Secret Agendas
Golden Oaks Library is many things. A place of learning, a home to one of Equestria’s princesses, a familiar hangout for certain ponies, a research lab (basements are perfect for experiments), and much more. Today, however, it was the single most well defended location in all of Equestria.
To an outsider, it may have looked as though Ponyville was preparing for war. Multitudes of golden-clad stallions patrolled the streets, fearsome bat-winged pegasi provided a watchful eye from above, and more crystal ponies than most ponies would ever see outside the Crystal Empire were entrenched in various fortifications around a certain tree-turned-library. To the citizens of Ponyville, however, this was the least unusual occurrence that week.
The importance of the library on this day was known quite well amongst the townsfolk. This was the third Friday of the month, and as such, Golden Oaks Library was set to host a most important meeting between the four Princesses of Equestria. That this meeting was scheduled to occur once every four months only served to make matters even more routine for Ponyville.
Most of the citizens had learned to simply ignore the arrival of the other three princesses by now. None actually knew what these special meetings were, or why they had first began, but the citizens were certain it was something of monumental importance to require four princesses.
Inside the library, the secret meeting was just beginning.
Twilight Sparkle spoke with the odd combination of a stern voice and a positively giddy expression. There was a literal twinkle in her eyes as she announced, “I hereby call this meeting of the Royal Princess Book Club to order!"
Luna was the first to respond, “I fear I must raise a concern about your choice of reading material for this past month.” Twilight’s giddy expression slipped in the opposite direction as Luna voiced her concerns. “This main character, Skybreaker, is supposedly a demon hunter, yet this cannot be true. Everypony knows that Celestia and I sealed all the demons away in Tartarus, so what exactly is this fool hunting?”
Cadance answered the question with a groan.
“Tis a legitimate question!” Luna snapped back at her niece.
“Auntie, the book is a fictional novel. Just like the last three books in this series.”
The older mare was quick to reply, “This does not mean that the author should be allowed to make up whatever fantasies fill his head and put them to paper!”
Cadance felt her jaw slacken as her mind refused to comprehend the sheer void of logic Luna had presented as an argument. Thankfully, Twilight swiftly interrupted the conversation, “Actually, Luna that’s precisely what a fantasy novel is.”
The midnight princess found eye contact difficult to maintain. “Well, fine. I shall rescind my complaint.” The slight giggle from her sister did not escape Luna’s notice.
Twilight took the lack of further complaints as her cue to continue. “Now then, why don’t we start by talking about our favorite sections of the book. Cadance, I believe it is your turn to start.” Twilight motioned towards the pink mare who nodded in acknowledgment.
“Personally, my favorite part was the romance—”
“I think we already knew that,” Luna interrupted. Before the midnight mare even had time to savor her niece’s expression, she was pelted from all sides with pillows.
“Now, now, Luna. You know the rule about interrupting other club members,” Twilight said with absolute authority. “The first strike is subject to pillow assault. Let’s hope you don’t get a second strike.”
Celestia grinned slyly. “Oh, don’t listen to her, Luna. By all means get a second strike.” Luna felt a shiver run down her spine.
“Ahem.” All eyes returned to Cadance as she continued. “I really enjoyed how Skybreaker slowly grew to love and care about the demon girl, Silvertail. Call me crazy, but I could just feel the chemistry between them, even from the moment they first met.”
All eyes suddenly turned to Luna, as if waiting for her to say something. Refusing to take the bait, Luna settled for returning the pillows to their rightful owners faces. After a brief silence, the group was able to share laugh.
Cadance promptly took the opportunity to continue discussing the book’s romantic subplot. “Well, I just have to say it was an interesting spin on a lover’s tale. And with Skybreaker’s eventual transformation into a demon wiping the slate mostly clean, it felt even more touching that he fell in love with Silvertail again as his memories of being a pony returned.”
“An excellent observation, Cadance,” Twilight commented. “I enjoyed that aspect of the story as well. Even more so than the previous books in the series, this one truly felt like a romance story with all the adventures as a mere backdrop.”
At this moment, Celestia decided to interject. “I also agree with that statement.” She smiled before continuing, “And if it is alright, I’d like to take my turn now.”
Cadance nodded, followed by Twilight. With the stage all hers, Celestia allowed her signature warm smile to grace her lips. “My favorite part was the way Skybreaker and Silvertail showed their love for each other through their constant teasing and verbal jabs.” Purple ears twitched as mental gears began their work.
