• Member Since 12th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 28th, 2017

electreXcessive


I am an average everyday brony. I like to let my creative juices flow and create things. I'm always striving to improve, so I hope you enjoy my stories.

E

For the first time in a long time, Luna realizes it's Hearth's Warming Eve. For the first time, she doesn't have Celestia there with her. For the first time, she's alone.

Author's Notes: If you recognize this story, that's because it's been rewritten and rehashed from its old version. The account this was previously written on is no longer in use, as I never really did anything with it but post clop. It's a collaboration between myself and CartsBeforeHorses. If you like it, be sure to check him out and give him some love!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 8 )

Poor Luna, no presents for her.

Damn. :rainbowderp:

Very well-written, this one. A great look into Luna/Nightmare Moon's thoughts during the banishment. Have my fave and like. :pinkiesmile:

3340277
Thank ya kindly! I aim to please, especially with sadfics. :twilightsmile:

This was a great story, and I liked how you wrote Luna giving into the Nightmare's influence. It felt very natural, given the circumstance, which made the situation all the more tragic.

in the picture what is that thing next to nightmare moon?:rainbowhuh:

Kalash93 from Authors Helping Authors with your review.

Fucking hell, mate, you are good at this!
Grammatik: 9. I don't really know, but it's midnight and I am ready to drop.

Pros
1. Very emotional.
2. Excellent characterization.
3. Great dialogue.

Cons
1. Pointless
2. Redundant
3. Excessive

Comment

Really nice story. The emotion and characterization are brilliant -- fabulous. I cannot complain about them or the dialogue. Nightmare's words dripped with malice so much that I feel unclean. It rings so true for anyone who has ever been excluded, or alone, or unpopular. Bravo! However, I really can't understand what this story is doing or what it hopes to prove. While it's all damn good, I honestly can't be buggered, or prompted to remember why this story is happening or being told. I'm guilty of writing stories that are obtuse, but this really takes the cake. It could have used another 300 words to flesh itself out, but I'm being a douche. For just an emotional piece, it's really strong.

8/10 flutteryays
:yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::fluttershyouch::fluttershyouch:
Please look at my story, You Obey,
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/119688/you-obey

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