• Published 19th Dec 2013
  • 12,344 Views, 206 Comments

Celestias Protégé - Dradavar



Twilight Sparkle, a well known unicorn in all of Equestria. That's what they all thought. Until one day, the day that was supposed to be the luckiest day of Shining Armor's life, everything changed.

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Epilogue: Happy end? [Edited]

Celestias protégé

By

Dradavar

--- My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic © Hasbro ---

--- I do not own the intellectual properties this fan-fiction is based on ---

Epilogue: It will never be the same


"So there is only one problem left" said Rarity, making all the others look at her. "Shining Armor" she stated, Twilight flatten her ears; she was right.

"Cadence," Celestia asked turning around, "would you please go and bring Shining Armor back here?" Cadence nodded and walked to the door, slowly opening it and leaving. The doors close with yet another loud boom.

Twilight's ears were still flattened against her head, which Velvet noticed.

"What's wrong?" she asked, careful not to startle the changeling.

Twilight gulped and looked into Velvet's eyes. "You haven't seen him, how he reacted. I don't know if he will accept this; not after all that has happened."

"He will" Night Light soft voice was reassuring. "He has to believe us. We are his parents and he lived most of his foalhood with you by his side. He knows what changelings are and what they do, but remember that you showed him that there are changelings who don't use ponies just as a food source."

Celestia furrowed her brows and turned back to Twilight. "Which makes me wonder, how exactly did you survive all those years? You had to eat something, right?"

Twilight nodded lowering her eyes she looked to the floor. "Right. I had to eat and we changelings eat love. That never changed." She looked back up, into Celestia's eyes. "But I never forced them to give me love. All the love that kept me alive was the love they shared with me that they would otherwise have shared with their real daughter."

Celestia nodded, her ears perked as she heard the sound of the throne room doors opening.

Shining was walking in, still wearing a rather grim expression. Cadence, at his side, was wearing a disappointed glare, shaking her head at Celestia.

Celestia understood the gesture.

"So, Shining Armor- " her voice was calm, looking down on her captain, "-have you calmed yourself yet?"

Shining nodded, looking at the changeling in the hooves of his parents. His expression changed; it turned sad, almost regretful.

"So it's true?" he whispered, looking at Twilight and his parents. "You are the real Twilight?"

Twilight shook her head, "I'm Amethyst Sheen. But yes, I was Twilight Sparkle for the last thirteen years" she got out of the embrace and tried again to get up. Her legs were wobbly and were almost buckling underneath her.

Shining Armor's expression didn't change. It was still the sad, regretful expression.

But not for long.

He shook his head. "No, I just can't," he suddenly states, taking a step back. Raising a hoof he pointed at Twilight. "How do I know you haven't brainwashed them all already?"

"Shining!" Velvet exclaimed, making Shining shirk. "Watch your mouth, young colt!"

"No I won't!" he snapped at Velvet. "She is a changeling, mom! We can't trust her!"

A soft thud could be heard as Twilight fell back on her haunches, a sad expression on her face, she was on the edge of tears.

Celestia stepped between them, looking down on Shining Armor with a disapproving glare.

"You should be ashamed of yourself!" her voice was angry, something nopony was used to hearing in her voice. "You should be ashamed to talk like that about your sister!"

"THAT'S NOT MY SISTER!" he shouted at Celestia. "She is a love-sucking beast! We should take her away as fast as we-"

Velvet slapped Shining Armor.

"Velvet!" Night Light exclaimed. He rushed to her, stopping her from attacking him again. Tears were streaming down her face.

Shining Armor took another step back, slowly raising a hoof to his cheek.

"Your sister, your real sister" Velvet's voice was quivering. "She was the only pony who wasn't afraid of her. She was the first pony who didn't see her as 'love-sucking beast'! That's why she took Twilight's place! She did it so YOU wouldn't have to grow up without your sister!" she turned back around embracing her husband. Soft sobs could be heard.

Night Light was looking at Shining with a disapproving glare, "I'm disappointed in you, Shining. Not only did you make your mother cry- no, you make Amethyst feel bad and defiled the things Twilight did for this changeling!"

