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Admiral Biscuit


The hard life pegasus among stupid bipedal cornstalk


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After coming to Ponyville, Twilight has had to adjust to life at the slower pace of Earth Ponies. She's learned how to be competitive in the Running of the Leaves, and she's learned how to coordinate the Winter Wrap-Up without using her magic. Can she master the art of gardening in time to grow an award-winning crop for the Harvest Festival?

Now with a review!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 52 )

Silly, Twilight. You can't eat eggplants raw.

Twilight unconsciously kept the biggest seeds for the tests which seemed the most promising: she wrongly assumed that a bigger seed would yield a bigger plant.

That's not proper experimental protocol at all, Twilight! :raritydespair:

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In the show, she does seem hit-or-miss on the proper experimental process. Where was the control in Feeling Pinkie Keen? Maybe ponies haven't fully discovered the scientific method yet.

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Yeah, she's more of a science fanfilly than an actual scientist, really.
That's kind of a scary thought, actually, if ponies can have ca.1940s-level technology without even knowing about the scientific method. Imagine what they'd be able to do once they do figure it out! :twilightoops:

Breaded and fried, eggplant is delicious.

Hah! This was quite enjoyable, well in character for Twilight and others. :twilightsmile:

About her scientific skills, I chalk a lot of it up to the show being aimed primarily at children. (And in Feeling Pinkie Keen, the moral was all about Twilight letting her preconceptions and prejudices blind her, and being a bad scientist as a result.)

For something labelled with just the comedy tag, there were very scarce laughs in here. Actually, no laughs, just a few snickers. It's technically a comedy in that it skewers a normal situation in a comical manner, but perhaps adding the [slice of life] tag would be a good idea. It's more slice-of-life than comedy anyway.

Poor Twilight. It is fun tormenting characters, though.

MLP fanfic stories are filled with a boatload of stories with hay fries and very few with eggplant parmesan, which I'm sure civilized ponies would eat if they tried it. There's an Italian restaurant in my town that does the best eggplant lasagna... :rainbowkiss:

“Knowledge is knowing that a tomato an eggplant is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing that it doesn't belong in a fruit salad.” — Miles Kington (slightly modified)

3824823 Noting wrong with that.

Oh Twilight, you never fail to amuse.

I do love me some Twilight Science shenanigans. This story is criminally underrated. Criminally. That is all.

Of course her biggest mistake was realizing that an eggplant is both a fruit (in the botanical sense, as in the seed bearing part of a plant) and a vegetable (in the gastronomical sense, as in it doesn't belong in a fruit salad).

Nice story, though.

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I've never met an eggplant dish I liked yet, to be honest.

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I added the slice-of-life tag. You're right, it's appropriate for the story.

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I think [incoming headcanon] that the ponies are in the nebulous era between proper scientific research and an earlier try-it-and-see model.

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At least there weren't any centipedes.

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I've been disappointed with the lack of cuisine in most stories. How hard would it be for an author to get a vegetarian cookbook?

3824823
Dungeons and Dragons stats explained with a tomato (which is how the idea came to me):

Strength is being able to crush a tomato.
Dexterity is being able to dodge a tomato.
Constitution is being able to eat a bad tomato.
Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad.
Charisma is being able to sell a tomato based fruit salad.

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In Onto the Pony Planet, I have a short bit where Twilight is getting frustrated in a kitchen, because the chef is presenting food items by their classification by chef, rather than their biological classification.

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Well, the Seattle's Angel's review gave it a bit of a boost.:pinkiehappy:

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It's not the only food that's classified wrong for cooking purposes. Wikipedia has a long list of things that are called vegetables which really aren't.

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There was actually a court case at some point where someone tried to claim that tomatoes should fall under vegetable regulations (taxes, tariffs, something like that) and the court's ruling basically boiled down to a couple dictionary quotes and "Nice try, smart-ass." (I don't have the cite handy, but it shouldn't be too hard to Google.)

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There's all sorts of weird stuff in case law. The reason that a PT Cruiser can have tinted rear windows from the factory and a Dodge Charger can't goes back to a chicken tariff in the sixties, and nobody's bothered to change the law.

In 1887, U.S. tariff laws that imposed a duty on vegetables, but not on fruits, caused the tomato's status to become a matter of legal importance. The U.S. Supreme Court settled this controversy on 10 May 1893, by declaring that the tomato is a vegetable. (Nix v. Hedden (149 U.S. 304))

Eeww... Many will no doubt disagree, but in my own little world eggplant, zucchini, and other summer squash, are just cellulose inflated with water--nature's answer to Styrofoam. They have no use but to take up space. :rainbowlaugh::facehoof:

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I'm with you on that one. My dad always planted zucchini, since it grows no matter what, and pests won't touch it. One year, it cross-pollinated the cucumbers, so they tasted like zucchini, too.

