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Admiral Biscuit
Sweetie Belle looked down at her sap-covered hooves and stomach distastefully. "Well, that didn't work, all because of that dumb tree."
"Ah really thought it would," Apple Bloom replied. She slid a bottle of oil—a gift from Pinkie Pie—over to the unicorn.
"It just wasn't awesome enough," Scootaloo remarked. "Maybe if we build a bigger ramp, we could—"
"No way," Apple Bloom said. "My rump's still sore from the landing. Ah just don't think we're gonna get our cutie marks in soapbox racing."
"Well, we've got to do something." Sweetie scoured her belly with the oil before handing the bottle to the pegasus. "Apple Bloom, you got any ideas?"
"Ah heard AJ talkin' about some new Daring Do book," she said. "It wasn't a proper book, though. Just written on loose sheets of paper, held together with brads. Ah don't think AK Yearling wrote it."
Scootaloo spit the oily rag out of her mouth. "I'm not gonna get a cutie mark in writing. That's, like, the dumbest thing ever. All a writer does is sit at home with a pencil and paper, making up stuff she'll never do."
"But AK Yearling does—"
"Sweetie, I can still taste pencil."
"It ain't about writin'. We tried that with the Foal Free Press, remember?"
"Yeah," Sweetie said dejectedly. "Rarity grounded me for a week after that."
"You brought up a book, what else could have you have in mind?"
"Well, AJ was talkin' about how it was an unauthorized sequel, an' told Fluttershy that she didn't like the shippin', and then said somethin' about romance and kissing."
Scootaloo's eyes widened, and her wings flared out. "Romance and kissing? Ew."
"Rarity's got a lot of books like that," Sweetie remarked. "I read one once to see what it was about."
"And?" Scootaloo looked at her intensely. "What was it like?"
"Boring!" Sweetie took a deep breath. "There was a bunch of grown-up ponies talking and kissing and falling in love then having sex, and breaking up then having sex, and all the other ponies were upset about it."
"That's all? No explosions? No stunts?"
"Nope. Just pages and pages of weird sex. I asked Rarity and she said I'd understand when I was older."
"How much older?"
"I dunno. It's been weeks, and I still don't get it."
Apple Bloom glared at her friends. "Look, girls, we're gettin' off topic here. We didn't try shippin' yet."
"Did so, we packed boxes with shredded up copies of the Foal Free Press," Scootaloo objected. "Remember?"
"Yeah, and made boats and paper mache," Sweetie added.
"But we didn't ship the packages or ponies," Apple Bloom countered.
"You can't ship ponies."
"Why not, Scootaloo? We get chicks by train sometimes. If you can ship chicks, why couldn't you ship ponies?" Apple Bloom got to her hooves and went muzzle-to-muzzle with Scootaloo while Sweetie Belle batted around the oil bottle. "Applejack mentioned it, remember? And my sister don't lie about things like that."
"So, how do you think we should go about it?"
"I guess just get a box and put a pony in it."
"Well, who's gonna want to be put in a box?"
Both fillies looked over at Sweetie Belle, who'd knocked the oil bottle out of her reach and was now tracing her hoof over the wood grain on the clubhouse floor. She looked up, noticing her two friends were staring at her.
"Wait. . . ."
"You could get a really cool cutie mark, Sweetie,"
"Yeah, but—"
"And you didn't ride in the wagon on our last attempt," Scootaloo added.
"'Cause somepony had to sit on the ground and time it! You said that was important!"
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. "Come on—you don't have to do anything but sit in a box. How hard can that be?"
"Well . . . I guess. . . ."
"Cool!" Scootaloo reached out as if she was going to hug Sweetie, but then changed her mind and went for a hoof-bump instead. "It's decided! Cutie Mark Crusaders Shippers, yay!"
A quick raid of the barn netted the Cutie Mark Crusaders a big cardboard box, which Apple Bloom had lined with straw and one of Big Mac's old saddle blankets.
As Sweetie was being boosted into the box by Scootaloo, her doubts came back. "I dunno, girls, I'm not so sure about this."
"Look, we cut some air holes," Apple Bloom said. "You'll have my lunch and a coupla juice boxes. There's a blanket in there, and a bunch of straw—what else could you want?"