Shining turned around, looking at Cadence. She was looking away, an angry look on her face.

Shining turned around and ran away.

"Shining!" Twilight called after him but Shining ignored her. Before leaving the room he turned around, his expression was angry.

"I resign!" he shouted, turning back around he ran away as fast as he can.

"Shining..." Twilight whispered, more tears escaping her eyes.

"Excuse me." Cadence looked shocked. Giving Twilight a friendly nod, she turned around to follow Shining Armor.

"How rude" Rarity stated, slowly walking closer to Twilight and Velvet with two hoofkerchief in her magical grasp. Velvet and Twilight both took them with a nod and a word of gratitude.

Rarity's expression was calm- confused, but calm.

Suddenly she smiled as she looked down on Twilight.

"Why are you smiling like that?" Twilight asked, dabbing her cheeks.

"You know what incredible chance this is?" she squealed. "I'm the first pony who will ever make a dress for a changeling!" She clopped her hooves.

"No, you won't," Celestia said with a sad smile, "a pony five hundred years ago made one for an ambassador. You will be the second."

Rarity's smile weakened a little bit but returned to the bright glee after a moment. "Well then, the second. Still, this is a chance of a lifetime!" She looked at Twilight with a friendly, warm expression.

"So I was right!" Rainbow Dash suddenly exclaimed, flying into the air, and startling all the ponies in the room. "She IS a spy!" She smiled, slowly flying down and nudging Twilight with a big smile. "But you are our spy" after the words had escaped her mouth she looked like she felt out of place. "Told you!" she exclaimed folding her front legs before her chest.

"Um, I-it might be a little strange-" Fluttershy's voice was almost unhearable and she was still hiding her face behind her mane. "B-but I never had a chance to have a changeling as friend." She was wearing a weak smile.

"I knew it aaaaaaaaall the time" Pinkie chirped, bouncing up and down. "You taste different!" Looking at the confused expressions, her smile widens. "Remember that day Luna came to town and scared us all and you put your hoof in my mouth to tell me that nothing bad would happen? Your hoof tastes different than any other hooves." She giggled. Scratching her chin she looked at Twilight. "Yours tastes more like tomatoes then grass. Or maybe more like brocooli than tomatoes? Vanilla icing than chocolade cream?"

"Ya could have told us!" Applejack exclaimed, ignoring Pinkie's rambling and taking a step closer to Twilight. "I didn't even know what a changeling was before the invasion." She embraced Twilight, a big smile on her face. The others quickly followed Applejacks example and cuddled up in one big group hug.

"We love you!" her friends said in a choir, tightening their embrace.

"And I love you girls" Twilight smiled.

Author's Note:

So yeah here's an epilogue to Celestia's protégé, since so many of you wanted one. As I said before I suck at writing the mane 6 in character so please excuse it if they feel OOC.

And no, I won't make a part that shows Shining Armor's and Cadence's discussion. That's up to your fantasy to make up something you are happy with.

I hope you like the epilogue.

Well...

Whatever...

See ya next story.

Comments ( 110 )

'Timelord Victorious' Works Well For This One.

....Stories like this... irk me. They have such good plots, such great potential, but... it's hidden behind horrible grammar, and I want to connect to it, but I can't because of that.

3657152

You could :pinkiecrazy:

Take my story, rewrite it by yourself and send me the rewritten version :rainbowlaugh:

Thanks! :twilightsheepish:

.... It's a joke, I hope you understand that :ajbemused:

That method almost seems like a believable way of Pinkie Pie figuring that out.

This was an excellent story, and I think that you should make a sequel of it. :pinkiehappy: :twilightsmile:

Well, that was brief.
Still good though. I take it, Shining and Cadence aren't going to get married.

3658375

You think so? Meh, maybe. But I don't think that that one scene is enough to bring in a dark tag. Maybe the teen, gore tag, yeah maybe.

Liked it.