“So, you like it when lovers tease each other?” Twilight asked, unable to hide her curiosity.
“Of course she does,” Luna answered with an unusual amount of enthusiasm. “Tis one of Celestia’s greatest weaknesses. And it works even better if you can weave physical teasing in with thy verbal remarks.”
“Luna—” Celestia tried to protest, but she was promptly derailed as her vision filled with purple. Something warm and wet slid across her nose. White wings flared reflexively as Celestia tried to retreat to safety.
“What’s the matter? You’re not afraid of my tongue, are you?,” Twilight quipped coyly. The purple princess made a deliberate show of pretending to lick something in front of her, slowly dragging her tongue along an invisible surface before playfully curling the tip as her tongue withdrew back into her mouth.
Celestia glanced from one pair of eyes to another, and then to one more. They sly twinkle in each pair of eyes was more than enough information to tell her she’d been tricked. She released a happy chuckle as her mind caught up to the game being played. Three against one was hardly fair for her fellow princesses, but what worried her most was the chance that Cadance and Luna might not be actual players in this game. If it was just a matter of herself against Twilight, Celestia wasn’t sure how long she could hold out. It was hardly a secret anymore that Celestia was jealous of her sister’s courting of Twilight, but to think that Luna had made Twilight into this much of a prankster… Celestia shook her head. She was getting distracted. There was no sense dwelling on anything that might cause her to lose her calm. It didn’t matter that her former student was using Celestia’s crush to tease her. It didn’t matter that Luna and Cadance were being cruelly supportive of Twilight’s uncharacteristic behavior. It didn’t matter that Twilight had suddenly pressed her lips against Celestia’s…
No, that one did matter.
Celestia fought with herself for several moments before she was able to overcome her own desires and break free of the tauntingly passionate embrace. She stammered for words as she tried to come to grips with the situation. “Twilight! That… that’s not funny.” Even as she chided her former student, she became acutely aware that there wasn’t a single bit of laughter anywhere in the room.
Celestia's gaze darted to Luna’s only to find disappointment. Quickly, she turned her gaze to Cadance who refused to even look at her. Finally, she turned to Twilight, who was sadder than she’d ever seen her. Everything about the situation was wrong. This wasn’t teasing. Something else was going on, but she just couldn’t see what it was. She couldn’t see anything past that devastated look in those lavender eyes.
Luna broke the silence, “Sister, I think it is time for everypony to be honest.”
Slowly, Celestia tore her gaze away from the lavender voids. “Then allow me to start.” Luna nodded. “Luna,” the elder sister hesitated, “I’m jealous of you. I’m jealous of what you have with Twilight… I’m jealous that you have Twilight, and that I do not.” Before Luna’s expression could even change, the solar mare found herself embraced by the one thing she wanted more than anything else.
“Princess—” Twilight cut herself off. The purple pony craned her neck to gaze upward, meeting Celestia’s gaze with watery eyes. “Celestia, I’m sorry, but you were just too stubborn.”
“I was… too stubborn?”
“Too stubborn to admit your own feelings for me.”
Celestia felt tears welling up in her own eyes. “What I feel doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve already lost that chance—” Once again, Celestia found her lips locked with Twilight’s. Tears flowed like rivers down a mountain in spring. When the kiss ended, the two ponies gazed into each other’s eyes. “Twilight, this isn’t fair. Not to me, or to Luna.”
“Sister, cease thy blubbering. If thou hadn’t been so stubborn in refusing to admit thy own feelings, we shan’t have required such a ridiculous ruse to get through to you.”
It was a rare occurrence when Celestia was wrought speechless, and Luna took every bit of pride from doing so that she could. “Tis not to say I wouldn’t enjoy keeping Twilight to mineself, but we can all see, clear as thy day, where her heart truly lies.”
“But—”
Celestia was promptly interrupted by Cadance. "You can be remarkably stubborn at times, Auntie. Not even my magic could open your eyes. Then Luna came to me with a, let's call it a proposition. I must admit, it sounded rather fun.”
A brief flash of confusion crossed Celestia’s face. "You went through all this just to get me to confess to Twilight? What if it hadn't worked?"
"Well, plan B was Twilight taking you to a nice restaurant, get you stinking drunk, and then make out with you, so we figured we were covered."
"Twilight apparently decided to skip parts one and two," Luna remarked amusedly
"What can I say, I'm efficient. I also don't like wine," Twilight retorted.
