~3rd Place Everfree Northwest Writing Contest Winner~
Sombra has been sentenced to "The Pit", one of Tartarus' pony prisons. In the underworld, it's hard to care for anypony other then yourself. Sombra is no different, looking only after himself, longing to return to the overworld and regain his throne in the empire. Events transpire however... changing Sombra. When introduced to an unusual thing, he begins to feel his heart softened as it was many years ago.
Though in Tartarus, friendship does not last forever, and the more you try and remember it... the more you forget it.
Thanks to the following awesome users for Pre-reading!
Surry
LevelHeadedBrony
GrayStorm
Night Spark
Zealous
Biker_Dash and my amazing girlfriend, Ensemble.
Chapters (1)
You're welcome. It was very well written and my evening was that much better for reading it. This story should do well at EFNW.
4018695 I thank you for those kind words!
4018704 Honest words. I do not give false praise. You have earned it.
Pretty darn good if you ask me!!
4019194 Thank you!
I gotta read your newest 'voices' chapter before I can read your EFNW story
But I'll read both tonight and message you as soon as I do!
4019303 I think we both got a pretty good shot!!
Well, if you're willing to write it, and I read it, I might as well comment on it eh?
I'll go for something of a running commentary style so, my apologies if it's a little long
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Setting wise, the depiction of Tartarus's ominous permeation is excellent, love it. It has that weighty atmosphere of vapours in the miasma that I adore. It really does feel reminiscent (rather than derivative) of Satan's trudge over the brimstone shores in Paradise Lost which, I think, simply works.
The secondary characters work nicely too. They don't feel there to pad out a cast and they don't overshadow Sombra's tale either. (f Ventus's name relates to him never being quiet, well, I adore that
)
Now to Sombra himself. I'll readily admit, he's one of my least favourite characters in the series with one of my favourite ideas. You built upon that concept wonderfully, expanded it out, and really made it work in a terrific manner. The idea of him not being some being tantamount to, say Sauron, but merely as an exemplar carries his personality farther by being both defiant and yet vulnerable. It exposes his weaknesses and turns them rather than sugar-coating or dramatically changing his personality. It's not the external conflict, or some presupposed hidden niceness, but the internal vulnerability, and it makes him a far stronger character for it!
The story itself is insidious and overall one of the best plots I think I've seen in a long time. The shift in time from the perceptible to the imperceptible is fitting and the slow change in attitudes and moods works wonders for me. The ending makes me wonder about the potential connotations around what it could mean really mean and some of the messages within it.
In the end, if you can come out with a positive comparison to Milton's Paradise lost, it's worth a watch and favourite. So excellent job mate
You may have actually turned my opinion on Sombra too. I don't know what the 'competition' will be like but you've got a marvellous story! Très bien! Many thanks for making it and putting it up.
Think I'll have a peek at that trilogy now.
4019775 wow!
I am so happy reading this! I'll admit I was a little nervous about this story, and I'm glad you received it so well! You felt everything I wanted to convey, and that right there makes me feel like I have wrote a successful story! Thank you so much! 
If you begin The Spirits of Equestria I feel I should mention it was my first story so my writing may not be excellent... But my future chapters will be improved as I have learned a lot about writing these past few months! The other two stories in the trilogy will come out over the next few months! Thanks again for the fav, watch, and comment
I hope I continue to entertain!
4020143
You're quite welcome! And you certainly deserve it as I mean every word.
Looking forward to seeing what happens and how it'll work too. Don't worry about little variations getting better is always a great sign and I know for a fact that even over the period of a short project you'll see literary changes and improvements by the end. It's a nagging worry for most writers of course, but I guess that little bit of fear is helpful to remind us not to get complacent eh? At least that's what it does for me, I'm usually struck dumb before hitting that 'publish' button
.
Anyway, trust you shall and thanks again for putting the story up for us!.
Holy shit. The potential behind this story is enormous. The writing and the theme is heartfelt and impeccable.
You have created something amazing here Tidal. My god.
4023722 FaleYur your words make me feel so good about my writing
Thank you so much! I feel excited, and I think that this story has a chance to do well at Everfree! I always look forward to seeing your comments, thank you again
Other than maybe going over the word limit of the competition a little bit, I would say, you did well with this story!
It was a satisfactory read, and though I have to get up early in the morning, I really didn't mind adding this story to the list of things to do. The mystery of what and how everything seemed to tie in well with Sombra's reflection. Even though we knew dang well the jist of what was going to happen to Sombra's cellmate, it was still a bit of a surprise within the flow of the story, just as it had been for Sombra.
Strange though, the irony of it all. The only thing I grate on is Sombra mentioning lost love and denied friendship. I have this burning question of why, even if in brief, was it denied to him? Had Sombra elaborated just slightly on this, it would give a greater sense of empathy, as while I suspect it may have been a petty reason for the first and a strange twist the second, it still leaves much to be wondered.
And then he mentions Celestia, perhaps the mare from his dreams, when supposedly he has forgotten the connection between her and her form. Seemed weird, though I hardly noticed it my first read-through.
Overall, good story, I can see that much can be spun off from this "beginning of the end in the end" tale.
4031773 Oh wow! I appreciate you taking the time to read my story!
I understand your points, and I wish I could've elaborated a bit more on the lost love but I had already gone over the word count and am worried that the story could get rejected for it...
I am glad however that you made mention to the pony in his dreams... It is not celestia, but somepony else, a pony he loved, and lost many many years ago. It ties into my plans for my other main project 'Spirits' which is about multitudes of different spirits returning after years of being absent and the worlds reaction to it... Key words in the description I gave the pony in his dreams was "white coat and mane" and "blind"... That's who she is.
Thanks again for reading and sharing your opinion! I really appreciate it
4031895
Ah, I probably understood that my first read-through, and after finishing the story and going back over it, I must have made the false connection.
It may be a little late in some regard, but since we already know how Sombra could be defeated, maybe the introduction regarding how he was defeated might could have been shortened to make room for it.
I dunno. I do see the story you referenced, Spirits, and just by the short description I can see how this might have a nod or two to that story.
4032102Yeah your right... why didn't I think of that!... darn that word count!
Snowdrop isn't a random ship I created.... There's a whole reason behind it all!
In the future it will play a HUGE role in my 'Spirits Trilogy' since in the final story since it takes place mostly in Tartarus...
I'm excited for the tie in, but I only hope my spirits story gets some more attention by that point. Since I'm improving my writing and storytelling I hope to attract more readers!
Thanks again for your feedback
Hope if you ever come across any other of my stories you enjoy them as well!
Very interesting story, I quite like it! Has some room for improvement, but most enjoyable.
I am curious though. Is the unicorn who says he's Sombra's friend at the end Ventus? I assume it is since he does say he's Sombra's friend, I'm just curious to know how he recovered.
4038953 no it is not Ventus, I should have elaborated on Ventus' coat color which I envisioned to be Green, and the pony at the end was purple. There was just a work count for the contest
Thanks for reading and enjoying! This story ties in to my 'spirits' series which will fill up all loose ends and questions, but that won't be for a while. Thanks again
I thought I gave this one a fav. already, guess I was wrong.
4039158 4039158 i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--WGOaEkU7--/18sr3bm1ebxrlgif.gif
5647280
YOU DID THE THING
This was beautiful in a tragic and unforgetful way.
You, my friend, have earned yourself a favorite.