There are two sides to every city. There's the one that the tourists and the magazines see, but there's another, much darker side, that lurks beneath the surface. Pinkie saw that darker side on full display in Manehattan, and it has changed her view on a lot of things. After returning to Ponyville, Pinkie goes to her family's rock farm to have a talk with her sister, Inkie, who has a new cutie mark on her flank...
...and Manehattan's lights in her eyes.
Written for EQD's 'Writer's Training Ground #2', which takes place after the episode 'Rarity Takes Manehattan'
Chapters (1)
I certainly got the same impression from RTM that Pinkie has in this story. I wholly support the idea that she can be serious when she needs to be. Far too often do I see Pinkie Pie written as a total oblivious idiot who's psycho/crazy just for the sake of it. She's not stupid, she's just deliberately upbeat. Great job on her character.
What you were going for with Inkie – I get it, I do. Having that sort of advice from somepony you can always trust to see the good in others would put a real dampener on whoever heard it. But I don't think that Inkie should have just given up her dream like that. She wanted it for ages, and she decided not to after such a short period of time? I think it would have been better if you had her swear not to become like that, but still go anyway, albeit without the naivety she would have had without Pinkie's advice.
Great job on the overall grammar and execution. I saw a few errors in there (which I'll PM you) but those aside, it was a perfectly smooth read. It didn't quite do the same for me as The Furthest From the Tree did, though.
I like it.
3784947
Hello again, and I'm glad you enjoyed the read! (Thanks for the feedback too - I'll check on those in a second)
Now, what do you mean you didn't enjoy it as much as the last one? Be gone with you!
Though, for the record, I wasn't trying to out-right re-chatacterize Pinkie, either. Just a bit of a nudge is all. :)
Thanks again!
GMP
Good job, though why did you use the fanon names of Pinkie's sisters, but the canon names of her parents?
3788692
To be totally honest, I just liked Inkie and Blinkie better, lol.
This was quite nice. Pinkie Pie is a character that I feel as being misunderstood sometimes, and the show has turned her really into this random never serious pony. Thankfully they amended this with Pinky Apple Pie to an extent.
When Pinkie gets serious is the Pinkie I enjoy reading about. You did a fantastic job on her character in this, with the blending of seriousness and ubeat attitude done just right where there isn't one more than the other. When written like that, I feel like she becomes so much more of an important character.
I also liked the idea of Manehattan changing somepony, and it is true, both in real life and the show. Cities are tough places to live in, and the idea of being not only around so many strangers, but around so many people who will completely dis-acknowledge your existence strikes a wrong chord in me. This might explain why I will never live in a big city like New York.
As for Inkie Pie, I do echo the statement by the other commentator. I feel like for such a huge decision, she made her choice rather quick. Not saying that you rushed the part, but it felt slightly like that. Don't fret though, in terms of it being a problem, it was really insignificant in the long run.
Overall, I really enjoyed this. You're writing style is great (hopefully I'll get to read a Twidash contest entry from you eventually
)
Cheers!
DJRD
3794702
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
3794847
Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate the kind words!
I definitely felt challenged trying to inject some seriousness into Pinkie's character, so I'm glad to you see you and some other folks liking the results!
As for the TwiDash, my contest entry is in the planning stage, but I hope to start putting fingers (or face, lol) to keyboard soon.
Cheers!
GMP
Having just read your Applejack growing up in Manhattan story, I have a sneaking suspicion that you dislike the fair city of my birth, and hence its Pony analogue.
Well, that's ok.
But you've given me an interesting idea. In my headcanon, Manehattan is a very old city, having been built on the ruins of an earlier city on the same location which was destroyed 4000 years before the "present." Which led me to imagine strange underground labyrinths left from the older city.
What if something nasty is living down there, which corrupts ponies who stay in the city too long? Like Clive Barker's "City Fathers" from Midnight Meat Train.
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
Hmm, this was pretty good, an interesting look into something people don't seem to look much into...
3815485 Ooh, that sounds very interesting, can't wait to see what you write up with that idea...
Nice Blade Runner reference.
6444604 I was beginning to think that no one would ever catch that.
Thanks for the read! I hope you found it enjoyable!
-GMP
6444704 I certainly did!