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In my experience eggplant does best when it is in a dish with other things, like a stew. Eggplant tempura is also pretty good.

The scientific method is essentially a refinement of Platonic philosophy, so maybe the ponies haven't had their own version of the ancient gadfly yet.

My personal theory is that Twilight is more of a polymath and bibliophile and less of a rigorous researcher. She is very good at learning things other people have already discovered and less good at finding things out for herself.

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My personal theory is that Twilight is more of a polymath and bibliophile and less of a rigorous researcher. She is very good at learning things other people have already discovered and less good at finding things out for herself.

Ya know, I never thought about that, but thinking about it, she gave up on figuring out Pinkie Sense, and the only new thing I can recall she's ever done is finish Starswirl's spell. Many of the other unique spells she's used came from a book: she specifically mentioned this before the pony-to-breezie spell, as well as Rarity's 'glimmerwings' spell.

Also, I'm pretty sure in Celestia Sleeps In, one of the characters (probably Luna) actually referred to Twilight as a 'polymath.'

Very interesting writing style there... short, sharp one-liner paragraphs sandwiched in between to ease out the longer stretches. The characters feel slightly floppy though, like they aren't speaking and moving with enough vigor. I kind of expected a twist where the control eggplants she just left in her garden without any care would end up giving her gigantic prize-winning fruits, hmm.

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Very interesting writing style there... short, sharp one-liner paragraphs sandwiched in between to ease out the longer stretches.

I'm glad you noticed that; nobody else seemed to.

I kind of expected a twist where the control eggplants she just left in her garden without any care would end up giving her gigantic prize-winning fruits, hmm.

That would have been a funny twist....

The characters feel slightly floppy though, like they aren't speaking and moving with enough vigor

Are you thinking that I should have used more action tags to go along with the dialogue, or was the dialogue itself flat and uninspired?

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I feel it’s a mixture of both. More action or movement would definitely spice things up, especially during that long stretch of dialogue at the carnival. I think it would be good to actually slow down for a while there and describe something, or have some sort of action sequence that’s substantial enough to balance out the dialogue. That conversation is slightly too lengthy as it is, so it gives me the feel of a “static” scene, or “talking heads” among characters. If a conversation is to be of the standalone type, it either needs to punchy enough such that interrupting it would dramatically break its flow, or short enough such that you would not risk losing the reader. An example for the first type could be a high tension argument, and an example of the second type would be just a short joke cracked between two characters, a bit like what you got there between AJ and RD, before Twilight interrupts.

I find that short stories mostly from the SoL genre need to depend heavily on characterization to drive itself forward, because there isn’t enough space to develop and build up a convoluted, intricate plot, so the emphasis is really placed on the characters themselves. That’s just my opinion though :)

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Alright, that's fair. I can see where I could have put in some worldbuilding--them passing a certain booth, perhaps, or Twilight or AJ actually getting a deep-fried caramel apple. Or even just an incidental meetup with a group of ponies.

That was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed Twilight's characterization. Thumbs up.

4765100
I presume that's the anti-Luigi? Has he got a thing for eggplants?

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I feel the urge to write a one-shot crackfic where Waluigi goes to Equestria, mistakes Twilight for an eggplant, and eats her.

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:rainbowlaugh: Should have Wario come with him and mistake Fluttershy for garlic.

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Nosflutteratu and later the Bats! episode have firmly established that Fluttershy is, indeed, a vampire; therefore, she's the antithesis to garlic.

4815525

Which would make Wario's bite toxic to her. :rainbowlaugh:

So, I take ut that without earth pony magic in her, Twilight won't stand a chance in the contest? Fruit or not.

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Nopony can compete with Big Mac's giant cucumber.

4857255
Wish I knew what a cucumber is... hard to get things translated on a phone... Neverless, it sure is not easy to compete.

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pngimg.com/upload/cucumber_PNG2049.png
Besides its normal use sliced in salads and on some sandwiches, it's also what pickles are normally made out of.

Also, in America at least, it's sometimes used to refer to a penis (which is the joke).

4857300
There was a joke? Hm... not that funny. And thanks for the information.

4857334

There was a joke? Hm... not that funny.

It was meant to be a subtle nod to the headcanon that Big Mac is well-endowed.:eeyup:

4857352
I need to figure out how to get something like Google Translate to work well on my phone... I have no clue what well-endowed means.

