• Member Since 31st Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Mar 15th, 2013

device heretic


T

Her beauty, sullied; her wisdom, corrupt; my love for her, violated. But still I answer...

Summoned to the palace in the dead of night, Twilight takes up a burden that even her generous, loving soul may not be able to handle...

Humanized Twilight/Tyrant!Celestia.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 181 )

Here it is. Humanized for the sake of more effective imagery, a little look into how a tyrant Celestia might function... and how faithful Twilight would be, in that situation.

Enjoy.

Holy crap, that was good. Didn't notice your name there, Heretic, but it definitely has that great incisive cut into Twilestia that you and Varnus can do so well. I loved this. Just loved it. So dark and bittersweet. An unique take on the ship.

Got to read this earlier this week. Probably the only Tyrant Celestia story I can actually enjoy, because it isn't trying to be all 'FOR THE NEW LUNAR REPUBLIC, HURR' either.

Because only this image can sum up my feelings right now.

i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/002/796/447px-Manlytears3.jpg

Just... Wow. Very profound.

*le reading another fanfic*
*gets email notification & sees author name*
*opens So Be It and skim thru it*
Conclusion, my brain is failing me as I cant fully grasp the story yet so a proper reread is in order :twilightsheepish:

358085
This one really wants to have every word read pretty carefully, yeah. Not my usual word tsunami, though, so it's all good.

358026

Why did you decide to humanize them? I don't feel the impact would be any less if they were normal

Excellent writing

whenever i see the "dark" tag, i usually ignore the entire story, expecting some cupcakes-esque story, but the description caught my fancy, and im glad it did, this has got to be one of the better written stories ive read on this site, top 10, in my book, top marks from me good sir

358094

At least you're not Kkat. Eternal was just the right length, imo. FO:E is forever going to remain one of the greatest things to ever come from this fandom, but if word count was cock size, it's boner would pierce the heavens and assault the gods. And yes, I am aware that this is a terrible metaphor and I should be slapped with a cod.

358108
Well, it was down to Device's call since he wrote the piece, but as I see it? Imagery, particularly tactile imagery. Roaming hands, kissing lightly held fingers, the feel of gripping cloth and clothes, of smooth skin slick with imagined blood and rough with imagined ash... as I see it, that imagery wouldn't be nearly as effective with ponies.

"It was quick and harsh and approximately as affectionate as being slapped."

You're good.

So, this story quite met my expectations, at least considering it's written by you.
The provided depth is enticing, it is the aspect which drowns in other Tyrantlestia stories. The love-hate was pretty colorful and well explained, especially the burning of books triggered more seething anger in Twilight. Most certainly a clever move.

I like how you placed two or three hints on your other story "Eternal", just like the emphasized terms "faithful" and "changes".

That given, it is a great and worthy new story on my list of favorites.

That was an interesting story. It's not my ordinary fare and probably not something I could stomach reading if it was 30.000 words rather than 3000, but as always with you two it's a fantastic piece of writing.

Humanized ponies have always been pretty Meh to me, but it was handled in a rather interesting way. The story never "touched" me, as I would say your other stories do, but there at the end it truly was beautiful. Interesting take on the Tyrant Celestia for the matter, though all that sado-masochism was a bit... Odd I'd say.

Anyway, you're all awesome :).

Me likey :D

although in "I remember even now wanting to wretch as her tongue"

it should be retch, no?:p

also, I'm not sure whther i should feel bad for twilight or not D:

Hot damn. Very impressive here, device. And I am inclined to agree; the imagery of them being human works far better. Overall, a very interesting piece of work.

358209
"Retch" is technically incorrect, but has come into common usage such that it is acceptable to differentiate it from "wretch" as a noun; i.e. something that is wretched.

But I am a smug, terrible creature who is inclined to extremely old-fashioned language for no reason at all.

Wow! I'm at a loss for words.

This, is fine writing. I can't remember who said that if you want to write a good story, you make a likable character and make them suffer. It's not nearly that simplistic, but you pulled that off masterfully. The suffering, the willingness to endure, the hope for better things where all portrayed flawlessly. Bravo.

