Epilogue
Epilogue
Ace Pinecone looked up at the moon as it slowly rose above the horizon. Tonight would be a momentous night for squirrels and all of squirrelkind. It would be talked about for generations to come all over the world. Ace hoped this gesture would unify squirrels everywhere and remind them that whether they came from a nest near Sweet Apple Acres or a nest near the cottage of Fluttershy or even from a nest in the faraway and exotic land of Ponyville train station, they were all, ultimately, squirrels together. Brothers and sisters alike.
Ace looked up at the thing he was about to ride, the result of months of work, and then to his friend Sciuridae. Ace reckoned there was none more well versed in squirrel-science and squirrel-magic than Sciuridae. Some said she was the personal student of the Queen of the Forest come from lands afar to learn about the plight of the common squirrel. Whatever the truth, she had proven a loyal friend and Ace trusted her to know what she was doing.
Nodding, he turned to the crowd of well wishers and waved. To his eyes, four squirrels stood out in particular. There was Bushy, with her large and well groomed tail. Prissy sometimes, but with a heart of gold. Then there was Oak, a common, hardworking squirrel that was anything but common. Next was Sugarcane, always shy, but always kind and gentle. And last but not least was Nuts, always good for a laugh. His eyes met each of them in turn. Good friends. The finest friends a squirrel could ask for.
Turning away from them, Ace walked towards the unexploded firework. It would be wrong to say he did not feel fear. Only a foolish squirrel would think that nothing could go wrong. No, Ace felt fear but he embraced it, letting the surge of adrenaline motivate him as it pulled him into the present moment.
He stretched out his limbs to let Sciuridae attach the straps. Once again, he looked up at the silver disk as it fully rose above the horizon. Tonight was the night that a squirrel would visit the moon, not because it was easy, but because it was hard. Squirrelkind would finally learn the answers to so many questions that had plagued it for generations. What was it like up there on the moon? Was there other squirrel-like life? Most importantly, were there any good places to stash nuts?
Ace took one last look at his friends as Sciuridae prepared to light the firework. Sugarcane was mostly hidden behind her tail, but she was still peeking out. In the last moments, Ace caught Sciuridae’s eyes, and they shared a look that said more than squirrel-words ever could. Then, reluctantly, Sciuridae turned towards the fuse—
“Git out of here you damn thievin' varmints!”
An orange pony in a Stetson leapt from behind the nearby cowshed armed with a broom in her mouth.
With a chattering sound, dozens of squirrels scampered from the scene.
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The title of my laudatory blogpost says it all, really. It's the best one yet. The previous ones were brilliant, certainly, and heavily original flavor, but this one is not only those two things, but also much bolder in scope. Not just scenes from an episode, but real proper episode in itself, with a plot, and action, and a letter to the princess, even.
Oh, and also
Ace Pinecone!
3793764
I completely agree. I think this is the best story you've published here so far. It's got a lot more meat to it than the other three, and that meat is particularly juicy.
I love this story.
>And hands up who thought the epilogue was going to be a letter to the princess.
*raises hand*
I feel quite privileged to have read that. Thank you, Powered.
Time for a cuppa, methinks.
Fantastically done. The narration feels like Dash just as much as her actions do, and the entire adventure is a joy to read. I love when it goes all technical, especially the flight dynamics problems. Two very different pegasi, two very good friends, one excellent story. Thank you for it.
Also, Ace Pinecone is best squirrel.
One final thought:
Ah, context... How important you are.
3793934
Yeah, once I'd established there would be a letter written, there just didn't seem to be any need to explicitly spell it out.
3793998
I can just see Rainbow boldly announcing that in front of a bunch of ponies without (of course) stopping to think.
