Hopefully not? I had some personal issues crop up and multiply my professional issues. There's a whole alternate chapter three that I trashed because it was not going to fit and it was not going to advance the plot properly (so to speak).
Then again, I guess I can't really say. I've got like six stories up in the air right now and two sitting in my google drive waiting to drop once they're polished and fixed and all. I just want things to be as close to perfect as I can.
Anyway -- I hope you like the new chapter. It's the first one with actual orgasms, IIRC.
At first I thought this was Twilight's repressed submissive side coming to light. You see, I always thought Twilight Sparkle had the markings of a sexual submissive: Slightly neurotic, slightly uptight, an almost unhealthy will to please authority figures, lots and lots of pressure...
But this, this is actually really debilitating. It could be some villain trying to alienate her from her friends and allies, conditioning her into a submissive state of mind, or both. Also worthy of note is that it's been females so far, which suggests she's at least bi. If she wasn't, she'd be freaking out at that little tidbit more than she is, methinks.
I do wonder if any of the males in her life will turn up at some point. Dreaming that Spike fed her a mind-control potion, for instance, or MacIntosh hitching her to a plow like a common beast and whipping her to get going. Or perhaps Flash Sentry arresting her for some crime or other, or even falling into the clutches of the treacherous Prince Blueblood, intent on making her submit to secure the throne. We'll have to wait and see.
Rarity pouted and sat herself on the corner of the foot of Twi’s bed.
This is a third person narrative. Even though the characters may call each other by their nicknames, the narrator should not. Therefore, "Twi's" should be "Twilight's."
“While I was three cosmarepolitans in one day, I confessed to you one day that I had an interest in erotic hypnosis..."
Is it possible to be three drinks?
You requested that it be kept secret, and since you have issues blurting out thoughts at times, you asked me to
This sentence may be pregnant because it did not get its period.
Rarity chuckled and shifted on the bed so that she was laying besides Twi, on top of the duvet.
Once again, the narrator should refer to the characters by their full name.
This was a good chapter. It is nice to see that this is back, I had almost forgotten about it. That sex scene was enjoyable as well. Have a rarity ahegao as a reward.
The 'Twi' is something I'm not going to address for other reasons.
“While I was three cosmarepolitans in one day, I confessed to you one day that I had an interest in erotic hypnosis."
This is actually her saying she'd had a bit to drink, like "five miles in". It's an unusual phrasing but I've seen it done (particularly amongst heavy social drinkers), which is what I was trying to imply.
"You requested that it be kept secret, and since you have issues blurting out thoughts at times, you asked me to I tuck all this information back away in your memory when we aren’t having experiences."
This uses commas as if they were parenthesis, not separations of clauses. (Imagine it with parenthesis if it was written. That's how I've seen commas used in dialogue, although I cannot recall the name of the rule involved for that.)
I'm glad you liked the chapter! Although I'm sure Twilight thinks she didn't like the chapter at all. Bad, bad chapter!
I stumbled on this randomly today, and I must say, you've drawn me in. This is very well written, and the plot is incredibly engaging. I do hope you'll write more soon! I am rather enjoying this!
It's a very original idea, and it has been executed very well, so far.
bout time it updated. this might be intersting still.
will it be yet another seven months?
4587983
Hopefully not? I had some personal issues crop up and multiply my professional issues. There's a whole alternate chapter three that I trashed because it was not going to fit and it was not going to advance the plot properly (so to speak).
Then again, I guess I can't really say. I've got like six stories up in the air right now and two sitting in my google drive waiting to drop once they're polished and fixed and all. I just want things to be as close to perfect as I can.
Anyway -- I hope you like the new chapter. It's the first one with actual orgasms, IIRC.
At first I thought this was Twilight's repressed submissive side coming to light. You see, I always thought Twilight Sparkle had the markings of a sexual submissive: Slightly neurotic, slightly uptight, an almost unhealthy will to please authority figures, lots and lots of pressure...
But this, this is actually really debilitating. It could be some villain trying to alienate her from her friends and allies, conditioning her into a submissive state of mind, or both. Also worthy of note is that it's been females so far, which suggests she's at least bi. If she wasn't, she'd be freaking out at that little tidbit more than she is, methinks.
I do wonder if any of the males in her life will turn up at some point. Dreaming that Spike fed her a mind-control potion, for instance, or MacIntosh hitching her to a plow like a common beast and whipping her to get going. Or perhaps Flash Sentry arresting her for some crime or other, or even falling into the clutches of the treacherous Prince Blueblood, intent on making her submit to secure the throne.
We'll have to wait and see.
4589498
Oh, there'll be males.
Ok so far, hoping for more soon.
4589713
Interesting..!
Since you probably won't tell me in advance if and which of my guesses is correct, I'll await the reveal with baited breath.
This is a third person narrative. Even though the characters may call each other by their nicknames, the narrator should not. Therefore, "Twi's" should be "Twilight's."
Is it possible to be three drinks?
This sentence may be pregnant because it did not get its period.
Once again, the narrator should refer to the characters by their full name.
This was a good chapter. It is nice to see that this is back, I had almost forgotten about it. That sex scene was enjoyable as well. Have a rarity ahegao as a reward.
I look forward to the next chapter.
KBO.
4590874
The 'Twi' is something I'm not going to address for other reasons.
This is actually her saying she'd had a bit to drink, like "five miles in". It's an unusual phrasing but I've seen it done (particularly amongst heavy social drinkers), which is what I was trying to imply.
This uses commas as if they were parenthesis, not separations of clauses. (Imagine it with parenthesis if it was written. That's how I've seen commas used in dialogue, although I cannot recall the name of the rule involved for that.)
I'm glad you liked the chapter! Although I'm sure Twilight thinks she didn't like the chapter at all. Bad, bad chapter!
4592381
4590874
However! I found another error in that sentence, "me to I". Fixed with "that I".
Wow.
I stumbled on this randomly today, and I must say, you've drawn me in. This is very well written, and the plot is incredibly engaging. I do hope you'll write more soon! I am rather enjoying this!
It's a very original idea, and it has been executed very well, so far.
Well done!
4761722
Thank you! It's kind of a labor of love, because sexual repression is a topic I'm deeply interested in.
I'm glad you like it!
4589713
Ew.
But anyway, great update! I can't tell what's real and what isn't!
I love your portrayal of her confusion between dream and reality. It's like Phil Dick came back from his alien-satellite-god-thing to write pony porn.
5293231
Wow. That is quite a compliment, and I won't claim he isn't one of my personal idols. Thank you!