is even rarer and me gusta that a lot.
It's almost as hot as stallion x human female tag on derpi.

I think the word you are looking for my good author is friend-shipping.:pinkiehappy:

When I hear that term I think of Battleblock Theater.
"All aboard the SS Friend.....ship"

4599658 that game is adorably funny. Love the intro to it.:rainbowlaugh:

Your requested editor mode: I think you focused a bit too much on Pinkie's annoying side. I would have liked the talk to go on a bit more but the flow of the story is one of your better and the twist was flawless.

Now for the little fanboy inside me:

4166273 that should be wallpaper.:rainbowderp:

well, besides that left punch to the nuts, this was a pretty good one shot.

Nice one. Certainly wasn't expecting that little twist. :moustache:

Cute. Pretty well done. Completely blindsided me. Kinda feel sorry for Pinkie.

Happy writing.


... I completely agree.

PLOT TWIST PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Weeeeeew!

>ponk trying to get naughty with you doesn't instantly turn you straight


this was a nice read just before bed thanks Sir Hat now I'm gonna go cuddle the wife night all

4165975 remember to always come back ...

I was not expecting him to say he was gay.

PInk dream~~~~

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