:cheerilee: *Tries to cover the ears of as many foals as possible*
Well, the central part, the plot proper, is well-constructed journeyman pony adventure stuff, but this piece particularly shines right at its opening in its lovely exploration of what it feels like to be a pegasus in general and R.D. in particular, and I suspect you know it. You've almost got two different stories here, a lyrical and musing slice of life stitched to a somewhat more pedestrian (but still quite entertaining) adventure piece. One has a theme of freedom, the other has a theme of honesty, and they don't relate to each other all that well, if that makes any sense. You draw it together at the end just enough that it doesn't feel painful, but it's an imperfect amalgamation. Liked and faved for the beautiful opener nonetheless. A pleasure to read, thanks for sharing!
*raises hand*
I gots some stuff commin' your way on the main chapter, too.
3794290
All the big ideas, the ones that made me start writing this story, were the character based ones. What it is like to be Rainbow and flying. Rainbow and Fluttershy's friendship and how different they are. What Rainbow's urge to share her experiences with Fluttershy would drive her to do. Those things. I guess that shows in what was as was not pedestrian?
Well, I'm never going to get better if I don't try different things. I'm glad the ending worked well enough for you even if it wasn't perfect.
Oh, and you are right. Winged ponies rock. I am a convert.
Elements of Squirreling?
I see what you did there. I actually kind of prefer the story without the epilogue, but it's cute. There's more of an impact with just the first chapter, though, I feel. I like how Flutters IS actually a good mathy technical flyer, and Dash just sort of feels it in her. Works so well for both of them. And, hey, Flutters should be *glad* Dash lied to her, or the forest spirits wouldn't have had anything to eat! That's a good thing, right? 
3794462
I fully encourage your continuing experimentation, especially if I get more stuff like this out of the deal.
Things are a little crazy for me right now — but with you as the author, three signal boosts from other authors I respect, and a chapter titled "Saudade," you'd better believe I'll be reading this. Faved to shortcut it in front of my Read Later list.
Have a preemptive upvote as well, in hopes of some featureboxing and better exposure.
3794484
I bet the thought of saudade makes you positively salivate, you ostensible non-changeling. You know what they say: If life gives you saud, make saudade! Apparently, just saud with water and sugar added? Hell, I dunno.
Oh, while I'm here. PBT, I noticed something:
"Ascent," surely, unless I'm missing something obvious? (And an extraneous letter L in "Cloudsdale"?)
EDIT: Never mind the first, you've fixed it. Second remains outstanding, but for all I know, you're in the process of fixing that right now too.
3794532
Actually, I specifically didn't comment on that in editing every time I saw it, because I actually thought it made sense as is. 'Ascent' implies directionality, but a flapping method could well be the sort of thing you could consider accented.
Maybe I'm weird. Now Powered's probably going to say it was a mistake and I should have commented. But I liked it that way.
I liked this fic... for the most part.
it's good, but alas, flawed. I'm afraid I'm mostly just repeating what Skywriter already stated, but I too find that the mixing of different tones and themes is hurting this story, and that the 'adventure' part just doesn't live up to the first part.
Another thing I kind of missed was seeing the world from Fluttershy's POV. I think what truly would have made this fic beautiful is if it where a chapter where Rainbow is raving about flying and the sky, followed by a chapter where we experience why fluttershy truly loves the ground so.
As it stands, this is a good story, but with lots of untapped potential. Not quite favorite worty, but it gets you a like and a follow nonetheless ;)
I've got a story chapter named Saudade. But I'd say it fits your story better than mine.
*raises hand*
Also, at the beginning of the second chapter you call Ace Pinecone, Ace Pinecore.
This story was magic to read, for real. Total goldmine of juicy, delicious, friendshippy characterization.
Really worth a second read too, if not just for that imagery.
3795534
3794703
Thanks for those corrections. They should be fixed now.
OK so I totally didn't notice that there was a second chapter here and so when I added the story to favorites I got a pleasant surprise. This epilogue is just great. Like the cherry on top. I love it. Please continue writing.