358108
358135

Basically what Varanus said, but I'd just like to add that I personally felt more comfortable portraying a fairly dark situation (e.g. ongoing sexual dysfunction) with humans rather than magical cartoon ponies. Also I feel like pony sex is too goofy to carry the dark tone well.

I tend to perceive the ponies as characters independent of their physicality--a clever person could probably find the three or four places in "Eternal" where I was cursing and sitting there trying to figure out how to get a pony body to do what I wanted for the symbolism to work.

358173

>all that sado-masochism was a bit... Odd

Yeah, it was supposed to be.

358108

The imagery becomes more stark when you see two women fighting a battle such as that rather than a unicorn and an alicorn. Even minor changes such as hands vs. hooves, human lips vs. equine lips, et al, brings a starkly different feel to it.

358108

The imagery becomes more stark when you see two women fighting a battle such as that rather than a unicorn and an alicorn. Even minor changes such as hands vs. hooves, human lips vs. equine lips, et al, brings a starkly different feel to it.

As for the story itself, awesome. It felt brutal and sickening, as it should; for a minute there, Twilight pretty much carried the weight of the world on her, in a way Celestia could have never done.

I really like Twilestia.

I generally find Tyrant Celestia stories incredibly dull and trite.

This combination of the two wowed me. In a short space of text, you gave Celestia so much depth, as opposed to the usual 'oh hey, I'm a bitch actually' normal Tyrant. And Twilight was ... wow.

So good to see you guys doing stuff again.

I wonder if you two are even capable of writing anything less than excellence. Beautiful story as always. I really enjoyed the take on Celestia as a thoughtful tyrant instead of pushing her to the extremes of benevolence or maleficence as so many do. Also, the humanization did help convey aspects of the story that would have been difficult if they'd remained ponies. Anyway, thank you for your story.

I wasn't going to read this until I read your blog post that "I can, just to demonstrate once again that I am the best!"

Very well done.

This brought a tear to my eye.

A very interesting story that leaves me unsure as to how to feel about it...

On the one hand, its a look into Tyrant Celestia I have not seen before that also intrigues me. On the other, Twilight's internal conflict frustrated me the entire way through. It made me think of her as a Mafia Wife. :facehoof:

Good story overall though!

You two know how to write a good Celestia and Twilight pairing. Does this count as TwiLestia? :twilightsheepish:

NTL

There it is. And it's featured already! Off reading it now :pinkiehappy:

I don't have any words to express how I feel about this fanfiction. They're not terrible words, in fact if I had to describe them they would be words of praise. But the feeling from this... I cannot adequately describe.

So I leave you with a thumbs up while I go to ponder.

The story is very well-written, but I can't say I'm glad I read it. It made me feel sick with despair.

Ok, I'll say now, what the hell. There is a perfectly good picture of princess molestia on the internet that I know of. And not seeing it here makes me want to pee in your toilet, leave the seat up, and then pee in the back pot so the pee sits in there.

Well this concept scares the f*** outa me. *RUNS*

"Dash came by...she wanted something, but I didn’t have it. Oh well."

Cleverly disguised unrequited love triangle plot thread? Carelessly misplaced text? Or overactive imagination holding the shipping goggles a little too tightly?

Yeah, I loved it. It's not an entirely original concept, but its one of the Tyrantlestia ones done well, I don't much care for them, that's why this is the only one of three that I liked. For a one shot it made its interpretation and tied up everything rather nicely given the short nature of it.

I guess the only complaint I can make is that it all sort of...felt very quick. Not rushed (boy do I see that a lot in fanfiction), but I would have liked to see this in a full length story I guess. The emotional pacing just kind of passes too quickly.

But like...seriously, what is up with you and Sad tag? Can't you ever be happy? My god man, you write so well, but you make me FEEL so SAD.

