Shipping 💖11,669 stories ·9,739 members
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The Twinkie Pie Group171 stories ·538 members
Twilight has a hypothesis that she's willing to test, and Pinkie has treats she's willing to deliver.
When the two of them realize that their feelings align, the pair must decide what comes after the textbook jump into romance.
I guess I should mention here, before the story, that this will not turn into a clopfic. I Pinkie Promise. Let the burrito assuage your fears and just enjoy the Twinkie's sweetness.
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All these shipping stories, if not already,
are becoming very ... Textbook.
They all follow the same guidelines
and they are all well... boring.
Like a textbook.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
I'm not a huge Twinkie fan but this was actually quite sweet. Tracking!
not bad i must say
i guess this is your second or third type of shipping story?
one can never have enough TwiPie fanfics. Especially well written ones like this. tracked faved and thumbs up
359143 The same could be said of any type of story in any medium. When you boil everything down, obviously you're going to get a lot of very similar stories at their core. It's execution, variation, and combination that make stories worth reading. If you don't want to read shipfics, don't read shipfics, but don't get presumptuous because you'd rather read something else.
BSB is at it again. Like a boss. No! Like a HOSS.
This was... oh my gosh that was just so adorable and touching! Good times and sweetness.
359143
and you alway leave a comment like that (fill with hate)
Twinkie, so much delicious Twinkie.
MMMMmmmmmm
OH, how spoiled I feel. Sitting here in this chair, with a nice helping of Twinkies. BUT OH, are they good. I just keep getting more! We've been getting so many Twinkie's lately. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THOUGH. Great to seem them, really. These things are amazing.
359443 ahh.... yay?
359211
Thanks for reading.
Thank you for reading; I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Glad you liked it. I hope it'll continue to suit your fancy.
Twinkie is a great ship. It's all magic and cupcakes.
359274
Why thank you. I'm not sure what you mean by type, but I suppose you could say that I've written one "traditional" ship fic that began with a dramatic get together and progressed to near-clop levels (that one cannot be found anywhere), a fluff piece or snapshot fic, a one-shot goofy get together fic, and then this one which will be more along the lines of interpersonal interaction including the entire Mane Six. So I guess you could say that this is my fourth type.
359280
I agree completely. TwiPie is so neglected it's tragic.
359378
What can I say? I'm obsessed.
359443
Yes. There has been so much delicious Twinkie lately. So much delicious Twinkie.
359395
Hate?
Uhhhm no.
I may seem harsh sometimes but i never hate.
Its either trolling or being a bit exaggerated with my
opinion. Its what i do.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
359343
To me that sounds like a designer trying to sell two different suits, the only difference
is one has a Bow tie and the other doesn't.
Its different but for ME I think it doesn't make a difference.
They are both suits that i want, ill take either one, but if I
want to buy something else and its another suit, it gets a bit redundant.
I don't hate ship fics, im subscribed to a shipping group! I never once
said i didn't want to read it, i was simply pointing out that im finding
all of these stories a bit similar. They are drying out, so to speak.
But that's just me, I wasn't speaking for a general audience. I was speaking
for myself. I love Twinkie Shipping, one of my favorites, i just wish for less of the
Checklist like flow they have to them; or at least that's how i think they feel.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
359957
"To me that sounds like a designer trying to sell two different suits, the only difference
is one has a Bow tie and the other doesn't."
It's more like two suits that are differently coloured, of different cuts, and made for different occasions. It's redundant if you just want a suit. They're both suits. If you go beyond the most basic purpose, however, each suit is vibrant and different, and easily appreciable on their own for their separate merits. Lumped into a group, though, they remain just two more suits in the pile.
As for the checklist type feel, that's present in a lot of writing (especially romance). Like I said, we follow the same basic plot structures but it's the embellishment that really matters. There are some notable exceptions, though.
I thought this story was cute, but pinkies dialogue seemed off sometimes, like she'd say I am instead of I'm, which isn't really her if you know what I mean.
Excellent work so far and I'm really interested in where this going.
Too many fics end right when the relationship is starting, which works fine for some pieces but I feel more Ship Fics should focus on the ups and downs of a pairing's love life. Really explore how the characters would deal with this sort of thing. In one of Donny boy's works it describes an entirety of a relationship in a blink of time "There is yelling, and there is crying, and there is laughing. There is fighting and making up and hanging on and letting go--and, above all, there is love." it's a really great example of how Love isn't all a bed of roses and that a lot of conflict is internal as well as external.
in short:
Upvote, and tracking.
360320
Whoops. I'll fix that right up. Sometimes I wax a little too formal, and Pinkie doesn't like it.