(Bloß Sterne, an deiner Grammatik musst du echt etwas arbeiten :scootangel: )

"So I was right!" Rainbow Dash suddenly exclaims flying into the air, and startling all the ponies in the room. "She IS a spy!"

PYRO IZ SPY!

IZ NOT POSSIBLE!denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2413-Smell_a_spy.jpg Good enough.

This is a nice idea. You should have expanded it a lot more.

SEQUEL! SEQUEL! :pinkiehappy:

*Cringes*

Yeah, yeah. That was about as bad as I thought it would be. The worse part about this ending? The only pony who acted in a way that made sense was Shining, and what did he get? Slapped, ridiculed, and basically thrown out.

I'm sorry, does alternate universe mean logic no longer applies? Did Twilight Velvet and Night Light seriously think he'd be able to just accept this sudden radical change? It's funny, since I can actually completely buy her friends supporting her. But Shining? He has every right to be upset. The ones who should have been slapped while being verbally beaten are the parents. They knowing betrayed their son's trust in them for over a decade! And then they have the nerve to be upset when he's disturbed by this? They all have the nerve to agree that Shining isn't being rational! There was no one who pointed out that Shining was probably upset by not only Twilight's death (which, because obviously the universe hates Shining, they told him about in a small bit of exposition) (Actually, after looking over they still didn't tell him that. Seriously, screw them), but that his parents (being sociopaths) thought they could just replace Twilight like a ******* pet!

This story. For a story with such an interesting premise, I have to say this story has the worst message I have ever seen in any form of media. Ever. Here is a perfect summary of the message this story conveys, since I'm too angry right now to type anything else:

3657152

The plot to this story is that Twilight dies, her parents replace her like a common pet, they don't tell their own son about it for over a decade, and then get upset with him when he freaks out upon finding out. And everyone else agrees with the parents being upset with Shining (to the point of slapping him while telling him his sister died a long time ago), and no one questions the completely sociopathic behavior of the parents (seriously, what they did was just messed up). That's pretty much what you missed.

Edit:

And the story is featured. You know, maybe I would have loved this story if I hadn't been hit by the terrifying implications. I still think it's sad that the only thing that made me this upset with the story was the twist about how Twilight died and was replaced. If it had simply turned out that Twilight was a changeling from the start (and that Shining knew or, if he didn't, it was for a freaking good reason), then this would have been great.

am i the only one that agrees with Shining..... i mean they could have been long term brain washed or had their memories replaced so it seemed their daughter was killed by the kidnapper instead of the changling...

this was nice, good job.
I liked their reactions,

Cover image is not visible to me.

Daaaww =)

Uh... Oh, alright, I read the author's notes, and so I now understand the ending more, though I am no less satisfied with it. =/ I'm just going to imagine that Shining Armor is eventually convinced, and that they have a tearful reunion; all other outcomes are depressing XD

3658672

WUT?! Wer bist du? :pinkiegasp:

3660429

Had to take it down since the maker doesn't want it to be used. :ajbemused:

You really don't like Shining Armor, do you? :duck:

That treatment of shining...I can't argue with it, since things like this happen in real life, but everyone handled his emotions in nearly the worst possible manner. They suspected that he would have doubts about the situation and their strategy was to just drop it on him. That's OK, but when he expressed his fears and voiced his doubts and concerns, they reacted by shaming and scolding him to the point where he felt he had to either be disowned or simply disregard his own emotions and hug the thing which his mind is telling him might be his sister's killer while putting on a smiley show for everyone. It's like they all instantly became so protective of the changeling that any perceived threat to her had to be removed.

That's the appeal in this, I think. It's the violent satisfaction of yelling and striking away a threat along with the sense of justice that comes from having a large group agree with you loudly. The threat just happened to be the one person in the group who failed to instantly conform to everyone else's emotional reaction. It's painful, it's harsh, it's mean, it's unreasonable, and I will admit that reading this kind of defensive crushing caused my muscles to tense and my jugular veins to tingle.

Make no mistake, this story does appeal. However, since I find the ponie's reactions unreasonable and I can't stomach siding with them, my mild sense of violent anger has been redirected toward you, author.

