When Scootaloo woke up in the morning, stretched out her hooves, let out an earth-shaking yawn, and fluttered her tiny wings, she quickly realized that today was going to suck. It wasn’t just the fact that her dead parents were dead and were never coming back—because they were dead—and it wasn’t just because her fragile, underdeveloped wings were never going to grow large enough to support her own weight, and it certainly wasn’t just because her personal hero, Rainbow Dash, was actually a huge douche. No, today was going to suck because, as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, she realized she was out of orange juice.
Throwing the soggy newspaper off her chest, Scootaloo rolled out of the cardboard box and nudged the empty orange juice container. It tipped over. She sighed.
“Mooooooooooom! We’re out of orange juice!”
"There's more in the fridge, sweetheart," called Scootaloo's mother from the other room. There was a pause before she said, "You're not still sleeping in that cardboard box, are you?"
Scootaloo glanced over at the cardboard box she had been still sleeping in.
"No."
"Good. I swear, I don't know why you insist on pretending to be an orphan."
Scootaloo pretended not to hear that and instead decided to lament her long-dead parents by laying some moldy flowers over a makeshift grave she was hiding in her closet. Once she'd finished her morning ritual, Scootaloo headed to the kitchen, where she saw her father reading the morning paper.
He noticed her as she came in, and lowered the paper. "Mornin', ‘Loo. You excited for the Summer Sun Celebration?"
Scootaloo scrambled up into the chair opposite her father and started shoveling down the bowl of oats in front of her.
"Mm, guess so," she said through a mouthful. "Hopefully I'll get to see Celestia this time."
He chuckled, giving her an amused grin. "I'm sure you will," he said, reaching across the table and ruffling her mane.
That night, as the Summer Sun Celebration got underway, Scootaloo found herself milling through the crowd, utterly disinterested in everything that was going on. She came across a pair of fillies that looked to be about her age and she sidled up next to them.
"Hey there, I'm—"
"Shh!" said the shorter of the two. Her horn sparkled for a moment as she looked up at the unicorn on the balcony. "That's my sister!" she squeaked.
The filly next to unicorn, who had a large bow, held a hoof to her lips. "Quiet. I can't hear what she's saying."
Scootaloo squinted up at the balcony. She couldn't really hear what the mare was saying, but she looked like she was about to do something. Then, a moment later, she threw open the curtain.
Scootaloo gasped. There she was! There was Celes—Wait... no, there she wasn't.
"Uhh... Anyone else not seeing this?"
"Oh boy..." said the filly with the bow.
Suddenly, storm clouds gathered inside the building, swirling around the balcony and forming a purple mist. A few seconds later, they had coalesced into a violent-looking mare with spiky helmet around her face and a smoky mane trailing off her head. She cackled cruelly as everyone stared up in silence.
A crack of thunder shook the room, and just as Scootaloo felt the rumbling in her gut, she felt something else. A bolt of lighting had arced down from the clouds and struck her right in the chest.
She barely had time to mutter, "Seriously?" before she crumpled into a heap and died.
Came for the name...
AND STAYED
funny stuff man
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
Oh god...
These are going to be amusing...
~Skeeter The Lurker
I have a feeling that this is gonna be..... AWSOME!
Oh, my God, you killed Scootaloo! You bastard!
you are DED, not big suprise,.... no wait yeah it kinda was
well, it's tagged comedy, so I gue—
—wai—wha?
Okay, I'm sold.
I'll keep on reading now.
YOLO: You Only Live Once...
Twice...
Three...
Four...
Five...
Six times so far?
Hey, the only Scootaloo emoticon is with a halo, fitting in perfectly with this story.
Are you making Scootaloo Kenny just because she's orange? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png
That first paragraph with Scootaloo's not-actually-dead parents! My sides!
Okay, I have to give this a thumbs up, but for the life of me I don't know why. . . . Great work!
welp
Shocking, isn't it?
The first two paragraphs dragged me in laughing and floor rolling. The rest of it was great too. I think i'll stick around for the rest if this series.
So, Skirts has Sweetie Brick (she still ain't happy about that: ), you have this (the halo makes sense now: ) ... so all we need's another author of fine comedy to do something with Apple Bloom (something she has good reason to be upset over: ), and we've got ourselves a collaborative trilogy!
3979243
Aaaand there go my sides.
This gonna be good.
Holy crap, words can not describe how much I love this.
When you said Rainbow was a douche and Scootaloo was acting like her parents were dead, I literally snorted air out of my nose. Which is usually as close as I come to laughing in a story, so congratulations
I will be reading the rest of this story, and you earned yourself a favourite and a thumbs up!
Is there a point to this? I think so, because I'm still reading but I have no idea why I am.
I was honestly worried that these were going to be rather sad, being Scootaloo is one of my favorite characters, but this is ossum funny
Because why the hell not.
How does she keep on keep on dying, but she is some how still alive.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw6212_small.jpg
3982067 Scootabuse is all the reason needed.
this is basically kenny from south park as scootaloo.
Mourning ritual
Morning ritual
What u did, I c it.
Good play on the "Scootaloo is an orphan" annoyingly popular belief.
Well... possibly the funniest thing I've read today.
3982732
She's the Kenny of MLP.
southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com/shared/characters/kids/kenny-mccormick.jpg
They're both orange. :P
Lightning doesn't always kill.
3989275
Yes, it doesn't always kill, but in this case it did. Lightning can indeed kill and has done on many occasions. This chapter has done nothing wrong.
I don't know why you felt the need to make this comment. It was kinda pointless and unnecessary.
3990123
Nyet. Fack you. Lighting is as harmless as a cool night air on a midsummer night.
3983531
Go fuck yourself.
Funniest first paragraph I've ever read.
3989275 That is usually because there is some sort of object that absorbs the electricity from your body. Like shoes or car tires. Hooves, unlike some shoes, are bad at doing this. So the electricity would have stayed in Scootaloo and fried her to death.
Also, she was struck in the chest. Even if the electricity did go out of her body and into her hooves her heart would have stopped. Maybe if there was a defibrillator nearby, and some sort of drug to try and stimulate the muscle in her heart, along with a crap ton of luck, then maybe Scootaloo would live. However Ponyville appears to be a back water farming community so I doubt advanced medical drugs and defibrillators would exist there. And besides, ponies are so fucking dumb they would just run in circles screaming, and possible killing themselves in the process by accidentally sticking themselves with the drug used to start a heart.
Scootaloo would die here, there is no way she would live.
OH MY FAUST! YOU KILLED SCOOTALOO!
YOU BASTARD!
4139797 It's perfect too, because she's even orange. XD
Dat fake-out. Flawless.
3989275 but this is magic lightning
This story reminds me not just of Kenny, but of Animal Fat's many deaths...
Do not watch unless you are already familiar with the unfettered insanity that is Egoraptor.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Her death was magnificent.
Her death was magnificent.
C'mon, say it.
Not that, the other thing
Argh, when are you gonna say it?
Now that's a little harsh.
Aaww man, all that buildup. Well, I guess you did say that scootaloo didn't know she would die.
Hit escape and reload from last checkpoint!
3978835
Dash hasn't been a douche since season 2. Scootaloo might've humbled her a bit in Sleepless in Ponyville. Just saying.
Scootaloo: Now with 20% more Kenny McCormic.
>>pony person thing
On the other hand, this IS during the first episode, so by that logic she's still correct there.
Annnnnd I'm hooked.