OK so I totally didn't notice that there was a second chapter here and so when I added the story to favorites I got a pleasant surprise. This epilogue is just great. Like the cherry on top. I love it. Please continue writing.
Ookay. So no hand raising from me. I thought the epilogue was going to be about Flutters going flying by herself sometime later after Dash gave up trying to make her enjoy it. I liked where the story left off before the epilogue, and I figured that would be the best thing that could be done to expand upon it without being redundant, and would neatly bring it full circle, with Rainbow learning her lesson about pushing her friends, and the seed of interest reaching Fluttershy despite it all, ending on a flight scene to match the beginning, but split into an epilogue because it couldn't be narrated by Rainbow anymore; but, instead of anything actually related to the story we get the beginning of the squirrel space program. (Though I do love the JFK quote) I guess this is where the inspiration for the piece really sines through!
You have an excellent narration voice for Rainbow; I really felt her joys and burdens. It is a bit strange, though, having the narration wax lyrical about flight and then immediately afterwards state that she can't put it into words. I guess the narration is meant to represent her thoughts directly, rather than be the literal result of writing about her day, which is an interesting and sort of paradoxical concept to think about if you ask me.
I have to say, I like how much you get these characters, to the point where you can write them pitch perfectly in situations that depend heavily on facets of their personalities that aren't particularly memetic or bluntly explored in the show. It makes perfect sense that Fluttershy would have a good academic grasp of flight, in addition to being competent enough in a pinch, like she is with everything, somehow, (sewing, animals, children, one-liners, seriously
) while Rainbow would have just let it come naturally. I was going to list more examples, but then I realized I'd just be listing your entire catalog. I guess you're just that good. 
I'm going to have to disagree with the people clamoring for this to be made into an episode. Not to say that I don't think it is far better than many concepts that did reach the screen, but it requires, to be effective, some very internal-monolgue-y parts, and while it could be told with a literal representation of the first person narrative as a framing device, with Rainbow doing a voice over of the events, Cutie Mark Chronicles style, that would again bring up the issue of the discrepancy in vocabulary between Rainbow the narrator and Rainbow the protagonist.
Epilogue's epilogue. We pass from lunar-seeking squirrels to Applejack.
I don't get it.
Good story, by the way.
How long has it been since those flowers bloomed (and since a repentant liar stepped near them) for the fae-mice to be ignorant of Equestria?
That's probably the third story I've read this week that called Applejack's hat a "Stenson". It's a Stetson hat. Also, 'lept' should be leaped or leapt; 'lept' is either seriously archaic or not a word, depending on the source you check.
Also, your Rainbow Dash voice is perfect, and the story would have suffered in anything other than first person. Excellent choice, excellently done!
Also, epic squirrelage.
Very good RD-FS friendshipping. They're an interesting pair, old friends who nevertheless are about as different from one another as you can be and still both be pegasi. The characterization was very good, and the almost lyrical quality of the descriptions of high flight was striking, especially coming from Dash. Good job!
to favorite, or not to favorite, that is the qu*favorite*
Beautiful story. The imagery of the open sky was absolutely perfect. I'd been toying with the idea of writing something like that--especially on long drives to work through open country--but you have a far better way with words than I.
The scene in the Everfree reminded me a little of Princess Mononoke, and--while that part of the chapter wasn't what I expected at all, it was magnificent.
Your characterization of Rainbow and Fluttershy was perfect, as well.
The second chapter . . . well, let's just say I wish I could give another upvote. I noticed Ace was channeling a little bit of JFK, and I hope he makes it to the moon.
Huh. No wonder Fluttershy was so worried about Ace.
By the way, something I haven't mentioned.
You know my thoughts about the story pretty thoroughly at this point, but I never got to see the cover art in advance. I adore the image you put together. It's got a really great combination of colors—even richer than the show, if anything. Element placement makes is very visually appealing, too. It's just awesome.