About rainbow, all I can really say is that twilight STILL wasn't a spy, since she wasn't feeding information to anyone. Then again, she was writing friendship reports. I DO like how twilight's existence as a changeling would very well explain her massive magic reserve, since she is probably the best fed changeling in history.

3660671

Der Schatten der die Nacht durchflattert. :trixieshiftleft:

The perils of a Teacher. Can't find my own bloody mistakes, but can point at your's.

3660905

Look at it this way. For Night Light and Velvet, the changeling is their lost daughter that's why they're so protective of her. You would protect your daughter too if her brother would talk bad things about her.

Celestia, who knows what changelings are able to do, saw only the pony she helped raising, she saw the pony Twilight Sparkle and not the changeling Amethyst Sheen.

Shining Armors reaction is understandable, but I guess no one here would just say "you know what, you are right" and kick Twilight out, that's not how people work.

Shining Armor wasn't forced to instantly hug the changeling and accept her as his sister, never. And yet he tried, look through the story again, he tried to accept Amethyst as Twilight. But he simply couldn't after the whole ordeal with Chrysalis. And his parents and the others only react like that because he wouldn't even give them the chance to explain it. He instantly assaulted Twilight, that's why they were angry and disappointed.

In my opinion, the reaction of Velvet, Night Light, Cadence and the others was totally understandable.

3661162

In my opinion, the reaction of Velvet, Night Light, Cadence and the others was totally understandable.

Did you miss my comments or something? Who in their right mind would ever find it understandable to hide the death of a sibling from another sibling, and then get mad with that sibling when they find out that their current sibling is a replacement? I absolutely despise the fact that no one in the story called them out on their horrible behavior, and forced them to be the ones apologizing to Shining. The fact that Shining, of all ponies in this situation, is the only one being scolded just irritates me beyond all words to describe. I mean, this entire situation is the fault of the parents, and no one else sees that?

The only good ending to this is Shining getting years of therapy to get over the massive betrayal, Velvet and Night Light being arrested for something (probably mentally abusing their son among other things), and everyone else being slapped for being complete idiots.

3661162
Well, I looked.
Shining commits no acts of violence after his parents vouch for twilight. All he does is yell and he never even cuts anyone off. He let everyone finish their sentences before speaking. He never even heard the explanation about the kidnapping. They never told him.

You would protect your daughter too if her brother would talk bad things about her.

Do you not see any blatant favoritism occurring here? He said words and they hit him. If my son insults my daughter, you're saying I should hit him. They could have just decided not to send Twilight far away when he said they should, since there are 10 of them and 1 of him.

Shining Armors reaction is understandable, but I guess no one here would just say "you know what, you are right" and kick Twilight out, that's not how people work.

Neither option is necessary. No one had to choose between kicking out twilight and kicking out shining. They also didn't have to say shining was right. They could have, you know, answered his question and disprove the idea that they were all under some sort of mind control.

However, this isn't about that. This is about loyalty. Maybe twilight's friends have no ties to Shining, but they kept their mouths shut so they don't matter here. Celestia, Cadence, Velvet, and Light all love both Twilight and Shining. When Twilight suddenly became a changeling, Celestia and Cadence both remained calm and waited for evidence. When Shining started freaking out, they assaulted and shouted at him. Neither of these things are calming. These things say, "We care so little about your problem that we are going to be unpleasant to you until you stop". When he needed them, they left him to deal with it himself.

DF

The potential is there, it just needs some polishing in order to shine. A lot of polishing.

Past and present tense are mixed wildly, there are large amounts of commas missing as well as many periods, some word choices are exeedingly awkward, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Also, as others have pointed out, there are some serious problems with characterization that is unrelated to keeping them in character.

Yet, despite all it's shortcomings, I can see a really nice story hiding under all the grammar problems. Work at it and you'll get better. I would recommend getting a simple grammar book, such as English Grammar for the Utterly Confused, which is available from any non-respectable torrent site. *hint, hint, nudge, nudge, wink, wink*

Or get an editor or a co-author more adept in English than yourself, or, even better, this in addition to the above.

