The winds were a-howlin'
The dogs were a-barkin'
The night ponies met a man
Called Grand Moff Tarkin.
Inspired by last year's epic Darth's Warming Eve, by Follow Focus.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 31st May, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 2nd, 2020
Snake Staff
A young man working his way through life and writing for fun.
Snake Staff
Joined 31st May, 2012 ·
Offline
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Good job!
I can't lie, this brought a tear of joy to my eye.
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Sick. Funny, but sick in all the good ways.
You magnificent bastard.
As a Grand Moff, I approve of these fanfic activities. :D
Brilliant work once again.
Liked
Favorited
Tattooed onto chest.
Keep up the good work Snakestaff.
Heh, "How the Grand Moff stole Christmas" XD
Tarkin: The Super Grinch.
So funny.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
6693523
6693440
It's just like "How The Grinch Stole Christmas"... if the Grinch were a trigger-happy sociopath with access to nuclear weaponry.
THIS GOT ME
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Who knew Tarkin was so great at rhymes.
Seeing the Dark tag up there, I knew this wouldn't be quite the same as Darth's Warming Eve.
Oh, but silly Tarkin, the spirit of Hearth's Warming does not adhere to such silly concepts as mass genocide. Now he's going to have a very special Carol story, featuring about a billion (or so) ghosts of Hearth's Warming.
A holiday lesson we can all learn. "When you combat planet-destroying weaponry with cheer and good vibes, odds are in favor of the weaponry".
Happy Empire Day!!!
when i started to read this story i wasent expecting that ending hahahaha
grate story
Perfect, great work as ever.
HAHAHAHAHAHA I was kinda thinking this story didn't have much going for it most of the time. There was just the two lines,
"The citizens of Ponyville might well have been fucked
if the Stormtroopers’ aim hadn’t still sucked."
I liked those a good deal, but I had begun to grow tired of the story until the ending and then I just burst out laughing caught completely unawares. Luna Christ you (and Limey and Winged who was doing the story reading I was listening to) got me good with that one. Bloody hell that was hilarious. XD
The link below is for a nice little reading of this story btw.
Click this to hear the story read by General Grevious and some wonderful bronies.
Hey, give them a break! After all, they can't see a thing in those helmets!
6697719 Who knew Tarkin could do more than war crimes!
There are just some characters that shouldn't be reformed. Exactly what the real him would've done. Happy Empire Day!
Worry not Twilight. Skywalker will avenge your planet and your friends! Unless this is an AU.
6766420 To all the people who believe the stormtroopers are poor shots look at the opening scene of A new hope they are excellent shots, and on the Death Star. Did you might have thought for one moment that they wanted them to escape? Not blatantly shoot them outright?
7066036 Of course, there's still the rest of the trilogy, in which only two characters (Leia and R2-D2) get shot. Every other round the storm troopers have fired at the main characters have missed. Also, if the storm troopers didn't want to kill Han, Leia, Chewie, and Luke, they could have simply set their weapons to stun.
Also, in Star Wars: Rebels, ex-commander Rex complains he can't hit anything with the helmet blocking his view. He takes the helmet off, and suddenly he's a good shot.
The helmets in The Force Awakens, are different than the ones in the original trilogy, which explains why they can actually hit their targets. To my knowledge, the clone troopers from the Clone Wars were also decent shots. They must have been to stand any chance at wiping out the Jedi.
7066730 If they stunned them then how would they find the location of the rebel base? They let them leave because they planted a tracking device on the Falcon.
7067848 I see your point, sir.
In retrospect, they probably should have looked harder for the rebel droids, especially after the "weapons malfunction" in detention block AA23. They could have gotten the location of the Rebel base right out of R2's memory.
Or, they could try dispatching thousands of probots (remote probes) into the far reaches of space, and waiting until Vader looks at a screen, and shouts "that's it, the rebels are there." Either way.
Trying to read Tarkin's lines with his signature rolled constants is an invitation for the giggles.
As soon as I read Death Star I knew this would end with a bang. This was just too good, and imagining Tarkin's voice made it infinitely better. Although I couldn't decide weather to imagine the narrator's voice as Vader or Discord.
LOL.
Oh Tarkin, you troll