I really like my cover image for "Three Nights", and I legitimately couldn't have gotten it without commissioning or drawing it myself, because there's just a dearth of artwork for some characters. But I have to admit, I'm a little bit jealous of this image.
Goddamn...
That was beyond impressive.
Approved with joy (and by recommendation) for Twilight's Library.
24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png
Wear it with pride.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3794468 I guess I should of expected the squirrel thing to be very dependant on taste. My thinking was that since the reader has gotten to the end and the tension has been diffused, it might be nice to leave them laughing, so to speak. That, and I we've heard so much about Ace but seen nothing it felt like a loose end to tie up. Of course with a name like Ace Pinecone, the truth of what he had been up to had to be completely ridiculous. Anyway, glad you liked the main chapter.
3796082 Ah, that's a brilliant idea. Why didn't I think of that? Now I'm wondering which bits of flying Fluttershy enjoys, because they're going to be very different to those Rainbow does. Is it too late to have an epilogue 2?
>You have an excellent narration voice for Rainbow; I really felt her joys and burdens. It is a bit strange, though, having the narration wax lyrical about flight and then immediately afterwards state that she can't put it into words. I guess the narration is meant to represent her thoughts directly, rather than be the literal result of writing about her day, which is an interesting and sort of paradoxical concept to think about if you ask me.
This did occur to me while writing. My best answer for you, beyond the fact the story wouldn't work otherwise, that for whatever reason the role of you, the reader, is to be Rainbow's confessor. She's able to speak her thoughts clearly and honestly without worrying about what you think, something she just can't do to her friends. "Hey, you can't tell any of my friends I said that."
I also had a bit where she tries to use big, fancy words to describe the sunset, and fails. She doesn't realise you don't need to have swallowed a dictionary to be poetic. It got cut because it never really worked.
I guess the tragedy is that if Rainbow could just stop worrying about being cool enough and spoke from the heart, she probably could communicate what she feels.
> It makes perfect sense that Fluttershy would have a good academic grasp of flight, in addition to being competent enough in a pinch, like she is with everything, somehow, (sewing, animals, children, one-liners, seriously
) while Rainbow would have just let it come naturally.
That was something that occurred to me along the way. I like the idea that Fluttershy was dutiful and did her homework as best she could, while Rainbow could actually do the flying but sucked at the book learning. I can see them ending up helping each other out because they have a different base covered and an unlikely friendship forming from that.
3796797
I adore Princess Mononoke. I really must rewatch it because it's been too long.
3796470
3794909
Ah, this is why I should do my final editing late at night on three hours of sleep. I'll get those mistakes fixed quickly. Thanks for pointing them out.
I have to say, this was a pleasure to read, Tea. A simple, yet very much refreshing adventure. Thank you for writing this, I enjoyed it very much. Also the epilogue caught me off guard, very nice.
~SilentBelle
3797322
It is never too late. Why, Night Guards updated with a new chapter today. That's like, two years late. Please don't take two years.
I totally accept this explanation.
Speaking of letters to the princess, the ending to this story really underlines why I think they were an integral part of the show structure, and why I'm really sad that they've been replaced with that journal now. Not only is the journal far less personable than Celestia, but it also removes spike's reason to hang around the end of episodes and deliver a witty quip along with the letter. The writers are conspiring to cheat the best side characters out of screen time!
I don't read a lot of fics with first-person perspective, but I have to say that I felt you captured Dash beautifully in your narration. This was a wonderful little story to read, well worth a favourite in my books. Bravo!
3794290
I can't believe what I'm saying, but I don't agree with you.
I know.
Now I think I know where you are coming from--the adventure stuff isn't really cut from the same cloth as the start and the end of it, and that seems like a bad thing However, I contend that it isn't. This isn't just a story, it's also the record of an episode that never was, and seen like that the heterogeneous mixture of adventure and contemplation makes perfect sense. The show is, by necessity, a collage, and to capture as best it can the feel of MLP, this story is one, too.
