• Published 23rd Nov 2013
  • 2,448 Views, 32 Comments

Bender's Equestrian Adventures - Snake Staff

Join Futurama's Bender as he enters the magical land of Equestria to learn the real meaning of friendship. Or not.

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On the Road

“Where is that brute?!” Rarity screamed, “Where. Is. Bender!”

“Rarity!” Twilight cried, a look of concern on her face as she galloped over to her friend. “What happened?” She looked at the swollen lump on Rarity’s head. “Who did this?!”

Rarity’s jaw was clenched so tight that Twilight was seriously worried she’d crack her teeth. She glared around the room, then back at Twilight. “Weren’t you listening? I said: Bender! Bender did this to me! Then he robbed me blind and wrecked my store! After all I did for him too!”

“Bendy did this?! No way!” Pinkie declared firmly. “He seemed so nice!”

“Pinkie,” Twilight sighed, thinking back to her studies of the robot and his bad attitude. He’d even complained when she’d given him all the rubbing alcohol she had, just like she promised. Then she thought he was just nervous and defensive, what with being on an entirely new world and all. “He seemed a lot of things, but I’m not sure nice was one of them.”

Rarity’s expression softened. “Pinkie, dear, who do you trust more: me, or Bender?”

“You, of course! You’re one of my best friends!” Pinkie hugged the white unicorn.

“And I say that Bender attacked me without provocation, then stole everything! I’m ruined! My life is over!” Rarity started sobbing, hooves over her eyes. The other ponies started to back away, muttering, as she dramatically fell backwards onto the couch she’d somehow pulled out of nowhere.

“Rarity, can you please just tell us what he did,” said Twilight, trying her best to keep her tone neutral.

“I told you, he attacked me! He thought my gems were fake, so I told him they were the real deal. Then he bashed me over the head with something lickity split. I didn’t see what it was. I woke up trapped inside my own closet a couple of hours later with a huge bump and a pounding headache. I had to break down my own door just to get out! And what do I find? Everything was gone! Gone! My money, my gems, my designs, my fabrics – all gone! My boutique is ruined! I’m ruined!” Rarity sobbed.

“That no-good varmint!” Applejack spat.

Twilight frowned and thought for a minute. Then she turned to the others. “Everypony! Your attention please!” Nopony heard her, or stopped talking if they did. “QUIET!!!” That did it. Twilight cleared her throat. “My friends and I can handle this situation. Please continue with your regularly scheduled partying.”

The citizens of Ponyville, so used to precisely that occurring, hardly needed any persuasion to leave the issue to Twilight and her friends.

“Come on girls, we’ve gotta go get to the bottom of this!”

Getting to the bottom of it turned out to be quiet easy. The town was full of broken doors and smashed windows. Everywhere the ponies looked, houses had been ransacked. The burglary was unprecedented. As was the squealing pinky filly hanging upside down through a hole in a roof.

“Oh thank you thank you thank you!” Diamond Tiara cried as Twilight telekinetically yanked her out. “I was stuck there for almost an hour! And…” her grateful expression faded as her natural personality reasserted itself. “And that’s way too long! What were you doing all that time I was screaming for help?!”

“Don’t be rude,” Rarity chided.

Ignoring the stuck-up filly’s ingratitude, Twilight said, “Diamond Tiara, this is very serious. I need you to tell me who did this to you.”

“It was that stupid metal blank-flank! Blender or whatever! He robbed our house, stole my favorite tiara, and tossed me out the window!”

Twilight’s expression dropped, even though she had suspected as much. She had had such high hopes for first contact with an alien species. But all he seemed to want to do was to steal from ponies and endanger children. She patted Diamond Tiara on the back. “Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need medical attention?”

“Are you kidding me? I’m emotionally traumatized for life! I’ll need years of therapy to get over all this! And all because of that worthless tin can you brought here!”

Twilight blinked, “I didn’t-”

“You and your friends or those stupid blank flanks always bring the problems here! Just like the parasprites! You just wait, I’ll-”

Twilight was unamused. Her horn glowed, and Diamond Tiara vanished back to her home.

Pinkie Pie sniffed. “Bendy, why? Why would you do this to us?”

Applejack patted her on the back. “Now, now, I know it’s a lot ta take in, but y’all still got us.”