I took the liberty of copying and pasting each chapter into Word and correcting the grammar and spelling as I read. If you would like to see (or maybe even use) my revised versions, let me know and I'll send them to you through private message.

although the concept is certainly interesting, The execution is... Strange.

it's also riddled with minor errors (mostly spelling, gramar, and odd word substitutions) that have me wondering if english is a second language for you. If it is, you may want an editor.

Choosing twilight to have been a changeling for that long also creates a gaping plothole, in that due to their physical need for emotions, i can't see any changeling ever getting to a point in their life when they shun relationships and have to be reminded of their value (pre season 1 twi) unless somthing really traumatic happened.

3662046

I'd love to see it, not only so I can edit but more so I can SEE my errors. So please send me the revised version.

3662591
I've seen it in a couple more stories (notably a great one involving Pinkie Pie), but it's rare enough to be quite original, and this is well done as a one-shot. I'd love to see more from this universe.

And no, I won't make a part that shows Shining Armor's and Cadence's discussion. That's up to your fantasy to make up something you are happy with.

Cadance hesitantly opens the door.

"Shining?" she asks softly, worries about his reaction running the gamut from explosively destructive to morosely depressed.

Shining Armor flicks an ear, but otherwise gives no response. He turns something between his hooves; it is a small piece of cork, a rune carved into it with messy and imprecise strokes. Cadance walks up behind him and gently nuzzles his shoulder.

"It's a rune for protection." Shining answers her unasked question, "Princess Celestia gave her a book on spell etching, and she worked so hard on it..."

He places it under his hoof, and Cadance winces at the resounding crunch.

"but it was all a lie." he continues, bitter resolve filling his voice, "and it was probably some sort of trap, something to distract me in the heat of battle. It's probably the reason I never noticed-"

"Oh no," Cadance interrupts, quickly gathering the pieces and reassembling them before teleporting it into a safe place before Shining can destroy it again, "I'm not going to let you feel guilty about that. I'm the one who should have noticed my personal hoofservant forgetting everything about my routine and spiking my tea with enough sedatives to topple Princess Celestia's cake-carved flank. It's not like the smell was subtle." Cadance sighs, "Look, there were a lot of oversights from everypony involved. Especially since somepony pointed out that something was wrong and everyone else thought she was just jealous. Which she was, but that's not the point."

Shining furrows his brow. "She was jealous?"

Cadance raises her eyebrow. "Of course she was. Her brother, adopted though she may be, was getting married to somepony she perceived as unsuitable. Even changelings can feel enough love for me to sense, and she is just brimming with storge for you."

"Storge?" Shining asks, confused.

"Oh, that's just the technical term for love between family," Cadance lectures, "as opposed to philia, or friendship, agape, a rare unconditional love, and my specialty, eros, or romance."

"Come to think of it, Twilight taught me those distinctions." Cadance muses, but regrets her moment of teacherly weakness when she sees Shining's reaction.

"Of course she did," Shining rages, "she treats the most important parts of a pony's relationships like they're flavors of ice cream. As if a monster like her could ever really understand. I wonder how it would react to being fed on, the lying, deceitful-"

"Enough!" Cadance snaps, trapping Shining's mouth shut with her magic. "You will listen. I don't know how you got all wrapped up in this delusion that everything is black and white, but it stops now. Twilight was the only pony who wasn't terrified of that changeling, and she repaid that kindness by putting herself at risk to save Twilight's life. When she failed, despite her best efforts, she took Twilight's place so that you wouldn't have to lose a family member so young, and she did a damn good job of it."

Cadance's expression softens, though her magic remains firm as she continues, "I know you're upset about what those changelings did to me. I am too. But Amethyst Sheen did nothing but help and protect us when we needed it most, and without her it's very likely that the entire city would still be under changeling rule. Now, if she's as evil as you claim, you would never have suspected a thing, and I would still be trapped in the crystal catacombs."