361081
I agree. I think I've said before that I'm not particularly interested in writing shipfics that are primarily the get together story because I don't feel like I have much to offer there that hasn't already been done a thousand times over. What I am interested in and what I have a good portion of ideas for is the actual relationship and the dynamics that work and don't work. And Donny Boy is one of my favorites.
Thank you for reading.
359957
I can understand where you are coming from completely.
However, what I am attempting to accomplish here is something different from what I've normally written and seen which takes place after the getting together. I see this chapter as a sort of necessary evil before getting to the meat of the story; yes, it's cliche, but it's important for allowing the reader to get where they need to be before I can start mixing it up. I actually made fun of this part a bit in the description by calling it a "textbook jump into romance" which is where I'm assuming your original statement came from. I'm sorry if I'm adding to the tedium of predictable shipfics, but I am hoping to make it a more interesting in the chapters to come.
Regardless of whether you decide to keep reading or not, thank you for reading this chapter and giving your input.
361256
Mmm..
Alright then.
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
Underrated ship FOR THE WIN!!
I'm liking where this is going! That and I adore Twipie....it really needs more love!! TRACKED!
Very cute. Normally I would give a detailed explanation of what I liked and disliked, but no time for that right now.
I will say, however, that I feel you go a bit Purple at times. The prose is heavy, which is fine for the introduction to set the mood, but it doesn't lighten up at all. There's a bit too much detail, which disrupts the "flow" of the story somewhat.
But that's all for now. Still going to track it :).
369518
That's a bit of a problem of mine that I need to keep a closer eye on. Thanks for mentioning it, I'll try to keep it in check.
I dunno-- I think this was pretty solid all through. Only arguable weak point was the Spike-Twilight conversation, and that's just because it was very heavily back-and-forth with minimal reactions.
MAOR! i am now tracking this love it
379380
That was my biggest issue. Spike needs a bit more something because he's pretty flat as of right now.
Thanks for the feedback.
It wasn't bad, I have to admit. Very enjoyable, and quite cute.
You seem to have a really good handle on the voices of the individual characters. I don't think there needs to be a lot of narration in conversations when the author writes them so well that you can distinguish between the two just by the way something is said.
I can't see anything to criticize here. Very cute, loving the story so far!
This fic needs more views - once again a cute, enjoyable and promising story from yourself.
YES. Great chapter! I espeially love Rarity's reaction; far too often she's portrayed as the homophobe, when I see her as somepony who dearly, sincerly believes in true love and would never, ever take that away from somepony or dismiss it as "ridiculous" when it's so much more than that. That's part of the reason why she's my 2nd favorite pony, along with Pinkie, with twilight at the top. But i digress.
I also applaud for not having any of the ponies be the generic homophobes(I just can't see any of them to be like that) nor have the generic everypony accepts it right away(which I have guiltily used in a shipping fic I willl never, ever upload to this site) but instead went with the far better "the friends just don't see it working and don't want either of them to get hurt" which is more realistic, more in character, and a better source of conflict. Though Rainbow? I'm guessing has a crush on one of them, at least that's the vibe I got from her, and I hope it's Twilight, cause I hate RainbowPie, though judging by the fact Rainbow glances at Pinkie before flying, I think that's what you're going for, unless t's an angry jealous glance I don't know, AJ's definitely the type of pony to see the "practical" side of things rather than the emotional. the one thing that bugs me about shipping fics is that the one constant in all coming out scenes is Fluttershy always accepting it. I've even seen Twilight be against it once(though from a different reason than homophobia) and Pinkie's been jealous. Fluttershy though? She's always A-OK with it. now having her be the one against it would be a shocking swerve. But that has little to do with your fic.
One last note, and this maybe my paranoid, crazy shipping goggles, but am I seeing something there between Fluttershy and Rarity? i hope so, because I love that ship and it is dreadfully underrated. But enough of my wild tangents, basically, good chapter!
Oh, forgot to mention nice Twipie interaction. from twilight being nervous/confident(confidenervous?) and Pinkie always being supportive, Spike being the little bro who gags at it, the two being happy, the two comforting each other, telling each other why they love each other(sucker for those scenes). But I especially like the callback to Putting Your Hoof Down. Maybe it's because I've written a fic based on that ep, but I love callbacks to it, and I recall Donny's Boy saying that that day of being called frivolous and pointless would affect Pinkie forever and I totally agree. It deepens Pinkie's and Fluttershy's characters.
419840
Huh. Rarity was always the last pony I would think was a homophobe; she always came across as a classic romantic to me. (She is fabulous pony.)