3798417
So it's a more perfect rendition of an imperfect original? I can see that.
3798557
Pretty much. If you want this level of original flavor, I think certain liberties are allowed.
*Raises hand*
I completely forgot there was an epilogue.
3798417 I agree. Slice of life should be heterogenous, since it's purportedly a record of what happens to a character at a particular time.
Many unrelated things can happen to a creature in a typical day living in a magical world.
It'd be the same as a person on their way to a friend's house on New Year's Eve and a deer suddenly jumps THE HELL OUT IN FRONT OF YOUR CAR LIKE SOME DAMNED SUICIDE TERRORIST AND DOES $5,000 DAMAGE!!! *pants* Ok... so I'm still not over that...
But you see what I mean. In daily life, shit happens at random sometimes.
Now, if they end up fighting the Smooze on and having to find the Ultimate Weapon of Rainbow Might... well that ceases to be slice of life at that point.
In a slice of life, you can have a bit of a theme, as in Thurbur's "Secret Life of Walter Mitty", but you never let any single scene's content become the dominant plot thread. In essence, the plot should always be akin to: Stuff that happens to some dude over a span of time and his reactions to said stuff. That's slice of life in a nutshell.
3797322 Oh don't get me wrong, I still liked the epilogue, but (to me) it felt like such a big mood-shift it kind of knocked me out of the perhaps more contemplative headspace I was in at the end of the first chapter. I would actually say that if you WERE to write a Fluttershy-flying epilogue to stick it in between Dash and Ace, the better to let the story breathe. If I were to put it in movie terms, I feel like the Ace bit is the end-stinger you should get after the credits roll, because then you have enough time between the end of the movie and the silly extras to separate the two mood-wise.
I don't know if any of this is making any sense.
tl;dr I still liked Ace and his moon-rocket, but could use a mood bridge between it and the main story.
Beautiful story. I really felt it when Dash realized that she wasn't going to be able to make Fluttershy understand what she saw in flying so high. Maybe one day, the words will be there.
I enjoyed this story primarily because you did such an excellent job of writing from inside Rainbow Dash's head. To accomplish this you had to do three successively more difficult things:
1) You got inside the head of a sentient creature who is her own aircraft. This was the most obvious thing you did and the source of the most immediate pleasure for me: you described flying in a vividly kinesthetic, sensual way. And by "sensual" I don't mean "like sex" but "evoking pleasure of the senses generally." This was all the more difficult because you were evoking pleasure in senses we nerds don't use much, the senses of muscle-movement, strength and speed and balance. Which leads me to the second difficult thing you did:
2) You got inside the head of a jock and made her sympathetic to nerds. Most of us hypercerebral types are prone to think of athletes as louts at best, hereditary enemies at worst. And many of them do act just so. So you showed a jock acting just like a jock, strong and proud and vain and heedless. She did things that were stupid and even wicked. Yet your writing made her thoughts and motivations intelligible, even likeable to an audience made up of "friends not easy to be won". And that writing was made all the more difficult because...
3) You were writing in the voice of a character who is not good with words. And yet you managed to make her descriptions vivid, her feelings persuasive, her narrative passionate. Well, "art thrives under restriction," as they say, but the only other successful example of writing eloquently in a restricted vocabulary that springs to mind is David Mamet's Glen Garry, Glen Ross. You did much the same thing as Mamet, only with an even greater restriction as half of his characters' vocabularies were obscenities (each had a lexicon of about 2,000 words, 1,000 of which were "f*ck.")
Well done. Gracefully, thoughtfully, cleverly done.
3797322
Do you mean "diffused" or "de-fused?"
Either way, I think we've stumbled upon an eggcorn.
Lol, the coverart looks like Fluttershy is a giant and Rainbow is standing on her head.
3803416
Quoted, as they say, For Truth. Gods above but I wish I could write half as cogently as you on my best days.
I don't know what I expected. But it was not squirrels, I'll tell you that.