Cadance releases her magic and holds her breath as she waits for Shining's reaction.

"But... it was all a lie." Shining practically whimpers, the light of rage disappearing from his eyes to be replaced by an injured hopelessness.

Cadance smiles, leaning in for a gentle, reassuring kiss. "Not all of it," she says with a wink, before turning around and leaving a hopelessly conflicted Shining Armor on the floor in his quarters.

Trotting around the corner, Cadance runs into a curious Rarity.

"Will he be all right, do you think?" Rarity delicately inquires.

"Oh, he'll be fine." Cadance answers, "I made sure to give him all of the information, so now he just needs some time to mope and connect the dots. I'm sure by tomorrow he'll be knocking on Amethyst's door with a thoughtful gift and a heartfelt apology."





"Don't examine this too closely."
- Bellisario's Maxim


3664899

:fluttercry:

That.... that was beautiful!

3664715

Oh my gosh! Vren! :pinkiehappy:

First of all, I love your story about princess Celestia being a changeling queen, that just as sidenote.

*sigh* You're not the first who says that. A good friend of me told me the same thing.

Well this is my 3rd story so far, maybe I'm just inexperienced, I hope that's it. I don't say that as excuse, I know there are many out there who write their first story and it's by far better than this.

So yes, for now I'm going to say that I just need to learn more.

Nice story, really nice. Thx you:twilightsmile:

I must say this is a nice piece, short yet very interesting. Well done.

3659682 Is it wrong that I liked this story AND have a similar but not the same opinion?

Ehh, I enjoyed this right up until you threw Shining under the bus and ran him over repeatedly.

That was nice, sweet, and quite well written aside from a few slips into present tense.

Aahhh, this epilogue feels like the story is funally wrapped up. I'm glad you wrote it.
:twilightsmile:

"Leave the throne room this instance!" should be "Leave the throne room this instant!"

As you feared, characters were indeed OoC and you made many grammatical mistakes. Has anyone shown you Ezn's fan-fiction writing guide? It's a really accessible and starightforward guide that covers not only grammar but many other aspects of writing that you could use help with.

3664899

she took Twilight's place so that you wouldn't have to lose a family member so young, and she did a damn good job of it."

Yeah, see this part right here? This is why this story fails. This is why this continuation fails.

Shining, for the last decade of his life, was lied to by everyone he ever cared about. His little sister was murdered, and his family adopted the changeling to replace her without letting him know. Then, all those years later, they drop the bombshell on him and expect him to be perfectly fine. No, actually, they didn't even tell him what happened to her. They just slapped him and told him to leave.

Shining has every right to be completely upset. In fact, he'd have every right to have his parents thrown in jail for the crap they did! And no one points this out. No one bothers to think how such a massive betrayal of trust would affect him.

I'm sorry, but some actions just can't be justified. Not in this case.

3669090

No, how dare you have a different opinion than me! :rainbowwild:

Seriously though, I will admit it confuses me that you like it, but still have a similar opinion. I could have liked this story, but the absolutely disgusting behavior of everyone except Shining, Twilight, and a select few of the Mane 6 (actually, I think they spoke out against him as well, so screw them too) made me completely despise it instead. Still, at least someone got enjoyment out of it. :twilightsmile:

3670734

Thank you. I was really starting to think I was the only one who noticed the rather blatant implications that painted the others (especially the parents) as being outright horrible.

3698944

This is really what bothered me the most. They all have the nerve to gang up on him for not blindly accepting this life-shattering change, and don't even give him the benefit of at least hearing the story after getting slapped and tossed out by his own mother.

3708194 Kinda like, too good of an idea not to like. But yeah, I feel the same dissapointment at the wasted potential.

I liked this. :twilightsmile:

It was certainly an interesting concept, though how original I simply can't say since I haven't read many Changeling fics--or any, really. The only thing I balked at and didn't like was how everyone treated Shining as the bad guy for something that was completely understandable. Besides, he of all ponies would have the most distrust for changelings after his wedding. How he acted was completely natural, and I thought it was kinda backwards that everyone else got so mad at him.