All will be revealed in time. Including a little something else in mind with Fluttershy. But I've already said too much.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I'm really looking forward to next few.
419906
I know! But apparently being upper-class automatically makes you a homophobic. Can't wait for the next chapters! You've become the premier Twipie author, rivaled only by Donny's Boy.
Awww man. I like Flarity. I was hoping they would get together. I figured that's what all the spa dates were.
419925
Being compaired to Donny's Boy? The man's a brilliant wordsmith, and his TwiPie is in a whole different level of amazing. I'm just glad I can pound out a few good phrases every now and again. 
That's very odd.
Oop. Just saw your little add on on the first comment. I love writing mushy stuff, which is very apparent, and I try to do my best to be fair not to let one person or pony have more of an upper hand/hoof in the relationship. But oh man, Putting Your Hoof Down, while an excellent episode, hurts me to watch because that's some serious stuff being said. I wrote an analysis on it when it came out, so obviously I put way more thought into it than I should have, but I think it's important to keep in mind.
419989
We won't know until the end.
419989
Rarity's and Fluttershy's invitation to the spa sounds awfully like a double date to me.... But my shipping goggles may be tricking me. They do that often.
419996
True, but so are yours. Alliteration, for example, was a clever and original tale, deeper than it first appears(loved the little line about the sadness in Pinkie's eyes for example), and tastefully saucy.
420032
Shipping goggles are the best goggles.
Oh Alliteration. I will always have you to thank for opening the door into the TwiPie community. And I will always remember you as the story I wrote that frightened people into thinking I had tricked them into reading a clopfic.
You're flattering me, sir.
If I didn't know any better, I'd almost think Dash was... jealous
And I'll join the Flarity/Rarishy prediction bandwagon here. x:
419840
actually there is a fic where flutterhy is not A-OK with it from the beginning and is one of the mare 6 which needs the most time to accepts it.
granted she is not against this. she is just confused of the why and how and it's not a mayor part of the Plot.
Actually i can't see Fluttershy being against this love, or if she is she would never ... admit to it.
Huh that’s actually a good Story idea. Two of Fluttershy friends start a relationship, she is against it but to nice to say anything against it, and then the Story follows Fluttershy and how she comes in terms with that.
To bad I'm a bad writer
damn i think my shipping-googles are broken because i haven’t seen the Rarishy
, but noticed that Rainbow has ulterior motives to be against that Relationship
Nice chapter! By far the best TwiPie i've ever read.
Ah, Rarity. Forever being the open minded one of the situation.
Good chapter!
Shame on you two!
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks there is so much more to Pinkie than being a party pony. I've always imagined her as the type to put on that giggly, happy persona in front of everyone while bottling up all of her true emotions. Like being "just Pinkie". Really well done there.
428407
What fun would just party Pinkie be?
Nah, I really think that there's a lot more to Pinkie than meets the eye, and maybe I tend to read far too much into her character but she's always fascinated me. What is going on your pink little head?
I'm glad you're enjoying.
Excellent chapter, great job.
A male Smarty Pants? What a twist!
Still a cute, sweet Twinkie story.
445715
Oh dang! He's totally a she isn't she?
Whoops!
445813
That's what my Macinpants story is built on ^.^
Just to point out? Pinkie has an apartment above Sugarcube Corner. :)
I can't tell you how much I love this story. There's not enough Twinkie on this site!
+ 
= 
!!!
It's simple math!
446166
) she lives there.
She lives in the cupcake, yeah. But in Read It and Weep she's in a completely different house. So for the express purpose of this narrative (and the fact that A Friend in Deed's opening completely slipped my mind
446078
I went back and fixed it. Boy howdy am I making stupid mistakes lately.
419840
Not that I agree with the view - I agree with your assessment that Rarity is a romantic who would never frown on anypony's love - but I think Rarity gets the "homophobe" role not because of her upper-class attitude, but simply because she is the only member of the Mane Six that has canonically expressed interest in stallions. Because she is the one pony who cannot be gay (though she can certainly be bisexual), she gets chosen to be the dissenting voice.
As for Fluttershy... the objection isn't due to orientation, but Fluttershy is the last pony to come around to her friend coming out in Thunder and Lightning. As an interesting aside, it has a Rarity that, while not exactly homophobic, doesn't understand being gay and has some stereotypical preconceptions.
446430
Yeah, that makes sense. And that interpretation of Rarity(not understanding it and having sterotypical views unintentionally) is better, and is one I'd like to see on other ponies(AJ or Twilight, being more sheltered/practical, for example) but I'm glad we both agree that Rarity is a diehard romantic.