The solar princess looked back to Twilight, a smile shining through her tears. “Twilight, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t fathom that you’d actually reciprocate my feelings. I was afraid you’d think I was being creepy and that I’d only end up pushing you away.”
Twilight giggled. “I might have if I didn’t love you so much.”
“That wasn’t entirely reassuring, Twilight.”
Cadance and Luna stood up in tandem. “I propose this meeting of the Royal Princess Book Club be postponed until tomorrow,” Cadance exclaimed.
“Why?” Twilight swiftly protested.
The only response she received was a sly wink from Cadance. Luna and Cadance quickly ushered Twilight and Celestia upstairs to the former’s bedroom, shutting the door behind them.
“I think they’re tired of being subtle about us,” Twilight stated sheepishly, finally releasing Celestia from her embrace.
The white mare was struck with two major realizations at this point. The first, was just how little she had actually seen of Twilight’s bedroom before now. The second, was that during her glance around the room, for some unknown reason, her gaze was met by a life sized version of herself… made entirely of chocolate. “Twilight…”
Purple ears splayed against her head. “Oh, that…”
To call the silence awkward would have been a massive understatement, one akin to calling Pinkie Pie happy while at a party.
Celestia couldn’t resist giving the chocolate statue of herself a closer inspection. After walking around the thing a second time, her eye caught a rather questionable detail. “I have to be honest Twilight, the level of detail on this is… more disturbing than the item itself. It even has proper anatomical features.”
Rather than the hard blush Celestia had been expecting, Twilight’s expression took on an almost predatory edge. The purple alicorn crept close, then circled around Celestia’s side. A wing brushed over her croup briefly. “Oh, well, you see… we weren’t sure if our plan would work. However, I’ve been more than a tad pent up from having to fake a relationship with Luna, so tonight I was determined to have a taste of you one way or another.”
“And I was worried that I was being creepy,” Celestia deadpanned.
Twilight circled back around to Celestia’s front. The younger mare licked her lips sensually. “Why don’t we do something to ease the tension in our moods, then?”
Celestia raised a brow. “I take it you have an activity in mind?”
“I’d like to test which one of you is sweeter.”
Before Celestia could even react, her vision was once more filled with purple. This time, however, she wasn’t the least bit startled by her lover’s tongue.
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Princesses*
"So, honey, what did you get up to at little Twiley's book club meeting this month?"
"Oh, you know, the usual. We gushed over the novel, Luna comically missed the point of the romantic fantasy...Oh, I almost forgot! I totally got your sister laid."
"....Whut."
"Got her some of that sweet Celestial tail, FINALLY."
"Oh my Cel-"
"That's what she said."
"Aaaaaauuugh!"
Should be here.
4045746 4045782 Fixed. Thanks
4045801
Just your friendly neighborhood grammar nazi.
Away~
*swoosh noises*
This is FANTASTIC
Having read the story, I can safely say I was well and truly bamboozled. Twice. I was certainly very amused.
Shit, knowing what goes on behind those doors makes me want to vote for an oligarchy.
Interesting story, though, Celestia is right, a very detailed, chocolate statue is... A little... Creepy. Even for Twilight, that's kind of creepy.
4045751
That would probably violate the strict secrecy of the meeting, but I can imagine that Shining would be flabbergasted at the least to hear the news.
4046162
While it is unknown (though fairly unlikely) whether Shining remains Captain of the Royal Guard, he is almost certainly involved in the Crystal Empire's own security force, and as such would be one of the ponies with a "need to know" about the meetings purpose. That and he probably begged his wife to no end to tell him.
Either that or he knows Twiley well enough that he successfully guessed.
"...Wait a minute. How in Equestria did you know they were book meetings?"
"Didn't know. Do now."
"..........Twilight has an anatomically correct life sized chocolate statue of Celestia in her bedroom."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"
4045877 'Shit, knowing what goes on behind those doors makes me want to vote for' installing Hi-Def security cameras.
4046162
4046162
It made sense to me. It's not like Celestia's fear of being creepy would have been secret or unfathomable. Especially not with Cadance on the case. So it's a show-me-show-you thing. "I don't care if you're creepy if you don't care if I'm creepy."
Looked at that way, it's more silly than creepy. There's also notes of... "I really don't care about the implications of a relationship between us. You're not even slightly like a mother to me, and it's not hard for me to see you as more than just a teacher."
It's probably Princess Cadance's fault, anyways.
