Wow, it's certainly been awhile; I wonder who the mystery mare is.

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I've started like half a dozen chapters for this and finally decided I needed to follow the thread from the last chapter a little further. The good news is that the other chapters may come more easily because I've already got a bunch of them half written.

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Excellent, I had nearly forgotten about this story, good to know more is coming.

“What’s our next step? Do -- “

Firstly, here is an em dash: — Secondly, to make one properly, instead of using the poor man's em dash, two hyphens, control f the double hyphens and copy and past this one in their places. Or, conversely, if you can, hold down the Alt key and, using the number pad to the right of your keyboard, type 0151. Thirdly, you do not really need spaces between words and the em dash. Well, maybe if the em dash is between words. Depending on your writing style. But if you use it to terminate a sentence, you do not need a space. This may be able to explain it better. Finally, the quotation mark is too far from your makeshift em dash and is facing backwards.

“Is -- “

Backwards facing too far quotation mark.

“Is it not your favorite? I thought -- “

Backwards facing too far quotation mark.

I knew Mom was going to notice, so I tried -- “

Backwards facing too far quotation mark.

Shouldn’t we just keep to maintaining my sleep and try to -- “

Backwards facing too far quotation mark.

You hinted at this last night but I was too tired to pursue it.

Missing comma. Hehe, Night Butt.

Twilight gaped. “But then if something -- “

Backwards facing too far quotation mark.

She’d spend twenty four hours obsessing about this.

This should be hyphenated.

Twilight, I realize you’re in a fragile state and I do not wish to rush you -- “

Backwards facing too far quotation mark.

“Why shouldn’t -- “

Backwards facing too far quotation mark.

I don’t like you and -- “

Backwards facing too far quotation mark.

and we were in a bathroom that isn’t even in the castle, and there was a bathtub . . . “

Backwards facing too far quotation mark.

“B-Because washing a certain way down there makes -- “

Backwards facing too far quotation mark.

I only pointed out the makeshift poor man's em dashes that terminated dialogue with backwards quotation marks, but there were a lot more of them peppered all throughout this chapter. Why am I telling you? You wrote this, you already know. I suppose I am just soliloquizing. Typing to hear myself talk. As I learn more and grow as an editor, my ABCD (Abusively Belligerent Compulsive Disorder [more commonly known as OCD]) makes me see more and more of the tiny things wrong with stories. Though some are still so bad it takes me two read-throughs to catch everything.

I hope the Pegasus is not who I think it is. I like her, I would hate to have to hate her.

~KBO.

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Well, stylistically I drop commas sometimes to reflect hurried speech, but I think you caught a few I didn't intend that way. (The em dash thing I had a solution for but I'm rusty, so yeah. I should have been more thorough.)

It certainly does seem like you have an attention to detail

Another one out. I like this story, though personally I prefered the last cover image better as I think it fit better but that's just me.

Looking foward to the next chapter. This is a story i've been following for a while, ever since i saw it on Equestria After Dark a very long time ago (Before it went down and had to be re-made) Keep up the good work, Love your writing.

rip