"Yeah! Now duck your head so we can tape the lid closed!"
Apple Bloom rubbed her chin with her hoof. "You know, it might be easier if we go inta town with an empty box, and you just get in when we're ready to give it to the clerk at the post office."
"Ooh, that's a good idea." Sweetie clambered off Scootaloo's back.
• • •
The three crusaders stopped in an alleyway beside the post office, and Scootaloo boosted Sweetie up into the box while Apple Bloom held the wagon steady. Once the lid was securely taped shut, the pair towed the box into the post office. The postal stallion looked it over, looked at the duo of fillies, and shrugged. "Carousel Boutique, C.O.D. No problem. And what shipping speed would you fillies like?"
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo shared a glance. They hadn't expected there to be different speeds.
"As fast as possible," Scootaloo suggested.
"AJ says that standard shipping is the best—that's what she told Fluttershy."
"Fine." Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "Boring."
The two crusaders left the post office, eagerly discussing the likelihood of getting new cutie marks, or—if this plan failed—what they might try next. Meanwhile, in the back room, if anypony had been listening to a certain box, she could have heard it say quietly, "I’m bored."
• • •
Rarity signed for the package and hoofed over the bits. "Now what could this be? I don't remember ordering anything C.O.D." She looked at the return address. "It was mailed from Ponyville, too. How odd." Shaking her head, she floated the parcel into the boutique's workroom. "It's pretty heavy."
A second inspection revealed no other clues about the providence of the package—other than it had a pleasant farm-y smell—Rarity levitated over a letter opener and slit the packing tape on the top of the box. She took a step back as Sweetie Belle's head popped out of the box.
Sweetie hooked her hooves over the edge of the box, pulling herself upward. Her struggles caused the box to tip and fall over, sending Sweetie sprawling across the floor amid a cascade of straw, empty juice boxes, and sandwich crusts.
As Rarity looked on in shock, Sweetie struggled to her hooves. She looked at her blank flank for a moment, before letting out a mournful sigh.
Rarity looked at her sister in wonder. "What on earth are you doing in a box, mailed to the boutique?" She rolled her eyes as the realization hit her. "Trying to get your cutie mark?"
"It didn't work," Sweetie lamented. "And I really, really have to pee."
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Its a good thing the CMC didnt have a modern postal system, were cargo 747s can get half way round the planet in 24 hours.
Where did you send her?
Aunti somebody.
Aunti who?
Aunti Artica?
4026448
I seem to remember that there was a Shel Silverstein story where a kid got shipped off to "anywhere."
I figured Sweetie isn't dumb enough to be mailed just anywhere unless she's got a lot more food in her box, and the remaining CMC aren't mean enough to change the address on the package after Sweetie was sealed inside.
4026549
The CMC might not be mean enough.
Not exactly a follow up story.
And this is still only the 7th weirdest thing they've done trying to earn their cutie marks.
I can see what you were trying to do here, but it is a little unclear.
Missing the close quotation marks here.
Fantastic story by the way. I enjoyed it thoroughly, though the lack of connected blog post was sorely missed.
4028351
--clarified "But AK--" to "But AK Yearling does--"
--Added missing end quote
Thank you! There didn't seem to be quite enough behind-the-scenes to justify a blog post, so that's why I skipped it, but I might do one tonight that covers these last two stories and a third I'm going to publish tonight.
4028431
It was a little joke, because there doesn't seem to be enough in this story to merit a full blog post.
Common love interest name, uncommon binding material. Is that misspelled, or archaic?
4028619
Brads are small nails.
4028863 Thanks for the clarification. I suspected it might be an obscure word, but if it's not on the first page of Google it usually doesn't exist.
4028869
I guess I've never thought of the term as obscure. I learned about them so young I don't remember doing it, and most everybody I grew up with at least had a functional knowledge of different nail types...though I guess they don't really do wood shop any more, do they?