4046177
I think even the Captain of the Guard would be restricted from knowing what exactly goes on in there. Maybe an idea like book club, but not to the point that it is the premiere hook-up scheme for Princess Celestia, with Princess Twilight no doubt!
Nah, they would never tell a stallion about that kind of thing.
And while he knows her very well... Well, they didn't talk much since the wedding, and I doubt the two shared that much info over the seasonal break since then...
But yeah. I bet he would wonder what kind of chocolate she used.
4046178
Where is that first picture/clip from?
4046204
Oh I get it, and I totally agree that Cadence probably had something to do with it.
I'm just saying, even for Twilight, it being made out of chocolate is just creepy to me. Understandable, but creepy nonetheless. But hey, what else would probably taste just as good as the original? After all, making it out of skittles would have just set up a cliche' "Taste the rainbow" line that would have worked better with Rainbow Dash anyways...
With chocolate, you get a sugar meme and a Discodia reference all in one.
Guh... Now I've gone there in my head. Curese.
4046206
Oh, there is no way Cadance wouldn't brag about that to Shining. Both to make him uncomfortable (they are a young couple, and still at that stage where teasing happens a lot) and because he IS family after all. He is going to find out about the hookup eventually, and probably soon anyway.
The main security issue is him knowing about the book club itself, and I don't think they would really hide it, or hide it that hard, from Shining Armour.
4046247
I see what you did there, or at least I know what I read at the end there.
Well by that logic, the entire kingdom would have to know about it eventually.
A nice little palette(sp?) cleanser after reading a fic that disturbed me and made me worry for Twilight and Celestia. Thank you.
4046206 Friendship is Witchcraft, episode 8, Foaly Matripony.
This was a good read haha.
4046356
It is so much funnier in context.
I would +1 you for that, but by golly this aint no forum.
4046261
Indubitably.
4045782
No, it's supposed to be her, as in Equestria. Here princesses doesn't actually make any sense.
EDIT: Oh, actually I suppose it does make sense, but regardless "Her" was not a typo, it was supposed to refer to Equestria itself.
4046583 Oh, okay. That's a cool usage, too. But very archaic (not at all a bad thing in my book (English nerd!
), but it might turn off some readers). That is why I assumed it was an error.
4046670
To be honest, "here" actually reads a bit better anyway, now that I see it.
Honestly,
not what I was expecting given the synopsis. However, it was still a fun read. 
4045877
Although I'd imagine the technocrats would do the same thing behind bars. Hell, I'd go for a princess harem.
Technocracy for the win.
Oh and Shining's reaction to all this would be priceless. Especially the part about the statue
Well, I guess it's that kind of party...
This is just weird, but oddly humorous. Twilight comes across as totally creepy here...
Well, that was... sudden.
Just Twi and the others, in the library, talking about books. Many laughs are had, and whatnot. Then, BAM! Twilestia shipping! Right the f*ck outta nowhere!
So it's that kinda party.
ALL THE EYEBROW WIGGLES!
4.bp.blogspot.com/-xLAmCBep_SI/UvvdqJxfgnI/AAAAAAAAQGg/Cb2CT1YOgH8/s1600/eyebrows.gif
25.media.tumblr.com/be6542a1c2dd88b1f4360b81f795adda/tumblr_miugooKRvq1qgr0mro1_400.gif
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/3/23/277018__safe_princess+celestia_animated_artist-colon-lamia_eyebrows.gif
suitgames.com/forum/uploads/avatars/avatar_34.gif?dateline=1393646419
Here I was expecting a bit of drama for a moment and mabye a lost chances situation. But nope just a ruse.....
4049789
Nothing with Groucho Marx? Disappointing really.
makeameme.org/media/created/well-that-escalated-jmg8n6.jpg
Ok then.
*upvote*
I
it 
Great description 
I would've been fine with a totally average princessly book club meeting, but this works too.
The transition in the middle is very sudden, it almost feels like two different stories stuck together.
4045751
4045751
Nice!
I don't know how to feel about this...
Honestly, it's kind of underwhelming. The description promised way more wacky hijinks.
Very efficient! And a little bit gross.
Ummmm
, but over all it didnt make me sick
so I liked it.
That was actually pretty good
A little bit confusing here and there.
GOOD JOB!
All in favor of Twilight going down on Princess Celestia?
Aye
Buck yeah!
...aye
Eeyup
Plan B sounds awesome!
4078040
This needs to happen. Like, right now.