It's an interesting take on this relationship, and I think by the time you get to the end you've got a pretty moving theme; I'd like to see it driven home more strongly with some tighter prose supporting it above. I know I'm as bad of an offender as anyone else -- worse at times -- but seeing as I'm wearing my proofreader hat rather than my writer one, I feel justified in saying that ellipses, paragraph breaks and italics are very powerful tools for visual timing and visual emphasis, and should probably be used with a somewhat lighter touch. That way, when you get to the killer lines that really require them, they're all functioning at full power.

Congratulations on achieving the feature box. Your life still has meaning!

358223 As something of a brobdignagian sesquipedelian, I oft find myself favouring the draconian dialect also.

Ok, even AFTER reading it, I still say what the hell! It needs the picture!!!

Excellent work.

I'm proud of you, my daughter. :trollestia:

358898
I get what you mean with this criticism; I think this one was a victim of over-editing. I sat here staring at it for three days, you know? It's my baby, and I babied it with lots of stylistic stuff. And I am terminally addicted to ellipses and semicolons, it's true.

I was trying to match my diction when I read it aloud, if that makes any sense. It is a monologue, after all.

358873
The sad tag and I are old friends. Sorrow is the emotion I am most familiar with in life, in its incarnation as regret, and I think it shows.

Not bad. Don't usually go for limes or clop-fics, but this one was well written and actually had a storyline.

359050
I know exactly what you mean. You hear the words in your head and they just don't look right on the page unless you can somehow elevate the ones you inwardly hear stress on. When you're in the thick of writing, it's the only thing that makes the line work. I would suggest, however, that once you're done, take a short break, re-achieve a sort of minimum safe mental distance from your work, and then go back through as a reader rather than as an author and ask yourself, at each point, if your visual emphasis really needs to be there. Sometimes you can achieve the same effect more subtly with a few wording changes, and sometimes I think you'll find that the line scans perfectly well without any added augmentation at all. Keep the ones that matter the most, and they'll retain their punch.

Plink plink. YMMV, as ever.

As usual from you, absolutely enthralling work. The feelings portrayed really jump out at you, as does the inner conflict. Excellent!

ok i shouldve read the tags not what i was especting and to be honest this was way to cliffhanging or not enough detail at points its kinda like you can turn it into a realy realy long poem and it dosnt realy touch on how the charaters from everything ive seen would act if the other acted that way but as i said the tags romance and dark dont go well for me so i just going to kepp hte like disliked area void (but stick to your previous writeing style:twilightoops:)

Twilestia, not my thing. Tyrant Celestia, not my thing. Humanized ponies, not my thing. Cloppy stuff, not my thing.

And for all that, this is excellent, DH and Varanus. Well done. Five traumatized, codependent Twilights out of five. I'm not sure I agree with Skywriter's criticism given that this is a monologue. The choppy stream-of-consciousness style would wear out its welcome in a much longer piece but I'd say, in this case in particular, it works where a cleaner prose might not.

:raritystarry: just damn. That was amazingly well written. You sir, have rendered me speechless.

Only 3,000 words? Are you sure you're Device Heretic? :rainbowderp:

But then, it didn't need to be longer. The story is complete, the emotions are vivid, and it's even got a bittersweet ending to top it off. Just what I'd come to expect after Eternal. Congratulations, you made a Tyrant Celestia who wasn't one-dimensional.

Rating: Teen
Does not seem appropriate :derpyderp1:

The flavour of ashes. The stink of blood.
Again you make me love you.

I wonder if any of friends know anything of what's going on. Pinkie in particular, coming around with her favourite pie..

358040

ugh I can barely even stand the thought of the New Lunar republic, sure i'm open to ideas but i just don't like the thought of people taking sides in what is not only a non-existant war, but the fact that they take it as a religion. I've seen role playing groups and pages dedicated to this (i am NOT hoever a member of any of them)



Regardless another good fic device heretic, not the normal tsunami but still an interesting litle story about how tyrant Celestia could exist. Is it bad i felt like inserting a generic joke about abusive boyfriends here?:trollestia:

359673
It IS bad...but then again, that's the whole point of the story. Twi's a goddamn hero and I love her to bits <3

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