4028619
No, it's not misspelled; I'm just old. It's yet another way that we did things when I was in school that has gone by the wayside.
content.vcommerce.com/products/298/47596298/fullsize.jpg
4028914
4028869
Not the type of brad I was thinking of, but that's a good answer, and I assume the paper-fastening type of brads got their name from the nails, since they bear a resemblance to each other (although, to be honest, they look more like upholstery nails).
jovian.com.au/contents/media/Logan%20Brad%20Nails.JPG
brads
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/ba/Split_Pins.png
paper brads
ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31-aykY2aSL._SY300_.jpg
upholstery nails
I also once would have assumed that nearly everyone had a passing knowledge of constructions tools and equipment, but when I got to college and we went through the scene shop, nobody but me knew what all the tools were called, or, for that matter, what the difference between a crosscut saw and a hacksaw was, and I'll be the first to admit I'm not much of a woodworker.
4028935 So that's what they're called.
I've seen 'em before, heck many folders come with lightweight versions built in, but didn't know the name.
I know that feeling. Kids who've learned script in school are hard to come by these days!
4029261
Do you mean 'script' like cursive, or 'script' like Java Script?
4029365 Cursive. Programming, on the other hand, is making its way into the curriculum.
4029514
I can write in cursive. It was mandatory to learn, in fact.
We also did some programming in basic; I think that was in middle school. And there was a program with a little drawing triangle that could make geometric shapes--it might have been called LOBO. We also had Oregon Trail. I died of dysentery a lot.
im so sorry
i half expected sweetie to be dead at the end
does that make me a bad person?
kinda
oh well i should have known its rated for everyone
adorable fic man
4029597 Well, that's the point - it's gone out of style in (very) recent years to teach cursive. They've dropped it entirely in my area.
As to programming, I guess I just never went to the right schools. I didn't see any of it till high school - though computer *usage* skills were taught from very early on.
A commendable effort. Jolly good.
4029597
Close.
LOGO is the language you're thinking of.
And yeah, unfortunately, they really don't teach any practical hands-on stuff like wood shop, auto mechanics, etc. in most schools these days. Between fear of lawsuits on the one side, and the "everyone must go to college" mentality on the other, vocational courses have pretty much fallen by the wayside...
4028869
Google is not the sum repository of all knowledge and wisdom, Grasshopper. Embrace the ancient ways of the Dictionary and the Encyclopedia (and yield not to the false paths of the Wikipedia, which is the Schroedinger's Cat of information, both accurate and inaccurate depending on when it's observed), and attain Enlightenment within their pages.
4029747
No, it doesn't make you a bad person.
4029813
That's interesting; I wonder why? It's faster than printing, although I suppose touch typing is a more useful skill to have.
We just had the usage classes, and, like I mentioned before, a little bit of BASIC. (EDIT: and LOGO, but I don't remember that being useful for much more than drawing shapes.) That was it. My brother and I figured out the rest for ourselves, playing with our old TRS-80 and Apple IIe (both bought used).
4030480
Ah, yes. All I remember doing with it was having the triangle draw shapes. I'm not sure how that was supposed to be useful, in all honesty.
I think it depends on the district. My high school had an auto shop, and so does the local high school where I live now--and they also have a robotics class. It's been my experience that rural high schools have more vocational programs than urban high schools, although I only have three Michigan school districts to draw that experience from.
4030480
No, but it is hooked up to said repository.
I had forgot to include 'definition' in the search terms, yes (which would have brought up definitions from a number of dictionaries), but that leads to the 'nails' explanation again which would have still left me with the same uncertainty. A search engine's not the be-all end-all of quests for knowledge, but it's a pretty thorough tool when you know how to use it.
This is all very off-topic by now and any further replies should be PMed.
4030818
By itself, it isn't all that useful, really.
Mostly, it just helps introduce younger kids to programming concepts by giving them something easy and immediately understandable to work with -- "make this little 'turtle' thing draw a line / a triangle / a box" -- in an interpreted language that gives them immediate feedback as to what they're doing.
Ha! TRS-80 users, unite!
Did you have the Model I, or the Model III? (We had the original Model I; dad bought it when I was about 9 or 10. Cantankerous beast even at the best of times; everything had to be turned on in just the right order or it wouldn't boot, some peripherals wouldn't work with others, and if any of those half-dozen ribbon cables came loose while you were working...)
