- Member Since 5th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen Jul 24th, 2018
Thebravenorse
In the end, I hope you had the time of your life.
Thebravenorse
Joined 5th Jan, 2014 ·
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You say Twilight is best pony yet you ship Luna with Spike?
They have nothing in common, not a thing, and a working
relationship needs at least some anchors...
Luna is a very complex character and she wouldn't be so
easy to break out of her shell... And her traumatic past
doesn't make it easier... Spike on the other hand is a very
risky character to be with. His greed can become a problem.
I also assume this is happening in the far future, otherwise
this becomes even more screwed up. And not just because
Spike's love is Rarity.
This would only work as a crackfick.
Now, for the technical issues; the breaks between paragraphs
are too big, you lack some apostrophes and commas and
some words are used incorrectly.
I laughed at "Virginia". If you're writing a mature story, you don't
need to avoid speaking about genitalia.
3807978 Yeah this was my first romance fic, so I thank you for the creative criticism, I will make sure to do better next time. :-) (p.s, Luna is my second favorite pony)
3808078
You're welcome, my first reaction was to
totally berate you, but we need to be civil!
If you love Twilight and Luna you should write
about them. It's much easier to write about
characters you know more about.
(Though I am biased because of TwiLuna :P )
3808096 oh its cool :-)
Don't worry due you could hav done way worst.
3808519 Thanks.
Can you do more?
3811239 Oh of course, but I don't know which shiping to do next, got any ideas?
3808078 While all in all this was a great fic, the errors that were pointed out by Fragnostic were apparent and yes it is kind of funny that you would use 'Virginia' in an M rated fic to describe the genitalia if a female, but it is understandable that your intentions were good.
Also, shipping Spike and Luna can be quite a dangerous mix, because Spike's greed could very well become a problem, while Luna, on the other hoof, could get out of control and turn into Nightmare Moon again and yes It is hard to get her to come out of her shell.
Other than these things, it was great, keep up the good work, find an editor and pre-reader to go over your work before you post it so that you can get better results.
3811262 Spilight
, or more Spike x Luna 
3811326 Will do.
3811262 There hasn't been much shipping fanfics of Spike X Gilda.
3812602 Oh yeah, that's a good idea. Thanks.
3813067 One more thing: Make it non-anthro and include a first date for them.
3813319 You got it. :-)
Seems like you tried too hard. Quite unrealistic if you ask me.
3807978 I really don't see how spikes greed comes into play. How do we know that luna can't break out of her shell or if she's even in one. Also spike had a childhood crush on rarity and this is obviously based in the future so it makes sense for him to have moved on.
worse than I expected, but not bad enough to get a down-vote... mostly because I was expecting the title: Spike romanticizes Luna and the story is about them building their relationship, not just walking into a hot tub and having sex after a few paragraphs of completely unnecessary backstory
3807978 You do realize you can't use your own headcanon to prove a point, right?
3814355
Really? Because Spike's acting very greedy...
Luna is traumatized because you can't so easily
get rid of memories of something possessing her
and trying to kill her sister and plunge the world into
eternal night. Then, spending a thousand years stuck
on the moon with said thing.
This is just as random as slapping two characters together
and having them make out, just to write a story. There's
nothing in it, except for over-glorified sex, and even that is
kind of pushing it, as the actual scenes aren't that good.
Spike's feelings for Rarity were perhaps a crush, and you
could perhaps argue that Luna has the same voice actress
so in a way he is with her, but that's a moot point. This story
is written as if it was not set in the same background as the rest.
Replace Spike with your name, replace Luna with the name of a
girl you like, instead of Griffons have Russians and suddenly you
have a random story...
3815492
Headcanon? Nope, using knowledge from the show
and from the comic series. If I used my headcanon,
then I'd need to write an essay to explain my reasoning.
Anyway, something just occurred to me.
Where's Twilight? What's Celestia's reaction to this?
Cause you can be sure Celestia knows... It's her job!
3815632 Then I guess the comic has a much richer story than the show. Cuz in the show, Luna hasn't even touch the peak of the peak of her character's potential. And call her character "complex" is beyond an overstatement. The same goes for Celestia.
They are more or less just a pair of living plot devices the writers use in for every seasons final or opening arc. A shame really. Especially considering that Luna is main character in one of the best episodes of the series.
3815679
Oh believe it, if you know where to look
you can see much more about Luna's
personality... Re-watch Luna Eclipsed
and pay really close attention to what
Luna does.
3815855 Too bad she hasn't done anything ever since... So much wasted potential.
3816115 Um you guys do know that I just made this fimfic for the romantic sex scene right? I didn't really plan on putting backstory for how they came together, the story was more as just a sex scene, and Hey where all bronys let's have some peace and tolerance hear please. :-) (but for my next fic I will take all your creative criticism in account and try and do better) :-)
3816115
Yeah, Luna and Celestia could do so much for the series...
I was hoping we would see more of them, now that Twilight
is also a princess... there's still hope they will be in a later
episode.
3816608
Nah, no worries, we understand why you wrote and there's
nothing bad with that. It's just that sometimes a fiction will
suddenly spur a discussion, like here. (And don't complain,
the more comments you get the more popular your story
can get! ;))
No worries, so far this has been a very docile and pleasant
exchange of words.
And by the moon and stars, please don't call me a brony,
not every fan needs to be a brony...
I see some of the same old things used. Like a hot springs that only one of them knew of. And Spike being so ready to fight, so willingly confronted a danger. I want to see something like, him violently tearing off chunks of his own flesh to reveal a god inside. Or, him shouting across entire battlefields. Also, he's a commander. Not a pawn, or a single soldier. If I saw him playing a much more common role, that'd be cool to see someone work with that. I don't know why people just give him such important roles.
If he grew up beside an Element of Harmony, how could he play a violent part in a war? And Equestria's way is peaceful. Why would anyone want to mess whit a single person strong enough to lift the moon and sun? Why don't they roll themselves a more powerful enemy and simply burn those foes away?
Pretty romantic Story, very good job.
Also pretty sexy.
70 Likes!!!!! thank you all so much
80likes!!!!! OMG!!! Thank you all so much. Soon I hope to write another Spike x Luna story. But anyway thank you all.
this is a fantastic fic! great for a first story and should have more chapters. also can someone tell me how to post a story? chat me pls with an answer.
Can this story get to 100 likes?.... Yes it Can!
4950561 Awesome! Thank you
I'll give this story a like because it's a good story, but there just seems to be something.....off about it, that kept me from 100% enjoying it
I feel like there should be more, but love it anyway
Those two are quite cute together for some reason.
4953385 felt rushed?
but aye was deserving of a like though straight up "clop" isn't really my thing
6625352 I'm not sure what you are trying to say