Pinkie Pie didn’t seem to hear what she was saying. Her expression went from sad to thoughtful. Then, just as suddenly, something clicked. She jumped into the air angrily. “This means Bendy won’t be coming back to the party!”

You just now figured that out?” thought Twilight.

“That means he broke a Pinkie Promise!

The others gasped.

Bender was cheerfully chugging his way down the train track. With his bag o’ loot safely buried outside of town for later, he’d made straight for the station. Using the same ability he’d once used to help Fry and Leela travel through old New York, he rolled right down the tracks much faster than he could walk. Soon he’d be at Canterlot, where the real money was.

And hopefully the real booze too,” he thought, rubbing his chin, “Though I’m beginning to suspect they don’t even know what that is here.

If Bender had spent more time thinking about it, he would have realized that he could have just used his teleporter to get to Canterlot immediately. But he hadn’t, and so he didn’t.


“Aaaaaaah!” Bender jumped, falling off the tracks and plunging face-first into the mud. He rolled over, looking around and shivering. “W-who’s there? Show y-yourself!”

At that very moment, his compartment broke open like he had a chestburster in there again. A very angry-looking pink pony stuck her head out.

“Bendy, how could you?! We were friends!”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Bender screamed, waving his hands in the air and running around in circles.

“You broke your Pinkie Promise! You hurt other ponies!”

“AAAAAAHHHHH-” Bender paused mid-scream. “Wait, what the hell am I yelling about?” He looked down at the pony still sticking out of his chest. “And what the hell are you doing in there?”

“Answer the question, Bendy!”

“Get the hell out of me, Greeny!” Bender grabbed Pinkie by her mane, twirling her around to build speed before hurling her as far as he could.

“It’s Pinkiiiiiieeeeee….” she cried and she flew.

“Bite my shiny metal ass!” Bender laughed as he watched her go. A moment later, he clapped his hands together and slammed his compartment shut. “Welp, that’s that!” He whistled a jaunty tune as he climbed back on the tracks and started off again.

“And just where do you think you’re going?!”

“AAAAAHHHHH!” Bender only just managed to avoid plunging off the tracks again.

Pinkie popped right back out of his compartment. “We’re not finished yet, buster. Not until you give those ponies their stuff back and apologize!”

“How the hell do you do that?” Bender demanded angrily.

“Stop trying to change the subject! You hurt innocent ponies and- Hey!”

Bender grabbed her mane once again and tossed her as far as he could in the opposite direction.

“We aren’t done herrrrreeeeeee…” Pinkie shouted as she flew.

Bender had barely gotten ten feet before she popped right back out again.

“You think you can just hurt ponies and take their stuff and get away with it?!”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“Well I got news for you: you can’t! I don’t know what they do where you’re from, but- mmph!”

Bender slapped his hand over her mouth. “Shut the hell up!”

Pinkie pulled the hand away. “No! I’m not just gonna go and not speak up when you’re- gah!”

Bender shoved Pinkie headfirst into the mud, then stomped up and down on her wiggling body until the whole thing was buried. He laughed heartily as he jumped right back on the track and took off with maximum speed.

“And bite my shiny metal ass!” he roared triumphantly as he sped towards Canterlot. “Heh heh heh heh heh heh! A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

He was laughing so hard he failed to notice the oncoming train.


Comments ( 9 )

Bender, that's a new low

Luckily it's pinkie she will be fine


Personally I think his lowest point was when he adopted a bunch of orphans for the government aide, then tried to sell them to a restaurant when they proved unprofitable. But that's just me.

3830298 that was funny and i think that he would have failed at that

This is great, do more please

*marks for read later
I immediately thought of his line, modified to fit the situation
"We'll make our own elements, with blackjack and hookers!"

Yeah, Bender's a huge jerk. But what keeps him likeable is that he always gets some kind of comeuppance, unlike a certain gray alien from another Fox cartoon.

will you ever finish this? please? it's so good!

Wouldn't surprise me if Pinkie was the one driving that train... :pinkiecrazy:
Fun story! :pinkiehappy:

“And bite my shiny metal ass!” he roared triumphantly as he sped towards Canterlot. “Heh heh heh heh heh heh! A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”

He was laughing so hard he failed to notice the oncoming train.


that's exactly what you get for stealing Derpy, Bender. Please continue this

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