Never had an Apple II, though. My next computer was a Commodore VIC-20, and from there, the C=64. Oddly enough, I still have all three of them. :)
4031835
Model I. The disc drive cases would give us electric shocks sometimes, the monitor was a black-and-white TV with the tuning dials stripped out, and half the programs were on cassette tape. It was extremely sensitive to power fluctuations.
We upgraded to the Apple IIe when a good deal on a used computer came along, and in '92 or '93 had one of my friends build a 386 for us, complete with a 2400 baud modem and a hard drive. That was exciting.
When I went to college, I bought a used IBM PS2, which had a sweet NEC multisync monitor. One of the best CRTs I've ever had. It came with a HP Deskjet (no model number; it was the first deskjet, and printed about 1 page/minute). I also bought a used Compaq III portable for word-processing, and used that for nearly a decade. I still have it, but the keyboard's just about shot, and it can't be replaced.
Upgraded in '05 to another Compaq that I got at Sam's club--that was my first computer with an optical drive. I wore that sucker out last year (bluescreen on startup), and got a Gateway from Best Buy, and splurged on a Razer Anansi keyboard, in the hopes that it would take me longer to break than most of the other keyboards I've had. I will note that in less than a year, I've worn some of the texture off the space bar.
4031896
Huh. I don't recall ever being shocked by the disc drives on the Model I, but then again, we didn't buy the "stock" drives from Radio Shack; Dad brought home some equivalent drives from a vendor his company worked with at the time. (This was back when companies would fall all over themselves to give you engineering samples of just about anything if they thought there was the possibility of an aerospace contract.)
I had the 1541 disk drives for the Commodore VIC-20 and C=64, and it was about as slow as loading things off cassette.
The printer was one of the Okidata color printers that used this funky four-color ribbon. Printing a single full-color page could take half an hour, easily, because it had to go over each line four times to lay down all four colors on top of each other. 
First actual IBM-clone PC was a Zenith Z-130 "suitcase" portable, acquired around 1989, which served me well (or at least tolerably) for several years until I scraped together enough spare change to build a 486-based system out of whatever parts I could scrounge at the local swapmeets.
And now that we've veered so far off-topic that we'll need a GPS to find our way back...
Not sure what "Cities Mark Crusaders" are.
Are they playing SimCity? Tell them not to, it was terrible.
4032727
Dumb autocorrect.
Perfect story.
Well not really, but I call all of my favorite stories perfect sometimes.
4037423
Thanks!
Seems like both a typical childish misinterpretation and a crazy stunt typical of the CMC. Bravo, my friend.
They set up and executed a plan that would supposedly earn them a mark of maturity, yet on some level they still understood enough to stay out of sight. Dumb little rascals.
I am quietly in awe of how well you do "fun" in such a complete and satisfying way in a short format. I have not mastered the skill of "less is more," but then again that gives me an excuse to do more 'research.'
4435514
For me, it's mid-length where I have a problem. Seems like I can easily write 1-2k, under 10 isn't so bad . . . and then the next step is 150k or longer.
4435614 More than 50-60K scares me, frankly. I don't know how anyone juggles all the details needed for a story that long.
I'm actually seriously considering getting Scrivener to try it out an see if it helps me.
4436086
Yeah, me neither.
4033785
i3.kym-cdn.com/profiles/icons/big/000/025/743/artworks-000011428731-ng4kxb-crop.jpeg
4030733
Really? Cause I rather think it does old boy.
5100789
Gimmie another chapter of Thunder Struck.
...
...
inb4 Ibecome a stalker...
5275904
Heh, Ah'm sorry. I'm just so lazy. T.T
5279002
*gives you a hug*
pre00.deviantart.net/37d6/th/pre/i/2015/238/f/7/box_2_by_hillbe-d97asot.jpg
forgot Derpy?
8695914
Well, how are they supposed to know that? They're just silly fillies.
8696591
It's probably just as well. I mean, we all saw how Cutie Mark Crusader--Matchmakers went.
i.ytimg.com/vi/HYs1O4Bi808/maxresdefault.jpg
11676977
Huh, I didn't know there was a reading of it. Thanks for posting the link!
11679410
They're like that, sorry
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!
Greetings. Your reading has been completed and can be found below. I hope you enjoy.