• Published 23rd Nov 2013
  • 2,450 Views, 32 Comments

Bender's Equestrian Adventures - Snake Staff



Join Futurama's Bender as he enters the magical land of Equestria to learn the real meaning of friendship. Or not.

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Meeting Twilight

Pinkie cheerfully bounced along the streets of Ponyville, leading her new robotic “friend” to meet her purple unicorn friend. Bender noticed along the way that the ponies of Ponyville had stopped staring at him and now mostly went about their evening business as usual.

Must be my brilliant disguise,” he thought smugly to himself. In truth, after years of creatures like Nightmare Moon, Discord, Cerberus, Ursa Minors, super-powered Trixie, and many others showing up at their door, a single bipedal metallic being honestly wasn’t so weird to the inhabitants of Ponyville. He didn’t seem that threatening, and besides, he was with Pinkie Pie. Everypony knew that things just got weird when she was around.

Pinkie led Bender to what looked to be an enormous living tree somehow carved out into a house. She pounded on the door.

Oh great, another stupid hippy dump. Bet it doesn’t even have any drugs!” Bender grumbled to himself.

“HEEEEEY TWILIGHT!!!” Pinkie shouted, pounding very loudly on the door.

Bender covered his ears and shut his eyes. When he opened them again, Pinkie was gone and a purple alicorn was opening the door.

“Pinkie, what-”

“Hey Twilight!” said Pinkie from directly behind her. Both she and Bender jumped.

Twilight just sat there for a moment with a stupefied expression. “But I… Wha… How?!

“Hi Twilight, I want you to meet Bendy, my new friend! He’s great and I’m gonna throw a party for him! Well I gotta go get ready so you two have a nice chat while I’m gone okaythanksbye!” and Pinkie was gone in a flash.

Alicorn and robot were once again united in staring dumbly after her.

Bender recovered first. “Is she… always like that?”

Twilight shut her eyes and massaged her temples. “Yes. How she can do all of that is one of the greatest scientific mysteries of-” Twilight cut herself off as she opened her eyes and got her first good look at Bender. Her eyes went wide and jaw dropped, before transforming into a grin that wouldn’t have looked out of place on a schoolyard filly. “Omygosh omygosh omygosh! I’ve never seen anything like you before! I’ve never even read about anything like you before! Do you know how much I read? What am I talking about, of course you don’t! How could you? We’ve never even met before and I have so much I need to ask you and why weren’t you here sooner and…” Twilight stopped herself, took a deep breath, then looked Bender in the eye. She gave a small bow. “Mr. Bendy,”

“It’s Bender.”

“Er, right. Mr. Bender. On behalf of all the ponies of Equestria, it is my great pleasure to welcome you to Ponyville.”

“You’re a little late, horsy. I’ve been all over this place for hours.” Bender said, wishing he had a cigar.

Twilight looked enraged. “What?! And nopony thought to tell me?! A visitor from an entirely new species shows up here and nopony tells the scientific princess about it?” She sighed, facehoofing. “Typical, just typical.”

Bender’s eyes had practically turned to dollar signs. “You’re a princess?” he asked, suddenly much more polite. If she was royalty, there had to be some good stuff in her house even if she lived in this backwater craphole.

Twilight looked back up at him. “Oh, yeah, I am. I don’t like to show it off, though. I’m not even sure why I mentioned it.”

Bender wanted to club her on the spot. “Don’t like to show it off? What the hell is the point of being loaded if you don’t rub everyone’s face in it?!

“Anyway, I’d like to formally invite you into my home. If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a few questions. Maybe even do a few measurements? Some tests?” Twilight rubbed her hoofs together, clearly excited by the prospects.

“What’s in it for me?” Bender replied, coolly looking at where his fingernails would have been if he had any.

Twilight looked puzzled. “Uhhh…” she looked around. “What do you want?”

“Booze,” said Bender without hesitation. “If anyone in this worthless craphole has booze, it’s gotta be the royalty.

Twilight looked just as puzzled as Applejack had been. “Booze?”

Bender sighed. He should’ve known better than to expect intelligence from such obvious primitive morons. “You know,” he said, hesitating, “Alcohol?”

Twilight’s eyes lit up. “Oh, alcohol! I have lots of that!”

Bender could have drooled. “You do?”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “Sure. If you’ll just consent to letting me conduct a few tests and answer some of my questions I’ll give you all the alcohol you want.”

“Ok, let’s get this over with!” Bender grabbed the alicron and threw her inside, immediately following himself. He slammed the door behind him.

Twilight was picking herself up from where she had impacted on a bookshelf, rubbing her head. Dozens of books littered the floor around her, but she didn’t seem mad. On the contrary, she looked more curious than ever.

“Extreme strength,” she muttered, running to examine Bender’s arms, “But no indications of large musculature. In fact,” she ran her hoof up and down the metal tube. “No indications of musculature of any kind. Or skin, for that matter.” She felt Bender’s wrist. “And no pulse. Fascinating.” She hurried over to some sort of desk and began scribbling on a piece of paper with a quill held in a purple aura matching her horn’s glow.

Bender was already bored with her. “Well duh. What do you think I am, some kinda meatbag?”

“Meatbag?”

Bender rolled his eyes. “Organic lifeform.”

Twilight gasped, then gave another excited grin. “So what you’re saying is that you aren’t a living thing?”

“I’m a robot, baby.”

“R-o-b-o-t,” Twilight recited as she wrote this down. “And where do you come from?”

“Mexico.”

Twilight scratched her head. “And… where’s that?”

“On Earth.”

“Earth?”

“You know, the stupid little blue-green planet full of jerks and suckers.”

“You come from another planet?!”

Bender nodded. “Yeah, so?”

“So? So? This changes everything! Everything we ponies know about our place in the universe will have to be rethought! There’s so much to do, so much to learn! I need to tell Princess Celestia about this right away!” she rushed to the stairs and called up. “SPIIIIKE!”

“Celestia?”

“Our ruler.” Twilight said, absentmindedly. “Well, she and Luna.”

“Aren’t you a princess?”

“Well yeah, but I’m not as important as them!” Twilight looked back up. “Spike, I know you’re sick today, but this is really really really important! Can you take a letter?”

“Uuggghh…” a small, fat purple lizard slowly worked its way down the stairs. It didn’t look at all happy to be out of bed, and Twilight appeared embarresed.

“I’m so sorry to ask you to do this, but I’ve found something that could change so much! So, please?” she made puppy dog eyes.

“Fiiiine…” the dragon said, his voice obviously messed up by congestion.

“Great!” Twilight smiled.

Neither noticed Bender carefully picking through the library, jamming more than one valuable-looking book in his compartment.

Twilight began dictating as the obviously down dragon wrote on a scroll. “Dear Princess Celestia, today I found something that could revolutionize our society! It seems we aren’t as alone as we all thought. I have with me a visitor from another planet, a robot called Bender. He says he’s from someplace called Mexico on a planet called Earth. He does not appear hostile. He conforms to no known Equestrian species, and I hope to learn much more in the times ahead. Please contact me as soon as you are able. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”

Bender happened upon a picture of Twilight and several of the ponies he had met wearing some kind of matching jewelry. Most were necklaces, but one was a tiara. “Ooo, that looks valuable.

Author's Note:

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