4857376
Has a bigger than average penis.

Comment posted by Fareseed deleted Aug 16th, 2014

4857395
...how did I not put that togheter...

A bit rough for Twilight, you'd think some pony would praise her for trying her best even if she didn't win, only Rainbow seemed to have her corner at all. Applejack seemed down right Tribalist.

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They were all too busy laughing at the idea of a unicorn growing crops.:rainbowlaugh:

I'm sure AJ would be appropriately sympathetic. She'd know right from the get-go that Twilight won't win.

She had also examined other things that were arranged in a matrix, and realized that Bingo had a free space in the center, which worked well for her purposes.

Even Rarity’d have a better chance, ‘cause Magnum’s an earth pony.

I must confess I didn't get these bits.

...and a small treatise on the history of plumbing in Equestrian society...

I actually have a book on the history of plumbing. it's genuinely facinating.

She quickly found Applejack and Rainbow Dash...

Quite a shock, I don't usually find any proofreading errors in your stuff.

>> Fareseed

Nopony can compete with Big Mac's giant cucumber.

Here's me thinking you were an intellectual, and all this time it turns out you're a man of the people.:ajsmug:

Faved and thumbed.
Loved Twilight.
The fave, however is for capturing AJs voice and affect.

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She had also examined other things that were arranged in a matrix, and realized that Bingo had a free space in the center, which worked well for her purposes.

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Even Rarity’d have a better chance, ‘cause Magnum’s an earth pony.

At the time this was written, it was assumed that Rarity's dad was an earth pony, which would make her half earth pony, and thus (presumably) make her more adept at growing things. We now know that he isn't, but then again, now he's named Hondo Flanks, too.

I've always assumed that what sets earth ponies apart from unicorns and pegasi (and why they can fit in as equals even though they can't cast magic and can't fly) is that they're very good at growing things, building things, and overall strength and endurance. Rarity has the latter two traits in canon, so it made sense to me that she's biologically a half-breed.

I actually have a book on the history of plumbing. it's genuinely fascinating.

It is. I read all sorts of stuff like that. Not so much on plumbing (although perhaps I should), but lots of other subjects.

Quite a shock, I don't usually find any proofreading errors in your stuff.

I've got a few very good pre-readers/editors, who generally only miss stuff if I add it in at the last minute. This story was published long before they came onboard.

Here's me thinking you were an intellectual, and all this time it turns out you're a man of the people.:ajsmug:

Wait until you get to Celestia Sleeps in with a Vengeance.

The fave, however is for capturing AJs voice and affect.

Thank you!

Botanically speaking, a fruit is a seed-bearing structure that develops from the ovary of a flowering plant, whereas vegetables are all other plant parts, such as roots, leaves and stems. By those standards, seedy outgrowths such as apples, squash and, yes, tomatoes are all fruits, while roots such as beets, potatoes and turnips, leaves such as spinach, kale and lettuce, and stems such as celery and broccoli are all vegetables.

The outlook is quite different in culinary terms, however. A lot of foods that are (botanically speaking) fruits, but which are savory rather than sweet, are typically considered vegetables by chefs. This includes such botanical fruits as eggplants, bell peppers and tomatoes.

The fruit vs. vegetable debate can sometimes reach such a fever pitch that the law must step in.  In the 1893 United States Supreme Court case Nix. v. Hedden, the court rule unanimously that an imported tomato should be taxed as a vegetable, rather than as a (less taxed) fruit. The court acknowledged that a tomato is a botanical fruit, but went with what they called the "ordinary" definitions of fruit and vegetable — the ones used in the kitchen. 

I actually raised eggplants one year, out of curiosity. The only interesting thing about them is the thorn-like cap where the stem meets the fruit. It makes the plant look like something from a time when dinosaurs roamed the earth.
I raised several generations of squash (curcubita pepo) too, and found that the one species includes a huge variety of cultivars. They'll cross-breed with each other, too. I had digital-camo squash before I gave up that game.

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Eggplants are kind of cool, although I don't know many things that can be made from them that I like. Then again, I've never tried a fruit salad with raw eggplant in it, so maybe I shouldn't bash them until I've done that.

When I was younger, my dad learned that zucchini and cucumbers could cross-pollinate. That was a terrible surprise: all our cucumbers tasted like zucchini.

I don't like to eat eggplants, don't like to look at them, they even feel weird. They even have a weird name here, what kind of vegetable is "Aubergine". Not to mention my grocery budget crumbles at the thought of them.

Their use as an emoji is sublime though :trixieshiftright:

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