Other than that though, it was good. Keep it up :eeyup:

3708194
I understand your perspective, though I don’t share it.

We all know this piece lacks polish. We all know that pretty much everyone is massively out of character in this story.

However, I like it, despite its flaws, because the concept is interesting and I haven’t seen it explored before. A couple are similar, such as Two Peas in a Pod, which is just a build up to a dick joke, or Of The Hive, which is a much more serious and in-depth look at changeling culture, but neither of them place Twilight Sparkle as a changeling as far back as the wedding.

Personally, this is not a story I would attempt to write. There are simply too many plot holes, and while I may find story lace attractive at times, it’s not something you want a finished piece to resemble. My excerpt was simply for those who, like me, have a problem with things left unfinished. I tried to keep to the author’s writing style, and I think I hit fairly close to the mark. Maybe. It’s on the board, at least.

As for your points about Shining Armor, personally, I would immediately send the whole lot of them off for psychiatric counseling. That family has some serious issues. However, because there are no therapists in Equestria, Shining Armor has to make do with just Cadance, who handles it with a degree of maturity I doubt any of the other characters (as portrayed in this story, anyway) could muster. She gives him the facts and then gives him some space to draw his own conclusions.

This is important because now Shining has time to master his immediate emotional response of screaming rage, which can only help any future confrontation. What happens after, I can’t say. I can only add the qualifier that, for the majority of Shining Armor's life, Amethyst Sheen was his sister. That has to count for something.

From your reaction, and the fact that you’re not only replying to the last chapter but also to my post, I think on some level you like this story too. You’re just disappointed it didn’t turn out how you would like. I’m afraid I can’t help you with that, only encourage you to keep reading around until you find something you are satisfied with. Barring that, you can write your own, like I did. I wish you the best of luck!

3748170

We all know this piece lacks polish. We all know that pretty much everyone is massively out of character in this story.

I think this is where we're split. See, I also think this was a very interesting premise, however, I don't let that fact excuse all the mistakes the story makes. Still, at least it was enjoyable for you to read. :twilightsmile:

From your reaction, and the fact that you’re not only replying to the last chapter but also to my post, I think on some level you like this story too.

Like I said, I like the concept. That's really the only reason I even bothered leaving a comment. Well, that plus the message left me so angry that I couldn't not leave my thoughts. However, any enjoyment I might have got from reading this pretty much died the moment it tried including a message. So, the only level I liked this at (if at all), would be the concept. Again though, I'm happy to hear it didn't make everyone upset, so thanks for your comment. :pinkiehappy:

3782755
The concept was good. The application leaves something to be desired. However, I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. I'm not sure if there's a way to teach people how to come up with good ideas instead of bad ones, but writing practice can definitely improve the way someone communicates a premise.

I try to be really careful and really specific about my criticisms, because I know that writing is more of a process than a product. I also know that for a writer, especially a new writer, any amount of criticism is excruciating.

I am sorry that this chapter upset you, but I see it as less of a story failing and more a budding author working out some kinks. I know when I started playing the bass I played a lot of terrible pieces with a lot of wrong notes that could only questionably be called music, but as I practiced I got better at it. I can only assume this author is heading in the same direction; that chapter just hit D flat instead of D sharp.

I would like to see more of this. Thanks for the good read.

3859793

You're welcome. This was a pretty decent Twilight is a Changeling fic. Short and sweet although it's sad that Shining basically disowned his sister, and left Celestia over Amythest's sacrifice.

Assuming you have the time to do it properly, I wouldn't mind reading a sequel. Though I understand if you're unable or unwilling to make one.

4048249
I'm thinking about making a sequel right now, there are a few ideas spooking through my mind. But I fear if I do it I will destroy the original. Maybe I will make it in a manga fashion, keep the One-Shot as a chapter as Original and make a new chapter 1 and from that just make new chapters or a sequel. Again just thinking about it. I'm not promising anything. Maybe I'll write one, maybe not.

Soooo...:twilightsheepish:
I know the story is compete, but what happens next?

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