Ever have one of those mornings where you are sleeping with your husband and your disguise starts failing and have to run from said husband because he wants to bash your head in thinking you stole his wife? Cadence is having one of those mornings and she is not amused.
In her escape from her husband, she stumbles upon the caves. It was wandering in them while she was trying to find a solution that she walked into it, literally. Though, it was one she wasn't expected and might have wanted to avoid.
Chapters (1)
I like this
I hope this get featured
Nice twist there DG.
Ooh, this looks good.
Something about Cadence and Chrysalis's interaction here seems a bit off to me, instead of being just a tad worried about her sister invading a country trying to do whatever to it, much less how the blast would have hurt her race or anything else, she just seemed to shrug it off and didn't seem too worried about it.
Really girl? That's your sister and your whole race and you just kinda brush them off for your husband? I mean of course yeah, wedding day and all, but afterwards you didn't even plan to ask them what the fuck that whole invasion was about? How would you have felt if everyone of your family members (I'm basing this off my belief that the changelings follows more of an insect colony style culture) just died and you forgot they existed?
And then she just comes out and reveals herself to her sister when she's down to the last option? Not, you know, when there was a massive fucking invasion that you could have possibly defused with a simple back-hand and stern talking to?
Ugh, I dunno. I like the story's concept and everything but Cadence, dafuq is with you?
Ending pretty much rushed but overall quite interesting one shot
This is really awkward...
Well this is an interesting short story. Now if only we had an added story of how Shining WILL forgive Meta and Chrysi. But seeing the sister's and their interactions, they seem more like... very, very close sisters.
3689023
Are you suggesting Princest, here?
*one
*Confirm
This feels like you accidentally a word.
*sole
*technically. Seriously, I don't know how you can get this out of spell check.
Honestly, a lot of the dialog feels rather stilted and weak. Given that Chrysalis was apparently making regular trips into the caves to gloat and keep her captive fed, there would have been plenty of times for the truth to come out between the sisters, so I'm not buying the premise for the invasion.
3689061
No, I'm suggesting a threesome.
3689105
This, I like this.
3689116
Well Make sure Shining Armor gets some say in between the sisters or else he'll be too trapped into their fetishes.
Is it just me, or did the pacing of this seem pretty fast?
Good, but really, really rushed. Too short to actually get into, sadly.
You've got yourself a Like, at least.
It did indeed 3689219 , That said, it IS a promising concept. This is like a challenge in my mind. A one-shot that will incite a wildfire of fics based on this idea. DragonGenesis, you have started something... most interesting.
3689511
Heh heh.
Idea too good to downvote.
Story too fastpaced to upvote.
Now what am I supposed to do?
3689607
Let your face met off in frustration.
3689612 *melt.
Thank You!!! I was searching for Cadance=changeling story for over a year now.
3689921
Well, if it's the first them I should pat myself on the back.
This was kind of fast...but i enjoyed it
The concept is good and overall plot solid but I can't upvote due to a combo of unpolished grammar and severe tone whiplash. It's a fun story but a bit of hard work would have made it a gem.
Also the ending was both rushed and drawn out. The back and forth in the tunnels should have happened in the throne room instead.
It's... a solid concept. I'll favorite in the hopes you expand on this universe, but, as others have pointed out, as it is right now, it's not really deserving of either and up- or down-vote...
a bit rushed but still good
Interesting at first, petered off as I read through because it just seems so much mood whiplash and it's like it's very, very rushed in places.
I like this. Is an interesting short story, but I felt it a bit rushed, especially the part with Celestia and Luna. I know that Celestia felt empathy towards the sisters, but I think she forgive them too fast. And I feel rather weird that Cadence never tried to talk with Chrysalis, both during nor after the invasion.
Well, beside those little things, I enjoyed the story.
Concept works, but I believe Celestia & Luna took it a bit too well too fast. It could work, maybe come up with a revised version?
Sequel
I have to agree with others here. It's a good start but ends too quick, like Celestia is more interested in a slice of cake then dealing with a possible changeling threat. And Shining Armor has no issues with being told he is now married to a changeling.
To fasted paced, but good idea and story :)
God I want more and yes everybody right its very fast. Good stuff like and fave!
This is really good!
Keep up the great work.
one word : sequel. also it was a tad fast . and howcome shining armor is not flipping over being married to a changling?
While this is good, there's the fair bit of continuity confusion and potential sequels that make things feel uncertain. First thoughts for a sequel would be the Crystal Empire adventures, and Twily finding out that her favorite foalsitter (that she rescued) was the big sister of her kidnapper (and also a decade Celestia's senior).
3689124
Queencest, not as popular as Princest, but a fair bit kinkier. And the bastard who gets between that is either extremely lucky or clinically insane.
Actually, now that we're at insanity, why not foursome?
th01.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2012/305/2/1/screw_loose_by_psyxofthoros-d5jnu1f.png
It's a bit confusional and there are some misspellings here and there, but the concept is good and overall funny
3687915
In my defense, I used to be Love drunk, but then I was hungover.
This is really awful.
The ideas are there, the story is there... but good lord, please get an editor. At the very minimum a proofreader.
It was rough in the beginning and it just got sloppier near the end. Spelling and grammar both are serious issues throughout the work here.
Outside of that, maybe tone down the swearing. If it doesn't really add anything to the story by making them cuss, there's no sense inserting that into their personalities.
Also the ending goes into a bit of a rush.
It's a good story beneath the issues, but I would seriously consider taking the time to clean this up.
Y is there no part 2
Alright, I couldn't get past one thing: why the flying fuck would anyone let the changelings stay in the caves directly under canterlot?
I wanted to like this, but there were too many g/s errors, even more plot holes, it was rushed beyond all reason, and the show vs. tell was awful:
For instance that quote is just plain fucking terrible.
What the fuck?
This went by so fast that I can't even.
On its own, this is a good story.
If it was proofread and edited properly, it would be a great story.
just keep that in mind...
This isn't a good story. This is a good idea. It's... kind of poorly-written, however. Grammar, punctuation, pacing, personalities, unnecessary telling and less showing. Normally these things don't matter to me too much, but they're jarring enough here that I can't be entertained by the read.
At that point, I was sold.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
aww nice story.....now SEQUEL
um please
3687627 your profile picture contradict that statement
4655905 agreed though it needs some grammar edits.